MR. RICE’S NOTEBOOK 


What is Mr. Rice's Notebook?

Richard Rice, former manager of the Mail Processing Center for the Worldwide Church of God in Pasadena, California, gave regular Bible Studies to the Ambassador College students. It is believed that all of these Bible Studies were given before 1986.

These Bible Studies covered a variety of topics, but most were related to dating, and developing Godly character.

Each Bible Study was summarized and placed in the Ambassador College Library in a spiral-bound notebook for later reference. They collectively became known as "Mr. Rice's Notebook".

If you had attended Ambassador College, you would have had the opportunity to hear these Bible Studies live. Now you are able to learn from these timeless messages.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Chapter 1 THE BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Chapter 2 COMBATING THE PROBLEM OF LONELINESS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Chapter 3 THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF DATING FOR GIRLS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Chapter 4 THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF DATING FOR MEN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23

Chapter 5 EMOTIONAL MATURITY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

Chapter 6 REAL CONVERSION. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37

Chapter 7 GENERAL GUIDELINES IN PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Chapter 8 GOD'S APPROACH TO MAKING DECISIONS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

Chapter 9 GOD'S GREAT PURPOSE FOR THE WOMAN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51

Chapter 10 THE HIDDEN CAUSES OF DISCOURAGEMENT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

Chapter 11 HOW CAN A MODERN DAY WOMAN SERVE IN GOD'S CHURCH? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

Chapter 12 HOW GOD ANSWERS PRAYER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67

Chapter 13 HOW IMPORTANT IS YOUR SOCIAL LIFE TO GOD?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73

Chapter 14 HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR FULL POTENTIAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81

Chapter 15 HOW TO HAVE AN ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85

Chapter 16 HOW TO INSPIRE A MAN. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89

Chapter 17 HOW TO KNOW THE TRUE FEELINGS OF SOMEONE YOU LIKE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91

Chapter 18 HOW TO KNOW WHEN GOD'S SPIRIT IS LEADING YOU . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93

Chapter 19 HOW TO KNOW YOU'VE CHOSEN THE RIGHT MATE FOR MARRIAGE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99

Chapter 20 HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSTANTLY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109

Chapter 21 COMMUNICATION BARRIERS BETWEEN THE SEXES: HOW TO SOLVE THEM. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117

Chapter 22 HOW TO BUILD TRUE SELF-ESTEEM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125

Chapter 23 HOW TO GROW IN FAVOR WITH FELLOWMAN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133

Chapter 24 HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR AND SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141

Chapter 25 HOW TO TAKE THE CONFUSION AND FRUSTRATION OUT OF LIFE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143

Chapter 26 HOW YOU CAN RECOGNIZE TRUE LOVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151

Chapter 27 "IF I WERE 21 AGAIN ..." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 159

Chapter 28 THE INNERMOST SECRETS THAT A.C. MEN AND WOMEN WISH EACH OTHER KNEW . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163

Chapter 29 IS THE BIBLE LIVING IN YOU?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 171

Chapter 30 JUST WHAT IS LIVING FAITH? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175

Chapter 31 PERSONAL QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION FOR GIRLS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179

Chapter 32 THE POWER TO CHOOSE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183

Chapter 33 PRACTICAL EVERYDAY WISDOM FOR GIRLS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187

Chapter 34 THE PURPOSE OF DATING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 191

Chapter 35 SUCCEED IN LIFE WITH GOALS! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199

Chapter 36 TWELVE PITFALLS IN MARRIAGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 201

Chapter 37 "WHAT IS TRUE FEMININITY?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 207

Chapter 38 "WHAT IS TRUE MASCULINITY?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 215

Chapter 39 WHAT MADE CHRIST A GREAT TEACHER? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 221

Chapter 40 WHAT YOU SHOULD ACHIEVE AT AMBASSADOR COLLEGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 227

Chapter 41 ARE YOU ABUSING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 233

Chapter 42 ARE YOU HAVING A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE INFLUENCE ON OTHERS? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 235

Chapter 43 CAN YOU BE TRUSTED WITH A CONFIDENCE? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 241

Chapter 44 DATING — A VITAL DIMENSION IN YOUR AMBASSADOR EXPERIENCE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 245

Chapter 45 FEMININITY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 249

Chapter 46 GENUINE LOVE IS SPONTANEOUS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 253

Chapter 47 HOW TO BE A WISE WOMAN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 255

Chapter 48 HOW TO BUILD AND SUSTAIN TEAM MORALE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 261

Chapter 49 HOW TO CREATE THE DESIRE TO ACHIEVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 265

Chapter 50 HOW TO KEEP EMPLOYEES MOTIVATED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 271

Chapter 51 MILLION-DOLLAR DAUGHTER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 279

Chapter 52 ON GIVING ADVICE — HOW TO HELP YOUR BOSS SUCCEED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 281

Chapter 53 PARENTS: SHOW YOUR TEENAGERS YOU CARE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 291

Chapter 54 PRINCIPLES OF GOAL-SETTING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 295

Chapter 55 PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 299

Chapter 56 PUTTING MAGNETISM INTO YOUR PERSONALITY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 305

Chapter 57 QUALITIES OF A TRUE GENTLEMAN AND LADY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 307

Chapter 58 THE SIMPLE SECRET OF TRUE CHRISTIAN LOVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 317

Chapter 59 HOW CHRIST EDUCATED HIS DISCIPLES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 321

Chapter 60 ABUSING FRIENDSHIPS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 323

APPENDICES

Appendix 1 FINANCES AND MARRIAGE PREPARATION (Dr. Hoeh, 23-Jul-1977). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 325

Appendix 2 HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR EDUCATION (Dr. Hoeh, 9-Jun-1979). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 337

Appendix 3 DATING (Dr. Hoeh, 4-Apr-1976) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 347

Appendix 4 PLANNING YOUR SOCIAL LIFE (Dr. Hoeh, 29-Oct-1977) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 363

Appendix 5 STUDY ON FINANCES (Dr. Hoeh, 16-Sep-1978). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 377

Appendix 6 THE NEED FOR GODLY FELLOWSHIP (Bob Fahey, 28-Apr-1979) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 391

Appendix 7 ETIQUETTE IN EVERY DAY LIFE (Bill Butler, 9-Feb-1980) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 401

MR. RICE’S NOTEBOOK

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CHAPTER 1

THE BASIC DIFFERENCES

BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

I. Virtually all conflicts and misunderstandings between the sexes can be traced to one simple problem:

"A failure to understand the basic God-created differences between men and women."

A. This not only applies to problems in marriage.

B. But also to conflicts and frustrations in dating as well.

II.Probably, each one of you has some difficulty understanding the attitude and behavior of the opposite sex.

A.No doubt you as a man have been troubled and perplexed about the following questions:

Why can't women make up their minds?

What does it take to please her?

Why does it take a girl so long to forget a misunderstanding?

How can a girl be so happy and chirpy one day, only to find a day later that she's cold, distant and difficult to talk to?

Why are little things and insignificant details so important to women?

Why are they so temperamental, changeable and unpredictable in their day-to-day disposition?

Why are women generally late with no reasonable explanation?

Why don't girls show more excitement and enthusiasm when asked for a date?

Why does a girl flirt with a guy, then turn down a date when he asks her?

Why is it so difficult to choose topics of conversation that both fellows and girls can relate to?

B.Probably you as women have been equally distressed and frustrated with such questions as:

Why aren't men more sensitive to women and their feelings?

Why do men feel like they have to prove their masculinity instead of just being themselves?

Why do they brag on themselves and put others down?

Why do they sometimes act tough and macho?

Why do they tend to be curt, blunt and use rough language?

Why don't men place the same importance on special occasions like a dance or a dinner as women do?

Why can't men realize that it isn't necessary to spend a lot of money to make a date successful?

Why do men bottle up their emotions?

Why are men so interested in external, physical things?

Why are some men inconsiderate and thoughtless in waiting till the last minute to ask for a date?

Why are some men more interested in dating the popular and attractive girls than they are in being a friend to all?

Why are men so reluctant to express their feelings to let you know they really care?

Why are men in general more wrapped up in outside activities — such as their jobs, plans, personal ambitions — than in their home and family?

Why can't men perceive or understand what women need most — appreciation, gentleness and a caring attitude?

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CHAPTER 1

III.Today, we are going to answer these questions and explore the male and female differences.

A.To do this in depth would require a full-year, three-unit course in college.

B.For our purpose today, however, we'll cover the most important highlights.

IV. Let's begin with a number of general differences.

A. Seven major points:

1.Our physical anatomy should give us a clue that men and women were designed for two entirely different roles

a.The man has a larger frame, stronger muscles and a rugged appearance.

1)He was designed to be the aggressor, protector and provider.

2)He has 50 percent more brute strength and larger lung capacity than the woman.

3)These characteristics give him dominance and make him the natural leader.

b.The woman has a smaller frame, delicate features and less strength and stamina.

1)In I Peter 3:7 she is described as a weaker vessel. (Greek word for "weaker" means "more sensitive" or "fragile.")

2)She was designed to be a helpmate, companion and mother.

3)These characteristics point out her dependence on the man and make her the natural follower.

2.God equipped each sex with a different kind of brain to function according to his or her physical structure.

a.Each one thinks and acts differently to life's situations according to natural built-in laws.

b.Consider how unwieldy, unnatural and confusing life would be if their brains and bodies were cross-switched.

3.God created men and women with different qualities and complete each other.

a.This was made clear when God fashioned them.

b.Gen. 2:20-24"And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every

beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. (21) And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; (22) And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (23) And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

c. These verses should teach us that neither sex is complete without the other.

d. It takes two halves to make a whole — it takes male and female to become one flesh. e. Hence, it behooves us to learn and understand how vitally important these differences

are in order to become a whole and balanced person.

(Items #4 and #5 were adapted from "If Only He Knew" by Gary Smalley, p. 17)

4.Virtually every cell in a man's body has a different chromosome and genetic makeup than that of a woman.

a.This startling fact reinforces how totally different we are.

b.We were designed to fulfill what makes us distinctly male and female.

5.Experts tell us that the seat of emotions in a man's brain is wired differently than a woman's.

a.He has strong drives and motivations that make him an adventurer and conqueror.

b.She has sensitive feelings and tender needs that equip her to be a companion, loving wife and mother.

6.According to a recent Reader's Digest article (Nov. 1982), men predominantly use the right hemisphere of their brain in certain phases of thinking while women use the left hemisphere.

a.This unique arrangement causes each to react differently under stress and pressure.

b.The article goes on to explain why men, when under duress, may explode with anger or violence while women tend to become depressed and fall apart.

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7.To briefly summarize, we as men and women should deeply appreciate our God-ordained differences and strive to understand their true significance in God's great plan.

a.This will require thought, effort and consideration for the needs and feelings of each other.

b.It will bring new meaning to the golden rule in all our daily encounters and relationships.

{There is some evidence that hormonal changes can be more readily excited or triggered in a woman than a manthus causing fluctuations in her daily moods, attitude and temperament.}

V. To illustrate more pointedly these overall differences, let's notice a graphic quotation from the book, "For Better or For Best" by Gary Smalley, pg. 29.

A. Quote the following:

1."The best example...to illustrate these differences is to compare the butterfly with the buffa- lo. The butterfly has a keen sensitivity. It is sensitive even to the slightest breeze. It flutters above the ground where it can get a panoramic awareness of its surroundings. It notices the beauty of even the tiniest of flowers. Because of its sensitivity, it is constantly aware of all of the changes going on around it and is able to react to the slightest variation in its environment. Thus, the butterfly reacts with swiftness toward anything that might hurt it. (Try to catch one without a net sometime.) If a tiny pebble were taped to its wing, the butterfly would be severely injured and eventually die.

"The buffalo is another story. It is rough and calloused. It doesn't react to a breeze. It's not even affected by a thirty-mile-an-hour wind. It just goes right on doing whatever it was doing. It's not aware of the smallest of flowers, nor does it appear to be sensitive to slight changes in its environment. Tape a pebble to the buffalo's back and he probably won't even feel it.

"The buffalo isn't 'rotten to the core' just because he goes around stepping on pretty flowers. In fact, the buffalo's toughness is a tremendous asset. His strength, when harnessed, can pull a plow that four grown men can't pull."

2.The analogy, of course, is obvious. The man is the "buffalo" and the woman is the

“butterfly." Many times a man may "plow" through life's situations while a more sensitive woman will "feel" life and her environment. The "pebble on the butterfly's wing," the author suggests, "may take the form of a sarcastic remark, a sharp criticism, or even an indifferent attitude. Whatever it is, it can hurt and even crush" her and yet he may not even know what he's done.

3. Clearly, men and women were fashioned for two distinct roles in God's great plan.

B.Failure to understand these differences results in much anxiety, tension and distress in social relationships with each other.

VI. Listed below are specific differences between men and women.

A. Please note that these traits are the norm — the natural bent — that each has toward life. B. These are by no means complete, and there will always be exceptions.

24 SPECIFIC DIFFERENCES

MAN

1.He is interested in ideas and things.

2.He is interested in status, career and personal ambitions.

3.He feels a strong need to provide and be the leader.

4.He is more aggressive, daring and adventurous — ready to step into the unknown and try new things.

5.He thinks with hard, cold facts — is more logical, analytical and deliberate in making decisions.

6.Once a decision is made, he is ready to step out and act.

7.He is oftentimes a slower thinker. He wants to be certain he has all the facts.

8.He has a broader perspective — sees the big picture.

9.He tends to suppress his feelings, but then blows up to get things off his chest.

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10.He is more cautious in communicating his thoughts for fear of exposing his weaknesses.

11.When he feels insecure around women, he tries to impress them by boasting about his achievements or projecting a macho image.

12.He tends to have more intellectual vanity and expresses it by engaging in deep theories, concepts and philosophies.

13.He thinks long-range — maps out his life and drives himself to achieve his goals. He resents distractions or interruptions that impede his progress.

14.He is more outwardly bold and courageous — will confront danger head-on and take charge in emergency situations.

15.Security to a man is having a good job and money in the bank.

16.A man thinks money is to be saved.

17.He likes sameness and stability.

18.He is tough-skinned and can bounce back when criticized, corrected or defeated.

19.For all intents and purposes, he's the head of the human partnership.

20.Because of his personal pursuits and preoccupations, he's often cold, uncaring and insensitive to her feelings.

21.He has foresight.

22.He is the mainspring.

23.A man was made to love.

24.He needs a woman to love.

WOMAN

1.She is interested in people and building relationships.

2.She is interested in marriage, establishing a home and starting a family.

3.She wants security, protection and the assurance that he cares.

4.She is fearful of the unknown and feels unsure of taking chances.

5.She is more impulsive — and when under pressure usually makes snap, emotional judgments.

6.She shies away from major decisions — would rather that he assume responsibility.

7.She's intuitive and perceptive — can usually get to the heart of a matter quickly and accurately.

8.She is more concerned about details and the finer points.

9.She expresses her emotions more freely — cries easily to release her frustrations. Tends to be moody.

10.She's more candid, honest and forthright and openly bares her feelings.

11.When she feels insecure and rejected, she withdraws, becomes self-conscious and depressed.

12.She is more interested in talking about practical everyday concerns and human-related topics.

13.She tends to think short range — can quickly adapt to new situations and take frustrations in stride. She is not as easily bent out of shape or upset over interruptions.

14.She is prone to be easily frightened, or may become hysterical and fall apart in a crisis.

15.Security to a woman is having a man to look after her needs.

16.A woman thinks money is to be spent.

17.She likes change and variety.

18.She is very sensitive to correction and is easily bruised by negative comments or cutting remarks.

19.She's the heart and nerve center.

20.Because she needs approval and acceptance, she is often crushed and mortally wounded by his calloused and indifferent attitude.

21.She has insight.

22.She is the balance spring.

23.A woman wants to be loved.

24.She needs a man to love her.

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VII. The subject of male and female differences would not be complete without mentioning some of the essential needs of each sex.

A.THE BASIC NEEDS OF A MAN.

1.He needs to be admired.

2.He needs honest feedback.

3.He needs to be respected for his role as the leader.

4.He needs to be bolstered and encouraged.

5.He needs recognition for his achievements and success.

6.He needs the loyalty and support of the opposite sex.

7.He needs a challenge and to be understood for his masculine interests, drives and ambitions.

8.He needs a woman to be enthusiastic and responsive to his ideas, suggestions and requests.

9.He needs appreciation for the special things he does.

10.He needs a sense of self-worth.

B.THE BASIC NEEDS OF A WOMAN.

1.She needs attention.

2.She needs appreciation, approval and sincere compliments.

3.She needs people and personal relationships.

4.She needs to be loved, respected and treated with tenderness.

5.She needs a shoulder to cry on without fear of rejection.

6.She needs to know that her opinions count.

7.She needs to know that a man appreciates her differences and tries to understand her emotional makeup.

8.She needs a man to tell her of his plans so she'll know how to properly prepare for them.

9.She needs to be assured that he is mindful of her physical limitations.

10.She needs for a man to be sensitive, protective and caring of her total welfare.

VIII. In concluding this lecture, it would be helpful to realize that the needs and differences between the sexes can be summed up in two broad principles.

A. These two principles can best be remembered as two grand mottos.

B.Try to picture them as stamped on the forehead of each other or as a sign hung around the neck.

C.They are worded as follows:

For the man — NEEDS A SENSE OF SELF-WORTH TREAT WITH RESPECT.

For the woman — FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE.

IX. Drill these two mottos into your mind and you'll begin to build successful and harmonious relationships into your life.

-END-

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CHAPTER 2

COMBATING THE PROBLEM

OF LONELINESS

Loneliness is a self-centered, self-focused emotion. It comes from an over-concern about oneself. It is the inability to communicate — a feeling of being isolated. People have a lot they'd like to say or express, but they don't know how or else they are afraid to express it. Sometimes you can find the loneliest person in a whole room full of people.

All of us from time to time will suffer from the feeling of loneliness to one degree or another. For this reason we must all understand what causes people to feel lonely and also how to recognize a person who is suffering from this trauma. There are ways to overcome this feeling and methods to help others conquer it.

I. CAUSES AND CONTRIBUTING FACTORS FOR LONELINESS

1.The Cold and Stifling Influence of Society

Society today is becoming more and more depersonalized. Ours is the age of the computer and the impersonal assembly line approach. Mankind is becoming more preoccupied with his problems and survival than he is with anything else.

2.Being Programed for Loneliness from Childhood

People can program themselves for loneliness from childhood by not constantly widening their circle of friends. Sticking with the same people all the time and never adding new names to one's list of friendships prevents a person from developing the art of acquiring friends. When circumstances separate them from their familiar circle, they find themselves lonely and afraid to reach out to others.

3.Preoccupation With Self

Concentrating too much on self and one's own moods, condition and feelings causes one to be even more lonely.

4.Change of Environment

Stepping into a new environment where people and circumstances are different from the old familiar faces and routines can cause loneliness. Changing one's environment can be com- pared to a baby bird that is used to its nest where it's warm and secure. In order for it to become strong, mature and healthy, it must grow to look out to the world around it. When it is forced to leave the security of the nest, it will be frightened by its new experiences and won't feel comfortable with the rush of cool air under its wings where it was always warm. Until it accepts this change in life, the bird will never really experience the thrill of flying.

If you are to mature and grow into a well-balanced personality you must also take a few daring steps and experience new challenges life has to offer

5.Looking within to Past Memories

Dwelling on the pleasant memories of a comfortable past — friends, family and social life — can cause loneliness. Thinking about home and old friends is not bad in itself. But these thoughts should not consume so much of your time that you are neglecting the opportunity to make new friends, or neglecting to take full advantage of all that Ambassador College has to offer.

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CHAPTER 2

6.Homesickness

For many, this may be the first time away from home. A feeling of loneliness or homesick- ness may be only natural — but does not have to be long lasting.

7.New Pressures & Challenges

A new way of life with added pressures and demands such as term papers, tests, home- work, club meetings, etc., may contribute to your feeling of loneliness.

8.A Fear of Self-disclosureor a Lack of Self-confidence

As a stranger, you may feel uncomfortable and uneasy about meeting new people. This is generally because you fear others will discover your inadequacies, will not like you or accept you for what you are. The tendency is to withdraw and enjoy privacy within yourself.

9.Growing Pains

A new level of maturity must be faced, now that you are in college, and it may prove more difficult without the familiar crutches of family and close friends to help you make the adjustment.

10.Failure to Walk With God

The loneliest feeling you can experience is when you are cut off from God in this evil and

darkened world. Get in contact with God and your symptoms of loneliness will start to disappear.

II.STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO CONQUER LONELINESS

1.Whole-hearted participation in classes, work and college activities

2.Don't hibernate in the dorm feeling sorry for yourself and expect the feeling of loneliness to go away.

3.Begin at once to make new friends.

4.Consider the fact that there are many others in the same situation as you and that you can be a big help to them by being friendly and giving encouragement.

5.Think of others first. Gear your mind to this end and discipline yourself in giving your time and service to others.

6.When you feel especially lonely, strike up a conversation with someone as soon as possible. Ask questions and be interested in finding out about his life. Soon you will find that you feel a lot better.

7.Smile! Don't just smile with your lips — smile from deep down inside. Show yourself friendly and you will begin to develop new friendships. (Proverbs 18:24.)

8.Assume people will like you and you'll discover they will.

9.Be approachable — make it easy for people to talk to you by showing them attention and being responsive.

10.Get others talking about subjects they're familiar with or are interested in. You can help others while you are helping yourself get over feeling lonely.

11.Sincerely compliment people by noting their accomplishments and successes. Notice little things such as a nice hair do, new dress, their inspiring examples. Be genuine — don't flatter.

12.Be a good listener. Listen with attention, interest and respect. Don't change the conversation to yourself — get them talking about themselves.

13.Eat with others and take time to talk — aim to learn as much as you can about others.

14.Do something for someone else — look for ways to help other people. Do something/anything for others. If you're good at writing prose or poetry, write something to him about himself. If you're good at handicrafts, make a gift. If you use your talents to do something for someone else you will both enjoy it much more. You will be learning to love.

15.Remember that part of your education at Ambassador College is personality development and building the qualities of leadership. A real leader doesn't have time to be lonely, because he is so involved and interested in others, that he doesn't have time to think about himself overmuch.

16.Don't make the mistake of making a few friends and then ceasing to widen your circle. Continue to make new friends regularly. This doesn't mean to forsake old friends but learn to include new people.

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17.Beware of the pitfall of getting "involved" seriously with someone early in your college career. When you are feeling lonely, it is easy to attach yourself to the first friendly person who shows an interest in you. Dating widely throughout your college years provides an important outlet for personality development. Don't hinder yourself by getting serious too soon.

18.Don't forget God or your primary reason for coming to Ambassador College. Never allow phys- ical interests to crowd out the spiritual values.

III.HOW TO RECOGNIZE A LONELY PERSON

1.One who is shy and retiring and stays to himself/herself.

2.One who is unhappy and rejected.

3.Some may take the opposite appearance and be loud — bragging, etc., hiding behind a false front of bravado — when really he feels very lonely and insecure.

4.Discouragement is a sign of loneliness due to lack of involvement and participation.

5.A lonely person reflects a negative attitude to one degree or another.

6.A person's tone of voice can be a key to identifying a lonely person, whether it be mousey, quiet and soft-spoken or loud and boisterous.

IV. HOW YOU CAN HELP OTHERS WHO ARE LONELY

1.Invite them to join you and your friends for a particular get-together. Then be sure to include them in your conversation, asking them questions and getting to know them. Spend more time with them than with your other friends to help them feel more comfortable and accepted.

2.When you see others sitting alone or off to themselves and looking unhappy, strike up a conver- sation. Sit down and get to know them, draw them out, and let them know that you are inter- ested in their lives. Afterwards when you see them again, try to make it a point to stop and say hello, take time to see how they are doing — be concerned.

3.Ask them to help you on a special project for club or some other class or college function. Help them get involved.

4.If you are in the same class, you might start a study group — this could be helpful to you as well as to them. Be on the alert for ways that you can provide a social outlet for others and take the initiative and offer an invitation. By a study group I mean studying for tests together or mutually working on class projects, etc.

5.Be responsive and approachable, don't brush people off because you have "important" things to do.

CONCLUSION

At Ambassador College you have the unique opportunity to be with others who are learning God's laws and who have God's Holy Spirit. You need not be alone. Loneliness is a negative emotion and one that God from the beginning did not intend that man should experience. Genesis 2:18 says, "And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone ...." Loneliness is an emotion that caus-

es you to be a negative person, and in order to fight it, you must replace it with the positive emotion of love and outgoing concern for others.

Note: A word of recognition goes to Donna Butler and Robin Watkins for their help in preparing this lecture.

-END-

MR. RICE’S NOTEBOOK

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CHAPTER 3

THE DO'S AND DON'TS

OF DATING FOR GIRLS

DO'S

1.WHEN ASKED FOR A DATE, BE RESPONSIVE AND RESPECTFUL

a.This doesn't necessarily mean you have to accept the date.

b.It does mean that you be sensitive to the fellow's feelings and the way you come across.

c.The male ego is a fragile thing — try to be gentle, courteous and polite.

d.You destroy something of your own dignity and self-esteem by acting disinterested and cold — especially on the telephone.

e.Whether you accept the date or not, always try to reflect feminine kindness and diplomacy.

f.Incidentally, men do talk! If your general approach is unduly curt and cutting, the word gets around.

g.Don't be surprised if the guys start snubbing you.

2.WATCH YOUR APPEARANCE AND DRESS FOR THE OCCASION.

a.Your outward appearance says an awful lot: it's a reflection of your background and training — but more importantly of what you think of yourself.

b.It's also a reflection of how you view the fellow — at least he looks at it this way. If you're not concerned about your appearance, he takes it to mean you're not concerned about him either.

c.Intelligent and cultured men detest slovenliness — wrinkled clothing, unmatched outfits that are hurriedly put together, oversized shirts, clodhopper sandles (unless you're going to the beach), etc.

d.Bodily hygiene plays a big role — smell fresh, look trim and neat, and watch your breath.

e.Give special attention to your hair — even on hikes, picnics, and mountain trips take care of it as much as possible. Be balanced in this, however!

f.If the fellow doesn't make clear the type of date he's taking you on — ask to find out and dress appropriately.

3.RADIATE FRIENDLINESS, ENTHUSIASM AND A ZEST FOR LIFE.

a.A man finds it difficult and exasperating to date a girl who is noncommunicative, lifeless and limp. He doesn't enjoy the type who responds with nothing more than "yeah" or "huh?'' to a question — the kind who's slow moving, droopy-eyed and drags herself around like a tortoise.

b.He likes for her to bubble with excitement and to enjoy life.

c.He likes to see her beam with smiles, happiness and good cheer.

d.He's looking for a girl who's outwardly positive — who radiates a warmth, glow and vibrancy that you can feel.

e.No one expects every minute to be euphoric! But liveliness, friendship and enthusiasm should be the underlying tone of your personality!

4.CONCENTRATE ON GIVING YOUR DATE A GOOD TIME.

a.Let him lead in the conversation and respond to the things he likes to talk about.

b.In the more vigorous activities, be fun-loving and spirited — join in with him and try to enjoy the things he does, even if you aren't very proficient at them.

c.In group situations where several are present, defer to him. Don't flirt with other guys or divert your attention elsewhere.

d.You can always learn something new from anybody — observe and listen.

e.Think of your date as being a unique, interesting and important person — for at that moment he really is.

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5.CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONVERSATION AND TRY TO GO DEEPER THAN JUST THE TRIVIAL THINGS OF LIFE.

a.This is one of the biggest criticisms that men have made: girls tend to be shallow and "air- headed" when deeper subjects are introduced.

b.Female minds are generally on everyday trivia — dates, problems, latest fashions, parties, aches, pains, problems back home, etc.

c.Trivia is important and plays a role in dating — for this is what everyday life is made of and constitutes a necessary part of human interchange.

d.But you should broaden your scope of interests and become knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects — including geography, politics, world news, etc.

e.Talk about your background, your goals, desires, likes and dislikes — let others get to know you and see inside you as a person.

f.Discuss the Bible, sermons, classes — show a mature interest in the spiritual things of God.

g.Learn to be perceptive and discriminating — explain your views to your date and solicit his honest feedback.

h.Intelligent and hearty conversation is essential if you're to grow and mature as a woman and build meaningful friendships.

6.DO LITTLE THINGS FOR THE GUY TO LET HIM KNOW YOU CARE.

a.These can be simple acts of courtesy such as: unlocking his side of the car once you're seated, baking his special kind of dessert if you are going on a picnic, fixing your hair a way that he especially likes, or playing a particular type of game (cards, dominoes, checkers, chess) he may suggest.

b.The big things are important — but it's these smaller, private, tailor-made gestures that really make the difference.

c.They tell the man that you are a well-bred, empathetic and deeply thoughtful person.

7.SHOW AN INTEREST IN THE FELLOW'S LIFE.

a.When dating a guy, watch for clues that will indicate what he values and considers important.

b.Draw him out by asking his opinions and viewpoints on particular questions or social issues of the day!

c.Encourage him to talk about himself — his hobbies, his background and family, his hopes, dreams, career and plans for the future.

d.If you can do so honestly, let him know you value his judgment and that you find his insights helpful and scintillating.

8.TRY TO MAKE HIM FEEL CONFIDENT AND COMFORTABLE AND TO INCREASE HIS FEELINGS OF SELF-WORTH.

a.This requires that you be warm and open, and reflect a mature understanding of man's sensitivities.

b.Exercise care by not putting him down or making him feel uptight and defensive.

c.Regardless of whom you're dating, always try to show respect. God says in I Peter 2:17, "Honor all men."

d.Treat him as a fellow human being made in God's image, and a potential son of God.

e.Men generally will rise to new heights of dignity and confidence when you increase their feelings of self-esteem.

9.LEARN TO ADAPT TO NEW EXPERIENCES AND TRY OUT NEW ACTIVITIES HE MAY SUGGEST.

a.Men like girls who are willing to respond to new challenges and opportunities.

b.We are talking about on-the-spur-of-the-moment, out-of-the-blue type of things.

c.This might include such suggestions as: a game of volleyball on the beach, a game of checkers, a new card game he learned, a race to a specific point and back (with him giving you a head start, of course), a helicopter ride, etc.

d.So long as his ventures are appropriate and harmless, make a sincere effort to enjoy them.

e.Learn to be flexible and fit in with his plans.

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10.ALWAYS BE SWEET NATURED AND POSITIVE, NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE.

a.Don't allow the pressures and problems of life to overwhelm you.

b.Don't magnify trifles and get bent out of shape.

c.In spite of heartaches and trials, bounce back and keep your emotions in check.

d.Maintain a cheerful, optimistic outlook.

e.Try to smooth out the rough edges and accept defeat with a smile.

f.People will love you a great deal more when you're calm, collected and don't react.

g.Always be mentally prepared to handle the unexpected when disaster strikes.

11.IN ANY DATING SITUATION, SHOW KINDNESS AND COMPASSION TO OTHER PEOPLE.

a.Most men will think "you're unusually special" when they see your love and concern for others.

b.True feminine kindness is one of the most desirable qualities you could hope to attain — it says practically everything.

c.If you want to add several inches to your stature as a woman, incorporate this godly virtue.

d.Get involved with people and make an effort to serve — visiting the sick, spending time with the elderly, encouraging a friend, etc.

12.DEVELOP A BEAUTIFUL, GENUINE, SINCERE PERSONALITY.

a.Enough can hardly be said about this phase of personal development — it's a high and lofty hallmark that sets you apart.

b.Have conviction in your standards — strongly live up to them.

c.Physical beauty means less and less to a man — once your inner charm and character start to emerge.

d.It's not always the physical that attracts the guy — it's your inner self-poise, graciousness, tender emotions, spontaneity, and the outward radiance of your personal qualities.

13.PLEASE SUGGEST WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO IF ASKED.

a.Some guys may run out of ideas and would like a suggestion from you.

b.If you sincerely have a preference, enthusiastically say so.

c.Normally this should not be expected — after all, he's supposed to be in charge.

d.But on occasion you can help him out by giving your input.

14.SUGGEST GOING "DUTCH" FROM TIME TO TIME, OR AT LEAST OFFER TO HELP WITH SOME OF THE EXPENSES.

a.Most young guys are broke like you are — and don't have a lot of extra money to spend.

b.Every so often, you might suggest paying your own way to the movies, picking up the bowling tab, or chipping in to help buy food.

c.This is not the normal custom — but it's perfectly "legal" and acceptable.

15.BE DEEPLY DEDICATED TO GOD AND THE CHURCH, WITHOUT APPEARING GUSHY.

a.We call this attitude a "spiritual mentality."

b.It's an aura — an underlying love — that men admire. They are impressed when you show an interest in the things of God.

c.Little else needs to be said when your example is telling the story.

d.Such demeanor can come only from prayer, Bible study, and walking daily with God.

16.SHOW APPRECIATION FOR THE DATE.

a.It's customary and proper at the conclusion of the date to express your thanks and let the guy know you had a nice time.

b.Send a "thank you" note for a very special occasion — particularly if he's bought you a flower and taken you to a fancy restaurant.

c.Remember that some guys go all out to give you a good time — in some cases spending more money than their budgets allow.

d.Your personal acknowledgment and appreciation goes a long way in building your esteem in his eyes, and makes him think you are a discerning and grateful person.

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DON'T'S

1.DON'T KEEP YOUR DATE WAITING — TRY TO BE ON TIME.

a.This applies as much to group dating as to personal dates.

b.So often, several people are made to wait because one or two stragglers show up late.

c.To detain your dates as a frequent practice says that you're not in control of your life and also implies that you don't have much regard for the fellow.

d.A lack of punctuality is a source of irritation to most men and may hurt your chances of building a meaningful relationship later in life.

e.Think long-range about the repercussions your present actions can bring.

2.IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT A DATE, BE CAREFUL NOT TO LEAVE HIM BRUISED AND WOUNDED.

a.For many guys, it's hard enough to ask for a date in the first place.

b.To be rejected — coldly and rudely — without good cause, can deal a crushing blow to his ego.

c.He may feel humiliated, rejected and that he's an abysmal failure.

d.If you can give a logical reason, your refusal will be much easier to accept.

e.You might say, "I already have other plans, but could we make it some other time?" Or, "I really must study for a test, or do a term paper tonight, but I will be free later this week."

f.Your thoughtfulness will soothe his feelings, and open the way for a continuing friendship.

3.ON THE OTHER HAND, DON'T ACCEPT A DATE JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF HURTING HIS FEELINGS.

a.Perhaps the guy is coming on too strong — he's assuming too much and taking you for granted.

b.Perhaps he's socially clumsy and unskilled! He's starting to get possessive and wants you to get serious with him "right now"!

c.Maybe he's misreading your intentions too early in the game.

d.It's better to be forthright and tell him how you feel! Honesty is the best policy — but be tactful.

e.Generally speaking, most men want the truth and would prefer to know where they stand — even though it may deeply hurt at the time.

f.Future dates would be uncomfortable for both if you were tense and unhappy and really didn't want to go out with him.

4.PLEASE DON'T CRITICIZE THE GUY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T MEASURE UP.

a.You may do irreparable damage to his reputation — or at least create a bad impression of him.

b.This thoughtless cruelty will drive girls away and make it harder for him to get dates — if you've labeled him as "Mr. Oddball" or "Mr. Creep."

c.Maybe your opinions are partially justified, but let others judge for themselves.

d.Suppose he's just terribly shy and self-conscious?

e.Wouldn't it be better to overlook his idiosyncrasies and try to encourage him as a friend?

f.The Bible pronounces a dire warning against offending a little one. It even states that one who's guilty is in danger of the judgment. See Matthew 5:21-22.

5.DON'T BE TOO AGGRESSIVE AND FLIRTATIOUS, OR TRY TO ENSNARE HIM BY YOUR COQUETTISH CHARMS.

a.To be perfectly honest, most men don't like flirts.

b.You may momentarily capture his attention and cause his blood pressure to rise, but in the end he'll question your integrity and cast you aside.

c.A certain amount of aggressive behavior is purely natural and to be expected in normal dating relationships such as teasing, joking, and froliking around in a spirit of clean fun and enjoyment.

d.We're referring to the type of girls on ego trips who try to tantalize, mesmerize, hypnotize, and subdue every guy in town.

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6.DON'T ASSUME THAT EVERY GUY IS THE SAME AND THAT ALL ARE TO BE TREATED ALIKE.

a.Every fellow is unique and has his own individual tastes and standards.

b.Some like sports and outdoor life; while other less active types enjoy reading, writing poetry and listening to music.

c.Learn to figure each one out, and try to adapt to his particular personality.

d.Look on every date as a unique challenge and a learning opportunity that will enrich and round out your total life.

7.WATCH THE TENDENCY TO COMPETE AND MAKE HIM LOOK INFERIOR.

a.Hearty interchange of opinions can make a scintillating discussion.

b.But when you try to make yourself look good and put him down, you render a great disservice to yourself.

c.Men resent a belligerent, arrogant, competitive spirit in a woman, and will in due time lose respect for her.

d.The Bible condemns this type of behavior and labels her as "an odious woman" or by today's definition "a women's libber."

e.Bruising a man's ego is the greatest blunder you can make in dating.

8.DON'T WHINE AND COMPLAIN OR ACT SPOILED AND IMMATURE.

a.Whiners and complainers are a bore to be around, and can spoil an otherwise beautiful evening.

b.Such girls are totally self-centered and seem to care less how others may feel.

c.They complain about the weather, about their job, about their parents, about their teachers and grades, about living conditions — about any and everything.

d.Look for the good, the lovely and the pure in all your experiences and associations.

e.Check up to see if you're infected with "complaintitis." You'll never be popular and have many friends until this attitude is changed.

9.DON'T LEAD A GUY ON UNLESS YOU'RE REALLY INTERESTED IN HIM OR READY TO GET INVOLVED.

a.Some girls manipulate men like puppets on a string.

b.And some naive men allow themselves to become entangled in their web — usually ending up deeply seared and scarred.

c.These girls like to have a reserve to fall back on in case their other relationships don't work out

— plus they like the attention of men.

d.It's deceitful, cruel and fiendish to lead a guy on when you have no intention of getting serious.

10.DON'T DISCUSS OTHER GUYS OR PAST DATES.

a.This is an Unpardonable sin" in dating.

b.Such behavior evidences a gross lack of wisdom, discretion and maturity.

c.Few things will turn a guy off faster than to be compared to other men or to share the spotlight with them.

d.Your first duty is to give your date a good time and make him feel appreciated and important.

11.DON'T BE FLAMBOUYANT, LOUD-MOUTHED AND BOISTEROUS-FOREVER CALLING ATTENTION TO YOURSELF

a.Even the dogs would tuck their tails and run if they beheld this type of behavior.

b.It's crass, vulgar and totally unbecoming of a lady.

c.Such a person would probably do well behind home plate as an umpire — but would usually strike out and rarely get a hit if she should play the game.

12.DON'T MAKE YOURSELF THE CENTER OF THE CONVERSATION.

a.This weakness indicates a lack of confidence and low self-esteem.

b.It's an effort to prove that "I'm somebody just in case you didn't know it."

c.This problem can be resolved by filling your mind with knowledge outside the tiny little bubble that surrounds your life.

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d. Project your thoughts and comments upward to higher ideals and to the good you see in others. e. Monitor your words! You may be shocked at how often you refer to yourself.

f. Heavy doses of self-praise or an ongoing diary of your life can become a drag.

13.DON'T ACT AS THOUGH YOU'RE TOTALLY INDEPENDENT AND DON'T REED THE HELP OF YOUR MALE COUNTERPART.

a.This is not according to nature.

b.At heart, men want to be your protector and defender.

c.They want to be sweet and do tender things for you — such as opening doors, picking up books you may have dropped — playing their role as a masculine leader.

d.By acting cool and ungrateful toward their gestures you rob them of a satisfaction that God meant for them to experience and enjoy!

14.DON'T TURN A GUY DOWN AT A DANCE JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE HIS LOOKS OR HE'S A NOTCH BELOW YOUR SOCIAL STANDARDS.

a.This is devastating to a man, and especially so if he's a Church member in good standing.

b.Such prejudice and favoritism should never exist among God's people.

c.If you have a legitimate reason for not dancing and must decline his request — remember his feelings and be considerate.

15.DON'T CANCEL A DATE AT THE LAST MINUTE UNLESS IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNAVOIDABLE.

a.If you must do so because of circumstances outside your control, apologize and give an explanation.

b.Don't set him up with someone else.

16.DON'T TRY TO BREAK UP SOMEBODY ELSE'S ROMANCE OUT OF SPITE, ENVY AND JEALOUSY.

a.It's sinister and evil to destroy another girl's relationship just because you can't have the guy she likes!

b.Taking vengeance by spreading rumors or fabricating stories to break them up does greater harm to you — you destroy something of yourself.

c.If you resort to fraud or trickery to win a guy over, you're headed for disaster.

d.If it's a matter of your being hurt, forgive and forget and bury the past.

e.Continue to make yourself look beautiful by upgrading the inner qualities of your life.

f.Rest assured if you've laid the right foundation and are properly playing the role God intended, you'll have no trouble getting dates and eventually attracting the right man.

-END-

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CHAPTER 4

THE DO'S AND DON'TS

OF DATING FOR MEN

DO'S

1.COME TO UNDERSTAND WHY DATING IS IMPORTANT AND WHAT ITS PURPOSE REALLY IS.

a.Purposes and reasons:

(1)To have fun and enjoyment.

(2)To develop a well-rounded personality.

(3)To expand socially and culturally.

(4)To broaden your education.

(5)To develop the art of conversation.

(6)To overcome self-centeredness.

(7)To experience a wide range of personalities.

(8)To build confidence.

(9)To prepare for courtship and marriage.

b.Learn to view casual dating, as opposed to serious dating, as an opportunity to accomplish two grand goals:

(1)To develop into a colorful and dynamic personality.

(2)To be a source of genuine encouragement and inspiration to others.

c.Unless we get the overview in mind, there's always a tendency to date for entirely the wrong reasons — first and foremost to get married.

d.Obviously, marriage plays a vital role in dating — but more importantly is laying a stable, strong and mature foundation before contemplating matrimony.

2.IF THE GIRLS KEEP TURNING YOU DOWN, FACE THE FACTS HONESTLY AND SEEK HELP.

a.You may be trying to do everything right and consider yourself a fairly nice guy.

b.Yet, the girls keep making excuses and seem disinterested in you as a person.

c.If such be true, there may be something abrasive in your personality that's turning them off.

d.To nail down your problem, you need the guidance and professional help of a skilled counselor.

e.Don't go to friends and acquaintances who will sympathize with you.

f.Honestly seek the truth, however painful the answer may be.

g.Don't argue, justify or make excuses — face reality and go to work!

h.Your problems will always haunt you until you make the change.

3.LEARN HOW TO PROPERLY ASK FOR A DATE.

a.Don't approach a girl with, "What are you doing Saturday night?"

b.Statements like this are an intrusion of privacy and reveal a lack of experience and good breeding.

c.State what you would like to do and ask the girl if she would be free to join you...that you would enjoy her company.

d.Give an idea of what's appropriate to wear, what time to be ready, etc. Many times a girl has to ask for this information.

e.It all comes down to having a mature handle on the situation!

f.If for perfectly good reasons the girl can't accept the date, don't take it personally and become offended.

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4.WATCH YOUR APPEARANCELOOK NEAT, TRIM AND SHARP.

a.The attention you give to this aspect of life says a great deal about your character.

b.Conversely, sloppy dress and careless hygiene indicate gross indifference and lack of respect both to yourself and others.

c.Examples:

(1)Soiled and wrinkled clothing.

(2)Unpolished shoes and white socks.

(3)High-water trousers and ill-fitting clothes

(4)Untrimmed facial hair.

(5)Bad breath, dandruff and dirty fingernails.

d.You can enhance your image in any girl's eyes if you give more time and attention to your appearance.

5.EXPECT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, AND YOUR DATES WILL USUALLY BE A SUCCESS.

a.Have a positive attitude when you call up a girl — in other words, don't call expecting her to turn you down.

b.Express excitement and enthusiasm for the date itself and toward the girl you're asking.

c.Stay in a positive, happy attitude — even when unexpected circumstances interfere.

d.Inject humor — learn to laugh at yourself.

e.Concentrate on giving your date a good time by being solicitous of her comfort, happiness and welfare!

f.Be creative and use your imagination in coming up with new ideas before you even ask for a date.

6.LEARN HOW TO CARRY ON AN INTERESTING AND INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION.

a.To do this you must be informed, know what's happening in the world, read widely and have special areas of interest such as in hobbies, music, art, sports, etc.

b.To break the ice, you can always start with trivia.

(1)A recent movie you've seen.

(2)Something special about last week's party.

(3)An interesting experience you've had.

(4)Class lectures.

c.As the date progresses, move into heavier topics.

(1)Her interests — what she plans to do with her life.

(2)Travel experiences.

(3)Observations and recent lessons learned.

(4)Your career and interesting things about your job.

(5)World news, the Bible, sermons, a book you're reading, etc.

d.You'll want to break up the pattern, but don't allow the date to degenerate into useless chatter and shallow thinking.

e.Keep the conversation moving by asking for her opinions and comments on different subjects.

f.Really listen and pay respect while she is talking.

7.LEARN TO BE COMPOSED, CONFIDENT AND SELF-ASSURED IN ANY TYPE OF SOCIAL SITUATION.

a.This has to do with developing poise and finesse in blending in with people regardless of their station in life.

b.It's having the ability to relax others, drawing them out and making them feel at ease.

c.It means being responsive and making people feel important and appreciated.

d.It further means just being yourself — natural, spontaneous, lively and uninhibited.

e.This requires patience, courage and a determined attitude, but the fruits of your efforts will pay rich dividends in gaining friends and being popular.

f.Most girls are very understanding and will overlook an innocent faux pas.

g.But they find it difficult to admire the guy who's coarse and socially awkward if he shows no signs of wanting to improve.

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8.SHOW THAT YOU'RE STABLE AND IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

a.This covers a wide gamut of characteristics.

(1)Having a steady job and positive goals you're working toward.

(2)Self-discipline over your mind, body and appetites.

(3)Not by being naive and gullible — but thinking for yourself.

(4)Working to improve your life and growing in overall balance and confidence

(5)Consistently sticking with your goals until you see them through.

b.When you grow in this kind of stature, you win the hearts and admiration of all.

9.BE SPIRITUALLY STRONG AND CONSCIENTIOUS WITHOUT APPEARING GUSHY.

a.If you're not a strong spiritual leader, and show little interest in the things of God, the deeply converted girls feel insecure with you.

b.This is not to say that you must always be talking religion and lecturing to the girls. Nor should you force your views about the Bible on them.

c.But there should be a strong undercurrent of loyalty to God and the Church running through the whole of your life.

d.If you're God-fearing, it's going to shine through as much in what you do as in what you say.

e.Maintain high standards of conduct, but avoid the appearance of being "holier-than-thou."

f.When you're growing, you will inspire the girls you date to grow too.

10.TREAT THE GIRL AS SOMEONE SPECIAL AND BE CONCERNED ABOUT HER FEELINGS.

a.Be genuinely courteous and do little things to let her know you care.

b.Pamper her in a mature way, as someone who needs protection.

c.Examples:

(1)Opening doors.

(2)Bringing her a flower.

(3)Being thoughtful of her physical comforts such as giving her your coat if she is shivering, closing a car window if it's blowing her hair, removing her coat at a dance or party, bringing her refreshments so she doesn't have to stand in line, seeing that she gets into her dorm or apartment safely.

d.Forget yourself — think in terms of giving her pleasure and happiness, being truly thoughtful of her feelings.

e.Respect her views and values; her intelligence and natural abilities.

f.Focus your attention on pleasing her as a Christian without getting mushy.

g.Treat her as a queen, and she'll treat you as a king.

h.Notice and compliment the girl on such things as her hair style, new dress, and appearance overall, and she'll consider you a very discriminating person.

11.LEARN TO LEADNOT DOMINATE.

a.A girl admires the guy who takes control when necessary — that is, reacting to problems maturely, making right decisions and taking charge of situations with confidence.

b.This kind of leadership imparts to her a feeling of security and a deep sense of respect for the man.

c.To re-emphasize a point, proper dating is done with gentleness.

d.He generally lays out plans ahead of time with her interests in view, but gets her input if changes need to be made.

e.You'll always receive high ratings in a girl's mind when you radiate confidence and the ability to lead.

12.SOME DATES CAN BE "SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT."

a.A quick cup of coffee.

b.A brisk walk around the block.

c.A bicycle ride.

d.Many girls enjoy simple companionship and a break in routine.

e.These dates cost you very little, if anything, and can be a most stimulating and healthy way to enjoy a few moments with another.

f.Every date doesn't have to be a big, formal splash to give happiness.

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13.REALIZE THAT ALL GIRLS ARE NOT ALIKE IN PERSONALITY AND TEMPERAMENT.

a.Before typesetting a girl and allowing an opinion to form in your mind, spend time in getting to know her.

b.Be flexible and learn to adjust to her likes, tastes and differences.

c.Create an atmosphere of warmth and encourage her to be herself.

d.The more you date a wide range of personalities, the better your chances of choosing the right mate when you decide to get married.

14.DEVELOP A CHRISTIAN ATTITUDE OF LOVE AND SERVICE.

a.A guy will grow in popularity who's considerate, thoughtful, compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others.

b.This also has to do with showing concern toward the weak, poor and elderly.

c.It seems that most young men today are so preoccupied with themselves and their interests that they have lost sight of the value of service.

d."Let the other guy do it," is the hue and cry of the day.

e.Being considerate of others also involves carrying your share of the financial load and recipro- cating favors shown. Example: A girl invites you over for dinner. Out of courtesy, you might ask if you can bring a bottle of wine or some item of food to help share expenses.

f.inscribe this motto deep into your subconscious: "Greatness IS service."

15.EXPRESS GRATITUDE AND LET YOUR DATE KNOW YOU ENJOYED HER COMPANY.

a.A follow-up phone call or a handwritten note after the date means an awful lot to a girl.

b.It tells her that you're uniquely different, and that you really care.

c.Mention a few things that made the date enjoyable.

d.Such a practice builds goodwill and enhances her feelings of self-esteem.

DON'T'S

1.IN CHOOSING DATES, DON'T TAKE THE SELFISH APPROACH: "WHO CAN GIVE ME A GOOD TIME?"

a.What girl is the most friendly and outgoing — the one I can relate to best?

b.Who's best able to subdue my fears and make me feel relaxed and comfortable?

c.Avoid the attitude of "What's in it for me? What can I get out of it? Who can give me the greatest happiness and fun?"

d.Shift the emphasis away from self to an active concern for others.

e.Think of dating as a growing experience, to be shared with a wide range of personalities.

2.DON'T DATE A GIRL JUST FOR LOOKS.

a.Don't reject the so-called "outcasts" or the "less desirables" in preference to the glamour girls with the prettiest faces and sexiest figures.

b.To limit your dating to the knock-out sex-bombs may bolster your ego and arouse envy in the other guys, but such a practice degrades your worth in God's eyes.

c.Girls can generally sense when a fellow's motives are wrong:

(1)By his stares and sensuous demeanor.

(2)Taking her places to "show her off," yet leaving her empty and unfulfilled!

(3)By pouting when she's not giving him 100% attention or responding to his "cry-baby' whims.

d.Some fellows have been heard to say: "I'll never date an ugly girl."

(1)Why? She's a human being made in God's image with feelings and sensitivities as any other person.

(2)Was Jesus Christ partial in His treatment of people, favoring only the elite? Of course not!

(3)Did you know there's not an ugly woman in God's sight, unless she's made herself ugly through acquiring wrong attitudes and habits.

(4)You're a greater gentleman in God's sight when you give yourself in equal time, attention and consideration to all the girls with whom you have contact.

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3.DON'T SIZE UP EACH GIRL AS A POTENTIAL WIFE.

a.No self-respecting girl appreciates being looked over, studied and analyzed as a future wife.

b.In fact, this not only irritates her — she resents it deeply.

c.Such scrutiny makes her feel like a horse, cow or used car on display at a public auction.

d.Symbolically, the prospective buyer with clipboard in hand goes down a list of good and bad qualities checking off those he likes or doesn't like.

e.A fellow who's wife-shopping too early in the game betrays his motives by asking personal questions such as:

(1)At what age do you plan to marry?

(2)Do you intend to go to college and graduate

(3)How many children would you like to have?

(4)What are you looking for in a husband?

(5)is there a history of insanity in your family?

f.This thoughtless approach puts a strain on the girl, causing her to withdraw and play an unnatural role.

4.DON'T GET SERIOUS AFTER THE FIRST DATE OR TWO.

a.This attitude, similar to the one above, puts a girl on edge and makes her uptight and nervous.

b.It may cause her to act cool and distant or scare her off completely!

c.Intelligent and mature girls don't want to be rushed or pressured into a premature courtship.

d.It isn't that they've decided they don't like you — they simply need more time.

e.Why do fellows get turned on so fast?

(1)Physical attraction and sex appeal.

(2)Personality of girl.

(3)Getting caught up in an aura of infatuation and romance.

(4)Yet, he hasn't dated long enough to get to know her.

5.DON'T GET TOO PHYSICAL.

a.Sitting too close.

b.Holding a girl too tightly while dancing.

c.Putting arm around girl at movie or attempting to hold hands.

d.Getting carried away and attempting to indulge in heavy petting.

e.Girls resent the idea of being pawed over and having to engage in a wrestling match to protect their morals!

f.They want to be treated like ladies and will respect you a great deal more when you treat them with dignity and honor.

6.DON'T PUT ON AIRS AND TRY TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE.

a.Be yourself — warm, open, honest and sincere.

b.Trying to project an artificial image makes one phony, unnatural and hard to get to know.

c.Let your feelings, convictions and opinions come out — just be humble and discreet in the way you express them.

d.Why do people put on airs?

(1)They feel insecure about themselves.

(2)They're afraid others will not like their personalities and accept them for what they are.

e.This exercise in play-acting not only takes the fun out of dating, but creates barriers of mistrust and doubt.

7.QUIT TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE A DATE SUCCESSFUL.

a.Don't become overly concerned about how things are going, or whether you are making a good impression.

b.Don't worry about every detail and doing everything right — learn to relax, enjoy yourself and give your date a good time.

c.By getting so involved with the mechanics of the date, it's easy to forget that the girl is a person.

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d. Dating relations should be easy, free, natural and spontaneous.

e. But when dating is taken too seriously — worrying over it and thinking it's not turning out right

you defeat its purpose altogether!

8.DON'T COMPETE ON A DATE BY ENGAGING IN DISPUTES AND CONTROVERSIES.

a.A friendly exchange of opinions can be healthy and stimulating — but you should never try to show the girl up and make her feel inferior.

b.Don't overwhelm her with facts and knowledge and the brilliance of your mind.

c.Avoid backing her into a corner by challenging her views and making her feel that her opinions don't count.

d.Find out why she thinks as she does and welcome her points of view.

e.You might just discover she's keenly perceptive and can offer intelligent answers to many of life's problems.

9.DON'T PRY FOR INFORMATION A GIRL CONSIDERS PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.

a.Her personal IQ

b.Past romances and names of boyfriends.

c.Sexual views — is she a virgin?

d.Personal hangups and family problems.

10.DON'T ACT MOUSY AND HANG ON TO A GIRL LIKE SHE'S YOUR MAMA.

a.There are few things that will turn off a girl quicker than for a male to be unsure of himself, fail to assert his leadership and take initiative, wait for her to make the next move and become overly dependent.

b.She can overlook a lot of faults and be very understanding when the guy is trying, but this type of weakness is grossly repulsive.

c.Show some spunk, leadership and independence! Be a real man — not a quiet and timid mama's boy.

d.Watch that you don't become possessive and attach yourself to her like a leach at social gatherings.

e.Special note: Don't make a nuisance of yourself at parties and dances by monopolizing her time

especially if she's not your date for that occasion.

11.DON'T TALK ABOUT PAST DATES.

a.This may give the girl the feeling she's not measuring up to your standards or pleasing you.

b.Don't discuss other girls' weaknesses, faults and idiosyncrasies.

c.Don't give the impression you have an interest in certain girls and are considering their merits for marriage.

d.Girls resent being compared to each other.

12.DON'T BECOME CRITICAL AND NEGATIVE TOWARD LIFE.

a.A guy who's negative — who whines and complains about his bad breaks and misfortunes — is an obnoxious bore to be around.

b.Moreover, a downcast, critical temperament makes you appear weak.

c.Steer clear of personal gripes, problems and hangups — at least wait until you get to know the girl as a friend.

d.A guy who feels sorry for himself and is generally negative toward others and life overall, can have little hope for building meaningful friendships until he truly sees himself.

13.DON'T LEAD A GIRL ON, AND THEN DROP HER WITHOUT WARNING.

a.This is one of the cruelest things you can do to the opposite sex.

b.Particularly, if you've been dating regularly and have given the impression you're getting interested and serious.

c.A sudden change without explanation can utterly crush her heart, destroy her feelings of

self-respect, and do irreparable damage in building other relationships.

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d. Don't allow yourself to get carried away and become that involved with any girl until you know you're basically right for each other.

e. The key is to get to know each other inside and out, and to know that you're deeply in love before making any plans for marriage.

14.DON'T OVERDOMINATE AND GIVE THE IMPRESSION, "I'M THE BIG MALE LEADER."

a.Girls detest a guy who's overconfident, arrogant and cocky, who struts around like a proud peacock.

b.They want to be lead — but not stomped on or stampeded over.

c.In this connection, don't treat a girl like one of the boys. Example: Slapping her on the shoulder, saying in a raucous tone, "Come on down to the gym and watch me lift weights!"

d.Further, don't give the impression, "I'm doing you a big favor by taking you out. So you had better appreciate me."

e.Being masculine doesn't mean throwing your weight around and popping buttons!

f.Learn the art of being gentle, and you will have discovered one of the greatest marks of Christian leadership. It takes strength and intelligence to be gentle.

15.DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE TO ASK FOR A DATE.

a.There may be exceptions, but normally you can avoid this situation if you try.

b.A girl doesn't like to be thought of as a nobody who's been passed over several times and she's all that's left.

c.Consider the fact that it takes time for girls to prepare for the more formal dates — ironing clothes, fixing their hair, etc.

d.Let her know the type of date so she can dress appropriately.

e.Be punctual — don't keep her waiting.

-END-

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CHAPTER 5

EMOTIONAL MATURITY

I. LET'S BEGIN OUR STUDY BY DESCRIBING FIRST THE GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY.

A.SIGNS.

1.Being moody and depressed too much of the time.

2.Crying, pouting, losing temper and screaming over trivial matters.

3.Being late for appointments or allowing pleasures to get in the way of school assignments or other responsibilities.

4.Staying up too late at night when you should be getting your rest — then sleeping in too late for classes or work.

5.Staying in bed and calling in sick when you feel a little tired or down, rather than disciplining yourself and putting your responsibilities first.

6.Getting mad if you aren't the center of attention and the most popular girl around. Or, getting irritated and insolent when you don't get your way.

7.Being demanding of other people and feeling that they should cater to your desires and needs first.

8.Buying on impulse — failing to consider the price, or whether you have the resources.

9.Failing to say "NO" to yourself — giving in to your desires and wants without restraint — disregarding the consequences.

10.Failing to reason out a situation or problem from beginning to end before making a decision — acting first and thinking later.

11.Being easily influenced by others, instead of using your mind and making your own decisions.

12.Daydreaming — wasting your time in a world of fantasy and make believe instead of thinking constructively.

13.Reacting emotionally and falling apart in an emergency. Failing to collect your wits and act with a clearthinking head after the initial blow has passed.

14.Finding fault with everything and everybody, instead of trying to get along with people. In other words, being generally negative and critical toward life.

15.Using the excuse that since you're a woman and therefore more emotional (especially at certain times of the month), you don't have to keep your emotions in tow.

16.Failing to take the blame or being too stubborn to admit it when you are wrong.

17.Feeling inadequate and easily discouraged — particularly when associating with peers who are self-assured, multitalented and successful.

18.Other general manifestations:

a.Shyness — loner-type

b.Fearful of taking new steps

c.Impetuous

d.Self-indulgent

e.Insensitive and inconsiderate

f.Whines, complains and cries easily

g.Overly concerned with your health

h.Moody, changeable, unstable

i.Easily offended

j.Accusing

k.Competitive — win or else — always have to be first

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l. Argumentative and intolerant

m. Impatient — everything must be "now" — never later n. Sarcastic and cynical

o. Unable to be serious and level-headed

p.Disorganized

q.Unable to concentrate

r.Irresponsible-and undependable

II. WHAT EMOTION ISWHY YOU ACT AND REACT THE WAY YOU DO.

A.Emotion is the energy which makes the mind work — it supplies the energy for survival.

1.Emotions — physical and mental feelings — are necessary for life and stimulate you to behave in a certain way

2.In that sense, we are all emotional people.

B.There is a difference, however, between emotional maturity and immaturity.

1.The difference lies in whether you let this energy (emotion) rule you to your own hurt and the hurt of others, or whether you, through careful thought, put it to use constructively

2.You can't stop the energy that is emotion, but you can control and direct it into constructive channels.

C.How to control emotion.

1.Realize there are negative and positive ways to react to an impulse that comes into your mind.

2.Understand that you have been programmed from infancy to react the way you presently do.

3.Realize, further, you can develop the ability to choose the way you want to react, rather than allowing it to be automatic. In other words, you can reprogram your behavior.

4.The following quote shows how this process works.

"Once the lever has been pulled, the water (emotion) rushes on inevitably. There are, how- ever, several channels in which the stream may be diverted, labeled: brave, fairly brave, cow- ardly, stupid, smart, immature; and the individual has the power to direct the stream, so that even though he cannot stem the tide, he can cause it to flow in the channel of his choice."

(Discovering Ourselves, Edward A. Strecker and Kenneth Appel.)

III.CAUSES OF NEGATIVE RESPONSES OR EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY. A. There are basically three factors that contribute to emotional immaturity.

1.Conditioning.

This involves how you were treated as a little girl, as well as what was expected of you. If you were treated as a fragile, timid doll, rather than as a child, and that kind of behavior was reinforced with approval, either verbal or nonverbal, you probably carried this pattern into adulthood. As a female, you undoubtedly were expected to cry easily, pout, think superficially and selfishly. You also learned to tell "white lies'' to manipulate your parents, and men. This background probably contributed to your present make-up as an adult.

2.Modeling.

Children are imitators. Adults are your mirror, especially your parents or parent-figures. So whatever the model of the person you identified with as a child — your mother, schoolteacher, Hollywood star, etc., you will in some way become like that person.

3.Cognitive Development.

This is the process by which you determined that certain behavior was or was not to your advantage. Crying, sulking or throwing tantrums to get your own way, became a lifelong manipulative device. It's called "water power" or "the silent treatment." These are negative techniques immature women have learned to use to get their desired results.

NOTE: There are as many different techniques in childhood that go into creating this manipulative phenomenon as there are individual families. These factors are meant only to give a general basis. Too much pampering on one side of the pendulum and neglect on the other will net the same results. An overpampered child will learn to expect too much from others without ever giving. Neglected children can grow up har-

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boring such deep-seated anger and resentment that they become demanding and inconsiderate. An over-pampered and protected child develops a self-indulgent attitude that prevents him from coping with the frustrations and realities of his future life. On the other hand, a neglected child often has to learn to solve his own problems and can develop attitudes of independence and "omnipotence."

B. What you as a potential parent can do to teach your children emotional maturity and self-control.

1.Teach your children at a very early age that they can't have their own way by pouting, crying or displaying other selfish emotional outbursts.

Children starting out young will try temper tantrums to get what they want.

2.Don't allow them to be selfish.

Teach them they can't always be first or have their way. Help them learn to give in at times and let others have a chance.

3.Teach your child self-restraint.

To allow a child to uncontrollably vent his anger instills in him an attitude of self-will which leads to overt rebellion and hostility later in life.

4.Teach your child to handle his emotions.

Example from the parent can do a lot here. Emotions by themselves are not wrong; we all feel anger, hurt, love, lust, etc. What is wrong is failing to control them. You want a child who can express his/her emotions, but you don't want a child who can't control his life.

For example: The child who is angry when a friend wants one of his toys. Normally a child will strike out, hit, scream, bite or use violence to get his toy back. The child who is not taught from the beginning to control these emotions will very possibly become the adult who uses a knife or gun out of anger to get what he wants. The child who is self- ish, who grows up thinking the world owes him a living, becomes the adult who will rob a bank. He is unwilling to work for what he gets, but feels he deserves the money and takes what he wants.

5.Teach your children how to work.

Don't wait on them hand and foot. Often parents will do this unthinkingly. Out of love they place their children on a pedestal from which they never come down. Thus, the children are unrealistic about life and expect the outside world to treat them as their parents have.

6.Teach your child responsibility.

Give him or her jobs to do. Encourage your child to finish what he starts. Be sure he carries through with his work at home or school, and other projects such as music lessons, etc.

7.Allow your child to do the job himself.

Sometimes it is easier for Mom to do the job, rather than take the time to teach the child how to do it. It requires much time and patience for a child to learn; he is slower and often messier. But if he doesn't try, he won't learn.

8.Allow your child to make mistakes.

The child who has never made mistakes is the child who has never tried.

9.Let your child start making decisions.

You as a parent must guide the decisions he or she makes, but you need to help him build up his confidence in his ability to think for himself. After all, the time will come when he will be on his own with nobody to make his decisions for him. Often a person who is immature has never had an opportunity to think for himself. A young woman reared in this type of atmosphere will rely too heavily on her husband to make all her decisions, just as she leaned on her parents before. During courtship this may make a man feel good knowing his girl "needs" him. But after marriage when he is burdened down with every little decision and cannot rely on his wife to handle the things that come up every day, he will find she is not really a "help meet."

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10.Give your children praise and encouragement.

This kind of attention builds up their confidence and selfesteem, and will motivate them to achieve higher levels of success.

A word of caution: Don't over-compliment so as to avoid building vanity and conceit into their personalities.

IV. HELPS IN BECOMING MORE MATURE.

A. START BY EXAMINING YOURSELF.

A good place to begin is to isolate your emotional hangups and become totally familiar with yourself. When you discover problems in your life that contribute to unwanted behavior, go to work on them. When you become emotional, ask yourself why you feel as you do. Be aware of "low days" and discipline yourself. There are definite reasons why your emotions are getting out of hand — seek to understand "why." Don't be satisfied with saying, "I'm just that way," or "My mother was like that," or "It runs in the family." God expects you to improve, change and grow.

Remember that coming to understand yourself gives peace of mind, eliminates stress, and imparts inner strength. Learn to identify your true feelings and call them what they are — anger, resentment, jealousy, hatred, etc. Don't be afraid or ashamed to examine your feelings. If they are wrong, ask God's forgiveness and ferret out the cause (this requires work). Deal with your problems from God's point of view, rather than from human instincts and feelings only. Most women, when asked why they feel a certain way, will answer "I don't know." Remember, cause is important. Be willing to change and work on your problems, and growth will come.

B. SPECIFIC THINGS TO DO.

1.Grow in confidence and selfesteem.

So often, emotional reaction results from a woman's feelings of inadequacy — physical- ly, socially and professionally. That is, is she attractive? Is she accepted by the important people in her life? Does she feel like a mis-fit around her coworkers?

For example, have you gotten up in the morning and started to get ready for work. Your hair just won't do what you want it to, and you feel lousy in what you are wearing. It seems like nothing goes right the whole day. You're given an important assignment to do at work, but you fall apart emotionally because you started out the day lacking confidence and from then on things keep getting worse.

2.Learn to discipline yourself.

When confronted with some form of self-doubt, the mature woman contains her emo- tions and calmly devises a plan to deal with them.

When questioning her appearance, popularity and professional competency, rather than explode, she should consider those who excel in these areas and take pointers from them.

3.Overcome selfconsciousness.

Force yourself to talk to others, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Find out about their lives and be responsive to the things they are interested in. Take the initiative, even though painful, until you form a habit of meeting people. Accept invitations to do new things, instead of finding excuses to avoid them. Remember, action conquers fear; inaction prolongs it.

4.Overcome selfcenteredness.

Show concern and consideration for others. Specific ways you can do this:

1.Occasionally make a roommate's bed for her, especially if you know she has an unusually heavy schedule that day.

2.If you are going shopping, offer to pick up items she may need.

3.Keep in touch with your family — letters, calls, etc.

4.Build time in your schedule for other people by learning to listen and encourage.

5.Volunteer for class or club projects and get involved in a common goal with others.

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5.Eliminate self-pity.

Recognize the problem and realize you have to reprogram your mind. When your feel- ings have been hurt, ask yourself the following questions: "How important is this really? What did I do to cause this? How am I to blame?" See things from the other's viewpoint and give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Don't harbor resentments — talk things out. Negative feelings, resentment and tension can actually cause ill health. Try to be more understanding, tolerant and forgiving of others and you will build happiness into your life. Don't blame others for your mistakes.

6.Learn to be a good loser.

Develop an attitude of having fun instead of being overly concerned with winning. Congratulate and praise others when they win — be a good loser.

7.Don't be flippant and scatterbrained.

Meet problems and obstacles as they arise. Take time to think things out. Learn to react slower, after you have had time to plan a course of action. Get your own mind in gear and make it produce — don't procrastinate. Get organized. Jot things down. Map out plans to solve problems. Set definite goals. Schedule your time instead of wasting it. Set priori- ties. Learn to say "NO." Think! Think! Think!

8.Select a mature female model (Proverbs 31).

Study others whom you consider a pod example of maturity. Observe how they make decisions and conduct themselves. Make friends with serious-minded, Godfearing people.

9.Learn to think before you verbalize your feelings.

The idea of counting to ten before getting angry is not such a bad one. Sometimes we need a few moments to get our emotions in control before we say or do anything. Remember the scriptures on bridling the tongue. Often if you had thought first, many things would be left unsaid.

Learning to think before you act or speak provides another benefit. It teaches you to make quick decisions and reason rationally.

10.Learn to be flexible.

Ask yourself, "How can I get the results I want in a more constructive and uplifting way?" There are always alternatives. Break out of old patterns and the shop-worn ways you have always done things.

11.Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Ask someone who's a close friend to work with you and remind you when you are slip- ping into old, unwanted habits. For the "knottier" problems, seek counseling from someone you respect, trust and who is qualified.

12.Take control of your life and learn to be tolerant of others.

Don't think in terms of winning or losing in a confrontation — this is what a child does. Look for points to agree with others instead of voicing your differences. Teach yourself tol- erance — accept human differences and limitations. Learn patience. Realize it takes time for human beings to see themselves. Be adaptable and willing to change. Learn to give in to others and not insist on your own way. Think self-control, and seek the best results. Pray about it, and God will help you.

V. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE EMOTIONALLY MATURE?

A. A simple definition of "mature" is having completed natural growth. A mature woman will display certain characteristics that are a joy to experience.

B. Another definition is: The art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which SHOULD be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.

C. Summary of characteristics that describe an emotionally mature woman:

1.Composed.

2.Reserved.

3.Purposeful.

4.Has sense of values.

5.Goals defined.

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6.Able to cope with crises.

7.Cultured and refined.

8.Able to control anger and settle differences.

9.Patient.

10.Determined.

11.Capable of facing unpleasantness and frustration.

12.Humble.

13.Joyful and happy.

14.Compassionate.

D. How to attain emotional maturity.

In all relationships, think of your emotional reactions and how you will affect other people. This behavior must be learned and developed. It is a change of attitude from a state of taking to a state of giving and sharing. It comes through godly knowledge, creative thinking, right decisions and strong self-discipline. Emotional maturity does not crucify or anesthetize emo- tions — it guides and controls them with right knowledge and true wisdom.

E. Plan now to grow in emotional maturity.

Determine the weak areas you need to overcome. Set goals and guidelines. Establish checkpoints for reevaluation along the way. Don't be discouraged if you occasionally slip and make mistakes — concentrate on the things you do right, and the many times you succeeded in mastering a situation. This will help you to gain confidence, pick up momentum, and eventu- ally reach the fulfillment of your goals.

VI. SUMMARY.

In essence, emotional maturity can be summed up in I Cor.13:4-7, in the Living Bible:

"Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud; Never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenev- er truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him."

Emotional maturity is learning to develop love to its fullest extent so that it becomes our chosen response — the automatic channel into which we divert the stream of all other human emotions.

NOTE: Special recognition and thanks must be given to the following people who helped me immeasur-

ably in researching and writing this report: 1) Mrs. Gladys Sniffen; 2) Mrs. Donna Butler; 3) Mrs. Pam Stocker; 4) Mrs. Jeanne Kloster

FLASH!

The following paragraph was just handed me by my secretary, Barbara Saye, after the final notes were typed:

"Two prominent psychiatrists, Glasser and Harrington, did a study of patients in a mental hospital, and came up with the following opinion:

'There is no such thing as mental illness. These are people who have mastered the art of irresponsi- bility. They pass the buck to other people. There is a moment when they have an opportunity to choose their course of behavior. Some people are childlike, never having grown up. They must be taught to assume responsibility for their own behavior. When they start a tantrum, command them

STOP THAT! YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY!'

"Over 70% of the patients treated by Glasser and Harrington were able to be released from the mental hospital and return to a normal life within 17 months of treatment. They had been conditioned to assume responsibility for their own actions and reactions."

-END-

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CHAPTER 6

REAL CONVERSION

A Change In Looks or A Change In Outlook or "EXCEPT YE BE CONVERTED"

"EXCEPT YE BE CONVERTED, and become as little children, YE SHALL NOT ENTER INTO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (Matt. 18:3).

Jesus Christ left little doubt that conversion is a matter of life and death. Unless you are converted, you will never receive eternal life!

But what is conversion? Is it something a Christian can and must demonstrate in his or her life? Is it a sign of a true Christian?

THE SEARCH FOR OUTWARD SIGNS

Down through the centuries thousands of sincere individuals have sought the "conversion experi- ence." They have tried to manifest it by inventing innumerable religious badges, signs, symbols and rituals.

Some change their dress, personal appearance, and diet. Others measure their conversion by the amount of good works performed and so spend years establishing orphanages, helping the poor, passing out food to derelicts on Skid Row — even knocking on doors and proselytizing neighbors. Still others express their conversion as soldiers for Christ by marching down main street while blowing a tuba or shaking a tambourine.

In short, much of what mankind has invented as Christian conduct to represent conversion is pri- marily visible and external.

CONVERSION NOT AN OUTWARD SHOW

The attitudes behind various "Christian endeavors" are no doubt sincere. And granted, Christianity is a way of life that produces many works and acts of service to mankind. But true conversion goes far deeper than physical works.

Concerning the self-righteous attitude and works of the Pharisees, Christ said: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye make clean the OUTSIDE OF THE CUP AND OF THE PLATTER, but WITHIN they are full of extortion and excess. Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is WITHIN the cup and platter, that the OUTSIDE of them may he clean also. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed APPEAR BEAUTIFUL OUTWARD, but are WITHIN full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also OUTWARDLY APPEAR RIGHTEOUS unto men, but WITHIN ye are lull of hypocrisy and iniq- uity. Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, HOW CAN YE ESCAPE THE DAMNATION OF HELL? (Matt. 23:25-28, 33).

If we are to believe Christ's own words, conversion involves more than outward looks and servic- es. It involves a deep personal relationship with God. A relationship which actually develops God's mind and very character in us!

THE EXAMPLE OF CHRIST

Jesus Christ is the living example of what conversion is all about. He demonstrated the real mean- ing of conversion in those final hours before His death. With all the fervency of His being He prayed, "... Father, if Thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, NOT MY WILL, but THINE, be done!" (Luke 22:42).

This attitude, THY WILL BE DONE, was the keynote of Christ's life — an attitude that will exist in

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us, too, if we also are deeply converted. In all His actions and conduct, Christ continually expressed supreme loyalty and respect — a converted attitude — toward His Father.

Notice the attitude He expressed:

"Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the WILL OF HIM that sent me, and to finish His Work" (Jn. 4:34). “The Son can do nothing ... but what He seeth the Father do ... I can of mine own self do nothing ...

because I SEEK NOT MINE OWN WILL, but the WILL OF THE FATHER which hath sent me” (Jn. 5:19, 30). "For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, BUT THE WILL OF HIM that sent me" (Jn. 6:38). “I do nothing of myself, but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things...I SEEK NOT MINE OWN

GLORY...If I honor myself, my honor is nothing; it is my Father that honoureth me..." (Jn. 8:28, 50, 54)

How apparent! Doing the will of God from the heart, above any personal desires or interests, was the real test of Christ's conversion.

TWO KINDS OF WILLS

Jesus Christ knew, as He plainly taught, that there are two kinds of wills — God's will and self-will. That's why Christ said, Not my will, but thine, be done."

Human self-will is the direct opposite from the revealed will of God. It often takes the form of self- ishness, greed, contempt for law, rebellion, and all the other characteristics of the carnal mind. Self- will is a combination of man's instinctive nature and Satan's spiritual influence. It runs the gamut from mild reluctance to open rebellion against God's law and government. As Paul wrote, "The carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be" (Rom. 8:7).

Jeremiah said, "The heart is DECEITFUL above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jer. 17:9).

There probably is no other scripture that better describes the natural state of man. He is cunning, deceitful and wicked to the core.

The word "deceitful", the nature of man's heart, means "falsehood". Man is false, sneaky, hypocriti- cal and vain — he cannot be trusted. He works the angles, looks out for his own self-interests, is tricky, subtle and mean. Manifold are the scriptures describing the evil heart of man.

God's desire for man, then, above all things is for him to repent of his wicked nature and THROUGH CONVERSION take on the true nature of Christ. He wants us to enter into a relationship with him of highest honor and integrity so that he can eventually trust us with power and eternal life.

Boiled down to a simple explanation, conversion is a wholesale return to God and complete turn- ing away from sin. It occurs when man fully places God's will above his own and receives the Holy Spirit.

YOU MUST DENY YOURSELF

Clearly, then, conversion is a process of dying to one's own will, his inherent carnal nature, and surrendering freely to God's will.

This is what Christ meant when He said, “...if any man will come after me, let him DENY himself and TAKE UP HIS CROSS DAILY, and follow me. For whosoever will LOSE his life for my sake, the same shall save it" (Luke 9:23-24).

In like manner, Paul admonished: “Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have PUT OFF THE OLD MAN (carnal self-will) with his deeds; and have put on THE NEW MAN (God's will — conversion) which is RENEWED in knowledge after the image of him that created him” (Col. 3:9-10). "And they that are Christ's have CRUCIFIED THE FLESH with the affections and lusts" (Gal. 5:24). Our self-will must die so that we can live to do God's will.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

What about it? Have you deeply repented and turned to God with your whole heart? Are you

responding willingly and obediently to God's Word, and searching it daily for help in overcoming and growing?

Are you building a track record of being loyal, genuine and true to God even though you may sometimes suffer persecution, hardship and shame? Is your word good? Do you conscientiously keep your promises, commitments? CAN YOU BE TRUSTED? Are you converted or growing in that direc- tion?

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Or are there still dark and shady spots in your heart? Do you say one thing and mean another for personal advantage? Are there traces of guile, malice, duplicity and evil still lurking within? Are you placing the will of God above all things in your life?

You need to be sure, for I feel that not only your future reward, but also eternal life rests on the answer.

CONVERSION MUST BE MAINTAINED CONSTANTLY

There will be instances in your life as you seek to live as Christ where you'll be tempted to revert to old habits and patterns — your own sell-will. The fight will be painful and intense. Whether or not you win the battle and remain in right standing with God will depend on how closely you are walking with Him and the depth of your conversion.

To insure that your conversion remains constant and true, you must conscientiously bring every thought into subjection to the will of God and die to your own will daily. Solomon said: Be thou in the fear of the Lord ALL THE DAY long" (Prov. 23:17). And David admonished: "Blessed are they that keep judgment and HE THAT DOETH RIGHTEOUSNESS AT ALL TIMES" (Ps. 106:3).

In summary, conversion is a change in heart and attitude from a former life of rebellion, carnality and self-will to that of wholehearted obedience and surrender to the will of God.

Whose will are you following — yours or God's?

-END-

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CHAPTER 7

GENERAL GUIDELINES IN

PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE

I. OVERALL CONCEPTS AND APPROACHES

A. EIGHT POINTS

1.Prepare first and look to God to provide the right mate.

a.Exercise faith and stand by this principle.

b.Embark on a quality program of thorough preparation.

c.Make this your first priority.

d.Be patient and faithful — God will reward you richly in the end.

e.He will provide if you stand by His side.

f.Ps. 37:3-4"Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou

shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

2.Study to understand your God-appointed role.

a.Realize that God had a specific purpose in creating the woman — to serve and be a helpmeet to the man.

b.To step out of this realm is contrary to God's divine plan and will lead to frustration, misery and condemnation.

c.Study the Bible until this point becomes firmly fixed in your mind.

d.Take special note of the following key scriptures defining your role.

1.

Gen. 2:18-24

5.

Tit. 2:4-5

2.

I Cor. 11:3, 7-9

6.

I Cor. 14:34-35

3.

Eph. 5:24-25, 33

7.

I Pet. 3:1-6

4.

I Tim. 2:9-13

8.

Prov. 31:10-31

e. All other physical functions of the woman come under, and are secondary to, this number one priority.

NOTE: It is to be assumed that the woman's first duty and calling is to serve God and be in His Kingdom. But on the physical plane, God specifically created her to be man's helpmeet and companion (as the above scriptures prove). All her other roles logically follow.

3.Keep a notebook of ideas.

a.This could prove to be one of your best investments.

b.As you learn key lessons and pick up important concepts in preparing for marriage, record them in this notebook for reinforcement and future reference.

c.Do this quickly — while the iron is hot and the memory is fresh.

d.Since your notebook will not always be readily accessible, keep paper and pen handy to jot down thoughts and ideas. Transfer to your notebook later.

e.Reviewing this notebook regularly will aid you greatly in bringing important points into focus.

4.Seek the advice of older women.

a.This is in keeping with God's instruction in Titus 2:1-5.

b.Consider what a priceless storehouse of information they have to share.

c.It's yours free for the asking.

d.We have many such qualified women in the Church who would be glad to help.

5.Prepare yourself as though marrying Christ.

a.In effect, this is what Ephesians 5:22 implies.

b.This verse says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."

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c. Let this sobering thought sink deep into your heart and mind and truly live it in your everyday life.

d. Prepare diligently and conscientiously for your future marriage with this spiritual focus in mind.

6.Strive to develop good judgment, wisdom and common sense.

a.One of the lofty characteristics of the virtuous woman is wisdom.

b.Prov. 31:26 says, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom...."

c.Make it your aim to pray for this priceless gift (Jas. 1:5).

d.Observe the example of others who have it.

e.Search it out as though you are looking for hidden treasure (Prov. 3:13-18).

f.To the degree that you acquire godly wisdom, good judgment and common sense, is the degree that you will build a successful marriage.

7.Develop the graces and virtues of Christian character.

a.Make it a goal to study the lives of the virtuous women of the Bible to see what made them holy, righteous and great in God's eyes.

b.Pray for God's Spirit and the ability to express His Word through your life as a refined, dignified and cultured lady.

c.Read and study again I Peter 3:1-6.

8.Prepare for motherhood.

a.This involves a wide scope of knowledge.

1)Build up your health through proper nutrition and regular exercise.

2)Become knowledgeable about childbirth.

3)Start learning all you can about God's principles of childrearing.

b.Don't wait until you're married to acquire this vital information.

c.Develop a curiosity, sensitivity and consciousness in preparing as a potential future mother.

II. PRACTICAL TIPS AND SUGGESTIONS A. SEVEN POINTS

1.Try to be free of debt.

a.If at all possible, avoid starting your marriage under heavy financial burdens.

b.If deep in debt, it would be wise to postpone marriage until you are financially solvent.

c.Don't become ensnared by the use of credit cards.

d.One of the major causes of divorce today is poor financial management and being in debt.

2.Make it a goal to have money in savings.

a.There will be many unexpected and hidden expenses that you will not anticipate.

b.Having disciplined yourself to put aside a savings will show your future husband that you are a wise steward of money.

3.Learn how to balance a checkbook and keep records.

a.This knowledge and experience will be a valuable asset to your husband.

b.Learn to keep records and receipts in a secure place for quick and ready reference.

4.Start building a dowry of basic essentials that can easily be stored.

a.This goal may apply more to after graduation than while in college.

b.Look for quality bargains on sale and at discount stores.

c.Examples may include: linens, blankets, cookware, Tupperware, etc.

d.This kind of initiative indicates that you are a responsible, thrifty and discriminating homemaker.

5.Develop orderly and tidy housekeeping habits.

a.Titus 2:5 says that a good wife should be a keeper of the home.

b.Although this means more than simple housekeeping, it certainly includes that duty.

c.Don't desecrate the sanctity of your marriage by becoming sloppy, dirty and illorganized in the way you keep your home.

d.Start now to develop these habits in your present living quarters so that they will carry over automatically into marriage.

e.You should never bring dishonor to your husband or children by being a sloppy housekeeper.

f.Practice Benjamin Franklin's philosophy — "a place for everything and everything in its place."

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6.Experiment with new recipes and menus and develop cooking skills.

a.This kind of dedication and diligence will win a man's heart.

b.The time and skill that you put into your meals says "I care."

c.It also indicates that you are a master of your craft — a well-disciplined helpmeet.

d.With every opportunity you have, practice home cooking so as to develop skill and confidence.

7.Learn to be frugal by being creative.

a.In these inflationary times, pennies, dimes and quarters do count.

b.Study and search for ways to cut costs in all of your homemaking responsibilities.

c.All women's magazines run articles regularly on how to stretch the family budget.

d.Learn the art of making things with your hands rather than buying ready-made commodities.

1)Curtains and drapes.

2)Clothing

3)Flower arrangements.

4)Crocheting, knitting, etc.

5)Baking.

III. HOW TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT MAN. a. POINTS

1.Work on grooming, appearance and making yourself attractive.

a.A woman's attire and appearance reveal her inner feelings and attitudes about herself.

b.These outward signs show whether she's well-bred, educated and knowledgeable of proper fashions.

c.Sloppy and careless grooming habits carry negative connotations to a man.

d.They imply carelessness, laziness and a lack of self-respect.

e.Your appearance is the first impression you make. Try always to make the best one you can.

2.Live the kind of life that will lead to self-respect.

a.Keep up your standards in the whole of your life.

b.Maintain a clean and pure conscience before God and man.

c.Make walking with God your supreme desire.

d.Practice the law of love — true agape love — until it becomes an ingrained habit.

e.Guilt and sin destroy self-respect.

f.Repent quickly, therefore, the moment you begin to stray.

g.Eph. 1:4"According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that

we should be holy and without blame before him in love."

3.Learn how to show honor and be submissive.

a.This attitude is the hallmark of a virtuous woman.

b.When properly expressed, it will intensify and heighten a man's respect for you as a real lady.

c.Virtually all the key scriptures describing your role as a woman underscore the need to practice this attitude.

d.Notice Eph. 5.22-24"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

e. Get into the habit of practicing submission so that it will carry over into your marriage.

f.If you are unsure of how to practice submission, seek counsel and ask God to reveal the answer.

4.Learn the art of giving encouragement and being supportive.

a.This is one of the most important areas of being a helpmeet.

b.It has been said, "A woman can make or break a man."

c.There's a great deal of truth to this.

d.A man wants and needs his wife by his side through thick and thin — through good times and tough times.

e.Enter into his life, thoughts and dreams — lend support when he needs you the most.

f.When he's down, discouraged or defeated, point him to God and express confidence in his ability to forge ahead.

g.Be strong, deny yourself and stand by him until death.

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5.Develop emotional maturity and learn how to handle conflict.

a.Man's days are full of woes and tribulation (Job 14:1).

b.Satan is forever waging war against the saints.

c.One of the areas where he works most violently is in human relationships.

d.He creates strife and discord at every turn.

e.Be on guard! Resist these attitudes and urges.

f.Start practicing self-control and learn the delicate art of making peace.

g.Start fine tuning your life now so that you will know how to handle conflict in marriage should it arise.

6.Acquire a good sense of humor.

a.No one enjoys the company of a sourpuss.

b.Laughing with others (not at them) makes one personable, warm and friendly.

c.Learn to laugh at yourself in fun and lightheartedness.

d.Try to see the humorous side of situations — take things in stride.

e.Being able to appreciate clean and wholesome humor will enhance the quality of your personality.

7.Be positive and enthusiastic.

a.God's basic outlook and disposition is one of joy and good cheer (Ps. 16:11).

b.As a begotten child of God, you should radiate these same qualities.

c.Such an attitude is contagious.

d.Men by and large are highly attracted to this type of personality — not so much romantically but in giving them a sense of courage and motivation.

e.Make being positive a natural and spontaneous approach to life.

8.Build trust and responsibility into your life.

a.One of the most noble characteristics of the virtuous woman is that she is reliable and trustworthy.

b.Prov. 31:11 — "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her....

c.Keep your word; carry through with your commitments.

d.Jot down requests or little favors others may ask of you.

e.Establish a good reputation and build a solid name for yourself.

f.Prov. 22:1"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather

than silver and gold."

9.Never marry a man you don't respect

a.This is not to say, "Disrespect him or treat him dishonorably.”

b.It simply means, don't allow yourself to get involved with someone you have reservations about.

c.Make sure that he's deeply converted, supports the Work and lives God's way.

d.Also make sure that he's strong enough to lead you in right paths.

e.That he will make a good father and be a responsible provider.

f.Marry only someone you can look up to with deep love, admiration and awe.

g.Remember, your salvation may rest in part on the choice you make for a husband.

-END-

MR. RICE’S NOTEBOOK

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CHAPTER 8

GOD'S APPROACH TO

MAKING DECISIONS

INTRODUCTION

Each day is filled with a rash of decisions. YOU have to decide what time to get up, what to put

on, what to eat, etc. However, it is the more important and bigger decisions that are really important — buying a car, going to college, being baptized, getting married, etc.

Unwise decisions can cause a great deal of unhappiness and frustration. They can sometimes take years to straighten out. To make right choices and wise decisions is not a matter of luck or chance. It is a matter of knowing and applying the keys that God has revealed.

Before delving into the mechanics of decision-making, let us first examine some overall spiritual principles. Unless God is a partner in every facet of your life, you will surely go wrong in the end.

Solomon admonished: "Trust in the Lord with ALL THINE HEART; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and He shall direct thy paths" (Prov. 3:5-6). By contrast, however, "The Lord is with you while ye be with Him; and if ye seek Him He will be found of you; BUT IF YE FORSAKE HIM, HE WILL FORSAKE YOU" (II Chron. 15:2).

How vital it is to keep God at the center and seek His divine guidance in the whole of your life. The moment you break away from Him in a spirit of pride, self-sufficiency, or independence, you are on the road to disaster.

I.OVERALL PRINCIPLES: A. NINE POINTS

1.Link every decision in your daily life to the Kingdom of God.

a.Keep your eye on the day of Christ's coming the day of the glorious resurrection.

b.Measure and weigh the value of every decision against the backdrop of the judgment.

c.Ask yourself, "Will this decision help me to grow, overcome and build character?"

d.Will it add to the quality of my spiritual life or detract from it?

e.Make sure every decision leads you in the direction of God's Kingdom.

2.Continually walk with God and keep in tune with His Spirit.

a.When God is in all your thoughts and you are tuned into His wave-length, your chances of making a right decision have increased a hundredfold.

b.You have the benefit of God's direct intervention leading you to see the right answer.

c.God's Spirit will work to inspire your mind with clarity of thought and understanding.

d.Eph. 1:16-19"Cease not to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers, That

the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: THE EYES OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING BEING ENLIGHTENED; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to usward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power."

3.Fill Your mind with the total Word of God.

a.The Bible is a complete book touching on every facet of human life and conduct.

b.It contains truths and principles that answer any problem you may encounter.

c.The more of God's word you have mastered, the more apt you will make the right decision.

d.The key is to so fill your mind with God's word that when called on to make a decision, the appropriate scriptures will leap into your mind.

e.2 Tim. 3:16-17"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is PROFITABLE for doctrine,

for reproof, for correction, for INSTRUCTION in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, THROUGHLY FURNISHED unto all good works.

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4.Make "Thy will, not mine be done" a constant way of life.

a.In truly seeking God's will in all your undertakings, you stir His heart to guide and direct you.

b.Your chances of succeeding are multiplied many fold when you earnestly look to Him to show you what is right.

c.Ps. 37:4-5"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee THE DESIRES OF THINE

HEART. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and HE SHALL BRING IT TO PASS."

5.Have the courage to accept God's answer.

a.The wheels of God grind slowly — He doesn't always answer immediately or give you what you want.

b.He sees a bigger picture in your life than you do and knows what's best in the end.

c.Be patient and content in your circumstances until all the pieces fall into place.

d.A temporary "no" from God may be compared to the example of a plane sitting on a runway awaiting takeoff. God is the traffic controller in the tower who sees the dangers all around not visible to the pilot in the plane. Only when it is clear and safe for takeoff will God give approval.

e.Don't be discouraged with the "holding patterns" you may encounter in life — be confident that God is imminently in charge!

f.Prov. 16:3"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established."

6.Realize that God requires you to make decisions in order to grow and build character.

a.Learning how to think by using the Bible and incorporating God's mind is essential to spiritual maturity.

b.God does not want you to be a spiritual robot, dullard or simpleton.

c.God has endowed you with the power to choose He requires you to use it, but according to His will.

d.Realize that decision-making and its consequences ultimately rests with you.

e.Don't expect someone to tell you what to do as when you were a child.

f.Be willing to face your problems and decisions squarely.

1.You can't be an ostrich and expect a decision to take care of itself.

2.Realize that you can't sit on the fence either — vacillating back and forth.

3.You must take positive action.

g.James 1:6, 8"But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave

of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." h. Deut. 30:19"I call heaven and this day against you, that I have earth to record set before you life

and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live."

7.Realize that decision-making requires action and follow-through.

a.You must, with God's help, learn to control and regulate your life.

b.Growth demands affirmative action and discipline.

c.Set your will toward a pre-set goal and forge ahead until you reach it.

d.Allow no barrier, roadblock or temporary failure to stand in the way or discourage you.

e.Luke 9:62"And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking

back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

8.Learn and heed if you make an occasional wrong decision.

a.Possibly you didn't have all the facts and judged the situation prematurely.

b.Perhaps emotions or personal drive, ambition and desire influenced you.

c.Maybe you deceived yourself into thinking you knew God's will in the matter when in reality your motives were self-seeking.

d.Whatever the circumstance, glean wisdom from the experience and profit from it.

9.Trust in God with all your heart and He will bless YOU in the end.

a.If you lean on Him in perfect faith, He will prevent you from making a fatal mistake.

b.He will in most cases make a wrong decision turn out right.

c.The key is to pray and wait patiently until you're confident of His will.

d.Don't carnally convince yourself you're right — prepare, pray and persevere.

e.Remember the example of Job, who after much suffering, was bountifully blessed in the end.

f.Rom 8:28"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them

who are the called according to his purpose."

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II.THE SYSTEMATIC METHOD OF SOLVING PROBLEMS AND MAKING DECISIONS. A. TEN PROCEDURES

1.When faced with a decision, the first thing to do is to go to God in prayer.

a.This should always be your first desire and motivation.

b.Never try to go it alone — look to God to help and guide you.

c.Consider Him your invisible, earthly counselor and companion in all your earthly ventures.

d.Expect Him to intervene to show you His will — seek to please Him first.

e.Remember: "In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths" (Prov. 3:6).

2.Identify the problem and write it down on paper.

a.Your exact problem may be vague and fuzzy until you boil it down and put it in clear focus.

b.Writing it down forces you to think clearly, succinctly and precisely.

c.Is it a simple problem or one with two or three parts? If they are related — show how!

d.Define! Identify! Simplify!

e.Get a handle on what it is you're asked to decide.

3.List the obstacles that are preventing you from solving it.

a.This requires honest searching — but have the courage to do it.

b.First, list the known and obvious factors.

c.Then search deeper for hidden reasons.

d.Are you trying to shirk responsibility? or afraid to face reality?

e.Are you simply procrastinating or are there valid reasons for the delay?

f.Are you mentally lazy and loathe to exert the energy?

g.Make this effort a real challenge and don't despair until you've exhausted every reason or possibility.

4.List the advantages and positive benefits in solving the problem.

a.Be realistic — don't put down dreamy-eyed hopes or possibilities.

b.Don't delude yourself with wishful thinking or imagined blessings — be certain they're based on fact.

c.On the other hand, don't allow doubt and fear to blind you to the advantages and assets that are true and real.

d.The key is to make sure your list is well thought out and valid.

e.Writing down all the positive benefits will motivate you to action.

5.Search out and list as many possible solutions as you can think of.

a.Spend enough time to think this through.

b.As in all the above steps, you've got to apply your mind and dig down deep.

c.The more possibilities or options you uncover, the closer you will come to finding the right answer.

d.A clear solution will begin to emerge when you examine all the facts.

6.Try to see the end result of each solution.

a.Look beyond the temporary benefits or rewards — consider the impact or end result.

b.Envision what it would be like to achieve the solution — see yourself having arrived and winning the victory.

c.In other words, as far as possible, capture a complete overview.

d.Retrace your steps until you have considered all avenues and see the problem in its entirety.

7.Throughout this exercise, let the Bible be your guide.

a.In addition to looking to God, think on His Word.

b.Search for and meditate on Bible principles that will give you wisdom and insight.

c.Think of all the scriptures that would apply in this given situation.

d.Examine your motives — are you honest with God and yourself?

e.Are you really putting His will and word first? or looking for a reason to justify your action?

8.If you are making a major decision, seek expert advice.

a.If the decision involves a spiritual matter, go to God's true servants for help.

b.Don't spare — open up and tell the complete story.

c.The advice they give you will be in proportion to the facts you give them.

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d. In other areas of life, you may want to consult the experts who are skilled in their special fields of endeavor.

e. Again the key is to clearly establish the pros and cons before moving ahead.

9.In formulating an answer ask yourself, "How would Jesus Christ decide?"

a.Christ always put His Father's will first.

b.This does not mean to imply that your decisions must always be negative or that God's will is usually contrary to what you desire.

c.It does mean, however, that you have dutifully weighed and considered Christ's example and tried to determine the course He would take.

d.If your basic motive is pure and God-fearing, the majority of your decisions will have God's blessings.

e.Decide the way you sincerely think Christ would and you'll be right most of the time.

10.Step out in faith and make the decision.

a.Having gone through the above steps, gotten the facts, prayed to God and slept on the matter, it's time to decide.

b.You've done all you can — your perspective is hopefully clear.

c.What's left is decisive action and follow-through.

d.Stick with it — don't falter or give in to despair.

e.You may have to adjust your plans along the way when unforeseen problems arise.

f.Keep looking to God and He will see you through.

Note: Credit is to be shared with the Earl Nightingale Program (No. 100) for some of the above points Section II.

III.HOW YOU CAN KNOW GOD'S WILL

In order to make a right decision, we should strive to know the will of God. Eph 5:17 states that we can know what God's will is. "Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the WILL of the Lord is."

Rest assured that God's will is always right and best for us regardless of the way circumstances appear.

We must remember that God can see the overall picture. He knows what the future holds and can direct our lives accordingly. We must always trust Him with the outcome even though we might choose a different way.

Knowing then that we should base our decisions on God's will, how can we know what His will is?

A.WAYS THAT GOD REVEALS HIS WILL

1.The primary way God reveals His will is through His Word, the Bible.

a.The Bible is God's revelation to man His instruction book for us.

b.The whole Word of God is His will for all of mankind.

c.God gives us hundreds of promises in the Bible and among them is His commitment to guide and direct us in making wise decisions.

d.His Word contains many principles that are designed to aid us in the decision making process.

e.Examples:

1.What should you do as a young baptized member if you are seriously contemplating marriage to someone who is unconverted?

II Cor. 6:14"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

2.What should you do if a friend wants to borrow money from you to invest in a business venture?

Prov. 22:26"Be not thou one of them that strike hands, or of them that are sureties for debts."

Prov. 6:1-2"My son, if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand with a stranger, Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth."

3.Suppose you, a young woman, have been offered a job as a model at a fashionable department store, but one of the items you must model is a bikini. Should you take it?

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I Tim. 2:9-10"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety: not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. "

4.Maybe you've been offered the opportunity to get into the acting field. Should you accept it?

What kind of parts will you be asked to play? Will cursing and profaning God's name ever be part of your lines? Will the Sabbath be a problem? What about sexual overtones or involvement with someone else's mate? Will your life and mind become so absorbed in a fairy tale, makebelieve world (a pretense of being something you are not) that you violate the principle of the ninth commandment? Ex. 20:16.

2.Another way that we can know God's will is by counseling with His ministers. a. One of the main jobs of the ministry is to counsel and advise.

Eph. 4:11-12"And he gave some, apostles; some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ."

b. Because of their training and experience, the ministry has a better overview of the Bible and how it applies in a practical way.

c. Because they are older spiritually, the ministry can glean principles from the Bible revealing God's will in most situations.

3.By getting all the facts and using common sense, you can, in most cases, determine God's will.

a.The facts usually speak for themselves and show you what route to take.

b.The key is to be sure that you've taken enough time to thoroughly do your homework.

c.Example: You've been wanting to purchase an expensive stereo unit for your home. A major department store is liquidating its stock and is selling a top name brand at 50% off. But you've just learned that your wife is pregnant and the hospital bill will deplete your reserves. In spite of the fact that it's an excellent buy, common sense shows that you should wait.

4.God may open doors to reveal His will.

a.When we have been diligently praying about a decision, God will often intervene to show us the answer.

b.This might involve an exciting new job with higher pay, travel opportunity, or a business breakthrough, etc.

c."The key is to fervently pray and trust Him in faith.

Matt. 7:7"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; KNOCK, AND IT SHALL BE OPENED UNTO YOU:"

d. God may even open several doors, but leaves it to us to decide which option to take.

e. The point to be emphasized is that God will often show us His will by directly creating a new opportunity and leading us to it.

5.God may use natural circumstances to show us what we should do.

a.This He may achieve through the natural course of events.

b.Example: Perhaps you are a college student trying to decide whether to go home for the summer. You've been offered a very good job, but you are in doubt whether it's wise to take part of your savings for the plane ticket. You pray about the matter and ask God to help you decide. You're still debating the question when one day at lunch, you happen to sit down next to a friend from your local church area. He is planning to drive home for the summer, and invites you to go along. God has used a normal circumstance to answer your prayer and help you make the decision.

6.God reveals His will through direct revelation or inspiration.

a.Sometimes when we are praying and thinking through a problem, the answer suddenly becomes clear in our mind.

b.God has used His Holy Spirit to bring the answer to light.

c.At other times, God may flash the solution into our mind when we're least expecting it.

d.The important thing is to be certain that we're on God's wave-length so that He can effectively work in our lives.

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7.God can put certain doubts in our minds to prevent us from making a wrong decision.

a.We may think we have arrived at a right conclusion, but for no apparent reason we keep having nagging doubts.

b.This could be God's way of warning us of a danger or mistake that only He can perceive.

c.When this happens we should reconsider or evaluate the situation until our doubts are resolved.

d.Example: An uneasy feeling keeps haunting you about a cross-country automobile trip you had planned to make with some friends. You declined to go only to learn that they were involved in a serious accident.

8.Sometimes God reveals His will only after we have prayed continually over a long period.

a.God may test our faith and our patience to see if we're for real.

b.He may also want to determine our true motives for asking.

c.We must be persistent until God answers.

Luke 18:1-7 — the example of the importuning widow.

Ps. 37:7"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him; ...."

Ps. 40:1"I waited patiently for the Lord, and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. "

9.Sometimes we are forced into making an emergency decision on without a clear knowledge of God's will.

a.In such a circumstance our only safe stand is to ask, "How would Christ decide?"

b.Rom. 14:23"...for whatsoever is not of faith is sin."

c.When this kind of situation arises, we must decide in faith and look to God for His guidance, deliverance and protection.

d.Usually, at some point during the crisis, God's will is made clear.

10.God at other times reveals His will by eliminating all other options.

a.God closes some doors but opens others.

b.He intervenes in circumstances to bring His will about.

c.Example: You have applied for two different jobs and been accepted for both. Each offers equal advantages. It is a difficult decision. Then one of the employers calls to inform you that the company can no longer offer you the job because of budgetary cuts. Clearly, God has shown you the right answer.

B.GOD'S OVERALL WILL ULTIMATELY TO BE MADE KNOWN

1.In 95% of the cases we can know what God's will is — if we trust Him in perfect faith and have patience.

2.There are rare instances, however, where God's dealings are not always clear. Example: Allowing a church member to die prematurely, permitting a serious accident that impairs one's health for life, permitting one's house and furnishings to be burned, etc.

3.Because God has perfect character and cannot sin, we must conclude that everything He allows is for a purpose.

4.He is in total control of all laws and has all power over Satan — nothing can hinder or thwart His plan.

5.In these few perplexing cases, we must believe in God's great wisdom and commit our lives to Him in complete surrender.

6.Ultimately, some day we will understand.

7.Heb. 13:5 — "...for He hath said, I will never, leave thee, nor forsake thee."

8.Matt. 28:20 — "...and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end."

-END-

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GOD'S GREAT PURPOSE

FOR THE WOMAN

When God created the woman, He had in mind a greater and nobler purpose for her than what is commonly known. You'll be surprised to see in your Bible what God's attitude is toward the woman, and the beautiful role He intends for her to play!

Ask the average woman in God's Church what she thinks her role is in this physical life, and she'll probably say: "To get married, have children, obey my husband, and look after the home." In other words, she views her calling as that of a mother and wife whose primary responsibility is to do physi- cal work and serve the needs of the family!

Now, obviously these basic duties are absolutely necessary and required — they are bedrock and foundational! But in too many cases, the modern-day woman in God's Church has drawn her circle of usefulness far too small. Much more is allowed! Much more is expected! Not that she should neglect or detract from these essential responsibilities in pursuit of outside interests — but that a great deal more is to be added to her life if she's to reach the fullest potential that God intends!

WOMAN IS DESIGNED DIFFERENTLY

It's no accident that a woman is designed as she is! There's a reason why God fashioned her dif- ferently from a man — why she is appealing and gloriously beautiful in his eyes. Why she was created with a unique capacity for insight, common sense and understanding that he needs and should deeply appreciate. Yes, God created the woman to fulfill a beautiful and significant purpose — and she'll never be happy nor successful until she discovers what it is. I'd like to discuss that wonderful purpose with you in this article, and show the ways you can achieve it now.

WHY WERE YOU BORN?

We understand the basic truth that God wants all human beings ultimately to become spirit-born sons or daughters in His universe ruling family. That's the ultimate reason why we were born. But, why were YOU born as WOMEN? There is a wonderful purpose involved!

To answer this question, let's go back to the beginning and analyze the reason WHY woman was originally created. Genesis 2:19-20 states: "And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air; and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all...but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him."

From this brief account, God gives the reason for the existence of the woman. Although Adam searched among the creatures God had made, there was none that could fill his needs and longings for companionship. He experienced a deep void in his life — he was lonely and incomplete. An ele- ment necessary to his success and well-being was missing. HE NEEDED SOMEONE LIKE HIMSELF. Even God noticed and said, "It is not good that thee be alone; I will make AN HELP MEET (suitable) for him ..." (Gen. 2:18).

"And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:21-24).

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CREATED TO HELP THE MAN

So our first clue in understanding the role of a woman is that SHE WAS CREATED SPECIFICAL- LY TO ASSIST THE MAN as his companion and helpmeet. She was designed to fill a tremendous need in his life — a need that no other creature could fulfill. She was made for him — and God intend- ed that she be supremely happy in this position. The Apostle Paul confirmed the fact that woman was made for man in I Corinthians 11, verses 8-9: "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, BUT THE WOMAN FOR THE MAN."

Thus, the woman was originally created for the man to fill a very great need in his life.

Later in this article we will expand how magnificent and lofty this calling really is and how that God expects immensely greater things from her than just "changing diapers, and washing dishes."

GOD'S PLAN TO BE JOINTLY SHARED

But let's now notice some other aspects of the woman's role in Genesis 1:28: "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion...."

Note this carefully! These words were spoken to BOTH the man and the woman. They weren't given to the man alone — God's plan was a joint venture and the woman was to figure significantly into the purpose God had in mind.

Take the command to "multiply and replenish the earth." How could the man obey these instructions without the aid of the female sex? He could engender offspring, but he certainly could not produce chil- dren, nor bring them into the world. No! It was to the woman that God gave this part of the command.

Not only was she responsible for bearing children, but also for nurturing them and giving them most of their early training and guidance. Frankly, the very existence of the human race continues BECAUSE of the all-important work and role of the woman! Her function becomes immensely more important when we consider that mankind — her offspring — is destined to become sons of God.

Thus, as the scriptures show, man alone could not do the job. He needed a helper, someone to work WITH HIM and assist him in achieving the goals God had given them both. As the Apostle Peter later described the relationship between husband and wife, man and woman are "HEIRS TOGETHER of the grace of life". (I Peter 3:7).

Being a woman is a position of HONOR and RESPECT! And, God wants her to realize the impor- tance of her goals, her destiny — and work toward them in her life!

POSITIONS OF AUTHORITY

Because God is a God of order and organization, He has established a system of government

between man and woman. And, in His wisdom God has decreed that man is to be over the woman in authority, as a general rule of life. The law of nature and common sense further substantiates this point. The man is taller in stature, has broad shoulders, has heavier bone structure and muscular build. The woman, by contrast, is smaller, more delicate and tender, and by biblical definition is called the "weaker vessel." By virtue of stature and physical appearance, then, the man is visibly stronger than the woman and over her in power and authority.

This does not mean that she is inferior to the man, that she is to be a "slave" or "doormat" for him to walk on, or to be subservient to a chauvinistic tyrant.

But, she is to be in subjection to her head, and to be a helper to him as they both work toward mutual destinies! "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and THE HEAD OF THE WOMAN IS THE MAN; and the head of Christ is God" (I Cor. 11:3).

This is one reason why women are to have longer hair than men: as a sign of their loyalty and subjection to the man whom God has placed over them. (I Cor. 11:9-10) It is a symbol of willing obedi- ence and reverence — based on a deep relationship of love — and acts as a sign that even the angels can respect! "If a woman have long hair, IT IS A GLORY TO HER; for her hair is given her for a covering" (v. 15).

The woman who has such an attitude of submissiveness, who is joyfully being a HELPER to her husband, is a GLORY to him! "The woman is the GLORY of the man" (v. 7).

The deeply converted woman who understands God's will, wants to be ruled over — but with love, gentleness and understanding. When a man fails to exercise his role as the head, he brings frustra-

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tion and discouragement to his wife, oftentimes causing her to step into an authoritative and arrogant role that's unnatural to her mind and into a position that God never intended!

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE SUBMISSIVE

In Ephesians 5:22-24 God emphasizes the ATTITUDE a true, mature Christian woman should have:

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, AS UNTO THE LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church; and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

Being submissive means being actively concerned about her husband and responsive to his wish- es, needs and suggestions. It has more to do with an attitude of service and respect than just reacting mechanically and coldly to his commands. There should be a sense of eagerness and spontaneity in the way she fits in with his plans and tries to make his decisions work.

Being submissive does not mean a woman can't make suggestions herself, offer advice and help her husband see his faults. Nor does it mean she must put up with continual physical or verbal abuse. It does mean that she should do everything within her power to fulfill her role as a wife the way God commands and in a spirit that will inspire her husband to his greatest heights. Proper feminine submis- siveness shows itself in humility, warmth, and a deep inner calm. When practiced the way God intends, it's a quality that will elevate her to a new realm that all people will admire and want to emulate.

I Peter 3:4 further explains the type of submissive attitude a Christian woman will have: let the pri- mary adorning be that of "the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the orna- ment of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God a great price."

Think of it! God plainly says that this submissive quality is of great price to Him. The woman who is deeply converted and obeys her Creator willingly from the heart shows it in her life. Her whole being radiates a glow, charm and charisma that others can readily see. They are attracted to the attributes of God's very nature working in her.

A meek woman, for example, doesn't retaliate when offended or hurt. She doesn't sulk or pout. She doesn't "bad mouth" her offenders or stir up discord. Instead, she strives for peace.

Experience has taught that ladies who have fulfilled this rich, rewarding life as a mother and wife

being submissive, responsive and positive minded toward their husbands, families and others, are the ones who become the type of person mentioned by Peter. Often it is the ones who are proud and vain, stubborn and resistant, selfish and unkind who become grouchy, frustrated and miserable in their behavior and outlook!

A CALLING OF SERVICE

Yes, God has called women to a role of submissiveness, honor and respect to man as their head. But, really, we are ALL — whether men or women — under authority in one way or another. And, ulti- mately each one of US is under authority to God The Father — even Jesus Christ. God has organized His creation in this fashion to prepare US for our grand destiny in eternity! Ephesians 5:21 says, "SUBMITTING yourselves ONE TO ANOTHER in the fear of God." Note that husbands and wives are to submit to other IN LOVE. When both truly love each other, they are less concerned about authority as they are with serving each other.

God shows that woman has a GRAND calling, just as glorious as given to any man — and that it involves the attitude of being a servant — a helper in fulfilling God's Plan — just as Jesus Christ Himself. "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who being in the form of God, made self no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a SERVANT" (Phil. 2:5).

God shows that the women of old whom He loved and honored had this kind of attitude: "Even Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: Whose daughters YOU are, as long as you do well" (I Peter 3:6) Also, the very mother of Jesus expressed an attitude of willing service before God. When told of God's intent for her in her life, she responded, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me ACCORDING TO THY WORD" (Luke 1:38).

It is through a spirit of meekness and humility that women are called to a position of honor and service. And, those who humbly and willingly seek to do God's will and follow His plan of government can expect to receive a great reward in His family.

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THE FANTASTIC GOALS OF WOMANHOOD

God wants each woman to realize her greatest potential even in this life now. Notice the richness, depth and purpose which God gives to the calling of true womanhood, as described by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing present it to Himself a glorious church, such thing; but that it should be holy of water by the Word, that He might not having spot, or wrinkle, or, any and without blemish" (v. 25-27).

These words hold a tremendous lesson for US as to what God has in mind for women in His Church to achieve!

If Jesus Christ had selected a physical woman for a wife when He was on earth, what kind of woman would He have chosen? No doubt He would have been very circumspect and careful. Probably He would have chosen a woman like Mary or Elizabeth, or some other great woman of the Bible. He would not have selected a wife who was immature, careless in her conduct or example, or who was flighty, feisty, spoiled and selfish. He would have chosen a very fine, upstanding, intelligent woman in every respect.

Yet, notice what Christ's attitude is toward His future wife, the Church — the figurative woman He plans to marry: "...that He might present it to Himself (this figurative woman) a GLORIOUS church, not having

spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish" (Eph. 5:27).

Christ's desire for her, as illustrated by this scripture, is that she become a BETTER PERSON even above what He originally found in her! He is going to elevate her, edify her, lift her to a higher realm of culture and beauty — encourage her total development!

Christ's wish for His future wife (and all women) is that in her relationship of LOVE to Him she develop her highest talents and abilities, but always in submission and respect to His headship.

Obviously, this is not the role of a "slave" or "doormat."

So, we can see that God's design for a woman is not that she be confined solely to the house, or just caring for the children and day-to-day routine things. THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST THE PHYSICAL ASPECTS! Of course, such responsibilities are vital and are to be given FIRST PRI- ORITY — but she CAN and SHOULD go beyond these areas in attaining higher levels of maturity, growth and usefulness. She should be continually developing her mind so that she can give wise counsel to her husband and be an interesting conversationalist — adding color, life, zest and wisdom to the total family environment!

Remember the original charge given at creation, Genesis 1:28? The command to "multiply and replenish the earth" (which involves marriage, establishing the home, caring for the children) was given to BOTH sexes! And, the charge to "subdue" the earth and "have dominion" (which involves rulership, growth, expansion, etc.) was ALSO given to BOTH the man and the woman!

It's obvious that God wants both husbands and wives to grow together and to encourage each other's complete and total development in all His ways.

LESSONS FROM PROVERBS 31

When you look at Proverbs 31 you see the kind of woman Christ wants His bride to become. He breaks down and lists the MANY things a woman can do even outside the routine chores of housework.

Let's look at this passage in Proverbs 31 and learn from it. It has been preserved in the Bible for 3,000 years and is INSPIRED OF GOD to help the woman of today grasp and understand the type of life she should be living.

Beginning in verse 10 God calls attention to the TREMENDOUS value of the "VIRTUOUS" woman. He shows how she buoys up, strengthens and encourages her husband (verse 11).

This passage also shows how the Christian woman WORKS toward building her family — and, HOW SHE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT KIND OF INITIATIVE AND CONFIDENCE in certain types of business matters.

Verse 14: "She brings food from afar." In many areas wholesome foods are not readily available and these must be sought out and ordered from many different sources.

Verse 16: "She considers a field and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard (garden)." Obviously, this kind of woman has developed experience and proficiency in the business world. She has good sense and judgment, and can perceive a good bargain. She raises foodstuff for her family, and lays some in store for winter. She is a THINKING person, frugal, but not selfish.

"For what knowest thou, o wife, whether thou shalt SAVE

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Verses 17-22 show that a Godly woman will also be hard-working and INDUSTRIOUS. She pro- vides appropriate clothing for her family, either by sewing it herself or carefully shopping for good buys. She puts money aside for family emergencies. But these verses also show that she should reserve time for personal development. She should continue her education by reading and keeping her mind stimulated with new ideas and concepts. She might even try her hand at poetry, music, art or other creative outlets. Even the husband will benefit from all these endeavors, because they will spark ideas in her mind which will HELP HIM in his job or outside activities!

Verses 25-26: "STRENGTH and HONOR are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with WISDOM; and in her tongue is the LAW OF KINDNESS." These verses give weight to the magnificent purpose for which she was created! And, they indicate that she should continue to grow and develop her character and personality in the process!

The Apostle Paul also refers to the fundamental duties in Titus 2:3-4 where he discusses how that older women can impart wisdom to younger ones: "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness...teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed."

Yes, a women should be able to cook meals, wash dishes, keep the house looking neat, clean and attractive and look after the children — but she should also go beyond these primary things in round- ing out and completing her life. In fact, God wants her to.

True Christian womanhood is a position of GREAT HONOR! A woman has been designed by God to fill out a part of man's life that he doesn't have — both physically, emotionally and mentally! She is a complement to him. Together man and woman make a complete whole — "one flesh" as the Bible says! Man needs and hungers for the COMPLETENESS which only the woman can provide!

THERE IS YET ANOTHER ROLE

Let's now consider another question which puts the capstone on the entire subject: Why should a woman want to improve her life, to upgrade her personality and character? Is it to compete with men, to prove to others she can succeed, to gain personal esteem and recognition — or to make the best use of this physical life?

Or, is there a GREATER, TRANSCENDENT reason?

In I Corinthians 7:16 the Apostle Paul made a profound statement concerning what the woman's influence can accomplish when rightly channeled:

thy husband?"

Again the Apostle states: "For the unbelieving husband is SANCTIFIED else were your children unclean; but now are they HOLY" (I Cor. 7:14).

Moreover, I Peter 3:1-2 states: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear."

The powerful implication of these scriptures is that the conduct, example, love and true concern expressed by a Christian woman can have an IMPACT on how another person RESPONDS to the truth of God — just as is true in the case of a man.

This is a concept of far-reaching importance.

A Christian woman should not cultivate all the traits and qualities heretofore described — just for herself. She must realize that through her God-fearing example, and the development of righteous, feminine character, she can influence the SALVATION of others — members of her own family, her husband, as well as others with whom she has contact in society.

Think of what she can accomplish with her life if she fulfills her role the way God has ordered — to allow the living God to live in her and radiate His qualities out to others.

This is why — in its spiritual application to the modern Christian woman — the Bible can say:

"Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou EXCELLEST them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but A WOMAN THAT FEARETH THE LORD, SHE SHALL BE PRAISED! Give her of the fruit of her hands; and LET HER OWN WORKS PRAISE her in the gates" (Prov. 31:29-31).

And again, because of her example of love, kindness, thoughtfulness and self-sacrifice, "Her CHIL- DREN arise up and call her BLESSED; her HUSBAND also, and he PRAISETH her!" (Prov. 31:28).

WHAT A COMPLIMENT! HOW DYNAMIC THE POWER OF EXAMPLE!

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Think of it! Just as the woman has the capacity to bring physical children into the world, she also (as the man) has the potential through her righteous example conduct and outflowing of God's Spirit to help bring SPIRITUAL sons into His Kingdom.

Please notice that nothing is said about preaching the gospel or trying to convert others to the truth through verbal persuasion. The emphasis is on the outpouring of inner qualities of character and personality — a mature and godly submissiveness that attracts the right kind. of attention inspiring others to want to follow.

This, then, among other things mentioned is one of her highest goals! What a truly great and awe- some role to play!

A WORD TO THE SINGLE AND UNMARRIED

Not every woman will become a wife and mother! Some may choose to remain single for whatever reasons. Yet, the spirit and essence of every principle given in this paper still applies.

Once the concept of true womanhood is understood, it should be applied in all human relation- ships, whether on the job, at school, in the community or in any kind of social setting.

The woman's role is indeed glorious in God's eyes and she should always strive to upgrade and preserve the qualities that make her unique and beautiful!

SUMMARY

When God looked at Adam's situation, He knew that the man needed a "help meet" to give him love, warmth and encouragement. He needed someone to share his life with — one he could GIVE LOVE TO. So woman was made — to fill that void and help make man complete.

A lesson can be drawn from the dream that God gave to Joseph in Genesis 37. His father was portrayed as the sun and his mother as the moon, showing that a woman reflects the glory, warmth and honor of her husband, radiating his leadership and love.

Having a husband who is warm, radiant, loving and encouraging — whose example shines brightly as the "sun" — is tremendously inspiring to the woman! Proper masculine leadership can actually give her greater confidence and happiness!

The woman was designed to be a reflection of the man, but at the same time TO EXPAND HER USEFULNESS as Christ says He wants His bride to do. She should be ever improving and growing in all areas — and always alert to ways she can uplift and serve her fellowman!

Many women have a narrow view of their God-ordained role. They tend to think of womanhood

only as cooking, mending, washing, bearing babies, etc. But there is more to it. Christ wants HIS bride to be GLORIOUS, without spot or blemish. This is how EVERY woman should be!

The role of true Christian womanhood encompasses a far greater dimension. IT INVOLVES THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE TOTAL SELF — of inner charm and beauty, sweetness of temperament and the glory of God.

If these qualities are present, she is going to have a tremendous influence on those around her! Being a true total woman doesn't mean narrowing down goals. Rather, it means EXPANDING goals! Think bigger! Try to become as Christ says He wants His Church to become — a woman who is fully mature, emotionally balanced and who has developed holy, righteous character!

As the women of God's Church, you have before you the breathtaking opportunity of becoming a member of His divine family! But at the same time, you also can have a part in helping others to make it, too!

Enlarge your horizons and think big. Think sacrifice and service! Become GLORIOUS BEFORE HIM — in humility and submission — just as Christ wishes for His Church!

"For ye are bought with a price; therefore GLORIFY GOD in your body and in your spirit, which are God's" (I Cor. 6:20).

-END-

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THE HIDDEN CAUSES

OF DISCOURAGEMENT

Discouragement is one of the most powerful and devastating emotions known to man. Like the withering affect of a scorching wind, it can leave us weak and helpless, fruitless and "dead."

Discouragement is a negative force that sniffles growth, drains enthusiasm, inhibits drive, and dis- orients one's mind. Of all the causes of failure in life, it is probably the most difficult to overcome.

The irony of it all is that discouragement is oftentimes elusive — hard to trace or get a handle on. Some causes we can readily identify such as loss of a job, sickness, criticism, rejection, etc. But other types seem to appear out of nowhere from causes unknown.

In this discussion, I plan to isolate some of the hidden causes of discouragement, and offer solu- tions that will work. Once we understand the subtle workings of this enemy, we will be much better prepared to cope with it.

WHAT DISCOURAGEMENT MEANS

To begin, let's examine the word "discouragement" itself. The prefix "dis" means without, to do the opposite of, deprive of, exclude or expel from, opposite or absence. Discouragement, then, means WITHOUT COURAGE! To be disheartened — lacking the courage to try or go on.

Here's where many people come up short. When problems strike they become fearful, think the worst will happen, run from their troubles and leave the results to chance. They may be weak-willed, lazy-minded or simply afraid to face reality — afraid they will not measure up and fail. Obviously this approach only leads to deeper discouragement because nothing is done to remove the cause — the problem still exists.

Let's now look at some of the underlying causes behind this destructive emotional disease.

SATAN THE PRIMARY INSTIGATOR

Satan the Devil is the foremost cause behind discouragement. He is man's greatest foe. To over- throw man and wear him down, Satan has saturated this world and all of its social systems with his diabolical lusts and venom. Like a devious snake studying its prey, Satan watches and waits to ensnare man in his weakest moment — when he least expects it or is caught off guard.

Often as not, the feelings of guilt and shame, failure and despair are direct attacks of Satan. He relentlessly tries to undermine man's faith in God and to destroy his feelings of self-worth. His objec- tive: to cause us to lose heart, think lowly of ourselves, throw in the towel, give up and forsake God.

The Apostle Paul says that Satan WORKS in the hearts and minds of people. "...wherein in time past you walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now WORKETH in the children of disobedience" (Eph. 2:1-2). This means that he's con- stantly trying to get at us — "Because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seek- ing whom me may devour" (I Peter 5:8).

Our strongest defense against Satan's power is first to recognize who he is (man's greatest enemy) and turn to God for help in order to resist his evil, negative thoughts and moods.

A powerful resolve and a firm commitment to stand steadfast against Satan will drive him out of your life. "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

The next time depressing moods fill your mind for no apparent reason, stop and think. Satan may be seeking a door of entrance.

THE MOUNTAINS WE PACE

Another major cause for discouragement is that some people see the goals and tasks they would like to achieve as being so big, awesome and overwhelming as to be virtually impossible to reach.

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They become frightened with the complexities of life and wonder if they can make the grade. It seems there is so much to do, so many problems to overcome, so many habits to break, so much knowledge to learn and inculcate, that there's not enough time to do it all. The Kingdom itself is so ethereal and far away, that it's hard to grasp its reality and bring it down to everyday life.

It's like trying to scale a rugged cliff which towers into the sky. The climber sees himself, weak and small, at the base of the mountain. His goal is to reach the top — but the summit is high and far away. The footing is unsure — not to mention the unseen obstacles along the way. The journey is threaten- ing — forboding.

On the spiritual plane, people look at their shortcomings with inner misgivings and doubts. They see in their mind's eye the giant goal God has placed before them — that of becoming sons of God in His Kingdom. One of Satan's devices is to use this great goal to cause doubt and apprehension in our minds — the "climb" is too steep, or the "path" is too rough. The tendency is to give up and quit before one even starts.

The reason: "It's easier to stay on ground level than to advance forward and fail." But such individ- uals have failed already by exerting no effort and standing still.

The key lies in the meaning of faith and courage. When one steps forward and faces all obstacles, he learns a great lesson. Not only can he advance, but it's far easier than what appeared.

DISCOURAGEMENT COMES FROM HAVING

NO GOALS AND FAILING TO GROW

While some people become fearful at the enormity of their goals and responsibilities, there are

countless scores of others who get depressed because they have no goals at all. They are lazily drift- ing along, whiling away their lives. They are like a ship at sea, jostled by the waves, with no tangible ports in sight.

Deep inside such people is a lingering, nagging frustration. They're downcast and miserable because they are accomplishing nothing worthwhile.

The reason for this type of discouragement: GOD CREATED IN MAN A DESIRE TO GROW, A DESIRE TO ACHIEVE, A DESIRE TO SUCCEED. Growth is the principle that governs life. It's a prin- ciple that you see manifested in all of creation. From the sprouting of a seed, to the birth of a child, life starts small but ever grows and progresses through many stages of development until it reaches maturity. Life is an active, ongoing process — forever reaching upward and onward to higher levels of growth and usefulness. A quick glance at the glories of creation will prove that God who created and sustains all things is a moving, progressing, dynamic God.

Now the Creator placed within man the same creative urges — a fundamental desire to grow and achieve!

Whenever man fails to grow in character and develop his life, he experiences a deep sense of emptiness, futility and failure.

How vital it is, then, to embark on a program of positive goal setting in order to grow and be happy, and to lead a rich and productive life.

BRING GOAL ATTAINMENT INTO EACH DAY

We need to think in terms of reaching our goals on a daily basis. This will prevent us from being overwhelmed with the "bigness" of our tasks and reduce them to steps we can easily manage. By approaching our goals with this in mind, we will grow in courage and confidence — one step at a time.

Success breeds success. One step leads to another, and on to the next until finally our goals are reached. The joy and pleasure that comes from succeeding will serve as a stimulus to push us forward.

The most rational way to face mountain-size tasks is simply to shovel them away one scoop full at a time. It may be a huge mountain that will require a lot of scoops, and many hours of diligent effort. But each shovel full will bring us that much closer to final victory.

The key is to begin. You have to start before you can finish — and be determined to follow through. Remember, it's standing still — failing to take hold of life and grow — that causes discouragement. Once you start moving in the direction of your goals, you will lay down a track record of success.

As you continue to progress, even if only a step or two, you will gain confidence and self-respect. Thus, with a success pattern firmly established, you will eventually achieve a full and satisfying life.

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You will no doubt meet with hardships and obstacles on your journey. But those who are positively determined, look on obstacles as challenges or opportunities — not as roadblocks that stop them cold. They become bolder, wiser and stronger with each new trial.

Take a step forward with renewed determination, and before you know it, you will have reached your glorious quest.

SUCCESS COMES THROUGH PERSISTENT EFFORT

Once we have firmly established our goals (and only we can determine which are important to us) we must set sail in their direction. This calls for one hundred percent commitment, hard work, raw determination and persistent effort. Only those who start the journey and keep sailing onward will ever reach their destination!

Most people have good intentions and resolve to go all out. But when they meet with unexpected problems, they get discouraged and quit.

Thus they fail! They stop trying! A little more push, a higher reach, a stronger and more powerful self-command would likely have made the difference between present failure and the next success.

Either they feel incapable of bearing the pain from exerting effort or they lose confidence in their abilities to forge ahead. The result? They slip backward into a lifestyle that's more comfortable and less demanding.

But such backsliding brings a penalty — a penalty of deep depression and doubt. The innate desire God placed in them for growth and development has been stifled. The curse of failure then takes it's toll in forms of guilt, despondency, and varying degrees of self-contempt.

Clearly, the only sure cure to master discouragement is to establish meaningful goals and grow daily toward their fulfillment.

THE FORMULA FOR SUCCESS

It's interesting to know that God gave mankind the basic formula for success clear back in the Garden of Eden: "The Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it" (Gen. 2:15).

Here God gave man a meaningful activity — a program of work to keep him busy. Adam was not put in the garden simply to lay back under the trees, eat bananas and apples, and play with the monkeys.

He was to dress the garden — to cultivate it, nurture it, enlarge it and guide the growth of the plants. Here was a tangible plan of action to enable man to use his mind and grow — to achieve, to produce, to succeed and find fulfillment.

But in addition to working the garden and expanding its size, God also gave Adam something else to do. HE WAS TO KEEP IT. That is, he was to maintain and preserve its beauty lest the garden grow up in weeds and fall into disuse.

How demoralizing it would have been for Adam to have invested time and energy into developing each plot of ground, only to come back later and find it ragged and ugly and choked with weeds. Not only was it necessary for him to work — dress the garden — but also to maintain his successes along the way.

And so it is with a Christian. If we fail to secure our steps and build on solid ground, we too may look back some day and discover our work has rusted away. Jesus Christ said to the Philadelphia Church: "Hold that fast which thou hast, let no man take thy crown" (Rev. 3:11).

How vital it is to protect our successes lest in our eagerness to experience new challenges we allow our foundation to rot away!

The formula God gave Adam: "Dress the garden and keep it" is an excellent motto to keep in mind.

TRUE SUCCESS COMES THROUGH CHRIST

In the final analysis, the secret of success lies in the power and might of Jesus Christ. We have our part to play, and much is required — but we can only go so far. If we are to accomplish goals that bring lasting success, we must be spiritually united to Christ. This is a vital key!

Jesus said, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine no more can you, except you abide in me ... for without me, ye can do nothing" (John 15:5-6) "For in him we LIVE, and MOVE and HAVE OUR BEING" (Acts 17:28). "But THOU SHALT REMEM- BER THE LORD THY GOD: for it is he that GIVETH THEE POWER to get wealth (Deut. 8:17-18).

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And again, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, ACCORDING TO THE POWER THAT WORKETH IN US ..." (Eph. 3:20).

These scriptures clearly prove that human strength alone is insufficient — the power of God is vitally needed.

What does God's Spirit do? It enlightens our minds, opens our understanding, impowers our wills and imparts the courage and motivation to press forward. God's Spirit is an added force or energy, just like the flow of electricity, that infuses new life.

Here lies another great pitfall of discouragement. The influences of the devil and the trials of life can undermine our efforts and desires — if we allow it. But, God is able to circumvent these forces through imparting to us the power of His mighty Spirit. With this new energy which God's Spirit gives, "all things are possible." God will see us through any problem or circumstance as we continue our journey, if we will but believe and act on His Word.

SIN BLOCKS GOD'S SPIRIT AND PRODUCES FAILURE

Sin is a force that produces discouragement because it breaks our contact with God and the flow of His Spirit.

Remember, it is God who's the source of our strength and imparts to us the confidence and power to accomplish our goals — that is, the vision, the courage and inspiration to move ahead in spite of all odds. "For it is God which worketh in you, both TO WILL and TO DO of His good strengthens me"

(Phil. 2:13). "I can DO ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13).

Walking with God, then, in a spirit of willing obedience produces success. But when we sin and break His laws, we cut ourselves off from His power. "But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear" (Isa. 59:2).

Thus sin not only blocks the flow of God's Spirit (His life and energy in us) which is vital to our

success, but it also creates negative attitudes that bring failure. When we sin, we condemn ourselves and fall prey to depressed moods and syndromes of guilt. Subsequently, we lose interest in our goals and direct our energies to other pursuits. Instead of repenting and getting our lives in harmony with God, we run away and hide (escape) to deaden the pain of guilt.

Clearly, then, sin produces failure because it inflicts guilt and destroys our purpose for living. The growth principle essential to life has been interrupted.

If we are discouraged, we would be wise to see if sin has entered in and broken our relationship with God.

SIN MAKES US NEGATIVE AND CRITICAL

A subsequent problem which sin causes is that it transforms one into a negative and critical per- sonality. This condition naturally follows when he has broken the growth principle.

The subconscious realization that he is sinning, and cut off from God, leads to self criticism and disrespect. Because he is unhappy with himself, he reacts by being negative and critical of others. Instead of correcting his mistakes, he starts to blame others for his problems in life.

On the other hand, one who's growing and overcoming is genuinely happy and reflects a positive outlook. He expresses an outward concern for others, and attracts to himself many friends. He's a real inspiration to be around.

What is your overall bent toward life — negative or positive? Be honest with yourself. For there is no way you can experience total fulfillment unless you are walking with God and are routing sin out of your life.

SUMMARY

These are the hidden causes of discouragement. To overcome them, we must remember that: God created in man a desire to achieve, to grow, to succeed. To fulfill this desire, we must set firm goals. The Spirit of God will help guide our minds in determining what they should be. Goal attainment must be brought into each day and is a step-by-step process. Success is attained through "bite-sized accomplishments." The little daily steps of progress we make — no matter how small — will give us joy and confidence because they bring us closer to success.

Success comes through diligent effort — there is no genuine achievement without it. Just one more push, a higher reach, a second effort may make the difference between success and failure.

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The overall achievement of a successful life is like weaving a beautiful tapestry. The final product is made up of many little fibers. The threads of and by themselves may not seem that important, but put together, they're all necessary and form a beautiful masterpiece.

And, the Spirit of God blends everything together for the right result. As God works in us, and unites us with His mind — we cannot help but be successful. It's guaranteed.

This, then, is the secret to overcoming discouragement and experiencing a fruitful life.

-END-

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CHAPTER 11

HOW CAN A MODERN DAY WOMAN

SERVE IN GOD'S CHURCH?

I.AS AN OVERALL PRINCIPLEGET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

A.It is vital to know the job description that God has written for you as a woman.

B.Otherwise, you may devote too much time to the lesser responsibilities and neglect the most important.

II.LISTED BELOW IS A GENERAL OUTLINE OF PRIORITIES WHICH IF CONSISTENTLY FOLLOWED WILL ENABLE YOU TO LEAD A RICH, REWARDING AND FULFILLING LIFE. A. A suggested sequence of priorities for the average married woman in God's Church.

1.YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO GOD.

a.Prov. 31:30 "... but the woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."

b.If this is not right, everything else is wrong.

2.YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOUR HUSBAND.

a.The woman was created to be man's helper.

b.Gen. 2:18 "...it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him."

c.I Cor. 11:9 "Neither was the man created for the woman; but for the man."

d.We list this as No. 2 as a principle of government regulating the home.

3.YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOUR CHILDREN.

a.This can be a demanding and time-consuming job, especially if the children are young and need continual attention.

b.But when viewed from God's perspective, it's one of the most glorious and rewarding of all earthly responsibilities.

c.Think long range — of molding and guiding their lives and preparing them for God's Kingdom.

d.The kind of training you give could very well affect their conversion and eternal destiny.

e."Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it."

4.YOUR DOMESTIC DUTIES AS A HOMEMAKER.

a.Prov. 31 places significant emphasis on this duty.

b.Titus 2:1-5 "... keepers at home."

c.The appearance of your home and overall living environment reflects the quality of your character and love for family.

d.This point also includes food preparation and proper clothing for the family.

5.CHURCH INVOLVEMENT AND RELATED ACTIVITIES.

a.Overall principles.

(l)Before getting involved, be sure you've fulfilled your first priorities.

(a)We're referring to such matters as not neglecting the home and children in pursuit of outside interests that appear more "exciting."

(b)The key to remember: ALL THINGS IN BALANCE.

(2)Examine Your motivesmake sure they're founded on love, not on vanity.

(a)is your desire to serve truly genuine?

(b)Or is it to elevate self and be seen by others?

(c)Or perhaps to escape from domestic duties?

(3)Be a bright and shining example.

(a)At all times and in all places.

(b)I Peter 3:1-6 = "...the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit."

(c)Watch your tongue and reflect a positive and sweet-natured outlook on life.

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(4)Respond to little things that need to be done.

(a)Don't wait to be asked when the need is obvious.

(b)Serving the handicapped at picnics.

(c)Helping to tidy up restrooms at church.

(d)Helping a young mother with several children.

(e)Spending time before and after services in getting to know others and especially in drawing out those who are shy and reticent.

b.Getting down to specifics.

(1)Personal service

(a)General fellowship at church — radiate friendship and good cheer!

(b)Participating in service teams.

(c)Visiting the sick and elderly.

(d)Baking and sewing for the needy.

(e)Sending get-well cards.

(f)Writing letters of encouragement.

(g)Telephoning widows, shut-ins and others you feel need cheering up.

(h)Being hospitable — having people over and sharing your home.

(2)Organized church activities

(a)Volunteering to help with Sabbath School.

(b)Helping with Y.O.U.

1)Fund-raising — paper drive, bake sale, etc.

2)Chaperoning dances and outings.

(c)Women's Association.

(d)Women's Alliance (AICF).

(e)Girl Scouts.

(f)Church sponsored workparties.

(g)General fund-raising for church activities — garage sales, rose parade, etc.

(h)OUTREACH

6.Ways to Serve in the immediate Neighborhood.

a.Suggestions and opportunities.

(1)Caring for the sick.

(2)Having a tea for widows.

(3)Visiting shut-ins and the elderly — taking them out for a ride.

(4)Baking cookies, bread & sharing canned goods with those truly in need.

(5)Sharing produce with neighbors from home garden.

(6)Running errands.

7.Larger Community involvement.

a.General opportunities that are open.

(1)School volunteer work.

(2)Visiting nursing homes to read, visit or aid in other ways.

(3)Working with handicapped.

(4)Red Cross volunteer

(5)Offering services to children's institutions or homes for veterans.

8.Development of Special Skills & Talents in the Home.

a.Crafts & hobbies.

(1)Macrame.

(2)Crochet.

(3)Knitting.

(4)Dressmaking.

(5)Writing for fun.

(6)Recording information to be passed on to children.

(7)Poetry.

(8)Music.

(9)Voice lessons.

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(10)Gardening — raising prize-winning plants, flowers, etc.

(11)Collecting recipes and experimenting with new dishes.

9.Continuing Education for Personal Growth & Expansion.

a.Suggestions on how to increase your scope of usefulness.

(1)Enrolling in home study courses to further education.

(2)Take part-time classes at local colleges.

(a)Knitting.

(b)Cake decorating.

(c)Flower arranging.

(d)Interior decorating.

(e)Sewing.

(f)Meal-planning.

(g)General handcrafts.

(3)Attend church sponsored seminars and lectures.

(a)Child rearing.

(b)Marriage relationship.

(c)Personality development.

(d)Coping with stress.

(e)Time management.

10.Exercise & Recreation.

a.General suggestions:

(1)Ice skating.

(2)Roller skating.

(3)Ballet.

(4)Health Spa.

(5)Volleyball.

(6)Jogging.

(7)Swimming.

(8)Tennis.

(9)Bowling.

(10)Family picnics, camping trips, hiking, etc.

(11)Working with husband in planning special trips and outings.

b.In order to fit some of these suggestions into your schedule, you may want to exchange babysitting responsibilities with other mothers, friends, etc.

11.Work or Part-time Employment (with caution and counsel)

a.Not recommended for mothers with small children, except in dire emergencies.

b.Once children are older or have left home, the active, healthy mother may want to pursue some kind of limited employment (both husband and wife should agree on this).

c.Many reasons:

(1)Send children to college.

(2)Buy new furniture.

(3)Home improvements.

(4)Pay off debts.

(5)Keep mind active.

(6)Explore new horizons. B. General Principles.

1.Learn to find fulfillment first and foremost in your God-given role as wife, mother and homemaker.

2.Don't become ensnared by the glamour, prestige and excitement of the Women's Lib Movement.

a.This caution is given so that young mothers won't confuse their sense of values and priorities.

b.Women's Lib has made a career outside the home to appear more inviting and intriguing, and has played down the role of homemaker as drab and boring.

3.Launch out and try something new. Don't let indecision and procrastination hold you back.

a.You may want to embark on many new adventures but are having trouble in deciding what to do.

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b. The key is to start with something — you may discover it's very fulfilling. c. Make out a list and try them all as time permits.

4.Keep broadening your life by adding new challenges.

a.This will prevent you from vegetating and growing stale.

b.Keep your mind active and alert.

c.Take up reading — it's an excellent way to sharpen your mind and fill in educational gaps.

5.Continue to develop social skills and graces.

a.Involve yourself with other people.

b.Share your home — learn to be a gracious hostess.

c.Build a balanced social life.

6.Sharpen your powers of imagination, creativity and drive.

a.Cutting kids' hair.

b.Wallpapering bathroom.

c.Inexpensive decorations for the home.

7.After children are self-sustaining (no need for babysitter), re-evaluate your life in terms of new directions and interests.

a.Part-time-Job (must not interfere with your spiritual life, your marriage or impair your health.)

b.Volunteer work.

c.Classes

d.Etc.

8.Think bigger than yesterday. Opportunities for growth are all around you.

a.Never allow yourself to stop growing — you'll wither and grow old before your time.

b.You should become more beautiful, mature and complete with each advancing year.

9.Maintain a balance between basic priorities and self-improvement.

a.Keep an eye on the day of judgment, for it's the bottom line that will tell the story of how well you've fulfilled your role.

b.Measure and monitor everything you do with your eternal destiny in view.

c.Surrender to God and seek His guidance so that the whole of your life is pleasing to Him.

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HOW GOD ANSWERS PRAYER

A. WAYS AND MEANS HE MAY USE

There is no doubt that God answers prayers. However, we may not understand all the different ways that He can do this and therefore, we may not recognize the answer when it comes. Knowing how God grants our requests can help us pray with greater faith and confidence. It can also help us look for answers that may not be obvious.

Here are ten ways how God can answer our prayers:

1.God works through people.

When we pray we should be aware that many times God works through human instruments. If we are not aware of this fact, we may not see the answer God is providing when it comes.

In the early years of the Work, God used this method many times to answer Mr. Armstrong's prayers. On more than one occasion he did not have the money to pay for the broadcast, and minutes before time to leave for the studio, a member would show up at his front door with his tithes. One time he was even on his way to the studio when he met some- one who gave him just the amount he needed.

On another occasion Mrs. Armstrong was nearing the time for one of her children to be born and they did not have the money for the hospital bill. Mr. Armstrong asked God to provide the money they would need and whatever else they might need. Not long after that they received a check in the exact amount they would need from Mrs. Armstrong's portion of her mother's will as well as the loan of a car until after the baby came. Mrs. Armstrong even received the loan of a robe and slippers to take to the hospital because she had none.

When we realize that God does work through other people, we should not be too proud to accept the help God may provide through them. In many cases the people themselves may not even realize that God has used them to answer our prayers.

2.He also uses the Bible.

Sometimes when we have prayed about a particular problem God shows us the solution through studying the Bible. God can lead us to see the answer through a particular scripture. He can help us to understand something we may have read many times in a new or different light. Suddenly we see how that scripture really applies to us.

If a couple is having marriage problems, they should study those portions of the Bible that talk about that subject. A man and his wife may come to realize where they need to change by studying Ephesians 5. The wife may realize that she is not the submissive wife she should be. Or, the husband may suddenly see that he has been too demanding and selfish and has not been following the command to love his wife as he should.

If a person is having financial problems and he has prayed about it but the answer doesn't seem to come, he should study the scriptures on tithing and other of God's financial laws. He may suddenly realize that even though he has been faithfully paying his tithes, he has been doing it in a wrong attitude — begrudgingly because he has been worried about his money.

3.God also reveals His will when we meditate.

After having asked God for His help, we may be meditating and thinking about the problem and the answer suddenly becomes clear in our mind, and we know just what we should do.

This kind of answer comes through real meditation. It is not just an untried thought or impulse. It comes through weighing carefully the pros and cons of a situation in the light of the instruction of the Bible.

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Think through your problem, evaluate and examine yourself to see if you have done all that you can or should do. Ask yourself if you have brought the problem on yourself.

Through this kind of careful and prayerful examination God through His Holy Spirit can show you the answer to your problem or difficulty. Because you have focussed your mind on Him, God can use His Spirit to put the solution to the problem into your mind.

Cultivate this habit of meditation when you study and when you are praying about certain problems in your life. God can use it to show you His will.

4.God speaks through His ministers.

At other times we may have a problem that we are praying about and the answer just doesn't seem to come. It may be that we have not done all that we should do. God has provid- ed His ministry to help us with our problems and He expects us to take advantage of the help He provides.

God can answer our prayers through His ministers. We may not have the answer we need because we have not gone to the proper source of the vehicle God can use. God expects us to use all the avenues that He can use to communicate His will to us.

God also uses His ministry by inspiring them to preach on the things we need to hear. We should pray for the ministry that God will continue to inspire them in this way. Even when we our- selves are not having a particular problem or trial we should ask God every Sabbath to inspire His ministers to give us the kind of sermon that we as the congregation need to hear most.

5.God can work through natural circumstances.

Sometimes we may pray for a solution to a particular problem and when the answer comes it comes in such a natural or normal way we may tend to forget that it came from God. When prayers are answered in this way we should always remember to give God the proper credit and thanks.

Perhaps a single person has been praying about marriage — asking God to provide just the right person and asking God to help them to be the right person for someone else. God can and has worked through normal and natural circumstances to bring people together.

Numerous couples have met their future mates at the Feast — God having brought them together when they lived vast distances apart.

Another example might be having someone stop to help you when your car breaks down along the highway. It would be easy to attribute such an occurrence to time and chance. However, if we have prayed about it and someone does stop, we should take it for what it is — an answer from God to help us out of our dilemma. In our day and age it would be somewhat of a miracle for anyone to have the confidence to stop and help anyone. God can and does cause people to do things that they might not otherwise do in another circumstance.

6.God still performs miracles.

The most common way that God uses today in performing miracles is in healing. Throughout history God has instantaneously healed many people of their afflictions and diseases. Most of us have either been the recipient of such a miracle or we know someone who has.

Knowing that God does miraculously heal today can give us more faith and confidence in Him when we are praying about other matters.

God also uses miracles to protect His people. Over the years the "Worldwide News" has featured many incredible accounts of protection of members and their homes in the paths of devastating tornadoes, hurricanes, floods or fires. Many have escaped death without a scratch when logic says they should have died. For instance there is the man who accidentally had a boiling cauldron of molten metal dumped on him and came out without even a burn. God does intervene on behalf of His people.

7.God leads us to the answers to our prayers through His Holy Spirit.

God's Holy Spirit continually works with a Christian (Phil. 2:13). Over a period of time, much knowledge, understanding and wisdom is accumulated.

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Therefore, an answer to prayer may come from the understanding and wisdom gained over several years. Because a person is using God's Spirit daily in his life, God can lead him to see what he should do in a given situation that he has been praying about. A person can apply the principles of God's law and ask himself what Christ would do and come to the right conclusion as to what his own actions should be.

For example, one man was undecided whether or not to finish a degree in education at a local university which he had started a few years earlier. He prayed and struggled with the decision for some time.

Gradually he began to recognize the answer. He realized the need to further develop his tal- ents (Matt. 25:14-30), also knowing that he was responsible to provide for his family. He under- stood that the days ahead may bring more recession and unemployment and therefore saw the need to act today. (Prov. 22:3). He finally realized that he should finish what he started.

Because this man was living God's way of life, he could apply the principles he had learned in the past to the problem at hand.

8.God can use trials to answer our prayers.

God can and does allow situations to occur whereby we receive His answer through the things we suffer. Many times we may pray for faith and God will allow a trying circumstance which will build patience which in turn increases our faith.

Sometimes God allows us to become sick for a period of time and chooses not to heal us immediately. He wants us to learn patience and to use the time we are sick to really think about our lives and how we have been conducting ourselves in the light of how He wants us to live. God can sometimes help us to see and understand something that we might not other- wise realize by allowing us to suffer.

For instance a young person who is extremely active socially — involved in everything, dat- ing constantly and is a whirlwind of activity from the time he gets up until the time he falls into bed exhausted at night — has probably not taken the time to really consider if he is praying or studying enough — he's been too busy. So, God may allow him to get sick through the normal consequence of not getting the proper rest and not eating properly. When he is flat on his back in bed, God finally has his attention and the person may realize that he has been neglecting the more important things of life in order to maintain his whirlwind momentum.

9.Angels are used in answering prayer.

God sends angels to help His people in times of emergency and crisis. When He sees that one of His people is in grave and immediate danger, He realizes that immediate action is nec- essary, and He answers instantly.

One member was traveling home late at night along a very familiar road when he topped a hill in the road to see two sets of headlights coming directly at him — a car in each lane. (It was a two lane road). Realizing there was nothing else to do, he drove off on the shoulder of the road almost without thinking. The cars passed and he drove back on the road. As he drove on, he started thinking about the spot where the incident had occurred and he couldn't remem- ber there being a shoulder there. So he turned around and went back to the spot to take a look

sure enough there was no shoulder only a drop off. An angel had obviously held his car while the other vehicles had passed.

10.Existing means can be used to show us the answer to our prayers.

God can use things that have been written by carnal men or lessons that others have learned to show us the answer to our prayers.

A person who is having difficulty in organizing their time and prioritizing things might be led to "accidentally" read the "Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin" who had a great deal to say about organization and using one's time wisely.

By reading what others have to say about the subject that we are having difficulty with, and by comparing the material with the principles of God's laws, we can find practical solutions to our problems. God's laws work regardless of who applies them and we can learn from the

"...The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

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things that unconverted people have discovered about those laws. God can use them to answer our prayers.

The key is to read in a discerning way to be sure the principles discussed stack up with the way God would have you live your life.

B. GOD DOES NOT ALWAYS ANSWER RIGHT AWAY

At times God may temporarily decide to withhold an answer to your prayers. He may want you to develop patience or to learn certain lessons before He grants your request. Or the answer He gives may not be recognized because it is "no".

1.Attitude in asking.

When our prayers don't seem to be answered, and we have sought the answer through the various means already discussed, we should look at our attitude in asking.

Why do we want God to do what we have asked? Are we asking for a selfish reason — for something that will benefit us and us alone? James 4:3. God wants to give us the good things of life — He wants us to live abundant lives and He has promised to provide us our every need. However, if we get so caught up in the "give mes" and materialism, God will not answer our prayers with a positive response.

After having examined ourselves and found that our attitude has not been right, we may realize we should not be asking for the thing we've been praying about or we will see that we need to change before God will grant our request.

We need to be asking according to God's will and in order to know His will we must be close to God through habitual prayer and Bible study. (II Tim. 2:15). We need to be studying God's word and then we will begin to think more like God thinks and we will be able to see what God's will is. If we believe and know that God is love, that His will is for our good, then we will want to pray according to His will.

We need not always have a specific promise in the Bible to know that something is God's will. Because we have been studying and applying God's laws in our lives, we can learn how to apply the principles of God's revealed will to any situation which may arise.

2.Asking in faith.

Are you asking in faith, or does your faith waver? When we pray, we must have faith that God hears us and that eventually, He will answer. If we give up and say that God is not going to answer because we have waited longer than we thought it should have taken to receive the answer, then God will not answer.

James 1:6,7 "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."

3.Being Persistent.

Having examined your attitude and your faith, have you applied the principle of the impor- tuning widow? Luke 18:1-7. God expects us to ask more than once sometimes. He sometimes wants to know how important something is to us. We should keep praying to God even though He doesn't answer right away.

Persistence doesn't mean nagging but it does mean that we should show God that we real- ly are sincerely concerned. God has supreme wisdom to know when and how would be best to answer our prayers.

Matthew 7:7-8 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you: For everyone that asketh receiveth, and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knock- eth it shall be opened."

4.Pray Fervently.

God hears us when we are fervent and sincere not when we are half asleep.

James 5:16

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5.Fear God and Have Humility

We need to realize that we are small and insignificant compared to God — mere dust. The very life we have is a gift from Him. Realizing this we should have the proper fear and respect for God. Any gifts or talents that we may have are ours because God gave them to us.

When we come to God with this attitude, with the proper respect for His authority in our lives, then He will hear and answer our prayers.(Prov. 22:4)

6.We must be obedient.

We must be practicing daily a way of yielded obedience to God or He will not hear our prayers. (I John 3:22).

When we pray in an unrepentant attitude our sins cut us off from God. If we come to God in a repentant, humble attitude, determined to obey Him, He will hear and answer our prayers.

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HOW IMPORTANT IS YOUR

SOCIAL LIFE TO GOD?

I. CAN ONE BE TRULY HAPPY AND FULFILLED WITHOUT A BALANCED SOCIAL LIFE?

A. Can one who pulls back into his shell and tries to avoid social contact with other human beings please God?

B. What chances does one have of being in God's Kingdom if he or she decides to live the life of a hermit, being disregardful of the welfare of others?

II.MANIFOLD ARE THE SCRIPTURES SHOWING THAT GOD INTENDED WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND LEARN TO LIVE PEACEFULLY TOGETHER.

A.Matt. 22:34-40 — "Love neighbor as thyself."

B.Jn. 13:34 — "A new commandment I give you, that ye love one another."

C.Jn. 15:12, 13 — "Greater love hath no man than he lay his life down."

D.Ps. 133:1-3 — "How good it is when brethren dwell together in unity."

E.Col. 3:12-14 — "Put on bowels of mercy ...."

F.I Jn. 3:11, 16, 19 — "We ought to lay our lives down for our friends."

G.Mal. 3:16 — "Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another."

H.Jn. 17:11-23 — "Christ prayed the disciples would be one."

I.The keynote of God's coming kingdom is peace, unity, goodwill and brotherhood.

III.IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT ONE CAN HARDLY RISE TO ANY DEGREE OF SUCCESS IN THE WORLD WITHOUT LEARNING HOW TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS.

A.A quick analysis of the business world will bear this out.

B.Consider the notables of the Bible — they were people-oriented.

C.Andrew Carnegie once stated that he would pay more money to a man who knew how to motivate others than to one who possessed only technical skills.

IV. ACQUIRING THE ABILITY TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS OBVIOUSLY INVOLVES MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX — FOR THE WORLD IS MADE UP OF BOTH MEN AND WOMEN. A. One of your main goals in life should be to understand, appreciate and respect the unique

qualities God created in the opposite sex.

B. Christ's own example demonstrates clearly His concern and respect for the women with whom He had contact.

1.His one mother, Mary.

2.The woman caught in adultery.

3.The woman who had an issue of blood.

4.The woman at the well.

C.Christ married Israel.

1.Much is recorded about His courtship with her.

2.Many details given about His marriage and subsequent events which followed.

D.Christ is going to marry the Church.

1.Rev. 19:6-8 — "Christ's marriage to the Lamb"

2.Eph. 5:22-27 — "That He might present it to Himself a Church."

E.A large part of the Bible has to do with teaching the sexes how to relate and interact with each other.

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V. THIS BRINGS US TO THE QUESTION FOR WHICH WE ARE HERE: "HOW DOES GOD VIEW THE PRACTICING OF DATING?"

A. How would Christ conduct Himself on a date?

B. What would have been His attitude toward the opposite sex? C. What would he have done — where would he have gone?

D. He would have set the perfect example — for He had perfect knowledge and knew God's will perfectly.

VI. I CAN ASSURE YOU IT'S VASTLY DIFFERENT FROM THE WORLD'S VIEWPOINT. A. This world has not only forsaken but openly rejected God's true values.

B. The selfish, sensual modern approach to dating is no exception.

VII. THE WORLD'S APPROACH.

A. The American way of life is based on getting and not on giving.

B. The hue and cry of the day is look out for yourself first, and stomp your neighbor if he gets in your way.

C. Unless deeply converted, we are all motivated by SELFISHNESS, the all consuming passion that colors and taints every thought, motive, action, word — everything we have ever done.

D. This attitude holds true in dating.

VIII. THE WORLD'S APPROACH IS SUMMED UP IN I JOHN 2.

A. I Jn. 2:15-16 — "Love not the world ... for all that is in the world is the 1) lust of the flesh; 2) lust of the eyes; 3) pride of life."

B. Let's examine each of these points for a moment.

1.The lust of the flesh.

a.The most powerful motivation for dating in the world is the sex urge.

b."People Magazine" in 1962 arrived at the conclusion as a result of interviewing a great number of men.

c.God created the human body with a built-in sex urge for a pure and holy purpose. But the world has turned it into lust.

d.A fellow will go as far as the girl will allow him to.

e.Men will be very loving and gentle — but their hidden motive is to wear down her principles in order to experience her body.

f.If after the first, second or third attempt a guy is unsuccessful, he writes her off his list.

g.Many women realize this and go along so as not to be rejected and lose their so-called popularity.

h.Of course there are other advantages besides being popular: dances, trips, fun, frolic, etc.

i.Satan uses sex and gets young people so preoccupied with it that it saps their creative ability and destroys their character.

2.The lust of the eyes.

a.It's a natural tendency to want to date others who are attractive and have the most sex appeal.

b.Fellows are attracted to girls who are cute and pretty and the girls want to date the fellows who are the most dashing and handsome.

c.But beauty is more than skin deep. Beauty and a sexy body will never make for the qualities of mind and character that are lacking.

3.The pride of life.

a.Oftentimes fellows and girls, men and women, want to date the most beautiful and handsome so they can "show off" their catch to others and make them envious.

b.Some refuse to date but the cream of the crop out of plain vanity and selfishness. They do not want to lower their dating choices because their peers may cast disapproving eyes down on them.

c.Some date only certain types to build up their own status and prestige in the eyes of the community or close circle of friends.

d.The practice of going steady figures in. Once a fellow or girl has landed a good catch, they want to hold on to it for self-gratifying reasons.

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IX. WHAT ABOUT YOU — US! HAVE WE CARRIED SOME OF THE WORLD'S ATTITUDES AND APPROACHES OVER INTO GOD'S CHURCH?

A. Eph. 2:1-3 - "Shows we were a part of this world's ways before conversion." B. Col. 3:1-10 - "A description of the new man in Christ."

C. Let's face it! Most of us came into God's Church devoid of His truth and values.

1.Our parents may not have known God or His way — how could they teach us?

2.What little we may know of the right approach to dating we have learned since coming in contact with God's Church.

3.Like so many other things in life, Satan has deceived us in this vital area.

X. DOES DATING MEAN THE SAME TO US THAT IT MEANS TO GOD?

A.When you hear the word date what concept comes to mind?

1.Is it the Hollywood approach of lust, glamorized beauty, shape, sex, handsomeness?

2.Is it an amorous feeling — a romantic aura?

3.Do you get dreamy-eyed, emotional, experience strong feelings of sensual excitement and fantasy?

B.I believe the word "date" has come to have the wrong connotation.

1.Technically, a date is nothing more than a mark on the calendar to do a specific thing, at a specific place, with a specific person or persons.

2.But it has come to embody a multitude of feelings and sensations:

a.A feeling of romance.

b.A sense of formality.

c.An uptight and nervous feeling because one or both parties fears he or she may not make a good impression or will not be liked.

d.An attitude that one must give super effort to make the event successful.

e.It often boils down to an exercise in vanity and selfishness.

XI. WHAT THEN SHOULD BE THE RIGHT APPROACH TO DATING?

A. First, for the sake of these meetings, we are going to break down dating into TWO broad categories:

1.Fun and friendship dates that are casual and relaxed.

2.Serious dates or courtship that leads to marriage.

B. For our purpose today, we are going to address the first — dates that are casual, relaxed, fun-loving, and friendly.

XII. THERE ARE TWO GRAND REASONS OR PURPOSES FOR HAVING THIS TYPE OF DATES: A. To develop into a colorful and dynamic personality.

1.God's great desire is for you to reach the stars, to be useful, productive and successful.

2.He wants you to grow in all the graces, charms and abilities of a colorful and influential leader!

3.He truly would like for you to hone every talent and capacity until it becomes razor sharp.

4.Scriptures proving this:

a.Eph. 4:11-15 — "That we may grow up into Him in all things."'

b.II Tim. 3:16-17 — "That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto good works."

c.Prov. 4:18 — "The path of the just shines more unto a perfect day."

d.Heb. 6:1 — "Let us go on into perfection."

e.Matt. 5:48 — "Become perfect."

f.I Cor. 15:39-42 — "Glorified bodies in the resurrection."

(v. 58 — "Abound in God's work.")

5.God is displeased if you withdraw into your shell and become anti-social.

a.Such people curl up in their rose buds.

b.They become desensitized to the needs and feelings of others.

c.They fail to develop those latent talents that would make them influential and useful to society.

d.Such people become preoccupied with themselves — become self-centered.

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e. They are oftentimes unaware that their personality becomes hard and repells others. f. Their language and tone of voice become curt and businesslike.

6.Matt. 25:14-30 — "Parable of the talents."

B. To be a source of inspiration and encouragement to others.

1.One of our greatest earthly responsibilities is to serve one another.

a.Gal. 5:13-15 — "By love serve one another."

b.Luke 22:32 — "When thou are converted, strengthen thy brethren."

c.I Cor. 8:1 — "Love edifies."

d.Rom. 14:19 — "Let us follow those things which edify one another."

2.A list of basic human needs.

a.Survival

(1)Food, clothing, shelter.

(2)Self-preservation is man's greatest need.

(3)Recognizing this fact should enable both sexes to better understand each other.

(4)Knowing this fact should also provide an array of topics to talk about.

b.Security

(1)Money.

(2)Job.

(3)More than just basic necessities for comfort.

(a)Car

(b)TV

(c)Clothing, material things, etc.

c.Companionship.

(1)The desire to be loved is one of man's most powerful motivations.

(2)We need someone with whom we can communicate and share our lives, our ups and downs, successes and triumphs.

(3)In helping to fill this need, we are fulfilling the law of love.

d.The need to achieve.

(1)Man is a miniature creator.

(2)He was endowed with an active mind and creative powers.

(3)He cannot be happy with life unless he is achieving.

(4)To block his creative outlets leaves him anxious and frustrated.

(5)Understanding this point should aid both sexes to interact with each other in a true spirit of concern and respect.

e.The need for recognition.

(1)Quote from "Success Magazine", page 106.

(2)When dating keep this point in mind and be aware of ways you can encourage each other.

f.The need for identity.

(1)This point has to do with building a positive self-image.

(2)It has to do with finding your niche in life that makes you unique and different.

(3)Famous people like movie stars, artists, clothing designers, etc., have found themselves and their true identity in the world.

(4)Basically it all boils down to what you do well through personal development of your talents.

(5)Knowing this fact should help in interacting with others.

g.The need for self-acceptance.

(1)Without self-acceptance there can be no satisfaction.

(2)The more you like yourself (this comes through building self-esteem through maintaining high standards), the happier you will be, for success is the satisfaction of basic needs which culminate in self-acceptance.

(3)How much you like yourself determines how successful you are.

(4)Learn to fill this need in human life and you will become popular.

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XIII. Where do we begin?

A. To make your dates more casual, relaxed, friendly and enjoyable, I'd like to suggest you begin with group dates or group activities.

B. There are a number of reasons why I think these are terrific for breaking the ice and building friendships.

1.They give people a chance to ease out of their nests and try out their new wings socially.

2.They give people an opportunity to mix and mingle freely within a crowd without feeling encumbered or responsible to any one individual.

3.They give you an opportunity to sharpen your skills by drawing out strangers, visitors or those who are shy, withdrawing or ill at ease.

4.Group dates provide an opportunity for you to meet new people and make new friendships.

5.Such activities will make it easier for you to meet people you may want to ask on a single date later.

6.Group dates will provide an opportunity for one to overcome his inhibitions and hangups, as well as to try out new social skills.

7.Group dates are more economical since others can share expenses.

8.Group dates can provide an opportunity for fellows and girls to develop expertise and skill as a host or hostess.

C. A suggested list of activities.

1.Go to Sabbath Services in a group and have a picnic afterwards.

2.Potluck dinner at someone's home — good conversation.

3.Roller skating party — include whole church congregation.

4.Bowling.

5.Miniature golf.

6.Horseback riding.

7.Campouts or rent lodge at Lake Arrowhead for weekend, etc.

8.Small group go to Handle Bars for drink and conversation.

9.Card parties or game parties (Charades, Pit, Bunco, etc.).

10.Buy block of tickets for baseball game; pizza afterwards.

11.During summer months when Sabbaths are long, go to someone's house for wine, cheese, conversation; maybe go out to dinner after sunset.

12.Service projects:

(a)Need to get involved with community around us.

(b)Go to old peoples' home — provide entertainment.

(c)Activity to raise money for church — rummage sale, etc.

(d)Help those in need (committee to help when there is sickness, someone is moving, etc.).

13.Involvement with other Church areas:

(a)Volleyball teams — compete with other churches in tournament.

(b)Visit other churches — have picnic and/or dance.

14.Deep sea fishing trip.

15.Visit Magic Mountain, Busch Gardens, Knotts Berry Farm, Movieland Wax Museum, Universal Studio Tours, Disneyland, Marineland, etc.

16.Excursion to Catalina Island, dance at Aragon Ballroom.

17.L.A. Civic Center Tour: Olvera Street, China Town, Union Train Station, County Court House, Police Admin. Building, etc.

18.Concerts at Hollywood Bowl or Music Center; plays at Greek Theatre.

19.Backpacking trip.

20.Bicycle trip or motorcycle trip w/ picnic.

21.Those who have a particular talent could give lessons: guitar, scuba diving, cooking, sewing, macrame, art, etc.

22.Square dancing lessons.

23.Hay ride, sing-along.

24.Beach parties, cookout.

25.Palm Springs' Aerial Tramway to Mt Jacinto.

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26.Griffith Park Observatory and Planetarium.

27.McCurdy Nature Study Center and Nature Trail.

28.Huntington Gardens and Arboretum.

XIV. In venturing out from group dates into single dates, what goals should you set and what values should you be seeking?

A. To have fun and enjoyment.

1.This is time in life for greater emphasis on fun and enjoyment.

2.The right kind of dating produces the right kind of fun.

a.It should be something you can look back on and savour and relish with no regret later and no harmful side effects.

3.A good date is profitable.

a.There should be a sense of accomplishment of time.

b.A good date should be spiritually, culturally and mentally stimulating.

B.To develop a well-rounded personality.

1.Be responsive and expressive.

a.Participate in conversation with enthusiasm.

b.The more practice you have, the easier this becomes.

2.Show a genuine interest in your date — don't center the conversation around yourself.

3.Maintain a positive outlook on life.

a.A positive outlook makes a person magnetic.

b.You will be a lousy date if you are a griper, complainer, moaner, or if you are negative and pessimistic.

c.Girls tend to have a problem with moodiness.

(1)This happens when the mind is on self.

(2)Moodiness is caused by negative attitudes towards yourself — namely self-pity.

4.Be patient and gentle.

a.This comes through genuine love for other people.

b.Be tolerant of idiosyncracies of others.

(1)God made us all different.

(2)We must learn to appreciate these differences in each other — don't expect others to fit in our mold.

5.Have a good sense of humor.

a.God laughs, and He made us able to laugh.

b.Humor should be spontaneous, uncanned, spur-of-the-moment type.

c.Avoid off-color humor.

6.Maintain good personal grooming and hygiene.

a.Cleanliness and neatness.

(1)Dirty fingernails, dirty hair and dandruff are unsightly and repulsive.

(2)Unpressed clothes and unpolished shoes do not demonstrate social awareness.

(3)Dirty teeth and bad breath are very offensive.

7.Relax and be yourself.

a.Don't put on sophisticated airs.

b.Don't exaggerate, put on acts or be gushy.

c.The more you are around people, the less nervous you will become.

C.To expand socially and culturally.

1.Develop social skill and expertise.

a.Study proper etiquette so you won't be embarrassed.

(1)True etiquette is the law of love — treat others as you would like to be treated.

b.Practice makes perfect.

(1)The more you put yourself in social situations, the more comfortable you will become.

2.Learn to appreciate art and good music.

a.Auditorium concerts are a good opportunity.

(1)Prices have now been reduced so more can afford to go occasionally.

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3.God is a cultured individual.

a.He has the highest standards of excellence.

b.He is surrounded by richness and beauty.

D.To broaden your education.

1.Dating encourages you to get out of your rut and expand your interests.

2.You can learn by listening to experiences and sharing ideas with your dates.

3.The more variety you have in dating, the broader the educational values.

a.Talk to people from different countries or those who have traveled.

(1)Encourage them to talk about their native land and experiences.

(2)We're not talking about inter-racial dating — but international dating.

b.Date people from different economic backgrounds, or different states within the U.S.A., urban and rural.

(1)Ask them to share information about their backgrounds.

E.To develop the art of conversation.

1.Human nature wants the "'no sweat" way — no effort.

a.Modern dating in America inhibits social development and development of personality.

b.Not much talking takes place, especially when loud, throbbing music is being played.

c.Movies are frequent dates — no talking is done in the theatre.

d.Dates are watching, listening and petting — no talking.

2.Communication takes effort

a.Share clean and wholesome ideas.

b.Ask questions about each other's backgrounds.

3.On a date, the man should normally take the lead.

a.His responsibility to initiate conversation and guide it.

b.Don't monopolize the conversation, be a braggart or a know-it-all.

c.Don't preach to her or evaluate her weaknesses.

d.Plan ahead — have some good topics in mind.

4.Be a good listener and don't butt in.

a.Give speaker your undivided attention.

b.Respond and add something for the other to reply to.

5.Don't gossip, tell off-color jokes, or talk about your sex problems.

F.To overcome self-centeredness.

1.Have attitude of giving a date — not getting a date.

a.The American way of life and dating is based on getting. We all are motivated by selfishness, the all-consuming motive of human nature.

2.Don't just date those who are the most attractive to you. This is lust of the flesh.

3.Dating helps develop sensitivity to the needs of others.

a.Learn to listen and try to understand.

b.Be an encouragement.

c.If the problem is serious, suggest counseling.

4.Some people just need a little recognition and attention.

a.Example of the rose bud.

5.Opportunity to learn service.

G.To experience a wide range of personalities.

1."Birds of a feather flock together."

a.Don't get stuck in this cliquish pattern.

2.Becoming acquainted with a variety of personalities can expand your own qualities.

a.It helps you to become more balanced.

b.We must learn to accept the differences and idiosyncrasies in people.

(1)This is part of the individuality and uniqueness that God has created in each of us.

c.Sometimes opposites do attract — you never know unless you try it.

3.By experiencing a variety of personalities, we can come to understand each and every individual.

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H. To build confidence

1.Dating helps build a solid, confident self-image.

a.The more good dating experiences you have, the more confidence you will build.

b.Dating encourages you to try new things, go to different places.

(1)Be original — try to come up with something different, but worthwhile.

2.Self-respect is often measured by our accomplishments or failures.

a.Every successful date is an accomplishment.

I. To prepare for courtship and marriage.

1.Experience a variety of samples of the opposite sex to find out what are your likes and dislikes.

a.You must date widely in order to be sure that you find the right mate.

2.You must learn how different people with a variety of standards and personalities affect you.

3.In casual dating you overcome nervousness and learn to relax and respond to the opposite sex.

a.Then when you are ready to begin courting, you can evaluate situations realistically.

4.You become aware of the psychological differences in men and women.

a.If these aren't learned prior to marriage, it can produce a tragic situation.

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CHAPTER 14

HOW TO DEVELOP

YOUR FULL POTENTIAL

God has given mankind a supreme goal which will result in perfection: "Become ye therefore per- fect, even as your Father which is in heaven is PERFECT" (Matt 5:48).

But to achieve this ultimate spiritual goal — and any other lesser physical goal in life — all Christians must focus their mind firmly on God and Jesus Christ. All areas of life must be viewed from this perspective: "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt. 6:33)!

There are only two dimensions our goals in life can seek: the physical or the spiritual. We must emphasize the one or the other. If we emphasize the physical over and above the spiritual, we will eventually lose everything — even the fleeting physical goals we seek.

But, if we emphasize the spiritual, we can gain EVERYTHING — both spiritual and physical!

The following principles are given as a help and aid to the Christian man, as he seeks to develop his full potential and attain the goals which life sets before him.

1.Make Walking With God Your Highest Ambition and Supreme Desire

From the beginning, God has shown mankind that all of his desires, goals, potential and yearnings, are to be fulfilled through Him:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear Him, and keep His commandments, and obey His voice, and ye shall serve Him, and cleave unto Him" (Deut. 13:3-4).

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do ALL to the glory of God." (I Cor 10:31) Unless this spiritual relationship is right — and acts as your FOUNDATION in life — every-

thing else is wrong.

2.Keep Your Eye On The Day of Judgment

Always remember that you are headed in one of two directions:

(a)Eternal Life — the Kingdom of God

(b)Eternal Death — the Lake of Fire

The decisions and actions you make day by day will show which course you are on. Emphasize loving and respecting God as you live your life — and you will have REWARD in His Kingdom.

However, the choice is yours. The final day of reckoning is the bottom line that will show how you've chosen to live life.

Remember the words of Solomon:

"Let US hear the conclusion of the whole matter. Fear God, and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into Judgment, with every secret thing whether it be good, or whether it be evil" (Eccl. 12:13-14).

3.Learn To Be Humble As God is Humble

All-powerful though He is, God is humble. The psalmist David wrote: "Who is like unto the Lord our God, Who dwelleth on high, WHO HUMBLETH HIMSELF to behold the things that are in heaven and in the earth." (Psa. 113:5-6) And when Jesus Christ came as a man, he was humble (Phil. 2:8).

Frankly, we have nothing to boast of as human beings. Compressed into solid matter (16 elements) individually we would be reduced to a small pile of dirt "Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return" (Gen. 3:19).

Whatever you accomplish, you alone cannot take full credit. Others have helped you along

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the way. And, in the final analysis, GOD is responsible and should be glorified. Be grateful and give credit where it is due.

Remember that the middle letter of the word "pride" is "I."

4.Be Acutely Aware of What Enters Your Mind and How Character Is Formed

God has created the mind of man as a wonderful and marvelous instrument. "There is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them Understanding" (Job 32:8).

Psychologists have said that only about 5% of your brain is the thinking part (the tiny tip of the iceberg), and that the other 95% is your subconscious mind where facts, knowledge, data, experience, habits, etc., are stored.

Before knowledge can be stored for use (instant or future) it has to be approved and allowed to filter through into the sub-conscious mind.

It is from this vast storehouse of knowledge and experience that you think and make deci- sions. Could it also be possible that this is where CHARACTER is built?

At any rate, it is vital that we monitor our thoughts and allow only that knowledge which is true and good to enter our minds.

5.Create A Mental Image of the Person You Wish to Become

The Bible says that as a man "thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7). And, that "if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new!" (II Cor. 5:17).

You CAN become the person God wants you to be, patterned in the image of Christ: Jesus said to "learn of me" (Matt. 11:29). Study the Word of God, learn what Christ was like, meditate on it, focus on it, create a mental image of what He was like — and it can transform you.

Think long range; set your goals of growth toward the perfection of Christ. And, you will grow into it!

6.Determine Your Overall GoalWhat It Is You Want Most Out of Life

The Kingdom of God and spiritual growth, of course, are the primary goal of all of us. But, we are physical creatures — and have physical responsibilities to carry.

We will have life-time goals of careers, marriage, etc., that must be prepared for. God says: "Prepare thy work without, and make it fit it for thyself in the field; and afterward build thine house" (Prov. 24:27).

Think about your vocational goals. Do you want to be a machinist, an accountant, a truck driver, a carpenter? Decide — and PREPARE for it — keeping God at the center of your life. Remember, opportunity favors the prepared man. Invest time in preparing and qualifying and many advanced doors of opportunity will be opened to you.

7.Make a List of All the Lesser Goals You Hope to Achieve in Life

Some people want to do so many things that they have difficulty deciding where to begin or what to do first. An effective way to overcome this problem is simply by making a list of things you hope to accomplish.

Then, just decide with what to begin. Don't procrastinate. Start with something. Whether

your list has: self-improvement, learn more vocabulary, study economics, begin a hobby, or just take a vacation...get started! Eventually priorities and other areas will sort themselves out. The road to achievement is to JUST START!

8.Whatever YOU Do, Strive for ExcellenceDon't Settle for Mediocrity

God inspired this principle in Ecclesiastes 9:10 "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might ...."

This approach generates confidence, self-respect, and a determination to drive ahead. Don't allow boredom, laziness, neglect, or discouragement to cause you to give up and quit.

Infuse quality into everything you do. Remember the old cliche, "Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well." Instill discipline into your life until it becomes an automatic response. The Bible says that everything God did — "It was good!"

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9.Follow Through and Finish What You Start

Jesus Christ instructs us as Christians that once we have set a goal, we should press on and attain it "And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God."

Stick to your goals even though it hurts. You won't build character or grow unless you do. You may sometimes have to put something aside momentarily — but come back to it and com- plete the job. As Jesus did (John 17:4): "I have finished the Work." The key is to be sure your goals are intelligent and attainable. To try for the U.S. presidency is obviously unrealistic!

10.Become an Expert in Some FieldReally Good at Something

God wants excellence to be developed in His children — and we can express this in at least one area of our lives. Really apply yourself, learn at least one skill that you can be truly GOOD at. Whether it be a vocational skill or just a hobby such as painting, music, writing, sculpturing, camping, metalwork, carpentry...make it a specialty! Give it your own unique brand or mark. Become an authority in your own specialty — for the good of the Church and God's Work.

11.Don't Let Routine and Boredom Shrivel You UpKeep Broadening Your Life By Adding New Challenges

Women, who are confined to housework, often need to get out for a change of pace. But, the same is also true for men. If you find yourself bogging down in a rut get out of it. Try out new things, something you haven't done before. Perhaps a new sport or hobby, trying out a new route to the Feast, etc., visiting places you haven't been before. Give yourself a change periodically. It will sharpen you for the regular routine you face day by day.

12.Sharpen Your Powers of Observation, Imagination & Creativity

God has placed you in a world of wonderment and endless variety. Become sensitive to sounds, things, people — to the whole of your environment. Wake up and start living!

This exercise will improve your skills as a conversationalist, and make you a more stimulat- ing person all-around. YOU can learn from others also. Listen to how people talk — to the col- orful expressions they use. OBSERVE, THINK and LEARN.

13.Experience Every Grand and Rare Opportunity Afforded You

Some people never really drink in of all the joys of life because they are afraid to venture out and try new things. Remember that God is not pleased with the "fearful" (Rev. 21:8).

If special opportunities come your way, accept them and enjoy them "with gusto." Examples might be a trip to Europe, sailboating, a helicopter ride. These rare moments may pass you by and never happen again. As long as they are safe and sound and within the bounds of common sense and God's will — experience all the good joys that life has to offer.

14.Spend Some Time Each Day in the Realm of Nature and the Wonders of Creation

The Bible shows that we become what we channel into our minds. And, the Apostle Paul exhorts us to regularly fill our minds with the beautiful and positive: "Finally, brethren, whatso- ever things are honest ... just ... pure ... lovely ... of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS!" (Phil. 4:8)

Meditate and drink in of God's creation. Look about you and learn of the Creator. Just sim- ple little things like observing a beautiful sunset, floating clouds, roses and flowers, the passing of squawking geese overhead — all these manifest the glory of God and His handiwork and can draw you closer to Him. Slow down and imbibe of life!

15.Continue to Increase Your Social Skills and Your Ability to Interface With People

Learning how to get along — how to be tactful and courteous — is a must for the Christian. The Bible says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver" (Prov. 25:11).

Learn how to reflect the qualities of God out to others in your social life. Make loving and serving mankind one of your great goals in life. You can never be a success nor reach your full potential until you master the art of human interchange. It's a skill you will use throughout eternity!

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16.Cultivate the Friendship of People Who Are Older

The Bible shows that much can be learned from the wisdom of those who are older than we: "The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness" (Prov. 16:31). Older people can often share invaluable lessons from heir storehouse of experience. Their wisdom can often give you strength in a time of crisis.

17.Practice at Least One Act of Love or Kindness Every Day You Live:

Kindness often repeated transforms itself into habit-molding character within you — and also results in blessings being poured back upon your own head: "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom" (Luke 6:38).

Opportunities abound to help and serve your fellowman. Use them — for the glory of God!

18.Learn to Think For YourselfTry, Test and Prove All Incoming Knowledge

The Bible says to "prove all things; hold fast that which is good" (I Thes. 5:21). Judge what is presented to you. Don't jump to conclusions. Look for logic, soundness, and truth. Always ask, "Does this magazine article, newscast, book, etc., harmonize with God's Word?" The Bible is the basis of all truth — test everything you read, hear, see against its pages.

This is the main reason Mr. Armstrong has stayed on track — he's always viewed knowl- edge from the backdrop of God's Word!

19.Keep a Notebook of ideas

Always keep your mind open for new ideas, concepts and inspiration. Capture in writing concepts, lessons learned, a new point of view or insight — while the iron is hot! Unless you do this, you may lose a thought or idea forever.

Keep 3 x 5 cards, or a pocket notebook always with you. Jot down thoughts, transfer them later to a permanent record (your "meditation manual") and review it frequently — until you incorporate this material onto the permanent tablets of your mind (II Cor. 3:3).

20.Maintain an On-going Positive Mental Attitude

Life is filled with blessings from God, but there will also be trials. No matter what happens, keep your eyes on the Kingdom of God. There may be times when it seems everything is being swept away from you, but sustain your faith in God, press on, and remember the words of Christ and His Apostle:

"And everyone that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters. or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life"

(Matt. 19:29).

"All things work together for GOOD to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose..." (Rom. 8:28).

Keep these thoughts and concepts continually before you and you will have the mind of Christ — a mind that is full of optimism and hope — and the character of God will be fashioned in you steadily day by day! You will then reach your FULL POTENTIAL!

P.S. Since a few of the above ideas were sparked by an article in the "System Bible Study," page 744 entitled "If I Were Twenty-One," please consult it for further reading. Author unknown.

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CHAPTER 15

HOW TO HAVE AN

ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY

I. AN ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY DOES WHAT THE THOUGHT IMPLIES: IT ATTRACTS. A. And how does this happen — what makes a personality appealing and attractive?

B. What determines whether others will like you or be repelled by your behavior?

C. A simple criteria to gauge the answer is: Do you have a lot of friends and close associates? Do people find you comfortable to be around — easy to warm up to? Do they quickly recognize you in a crowd and gravitate to you?

II.YOU CAN DEVELOP AN ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY. A. Here's how:

1.Take a keen heart-interest in the other fellow's game in life.

a.This was one of the great lessons Napoleon Hill learned when he interviewed over 25,000 successful businessmen and famous women over a span of 20 years.

b."Form the habit of interesting yourself in other people; and make it your business to find their good qualities and speak of them in terms of praise." ("The Law of Success", p. 51)

c.Says Mr. Hill:

"Find at least one person each day, and more if possible, in whom you see some good quality that is worthy of praise, and praise it. Remember, however, that this praise must not be in the nature of cheap, insincere flattery; it must be genuine. Speak your words of praise with such earnestness that they will impress those to whom you speak; then watch what happens. You will have rendered those whom you praise a decided benefit of great value to them; and, you will have gone just one more step in the direction of developing the habit of looking for and finding the good qualities in others. I cannot over-emphasize the far-reaching effects of this habit of praising, openly and enthusiastically, the good qualities in others; for this habit will soon reward you with a feeling of self-respect and manifestation of gratitude from others, that will modify your entire personality. Here, again, the law of attraction enters, and those whom you praise will see, in you, the qualities that you see in them. Your success in the application of this formula will be in exact proportion to your FAITH in its soundness.

"I do not merely believe that it is sound — I KNOW THAT IT IS — and the reason I know is that I have used it successfully and I have also taught others how to use it success- fully; therefore, I have a right to promise you that you can use it with equal success.

"Furthermore, you can, with the aid of this formula, develop an ATTRACTIVE PERSON- ALITY so speedily that you will surprise all who know you. The development of such a per- sonality is entirely within your own control, a fact which gives you a tremendous advantage and at the same time places upon you the responsibility if you fail or neglect to exercise your privilege." ("The Law of Success", pp. 49-50.)

2.Learn to speak with force and conviction.

a.All pleasing personalities express this ability.

b.Continuing with Mr. Hill: "Put feeling and emotion into your words as you speak, and develop a

deep, rich tone of voice. If your voice is inclined to be high pitched, tone it down until it is soft and pleasing. You can never express an ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY, to best advantage, through a harsh or shrill voice. You must cultivate your voice until it becomes rhythmical and pleasing to the ear.

"Remember that speech is the chief method of expressing your personality, and for this reason it is to your advantage to cultivate a style that is both forceful and pleasing.

"I do not recall a single outstanding attractive personality that was not made up, in part,

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of ability to speak with force and conviction. Study the prominent men and women of today, wherever you find them, and observe the significant fact that the more prominent they are the more efficient are they in speaking forcefully.

"Study the outstanding figures of the past in politics and statesmanship and observe that the most successful ones were those who were noted for their ability to speak with force and conviction.

"In the field of business, industry and finance it seems significant, also, that the most prominent leaders are men and women who are able public speakers.

"In fact no one may hope to become a prominent leader in any noteworthy undertaking without developing the ability to speak with forcefulness that carries conviction. While the statesman may never deliver a public address, he will profit, nevertheless, if he develops the ability to do so, because this ability increases his power to talk convincingly in ordinary con- versation." ("Law of Success", pp. 50-51.)

"If you will cultivate these finer thoughts, and feelings, and actions, out of which a posi- tive character is built, and then learn to express yourself with force and conviction, you will have developed an attractive personality, for it will be seen that out of this attainment will come the other qualities here outlined." (Law of Success, pp. 53-54.)

3.Dress appropriately.

a.Your clothing reflects your thoughts and inner evaluation of your worth.

b.Begin to build a wardrobe that becomes your stature and physical frame and the nature of your work.

4.Learn the simple art of shaking hands.

a.Do this so that you express warmth of feeling and enthusiasm with this form of greeting.

b.A genuine smile should accompany your hand shake.

5.Practice true humility.

a.Cease calling attention to yourself and advertising your virtues or accomplishments.

b.The secret to becoming successful is forgetting yourself in service to others.

c.Help to edify, build up and encourage people in their accomplishments.

d.Become a "go-giver" instead of a "go-getter."

6.Learn the art of being agreeable.

a.This is one of the most vital ingredients to building an attractive personality.

b.Be cooperative and responsive — a peacemaker.

c."You have observed that all through this lesson I have gone into lengthy detail to show

the material advantages of being agreeable to other people.

"However, the biggest advantage of all lies, not in the possibility of monetary or material gain which this habit offers, but in the beautifying effect that it has upon the character of all who practice it.

"Acquire the habit of making yourself agreeable and you profit both materially and men- tally; for you will never be as happy in any other way as you will be when you know that you are making others happy.

"Remove the chips from your shoulders and quit challenging men to engage you in use- less arguments! Remove the smoked glasses through which you see what you believe to be the "blueness" of life and behold the shining sunlight of friendliness in its stead. Throw away your hammer and quit knocking, for surely you must know that the big prizes of life go to the BUILDERS and not the DESTROYERS.

"The man who builds a house is an artist; the man who tears it down is a junkman. If you are a person with a GRIEVANCE the world will listen to your vitriolic "ravings," providing it does not "see you comings" but, if you are a person with a MESSAGE of friendliness and optimism, it will listen because it wishes to do so.

"No person with a grievance can be also a person with an attractive personality:

"The art of being agreeable — just that one simple trait — is the very foundation of all successful salesmanship." ("Law of Success", pp. 54-55.)

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7.Develop Godly character.

a."By far the most important part of your personality is that which is represented by your character, and is therefore the part that is not visible." (Law of Success, p. 5.)

b."...no one may have a pleasing personality without the foundation of a sound, positive char-

acter. Through the principle of telepathy you 'telegraph' the nature of your character to those with whom you come in contact, which is responsible for what you have often called an 'intuitive' feeling that the person whom you had just met, but about whom you did not know very much, was not trustworthy.

"You may embellish yourself with clothes of the neatest and latest design, and conduct yourself in a most pleasing manner as far as outside appearances go; but if there is greed, and envy, and hatred, and jealousy, and avarice, and selfishness in your heart, you will NEVER attract any, except those characters which harmonize with your own. Like attracts like, and you may be sure, therefore, that those who are attracted to you are those whose inward natures parallel your own.

"You may embellish yourself with an artificial smile that belies your feelings, and you may practice the art of hand-shaking so that you can imitate, perfectly, the hand-shake of the person who is an adept at this art, but, if these outward manifestations of an attractive personality lack that vital factor called EARNESTNESS OF PURPOSE, they will repel instead of attract." ("Law of Success", pp. 47-48.)

"There is a great power of ATTRACTION back of the person who has a positive charac- ter, and this power expresses itself through unseen as well as visible sources. The moment you come within speaking distance of such a person, even though not a word is spoken, the influence of the 'unseen power within' makes itself felt.

"Every 'shady' transaction in which you engage, every negative thought that you think, and every destructive act in which you indulge, destroys just so much of that 'subtle some- thing' within you that is known as CHARACTER.

"There is full confession in the glances of our eyes; in our smiles; in salutations; in the grasp of the hands. His sin bedaubs him, mars all his good impression. Men know not why they do not trust him, but they do not trust him. His vice glasses his eye, demeans his cheek, pinches the nose, sets the mark of beast on the back of the head, and writes, 'O fool! fool!' on the forehead of a king. (Emerson.)" ("Law of Success", p. 54.)

c. Ultimately, to have an attractive and outstanding personality, develop holy and righteous character.

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CHAPTER 16

HOW TO INSPIRE A MAN

I. DO YOU WANT TO BE MORE POPULAR WITH THE MEN IN THE RIGHT WAY AND HAVE MORE DATES?

A)Choose the right husband when the time comes for marriage?

B)Do you really know what turns a man on and inspires him?

II. THE ANSWER IS FOUND IN THE CONCEPT OR PURPOSE GOD HAD IN MIND WHEN HE CREATED EVE.

III.NOTICE THE STORY AGAIN

A)Gen. 2:7-8; 18-24: "Creation of Eve..."

B)Note this distinction:

1)The man being alone was incomplete.

2)God created the woman to complete him.

C)And what was her assigned role?

1)To be his helper.

2)Gen. 2:18: "I will make an help meet for him."

IV. UNDERSTAND THIS POINT.

A)Being a man's helper does not mean being his slave, merely doing physical labor — or SERVING.

B)Being a help meet means rounding out the man — completing him — being his supplement.

C)Gen. 2:23-24: One flesh

1)Suit — coat and pants.

2)Two balances on the scale.

3)It takes a man and woman to make a UNION.

4)God has all these characteristics.

V. HOW HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE EQUAL

A)He plays his role.

B)She plays hers.

VI. BEING A HELP MEET INVOLVES TWO BROAD ROLES.

A)Rendering physical service.

B)Providing mental and emotional needs.

VII. WOMEN'S LIB AND THE TREND TOWARD DEGENERACY.

A)Going contrary to God's purpose.

B)Unisex

VIII. HERE'S HOW TO RECAPTURE TRUE VALUES.

A)Start thinking in terms of becoming a mature, balanced woman within the concept God intended.

B)Remember that the essence of true womanhood is largely a matter of attitude.

1)Toward God.

2)Toward others.

3)Toward the man.

4)Toward yourself.

C)START NOW!

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IX. SPECIFICS: THE THINGS THAT INSPIRE MEN.

1)A lively personality tempered with humility.

a)Smile.

b)Quick to listen.

c)Showing interest and a mature enthusiasm in the other fellow's game in life.

d)Fun and humor — but be balanced.

e)Don't forget the "MEEK AND QUIET SPIRIT" principle.

2)A spontaneous desire to serve regardless of the person's position or status.

a)The other person's position.

b)Your own.

3)Appreciation.

a)Be aware of the little sacrifices people make for you, as well as the big.

b)Get into the habit of saying thank you with your heart — not just with your tongue.

4)Honor and respect.

a)Show this by action and attitude.

b)Tone of voice.

5)Outwardly praising a good quality or example in others.

a)Mean this sincerely.

b)Will encourage them.

c)Will build favor.

6)Recognizing effort and achievement.

a)This motivates a man.

b)Builds confidence.

7)Encouragement and building a right confidence in the man.

a)Point out his strengths.

b)Past accomplishments and successes.

8)Fit in with his interests and stand behind his plans.

a)Adapt — get in line.

b)Show enthusiasm.

c)Brainstorm for ideas to augment his.

9)Be strong when he is weak or has failed.

a)Let him know your faith in him and God has not failed nor has your respect diminished.

b)Give him new life and hope by helping to carry the banner with him — even in the face of defeat.

10)Be teachable and quick to change when wrong.

a)Without debate or argument.

b)Yet feel free to talk about it looking to him for help.

11)Intreat him when he is wrong with positive love, encouragement and patience.

a)Keep your cool.

b)Tell him you love him, respect him, then discuss the problem.

12)Learn to be discreet and avoid cynical blabbering.

a)Sounds cute.

b)But it breeds hard feelings and contempt.

X. TWO FINAL POINTS.

1)Try at all costs never to wound a man's ego or self-respect.

a)This destroys his spirit and

b)Shows an utter lack of wisdom.

c)There is a time to be firm with men who themselves lack wisdom or get too serious.

2)Don't rush courtship in choosing your man.

a)You will be drawn together in time.

b)God will provide the circumstance in helping you make the right choice.

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CHAPTER 17

HOW TO KNOW THE TRUE FEELINGS

OF SOMEONE YOU LIKE

The proper kind of dating is an excellent way for a man and woman to get to know each other. It can be a fresh, wholesome, constructive activity that is intellectually stimulating and physically upbuilding.

Yet, dating can have its challenges, too.

Often the time comes in a dating relationship when one becomes serious about the other. There's an underlying uncertainty, however, as to whether the relationship is mutually shared. He or she is unable to "read" the mind or intent of the other.

Now, this can be a traumatic experience, causing much mental anguish, and is a subject I would like to discuss with you in this paper. There is a way you can know.

THE PROBLEM DESCRIBED

To begin, let's take an example of a young man who is dating a charming and personable young woman. Several weeks have passed, and he's starting to develop strong feelings for her. Being dis- creet and not wanting to appear pushy, he begins to express his interest in a proper and courteous way. He takes her out to dinner, invites her to go for walks, does little things for her such as repairing a door lock, occasionally taking her shopping, or running some errands. Being a gentleman, his whole approach is one of giving — doing things and going places which they mutually seem to enjoy.

Without having to tell her outrightly that he cares, he tries every way possible to communicate the idea that she's "special." Yet, in spite of all his efforts, she's remained "noncommittal" and quiet. He's still unable to determine her innermost feelings and to know where he stands.

HOW YOU CAN KNOW THE FEELINGS OF ANOTHER

The secret to understanding the person you like can be summed up in a simple word — RESPONSE, or FEEDBACK. If that person has similar feelings and cares for you, he or she will RESPOND IN LIKE MANNER. That is, he will return the love you give through obvious, direct and overt actions.

It is simply a law of life that true love is a "sharing" principle. When you give of yourself in love and concern, the recipient of your affection will respond in kind — if that person is "turned on" toward you. This is not meant to imply that we should give in order to get. But, if a man truly loves a woman — and she's equally attracted to him — she will experience a desire to give love in return. Through out- ward signs and actions, she'll let her feelings come through. You won't find it necessary to "probe" for an answer. She'll express it in clear, tangible language so you'll have no reason to doubt.

If, on the other hand, you've been dating for a reasonable period of time and there's no visible response, wise up to the fact that she's probably not interested — hold your feelings in check. By a lack of response, she's saying in effect, "I don't have the same feelings as you do. I really don't want to get involved — at least not yet. I simply want to be a friend." We call this NEGATIVE FEEDBACK.

The test of RESPONSE or FEEDBACK is one you can always go by. Feedback is not something you should have to "dig out" of the other person. True love is not a one-sided affair — it's a relation- ship that will be shared by both. When love is true and real, the response will always be mutual and will flow naturally and spontaneously. IF SHE'S NOT TELLING YOU SOMETHING BY NOW, THEN OBVIOUSLY SHE HAS NOTHING TO TELL.

Also, if there is a high level of inconsistency in the attitude of the other person — on one date he or she seems turned on toward you, on the next date cold as ice — this is a good indication that it's NOT in your best interest to continue the relationship. True love is consistent!

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WHY THE PERSON MAY NOT BE INTERESTED IN MARRIAGE

A word of explanation about NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. Just because the person you're dating does not respond to your overtures as hoped, don't allow yourself to become discouraged or think of your- self as being inferior or unworthy. There may be valid reasons why the individual does not want to get serious.

1)He or she may be interested in someone else.

2)The person may feel inadequately prepared for marriage.

3)He or she may have other plans such as graduating from college, or embarking on a career, etc.

4)There may be heavy debts to be paid off.

5)The person may think himself too young and inexperienced to enter into a confining relationship and needs more time to grow and mature.

6)There may be a lack of natural attraction or common interest between you.

7)The person simply wants to be a friend, and nothing more.

If these points apply, face the truth squarely and don't try to convince the person to change his or her mind. Be patient and continue to date others! Eventually the right person will enter your life.

SHOULD YOU EVER ASK FOR ANOTHER'S FEELINGS?

Is there ever a time to ask the person his or her true feelings about you? In most cases this will not be necessary if you have followed the above guidelines. The feedback you receive will tell the story. Let's suppose, however, that both of you have grown in love, but have not divulged your inner- most secrets. If your relationship has progressed this far, you will of necessity want to open up and be candid with each other. The key is to wait long enough to be assured your love is real and that you both can talk comfortably about it. Until you can do this, give yourself a little more time to let the rela- tionship blossom and flourish.

WHEN TO COOL A RELATIONSHIP

Let's assume you discover that the other person really isn't interested and doesn't want to get involved! Should you then break off dating altogether? Only if you are deeply entrenched, miserably frustrated, and can't get him or her out of your life. The Christian approach, however, is to discipline oneself and back off from dating too much when you find the relationship is not working out. Why allow yourself to get carried away when you can clearly see the handwriting on the wall? Whatever your decision, you should treat the person with utmost respect as you would any other Christian in God's Church. Don't hold a grudge and act spiteful. Forget the relationship, but continue to be a friend.

PUTTING IT ALL IN FOCUS

To sum up the matter, if there is doubt, uncertainty or any degree of negativism about how the other person feels — especially if there has been a long dating experience — it is wise to recognize the warning signs and honestly admit the truth: it is not a satisfactory relationship and should not cul- minate in marriage!

In a true love relationship, you BOTH will respond to each other within the framework of God's Law. You will share, give, help and serve each other. There will be a growing together, a learning process, a blending, a mutual attraction that is MORE than just physical. There will be a spiritual har- mony which is based on respect, admiration and honor — and will involve the complete and total union of your hearts and minds.

When you've enjoyed a long dating experience and it has grown strong and durable through time, then you have the knowledge that, "YES, this person is the RIGHT one for me! We are in love! Marriage is the next wonderful, beautiful, and natural step in our relationship! There is NO DOUBT about it!"

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CHAPTER 18

HOW TO KNOW WHEN GOD'S

SPIRIT IS LEADING YOU

I. In one of his recent "Personals" (May 1982 — page 26), Mr. Armstrong made a profound and stunning statement about God's Spirit.

A. He said, "Just receiving God's Spirit is not enough. One must be led by God's Spirit" B. The implication of these words is clear and certain:

1.God's Spirit must be active and flow in and out of our lives if we're to overcome and grow and qualify for His Kingdom

2.If we don't use it, we'll lose it.

C.This brings us to an important question.

II. Can you point to a specific instance in your life this past week when God's Spirit was leading you?

A.What about yesterday or today?

B.Can you isolate many such examples?

C.Are you sure?

III.Suppose you think 5,000 thoughts a day!

A.How many of these are God inspired?

B.3,000; 2,000; 1,000; 50?

C.Ideally, God should be in every thought — in every word, decision or action!

IV. There are several scriptures which imply that God's Spirit should be in all our thoughts and guide our lives unceasingly.

A.Examples:

1.Prov. 23:17 — "... be thou in the fear of the Lord all the day long."

2.I Thess. 5:17: — "Pray without ceasing."

3.II Cor. 10:5 — "... and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."

V. This now brings us to an important key scripture in Romans 8.

A.Rom. 8:14 — "For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God."

B.Clearly, we are to be led by God's Spirit.

C.But how can we know and be positively sure when it is?

D.What are the signs, guiding our lives?

1.Does it lead through some type of "inner" voice?

2.Does it lead through our emotions?

3.Just how does it guide and direct us?

VI. This evening I plan to answer the question: "How to know when God's Spirit is leading you!"

VII. Exactly what is God's Spirit?

A.Turn to Acts 1:8 for a clue: "But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Spirit is come upon you...."

B.The Greek word for "power" is "dunamis" from which we get our English word ''dynamo."

1.God's Spirit, then, is His self-reproducing power — like a dynamo or generator that produces electricity.

2.It is that invisible force which emanates from God — His inherent power or glory.

3.It is His might, strength and awesome majesty.

4.It is His life and energy.

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C. In a more specific sense it is:

1.The mind of God — His intellectual and mental faculties that govern His power.

2.It is the consciousness of God; it is His emotional makeup and enthusiasm.

3.It embodies all of His inner feelings, attitudes, attributes and qualities — it is His love, joy, holiness, virtue and nature.

4.In a word, God's Spirit is His total character, personality and being.

D.If it were possible to transplant your mind, life and personality into another person, he would have something of your spirit.

1.The same is true with God — His mind, nature, personality and character proceed from Him and are placed within you.

2.Many scriptures prove that God's Spirit dwells within you as a begotten son.

3.One good example is Romans 8:11 — "But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you."

VIII. Before explaining how God's Spirit actually leads in everyday life, it is still yet necessary to note a few foundational principles about it.

A. God's Spirit is omnipresent and permeates the entire universe.

1.Ps. 139:1-10 — These verses prove that God's Spirit is everywhere present.

2.It radiates and flows mightily from Him filling the entirety of space.

B.Its first action is to awaken our minds to God's existence and His majestic power.

1.Note the condition we were in before we were called:

2.Eph. 2:1-3 — "And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of the flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others."

3.So in his sinful and cut off state, man is dead in trespasses and sins.

4.But Jesus Christ said that He would send the Holy Spirit into the world and that it would convict man of sin.

5.John 16:7-8 — "Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. And when he is come, he will reprove [margin says, convince or convict] the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment."

C.It then calls us to God and opens our eyes to the truth.

1.John 6:44 — "No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day."

2.Without the Holy Spirit working on man's mind, he would never seek for God naturally or of his own accord.

3.The Bible says that many are called but few are chosen.

4.What determines who God chooses?

a.There may be many factors.

b.But one of the clearest reasons is given in the parable of the sower and the seed.

c.Note Luke 8:11-15

d.Those chosen in this parable are those an "honest and good heart."

D.It leads us on to full repentance and conversion.

1.Rom. 2:3-4"And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest

the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God? Or despisest thou the riches of his good- ness and tolerance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repen- tance?" (NOTE: Acts 11:18 proves that God grants repentance.)

2.For some this process may take months or years.

3.Cite the example of my own father-in-law who knew the truth for 30 years before being baptized. E. It begets us with God's own life and divine nature.

1.II Pet. 1:3-4"According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and

(Read article

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godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given

unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."

2.And again, read I John 5:11-12"And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life."

3.God's Spirit, then, impregnates us with the seed of eternal life.

IX. How then does God's Spirit lead us in practical, everyday experience?

A. How can we know and be positively sure?

B. Twelve methods:

1.It keeps us in tune with God's wavelength and interacts with our spirit.

a.Rom. 8:16"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God."

b.Note further I John 3:24"And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us."

c.So God's Spirit dwells within us and communicates the knowledge, truth and confidence

that we are His sons.

d. This contact with God should grow until it becomes constant and unceasing.

2.It imparts spiritual understanding and the ability to grasp the interrelationship of scriptures.

a.Read and expound I Corinthians 2:9-15.

b.The Holy Spirit, then, helps us to understand the Bible and its application to everyday life.

c.John 6:63"... the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life."

3.It transmits the power to overcome and to mortify the deeds of the body.

a.Rom. 8:13"For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify

the deeds of the body, ye shall live."

b. No matter what your problem, no sin or weakness or temptation is beyond God's power to help you solve.

c. Cry out fervently and God will provide the immediate or necessary help you need.

4.It prompts us to do God's will in everyday experiences by impulse or desire.

a. Phil. 2:12-13"Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence

only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure."

on "Sharing")

b. The impulse or motivation to live a godly and righteous life should increase as you walk closer to Him each day.

c. The flow of God's Spirit becomes stronger and more apparent as you strive to remove the hidden specks of sin.

5.It sharpens and intensifies our sense of awareness to sin, Satan and the world.

a.Paul said in II Corinthians 2:11"Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices."

b.This he achieved through the power of God's Holy Spirit.

c.God's Spirit will help you also to be on guard, strong and ready to do battle with your foe.

6.It stimulates our memory and grants the power of instant recall.

a.John 14:26"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you."

b.As you yield to God, His Spirit will awaken your memory to the principles, truths,

scriptures or lessons that you may have momentarily forgotten or fallen into disuse.

7.It convicts our conscience when we stray or backslide into sin.

a.Heb. 9:14"How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?"

b.If you know God's will, listen to the wee voice of your conscience — it could be God

speaking to you or bringing you back into a right standing with Him. I Kings 19:12

"...a still small voice."

c. David said in Psalm 119:60"I made haste, and delayed not to keep thy commandments." d. That should be our constant attitude of life.

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8.It imparts the power of instant self-control or instant self-command.

a.Eph 3:20"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." (See also Eph. 1:19)

b.If you really want God's help, it's instantly and readily available to assist you in

surmounting any obstacle or overcoming any sin.

9.It infuses God's very own love not only for the brethren but also for our enemies.

a.Rom. 5:5"And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given to us."

b.Act on the impulse of love whether or not you emotionally feel it.

c.The emotions or feelings of love will always follow.

d.True agape love is an act of the will inspired by God.

10.It imparts the dynamic faith and courage of Christ.

a.The track record should have proved by now that God will never leave you nor forsake

you (Heb. 13:5).

b. And Jesus said, "...lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world" (Matt. 28:20). c. God will give you the very faith and confidence to face any trial or crisis if you will

sincerely ask Him for it.

d. But for it to be effective in your life, you must step out and actively use it.

11.It causes the qualities, character and personality of God in us to flow out to others.

a.John 7:38-39"He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive...)"

b.The happiness, joy and the full abundant life of God in you should flow out to all of

mankind within your reach and be a shining witness to them.

c. You must never forget that you are an ambassador for Christ and stand as one of His representatives on earth.

12.It comforts and reassures us continually that we are God's children and destined for His Kingdom.

a.I John 3:1"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God..."

b.The Holy Spirit is called a Comforter (John 14:26)

c.One of its main functions as Comforter is to remind us of what we are, God's begotten

sons, and were created to become members of His divine family.

d. It strengthens and comforts us in our trials to be strong and endure to the end.

X. As we continue to grow there will be deeper manifestations and advanced stages signifying that we're receiving more of God's Spirit.

A.Examples.

1.As we surrender, yield and obey, it will reveal greater depths of spiritual knowledge, understanding and wisdom.

a.Eph. 1:17-19"... the Father ... may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation

in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened..."

2.It will guide us into deeper truths and enable us to see with increasing clarity God's will and ultimate purpose.

a.John 16:13"... he [it — the Spirit] will guide you into all truth ..."

3.It will proceed with our growth and development by writing God's laws in our hearts and minds with each passing day.

a.Jer. 31:33 "... I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts ..."

4.We will come to have a greater and deeper knowledge of God day by day.

5.We will come to have a more intense desire to please God and live for His glory. (This should become our supreme desire.)

6.Our relationship to God will heighten so that eventually our contact will be steady and increasing.

7.Our love for others will noticeably increase and we'll discover hundreds of heretofore unrecognized ways to serve.

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8.We'll always be concerned about our lack of love for God and Jesus Christ.

9.We will have an increasing awareness of sin within and discover hidden idols we never knew existed.

10.This will lead to an increasing mourning because of sin within us.

11.We will become increasingly sensitive to every approach of sin, evil and temptation.

12.We will become aware in ourselves of breathings, hungerings and thirstings after purity, righteousness and holiness.

13.We will translate such feelings into action.

14.We will grow more and more to be like God by taking on His similarities and likenesses in every aspect of life.

a.We will start resembling Jesus Christ in particular.

b.II Cor. 3:18"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord,

are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

NOTE: A few of the above 14 points are taken from studies of Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones — Bible scholar and writer.

XI. Finally, would you like to know what it would take for God's Church to experience another outpouring of God's Spirit as on the day of Pentecost?

A. To have greater favor with God and more power to do His Work?

B. The answer can be found in Acts 1 and 2.

1.Acts 1:4-8, 12-14"...These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication..."

2.Acts 2:1-4"...they were all with one accord in one place..."

C.The secret, then, is united prayer and supplication by the Church.

D.We all must ask God as a body — as a team — in mutual love and harmony to send forth His Spirit in power and might.

E.This united effort, however, presupposes wholehearted prayer and unreserved surrender to God.

XII. Conclusion.

"This then, is what it means to be led by God's Spirit."

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CHAPTER 19

HOW TO KNOW YOU'VE CHOSEN

THE RIGHT MATE FOR MARRIAGE

I. Choosing a mate in Ancient Israel was not as difficult as today because THE PARENTS DID THE CHOOSING!

A. However, the selection was generally agreed upon by both children and parents.

1.The father did not arbitrarily decide who his children should marry without their involvement or consent as in the movie "Fiddler On The Roof".

2.Parents and children alike mutually discussed the pros and cons of a prospective mate before reaching a decision.

3.There were a few orthodox tribes such as with some Mennonites today who selected mates for their children while the mother was still pregnant. It was a multiple family agreement.

B.Why were the parents intrinsically involved?

1.Because the families were closely knit and the parents held a position of high esteem in the home.

2.The children placed great value on the wisdom, insight and counsel of Mom and Dad.

3.They had unquestioned trust in their parents judgment to lead them to the best possible choice.

C.Another factor: The selection of a mate in Ancient Israel was less complicated than in this modern age.

1.The general lifestyle of most people was simple — mostly agrarian.

2.Their standards and values, expectations and philosophies were similar.

3.Their emotional, mental and physical needs were not as complex or varied.

4.Greater emphasis was placed on preparing youngsters for marriage, starting at a young age, than we see today.

5.Choosing a mate was simpler because parents understood the uniqueness of their children and knew what to look

II. Today's Problem Explored

A.Choosing the ideal mate is more sophisticated and difficult in today's world for the following reasons:

1.The market is bigger.

a.There is a far wider selection of personalities to choose from because social contacts are greater.

b.High school, college, modern transportation and communication provide young people with innumerable social outlets.

c.In olden times, people lived farther apart geographically, thus limiting their chances of exploring the field,

(1)Young eligibles may have had only 5-10 choices.

(2)Today the prospects may be 10-100 times higher.

d.Narrowing the field to the best choice obviously poses a more perplexing problem.

2.Influences outside the home alienate kids from parental guidance.

a.School activities, private parties, etc., are drawing kids away from family social life at a younger age.

b.In many cases, both Mom and Dad are working, leaving youngsters to shift for themselves and leaving the training to others.

c.Because of peer pressure and changing social customs, kids are looking more to each other for solace, comfort, advice and counsel, rather than seeking help from parents.

d.The generation gap starts at a much younger age and carries through the critical adolescent years either because parents are detached from children, don't care, or are ignorant of changing values in society.

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e. Young men and women are leaving home at a much younger age to enter college, embark on a career, or to assume their own private lifestyle because it's the 'in' thing to do.

f. Any one of these points, or a combination of several, can make choosing a mate more overwhelming

3.The poor example of Mom and Dad.

a.If the parents' marriage has been shakey (bickering, nagging, accusing and fighting) the children will have no solid foundation on how to select a mate or on which to build a future marriage.

b.If, on the other hand, there has been a proper example of love, respect and a spirit of cooperation, fellows and girls will be much better equipped to assume the role of a marriage partner.

4.Young men and women today generally have not been taught how to choose a mate.

a.Not only have Mom and Dad been negligent in this area, but the schools, colleges and universities haven't imparted these values either.

b.Left to their own devices, many people marry today with little background or understanding of what it takes to produce a happy married life.

B. Two modern outlooks toward marriage today.

1.Except for the deeply religious people who believe marriage is for life, more and more men and women are marrying on a trial basis.

a.Once the excitement of sex and romance wears off, and the pleasure of living together disappears, "I can always try out somebody new" — they reason.

b.The idea of a contractual marriage is becoming more popular.

(1)A contractual marriage involves a man and woman signing a contract to live together under certain conditions for a specified period of time.

(2)Rules on how to spend money and other domestic regulations are carefully drawn up.

c.Another factor which degrades the sanctity of marriage is the laxity and freedom the courts allow in granting divorce.

2.The other camp disallows marriage and encourages living together with no permanent commitments.

a.A fellow and girl may decide to move into the same apartment and equally share expenses. Both can enjoy free sex and the privileges of married life with no obligations attached.

b.This practice is becoming common in all age brackets and is particularly evidenced on today's college campuses.

c.There is an apartment complex in the Hollywood area that caters only to single people. No married couples are allowed.

3.People today sometimes marry for entirely wrong reasons.

a.This includes some people even in God's Church.

b.They marry solely to fill a need without first determining if they truly are in love.

c.What are these needs or reasons?

(1)To escape a bad home situation.

(a)Overly strict father.

(b)Lack of affection.

(c)Large family — deprived of physical needs.

(d)Broken home

(2)Sexual needs.

(3)Loneliness.

(4)Man needs a housekeeper.

(5)For security.

(6)Peer pressure — friends are tying the knot.

(7)Fear of growing old and being overlooked.

(8)Wanting to identify with the adult status-quo society.

(9)Bored with present life.

(10)Fed up with roommates moving in-and-out, and the whole insecurity involved in single life.

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(11)Never planned any goals that would preempt or postpone marriage (a function more of nothing to stop me than I really want this ).

(12)For the family status and maturity attached to it in the employment world.

(13)Woman is tired of providing for herself.

(14)"I may not get another chance."

(15)I've been praying for a husband — this must be him.

(16)Widow left without a provider.

(17)Widower left without a companion — may have children.

d.Marrying someone without first getting to know him or her can spell disaster downstream.

(1)Keep a lid on emotions (or lusts).

(2)Don't accept the first person who seems right and shows an interest in you.

(3)Spend sufficient time getting to know the individual before plunging into what's probably the most important physical decision you'll ever make.

III.The Analogy of a Beauty Contest

A.The process of selecting the right mate for marriage can be compared to a Miss USA pageant or Mr. America contest.

B.There are numerous contestants to choose from — the challenge is narrowing the field to the most compatible choice.

IV. General Principles to Keep in Mind While Dating

A. Date widely to experience a wide range of personalities

1.Lay a foundation — explore as much of the market as possible.

2.Don't limit yourself to the first few people who come into your life.

3.Study the reasons why you can interface with some people and can't with others.

4.Nail down the personality and character traits that you are attracted to.

5.If you rush marriage without this vital knowledge, you may regret it later in life.

B.Don't get involved too young.

1.Experience the rich opportunities youth has to offer

2.Don't give up your freedom until you've matured and are fully prepared to settle down.

a.This applies to going steady.

b.Or, having an understanding.

3.Burn out of your system the exciting adventures youth cries out for.

a.Parties, fun, challenges.

b.School, travel and exploration.

4.Marriage is an adult decision. Kids haven't been on their own long enough to have the knowledge, wisdom and experience to face the demands, adjustments and sacrifices of married life.

C.Don't confuse love with physical attraction and sex appeal.

1.Bodily stimulation or eye appeal is not the way to measure true love.

2.Feelings, heart palpitations and bodily lusts are powerful stimulants, but they can be misleading. Unless mature, they usually prevent one from being objective.

D.Don't let infatuation or emotions sway you into making a premature decision.

1.What is infatuation? How can you recognize it?

a.Infatuation is a starry-eyed experience — a romantic daydream — that stirs up the emotions and causes one to think, "This feeling has to be love". Don't try to convince me otherwise. It's heavenly, divine — it'll go on forever.

b.However, those who are older and wiser will tell you that this 'experience' will generally fade with time.

c.Emotional flutterings can be very tricky unless one is mature enough to understand the true meaning of love.

d.Marriage in essence is more mental than emotional.

e.It should be based on a foundation of facts, knowledge and a depth of experience.

f.It's a mental decision — well thought-out and studied over a period of time (weeks, months).

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E. Concentrate on preparing yourself

1.Don't just "happen" into marriage without giving thought to the physical and spiritual implications involved

2.Study your role — know what's expected and required.

3.Start collecting information on the subject.

4.Spiritual preparation.

a.Read the Bible and let God define your role.

b.Seek good counsel from those you respect and place confidence in.

c.Carefully select the best books on the market.

d.Make this one of your first goals in preparing for marriage.

5.Physical preparation.

MEN:

a. Have a career nailed down. b. Money in the bank (hopefully).

c. Try to have all big debts paid off.

d. Avoid if at all possible having to borrow money to pay for wedding expenses.

e. It's wiser and more expedient to start out as a success in life than to marry first and hope things will pan out.

WOMEN:

a. Start building a hope chest, b. Learn the art of homemaking.

c. Try to be financially solvent and avoid bequeathing to your husband heavy financial burdens.

d. Acquaint yourself with the rules of etiquette, entertaining and social awareness. e. Prepare for motherhood.

F. From your dating experiences, start forming a concept of the person you'd like to marry.

1.Create a flexible mental picture of the kind of personality, character, and standards you hope to find in a mite.

a.It's wise to seek counsel from parents, friends, ministers, etc., in your search for answers.

b.Remember, however, that the final decision is yours.

2.Determine what qualities you will not compromise on.

a.Lack of conversion.

b.Vulgarity — crassness.

c.Laziness — irresponsibility.

3.Traits you would like to see, but are not indispensable

a.Beauty — handsomeness.

b.Similar cultural interests.

c.Financial status.

4.Keep an open mind — relationships do grow and develop over a period of time.

5.Get to know a person well before you cross him off your list.

V. How To Narrow The Field Down to the Finalists.

A.Keep in mind there are many people you could marry and be happy with.

1.There probably isn't that one perfect human being on earth who could satisfy all the requirements.

2.The task is to begin a process of selection based on the soundest facts, advice, and experience you have available.

3.We are assuming, of course, that those you are interested in have expressed a similar interest in you.

B.The procedure.

1.Pray that God will lead you to the right person.

a.In virtually every case of young couples from AC who are enjoying a successful marriage, they have stated that they first sought God's guidance through prayer.

b.If one in God's Church decides he can go it alone without God's help, he stands a greater risk of crashing on the rocks when conditions get shakey

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c. God promises, "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Prov. 3:6), and "Delight thyself in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart" (Psalm 37:4)

d. Clearly, your chances of finding the ideal mate are many times greater by looking to God in faith.

2.Look for one who is physically attractive to you.

a.There should be a spark (a strong physical appeal) that ignites a relationship. However, it's different from the 'puppy love' or infatuation discussed earlier.

b.We call this body chemistry, physical magnitism, or sex appeal.

(1)It's a mature attraction that mutually draws two people close together and causes them to want express warmth, gentleness, and tenderness to each other.

(2)Even if all other qualities exist, but this characteristic is missing, an attitude of familiarity and contempt can emerge later.

(3)This is not meant to say you can never learn to love someone who's not physically appealing to you; you can grow to love people for other qualities or reasons, as in the case of older people.

(4)However, if there's any physical weakness or repulsive feature that bothers you, bugs you, irritates you, or drives you to distraction, you should settle the matter honestly in your mind before saying "I do."

(a)Long nose

(b)Bald head

(c)Figure

(d)Birthmark

(e)Tendency to be overweight

(f)Bad breath

(g)Snapping knuckles

(h)Piercing, strident voice

(i)Etc.

3.Personality.

a.After having dated widely among the "50 or so contestants" you should begin to sense which personalities harmonize with yours.

b.Be aware of these points:

(1)Common interests.

(a)Do you have the same likes and dislikes?

(b)The more you have in common, the more material you'll have for conversation.

(c)Do you enjoy doing the same kinds of things?

1.Recreation

2.Exercise

3.Music

(2)Rapport

(a)Do you feel relaxed and comfortable around each other her?

1.Laugh and talk sincerely

2.No pretense

(b)Do you see eye-to-eye on most things?

(c)What is the after-effect of seeing each other?

1.Depressed

2.Uplifted

3.Upset

4.Happy

(d)How well does he or she react or interface with other people?

(3)Dominance or leadership

(a)Is the man the leader he should be?

1.Not domineering — gruff, demanding, austere.

2.The woman wants to be put in her place when done the right way.

a.She is frustrated if she doesn't have a head to look up to.

b.She will not respect the man she can twist around her little finger.

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(4)Submission

(a)Is she humbly submissive?

(b)Not a groveling door mat.

(c)A gracious, kind, respectful, well lady?

(d)One when shows submission through a genuine spirit of service and sacrifice.

(5)Peculiarities

(a)what are they?

(b)Are there things about his/her personality that really turn you off?

1.Stares before responding to a question.

2.Extremely shy and withdrawn.

3.Uncouth manners while eating.

4.Talks your head off.

(c)It is not Christian to totally shun such people.

(d)But neither is it wise to marry a person you may even like whose idiosyncrasies you hope to transform after you re married.

4.Temperament

a.Is the person high strung, irritable, negative, pessimistic, critical?

b.Does he/she overly react to minor irritations and blow a fuse when things go wrong?

c.Does the person pout, sulk, or fly off the handle when provoked or insulted?

d.Is he/she even-tempered, emotionally well-balanced?

(1)Does the person quickly regain self-composure and bounce back?

(2)Look for trends and consistent patterns.

e.There'll be fireworks in your marriage if temperaments don't mix.

5.Values and Likemindedness

a.These are the principles and standards that have been instilled in you through upbringing.

b.Do you share similar convictions? Do you really see things alike?

c.Examples:

(1)She may be a sloppy housekeeper — he's pickey and fastidious.

(2)He may have liberal views on sex — she's more reserved.

(3)One believes in parental discipline — the other is mild, easy-going and believes in using the paddle as a last resort.

(4)One is a spendthrift — the other a tight-wad

(5)One is industrious — the other indifferent or lazy

d.If your spirits don't blend or if there are wide gaps and contrasts in your values, making a go of marriage will be a strain.

6.Intellectual compatibility

a.Are you mentally stimulating to each other,

b.Is she smarter than you (higher IQ) — the intellectual type who likes to study, gather information and attend lectures?

(1)The man will generally feel inferior and may resort to putting her down in order to override his inadequacy,

(2)He will probably start to domineer, thus causing friction.

c.Is he the intellectual type, while you're more practical minded? Or is he idealistic and philosophical, while your interests are more domestics

d.Explore each other's minds to be sure you are mentally suited.

(1)This is one reason why dates should be more than fun and frolic, giggles and laughter.

(2)A good date will encourage mental stimulation.

7.Maturity

a.This is that quality of intellect that differentiates between what's important and unimportant — essential and non-essential. It's the mark of a sound. stable mind whose outlook is realistic, practical and objective.

b.A mature mind sees the big picture — the overview. An immature mind sees only the small points — is prejudiced biased, and intolerant,

c.A mature mind sees long-range — has set clear goals. An immature mind is shortsighted and lives for the present.

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d. It has to do with emotional maturity

e. Maturity=unselfishness; immaturity=selfishness.

f. A mature person has grown wise through the school of hard knocks — he also has learned from the experiences of others.

g. Look for the person who's maturity level matches yours.

8.Communication

a.Can you freely talk about any subject without fear of rejection?

b.Are you both an open book?

c.Do you find each other stimulating and exciting?

d.Do you listen attentively to each other and draw the best out?

e.Can you disagree without insulting the other?

f.Can you talk for hours and hours without running out of something to say?

g.Do you really try to see and understand the other's point of view?

h.Little talk before marriage = no talk after marriage.

9.Heredity physical and mental health

a.Are there any serious deficiencies in these areas?

(1)Epilepsy

(2)Emotional disturbances

(3)Physical deformities

(4)Frailties

(5)Inherent diseases

(a)Diabetes

(b)Etc.

b.Does the person have a history of drug abuse or alcoholism?

c.All these points should be carefully weighed in the balance before getting too emotionally carried away.

10.Conversion

a.Even though one may meet all the foregoing requirements, if he or she is not converted your marriage could be hindered.

(1)Walking with God will enable one who's deeply converted to surmount almost any problem that may arise in marriage.

(2)If either partner is a spiritual drag, the chances of a smooth-sailing relationship will be greatly diminished.

VI. How to know if you've made the right choice

A. Assume that you've narrowed the field to one person.

B. Both of you seem to be ideally suited — having met all the foregoing qualifications. C. How can you be sure if you're making the right decision?

D. The final checklist

1.Get to know the person as your closest friend.

a.This can be accomplished only through spending time together and becoming part of each other's life.

b.Don't put on a facade — no fronts, no airs, no false impressions — be yourself.

c.You will come to understand the emotional, mental and spiritual makeup of your prospective mate only by seeing him/her in all manner of situations.

(1)How does he react in a traffic jam?

(2)How does he handle failure and disappointment?

(3)Dow does she respond to situations when called on to sacrifice?

(4)Does she honor your decisions?

(5)Do you mutually work together to understand each other's needs and viewpoints?

(6)Is he or she selfish? Headstrong? Intolerant of your views? Inconsiderate?

d.Talk, talk, talk until you completely know each other inside and out.

(1)The two main sources of knowing what another is like is through observing his example and listening to him talk.

(2)The Bible says, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."

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(3)Listen and learn. When one feels confident in your presence, he will empty his soul.

(4)You can tell how deep he runs, the quality of character, and whether or not he fears God.

(5)Is he or she full of empty mouthings and "blather"?

(6)Is there substance in his heart or only shadow?

(7)Time will tell.

e.Many married couples have said that in the end, came to marry their closest friend.

2.Meet the family.

a.Do they like you?

b.Do you like them?

c.Do your standards, principles, philosophies, outlooks harmonize?

d.Is the family stable?

e.What attitude does your prospective mate express toward his parents?

f.Remember that the general disposition and temperament of the parents will generally be passed on to the children.

g.Discreetly do your homework and get all the background that you can.

(1)Much of this can be acquired through observation.

3.In your heart, do you believe the person is prepared for marriage?

a.Does this individual truly desire to play the part of husband or wife?

b.Is he or she ready to assume the responsibilities of parenthood?

c.Are both of you willing to forego your independence and personal rights and submit to each other'

d.When getting down to the wire you may discover in some cases it's still too soon — you both may need a little more time to mature.

e.Chances of this type problem surfacing is very unlikely at this stage of the game.

4.Does the prospective mate truly accept you for what you are, the way you are?

a.It is disastrous, if not fraudulent, to marry another human being with the intent of remaking, remodeling, or overhauling his personality and character.

b.If after you have progressed this far there are things that still bug you, embarrass you or upset you about each other, you'd be wise to reconsider.

c.If the many good qualities that have attracted you to each other do not overshadow the minor differences, the relationship is not based on love.

d.True love is total acceptance — regardless of the other's faults.

e.This is not to say that two married people should not help each other to grow and to smooth out the rough edges.

5.Can you communicate beyond mere talk?

a.There will always be people you can converse with on any subject. Your views, opinions and ideas click.

b.The communication we're talking about here goes far deeper.

c.This type of communication has to do with sharing, caring, feeling, being deeply concerned about the other's welfare.

d.It has to do with finding out the needs of the other and making compromises and adjustments in your own life in order to make him or her happy.

e.It involves reaching mutual decisions — working your heart out to please the other.

6.Know beyond question the person truly loves you.

a.He/she will be highly sensitized to your needs — will sense when things aren't going right, when you're disappointed or frustrated.

b.He will work toward helping you reach your dreams; will encourage you, stand behind you, defend you; will think nothing of putting your interests first.

c.A demonstration of this love will not be erratic with wide breaks and gaps; but will be consistent over the long haul.

7.How to know your love is real.

a.Respect is the key

(1)There are many kinds, or definitions of love

(a)Kindness

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(b)Compassion

(c)Empathy

(d)Romantic

(2)All are necessary for a stable, lasting marriage — but none sufficient by themselves.

(a)These types of love (especially the "romantic") may wane with familiarity,

weight change, baldness, wrinkles, etc.

(b)The necessary ingredient that will really secure your marriage is respect.

(c)Do you AWE him?

1.(Eph. 5:33) 'and the wife see that she reverence her husband.'

2.(I Pet. 3:6) "... Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord "....

3.Do you love and respect him so much that there is nothing (except sin) you wouldn't do for him?

(d)Do you HONOR her with the respect you would show a queen?

1.(Eph. 5:25) 'Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.'

2.Is she super special — not just because of sex or beauty, but because of character?

(e)Consider these questions:

1.Do you really think highly of his her innate qualities?

2.Their ability to make good decisions?

3.Their common sense? — Do you have a certain confidence they won't do something foolish?

4.Do they disrespect or compromise with Church government?

5.Do they uphold God's standards of conduct?

6.What about self-control? Does he she lose his temper easily?

7.Is there stability and strength — or are they flighty or over-emotional?

8.How do they react under stress or in an emergency?

9.Do you approve of the way they handle financial matters?

10.How do they react to frustration and disappointment?

11.Do you feel really secure with this person?

b.If you have a positive reaction to all these questions, then you possess the necessary respect to surmount any obstacles that may arise in marriage.

8.TOTAL COMMITMENT — the supreme test of true love.

a.At conversion we submitted our wills, surrendered our lives, gave our all to God.

(1)There were no reservations — no qualifying conditions — no strings attached.

(2)We counted the cost and completely thought the decision through.

b.On the human plane, marriage should be viewed in the same light.

(1)It's a total commitment for life.

(2)Both parties have weighed the facts and have agreed to accept each other, work together, grow together, share together until death.

c.This is what God means when He says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24) (Also Matt. 19:5 and Mark 10:7.)

d.Marriage is a uniting of minds, hearts, emotions, thoughts, hopes, plans, dreams, and spirits.

e.It can be compared to working with two soft clumps of clay — until they blend into one.

f.Have you submitted your wills to each other?

(1)Are you truly willing to share everything together?

(a) Your innermost thoughts.

(c) Your body.

(b) Your time.

(d) Your income.

(2)Can you be servants to each other?

(a)In principle this means do more giving than receiving.

(b)It means sharing responsibilities

1.Are you willing to do his dirty laundry?

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2.Are you willing to help with housework if your wife works or gets sick?

(c)Do you prefer the other over yourself?

g.Are you willing to lay your life down?

(1)Jacob worked 14 years in order to marry the wife of his dreams.

(2)Christ is going to marry His bride — the Church.

(a)While on earth, He gave His life as a prospective bridegroom.

(b)But in a sense, He is now laying His life down for her every day — by protecting her, defending her, providing her every need.

(c)Read Eph. 5:22-33.

(d)Are you willing to go this far?

h.Marriage is a permanent decision.

(1)It's for life.

(2)And what God joins together, let no man put asunder — including you who take each other as husband and wife.

ONE FINAL NOTE:

Finding a mate should not be a scientific, legalistic exercise where you go down a list of minute points, checking off every tiny detail.

The important thing is to grow in the knowledge of what marriage entails. Prepare yourself. When you've had sufficient exposure to a variety of personalities, form in your mind an overall, general pic- ture to marry. Keep an open mind. Pray for guidance.

Relax and don't try too hard. If you embark on a program of trying to find Mr. or Miss Perfect you can become more confused than ever. No such creature exists.

This lecture is designed to give you a concept of what steps to take in preparing for marriage. Put them to use and then ask God to help you make the right choice.

-END-

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HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE

LIKE YOU INSTANTLY

I. Have you ever wondered why you are attracted to some people, but repelled by others? A. What is this enigma that makes human beings so unique and distinctively different?

B. Why are some types friendly, approachable and easy to get to know, while others are distant, shy and defensive?

II.Take any kind of situation where you come in contact with people:

A.At a party, dance, church service or school.

B.At a bus depot, supermarket or bank.

C.Regardless of where you go, you'll meet people whose personalities differ — some you'll like, others you'll dislike.

D.How do you explain this phenomena?

III.How do you suppose you as an individual come across?

A.Are you liked, popular, respected?

B.Do you measure up to the norm of social acceptance?

C.Do you have a lot of friends?

D.Make no mistake about it, you and I do leave our marks.

E.We are sized up, compared, evaluated and categorized — put in a niche — by the type of person we are and the kind of impression we make.

IV. The purpose of this lecture is to help you become socially well-adjusted and to attain ease, naturalness and confidence in dealing with people.

A. We will explore and isolate the barriers causing us trouble.

B. We will enumerate and discuss the do's and don'ts of social awareness.

C. In short, we will reveal the secret of how to cause people to like us instantly.

V. To begin, let's talk about a vital fact concerning human behavior you may never have known before. A. It's a concept that when fully understood should change your attitude toward others and your

total approach to life.

B. That fact is: "Every human being radiates and surrounds himself with a distinct magnetic field." C. We may describe this field as:

1.An aura, personality, or self-image.

2.A flow or outpouring of one's inner self, or mental attitude.

3.In some, we may call it: charisma, charm, magnetism, vitality, intensity, enthusiasm, etc.

4.In others, we call it: self-consciousness, inferiority, fear, sarcasm, cynicism, selfishness, immaturity, etc.

D.Whatever its correct name, it's real, and living — we've all experienced it, felt it, sensed it and seen it.

VI. This brings us to a second significant fact about understanding people — there are two broad and general types.

A. These types are:

1.Positive

2.Negative

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B. Herein lies the secret of why we are attracted to some people — and repelled by others. C. Just as with a physical magnet having opposite poles, so it is with people.

1.One category attracts — draws you to them.

2.The other repels — drives you away.

D.There are occasions when we all play both roles — but generally we are bent toward one or the other.

E.Which end of the magnetic pole do you represent?

1.Negative? or positive?

2.Make no mistake, it's one or the other.

3.Whichever it is determines largely your social standing in life.

a.Whether you are liked or disliked.

b.Whether you attract or repel.

c.Whether you have few or many friends.

4.Generally you can determine whether your nature is negative or positive by the reactions of those with whom you come into contact.

VII. This lecture is divided into two parts:

A. The negative personality, and how to overcome it.

B. The positive personality, and how to attain it.

THE NEGATIVE PERSONALITY

I. How it manifests itself.

A. Physical manifestations.

1.Facial expressions

a.An unhappy face.

(1)The absence of joy.

(2)Little smile, if any.

(3)Worry wrinkles.

(4)Eyes that reflect depression, frustration, inferiority.

(5)Lack of direct eye contact which signifies insecurity and self-consciousness.

b.A proud and arrogant countenance.

(1)A cocky expression that indicates a high degree of haughtiness, pride, vain self-importance, contempt for others.

(2)An overbearing, critical look.

(3)A sensual, self-indulgent look.

(4)Turned-up nose — snobbish.

2.Body language.

a.The slovenly type.

(1)Lazy — an "I don't care" attitude.

(a)Slow movements.

(b)Droopy shoulders.

(c)Weak posture and muscle tone.

b.The brazen type.

(1)Audacious, bold, flamboyant.

(a)Gesticulates wildly.

(b)Swaggers — calculates movements to look impressive.

(c)Sensual, over-sexy.

(d)The arrogant, blustery, take-over type.

3.Tone of voice.

a.many varieties.

(1)Mousey, quiet, soft-spoken type.

(2)Boisterous, loud, laughs uproariously.

(3)Sensual, seductive, temptuous.

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4.Grooming and appearance.

a.Different manifestations.

(1)Flashy and gaudy clothes — improper blends.

(2)Scrubby shoes.

(3)Wrinkled and unpressed clothing.

(4)Dirty and untrimmed nails.

(5)unwashed ears.

(6)Unsightly dandruff.

(7)Scented and unaired clothing.

(8)Bad breath.

(9)Body odor.

5.Temperament.

a.General varieties.

(1)Moody, selfish, immature.

(2)Reactionary, critical, defensive, picky.

(3)High-strung, proud, vain, impatient.

(4)Doormat types

6.Other general manifestations.

a.Self-consciousness.

(1)Shy and reticent in a crowd.

(2)Tends to keep to himself.

(3)Is prone to magnify his mistakes, thinks the worst about himself and feels that others do too.

(4)Stays in the background and lets others take the lead.

(5)Awkward and unsure of himself in unfamiliar situations.

b.Self-centeredness.

(1)Impetuous and self-indulgent.

(2)Is generally first in the food line; goes back for seconds before all have been served.

(3)Tends to make excuses when called upon to serve.

(4)Tries to make friends, but for selfish reasons.

(a)To fill a longing need.

(b)To be liked, respected and loved by others — but people can soon read this and will resent it.

(5)Seems to be generally insensitive to the comfort, welfare and feelings of others.

c.Self-righteousness.

(1)Such a person reflects a "holier than thou" attitude and is pleased within himself that he is not like other men.

(2)Thinks he is worshipping God, when in reality he is worshipping himself.

(3)Is quick to criticize, condemn and look down on others for not measuring up to his spiritual standards.

(4)Volunteers advice and correction, whether asked for or not.

(5)Readily discovers faults and sins, but is unwilling to forgive and encourage.

d.Self-pity.

(1)Exaggerates his aches, pairs, and is preoccupied with his health in general.

(2)Whines and feels sorry for self.

(3)Is prone to accuse or place the blame on others when things go wrong.

(4)Tends to be emotional and cries easily.

(5)Is moody, temperamental and unstable — is generally weak in mind, heart and spirit.

e.Immaturity.

(1)Is short-tempered, petulant, tactless and quick to tell people off.

(2)Is known for angry outbursts and crying jags.

(3)Oversensitive to criticism.

(4)Pouts and is easily bent out of shape.

(5)Has been known to slam doors or roar down the highway at excessive speeds.

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f. Fear of failure.

(1)Doubts his abilities.

(2)Reluctant to step out and take chances for fear of making a mistake.

(3)Makes excuses and justifies his lack of achievements.

(4)Hasn't fully discovered his talents because he's afraid to try something new.

(5)His biggest fear is opinions of people, not so much with failing itself. g. Arrogance and superiority.

(1)This type of person delights in arguing, debating and challenging your views.

(2)Has strong opinions of his own but is intolerant of the viewpoints of others.

(3)Plays the role of Mr. Jr. Executive when it comes to giving orders — is

hard-driving, impatient and overbearing.

(4)Is known to pressure people into making decisions or doing favors for them, even though friends are reluctant.

(5)Tends to be self-willed and stubborn — and determined to have his way.

h.Critical and condemning of others.

(1)Is always questioning decisions and imputing motives.

(2)Is an eagle-eyed ogre — thinking the worst, speaking the worst, seeing the worst in every situation.

(3)Is cranky, suspicious and hard-to-get-along-with.

(4)Considers himself an authority in all matters.

(5)A critical negative philosophy toward life and people underlies his basic behavior.

i.Boastful and proud.

(1)Oftentimes is the intellectual type who is well-read and flaunts his knowledge.

(2)Brags, boasts and is forever calling attention to himself and his successes.

(3)Advertises his abilities, skills and talents at every opportune moment.

(4)Take out the "I's, me's, and mines" from this person's conversation and there would be little left.

(5)Is unaware he's obnoxious and unpopular.

j.Disregard for the rights and feelings of others.

(1)Monopolizes the conversation.

(2)Tries to be the life of the party, "King of the Mountain," the court jester.

(3)Is more concerned with selling himself than with drawing out others.

(4)Is the first to make suggestions instead of allowing others to express their wishes.

(5)Tries to be cute and clever by using sarcasm in putting people down.

II. Why do people have a negative attitude?

A.The basic cause.

1.The underlying cause of a negative mental attitude (or personality) is a deep-seated feeling of inferiority or low self-image.

2.It is this deep lack of self-esteem and confidence that causes people to transmit a negative magnetic field.

B.Many of these inhibitions originate in childhood and carry over into adult life.

1.Parents neglected to instill a positive outlook on life and a right kind of self-confidence.

2.Lack of love and outward affection in the home.

3.Lack of encouragement and proper motivation.

4.Lack of recognition for a job well done.

5.Lack of sufficient well-rounded experiences to broaden one's background.

6.Lack of training in learning how to love and get along with others.

7.Ridicule, rejection and discrimination at school, on the playground, at church, etc.

8.More pangs of failure than joys of success.

C.Whatever the causesa negative mental attitude essentially boils down to disrespect for self or self-hatred.

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THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE

I. We come now to the question of how to face up to our problem and acquire the kind of attitude that will give us a positive outlook on life.

A. The place to start is with conversion and a right relationship with God.

1.You are to crucify and bury the OLD SELF.

a.Romans 6:1-6 = "Crucify the self."

b.Col. 3.1-10 = "Mortify members."

2.The old self is to die — that self which we inwardly detest and makes us self-conscious and miserable.

B.After baptism you become a new creature in Christ.

1.II Cor. 5:17 = "We are a new creature in Christ."

2.Gal. 2:20 = "Christ lives in me ...."

C.With Christ now living His life in you, you've been given a new mind, a new life, a new outlook.

1.Philip. 2:5 = "Let this mind be in you ...."

D.It's this new mind that imparts to you a positive mental attitude.

1.John 7:37-39 = "Out of his belly shall flow rivers of living waters."

2.Gal. 5:22-23 = "Fruits of spirit."

E.In reality, you should never feel inferior again.

1.The life you're now living is not your life, but is a new life in Christ.

2.You've been delivered from the chains of the past — made free to live a bright and superior future.

3.Come to see yourself in this new light and you'll begin to reflect a positive mental attitude.

F.Develop a right confidence in yourself.

1.If you continue to feel you are inadequate — you will be inadequate.

2.Make a firm commitment you are going to do something about your negative self and start living the kind of existence that will attract people to the qualities of God in you.

II. Where do we begin?

A.Points to put into practice.

1.Gear your mind to think of others first.

a.Become people oriented — conscious, aware of their presence.

b.We rub shoulders with people almost every day of our lives.

c.Train your mind to think of others first.

d.We should be the friendliest, easiest to get-to-know people on earth.

e.The Bible tells us to honor all men — which is another way of loving your neighbor as yourself

2.Express genuine interest in other people.

a.People are not interested in you and me.

b.Let's face it — they are interested in themselves morning, noon and night.

c.Listen for clues that will give you an idea of what's on people's minds.

d.Let your concern come through by giving attention to those with whom you have to do.

e.Be helpful, thoughtful — do what you can to encourage and make people happy.

3.Smile.

a.Actions speak louder than words.

b.A smile tells people we respect them, we are glad to see them, we are happy to be with them.

c.A smile must be genuine and sincere — a false, shallow grin won't do.

d.The kind of person you are will generally shine through your face and especially through your smile.

e.A warm, radiant, sincere smile is the first thing people will notice, make a good first impression and attract you to them.

4.Be the first to speak.

a.Take the initiative — be the first to say "hello" or to shake hands.

b.This especially applies to meeting strangers and making new acquaintances — on a plane, bus, taxi — at a dance, party, church, etc.

c.Just because others appear cool, unfriendly or disinterested, doesn't mean they want to be.

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d. They may be suffering from some of the syndromes mentioned earlier — afraid to step out, self-conscious, inhibited, etc.

5.Radiate warmth and positive friendship.

a.Be cheerful — always look on the bright side of life.

b.A whinning, negative person is a drag and a bore.

c.Remember the example of the rose bud and how that the warm sunshine opens its petals?

d.Try to reflect that kind of attitude to others — and they will truly love you for it.

e.Assume people will like you and you'll find they will.

6.Be responsive and approachable.

a.Respond to their humor — if it's clean and decent.

b.If they commit a faux pas — help them to save face.

c.Show an interest in their conversation — ask questions about details, ideas, etc., they're communicating.

d.Be approachable — make it easy for people to talk to you by showing them attention.

e.Your goal is to help people relax and feel comfortable around you.

7.Get others talking about subjects they're familiar with or are interested in.

a.To do this you may have to gently probe and ask intelligent questions.

b.Look for common ground.

c.An accent, type of clothing (cowboy hat and boots, a striking piece of jewelry), etc., are clues of where to start to break the ice.

d.Experiences in the ministry — the way we size up people and develop insight.

e.Inquire about their home state, home town — a description of the land (mountains, streams, unusual characteristics, etc.).

8.Sincerely compliment people and notice little things.

a.This point covers a wide range of observations.

b.Taste in clothing, hairstyle, well organized apartment, good food, quality wine, clean and neat appearance.

c.By being observant, others will consider you an alert and discerning person.

d.Caution: Don't overdo this, but when you do be sure it's genuine.

e.Notice little things.

9.Make other people feel important and do it sincerely.

a.This is a great law regulating human conduct.

b.If obeyed, this principle will bring us many, many friends.

c.If disregarded, our social troubles will be many.

d.Recognize the abilities, skills and talents of others.

e.Demonstrate high regard for their expertise and accomplishments.

f.Example of how to treat a waitress who's brought you mashed potatoes instead of fries. "I'm very sorry to trouble you, but I prefer fries."

g.Such expressions as: "Thank you," "Would you please..." are expressions that let others know you like them and recognize them as being special and unique.

h.Dale Carnegie's book on "How To win Friends and Influence People" contains outstanding suggestions as in the above point.

10.Be a good listener: Encourage others to talk about themselves.

a.Quote following from Dale Carnegie's article:

"If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other fellow is talking, don't wait for him to fin- ish. Bust right in and interrupt him in the middle of a sentence. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. Ask questions that the other man will enjoy answering. Encourage him to talk about himself and his accomplishments.

"Remember that the man you are talking to is a hundred times more interested in him- self and his wants and his problems than he is in you and your problems. His toothache means more to him than a famine in China that kills a million people. A boil on his neck interests him more than 40 earthquakes in Africa.

"Think of that the next time you start a conversation."

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b. Avoid gestures that make you appear nervous and fidgety and anxious to get on to other things.

c. Take the time to listen — don't hurry the person who's talking. d. Treat him as you would want to be treated.

e. Indifference to his feelings causes him to think he's unimportant in your eyes and sets up barriers of communication.

11.See the good qualities in people.

a.If you want to be liked, recognize the good side of others.

b.People with big minds do this — people with little minds tend only to see the bad.

c.Personality differences can blind you to what people are really like.

d.You can learn vital lessons from fellow humans by studying their behavior and listening to them talk.

12.Consider the fragile feelings of others before you disagree.

a.Nothing will sour people against you as quickly as showing up their ignorance by displaying your own superior knowledge.

b.Healthy give-and-take may be fine among friends — but beware when you challenge, attack or put down others whose ideas differ from your own. They'll deeply resent it.

c.It's best to ignore little mistakes others make.

d.If you must disagree, do it agreeably — with utmost tact and kindness, considering how tender the human ego is.

13.Get to know people and accept them for what they are.

a.It's grossly unfair, if indeed not cruel, to draw conclusions from the first impression they make.

b.They may have been ill, nervous, self-conscious or a dozen different things under the circumstances in which you met them.

c.People are generally not that open with you at first.

d.It takes time to build friendships — time for trusts and confidences to grow.

e.Who's to say your analysis is right? Do you want to be labeled and categorized as substandard?

f.God may see things differently from you because He looks on the heart and knows us all intimately.

g.God may love deeply the person you dislike. We need to beware.

h.Instead of condemning others — we need to uphold them and protect their reputation.

14.Be an interesting conversationalist without calling attention to yourself.

a.Talk about ideas, concepts, philosophies, experiences — but keep yourself in the background.

b.The Bible says, "Let others praise you and not you with your own mouth."

c.A person who's sold on himself, thinks well of himself — is often seen telling others about it. He puts in a good word on his behalf at every opportunity.

d.Concentrate on the other guy and his best interest and you'll make a much better conversationalist.

15.Be open, honest and genuinely humble.

a.Be yourself — let your own unique personality hang out.

b.Don't be afraid to let others see you for what you are.

c.There's no other person on earth like you — why try to hide it?

d.Express your views — but be open minded to what others have to say.

e.Give credit where due — you and I haven't gotten where we are today alone.

f.A genuinely well-disciplined, mature person is a disarming person generally loved by all.

16.Think of each person you meet as a potential son of God.

a.This is how Christ views people.

b.He placed such great value on human life and man's potential that He came to die for him.

c.His love for people was continually manifested.

d.This attitude should permeate our thinking.

e.We need to keep this concept always before us as we interface with people.

f.Some day, we will share eternity together.

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III.Two final wrap-up points:

A.Not every person we meet will become a close personal friend.

1.We must recognize human differences and realize that we will not always see things eye-to-eye, share the same tastes, philosophies, etc.

2.We must try, however, to respect the rights of all, value the things they consider dear and important, and as much as lies within us, to love and express friendship toward all men.

B.Realize that to implement these suggestions will take time.

1.Many of these points we can apply immediately.

2.But to become a master in the art of human relations may require days, weeks and months of diligent effort and discipline.

3.Isn't the reward worth it?

IV. In summary, what must you do to get people to like you?

A. Solomon summarized it beautifully and succinctly when he said: "He who has friends must show himself friendly" (Prov. 18:24).

B. Christ said: "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matt. 22:39).

C. The key is to turn the question around: "The way to get people to like you is to genuinely develop an interest in them."

D. If you do this, you will never lack for friends.

-END-

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COMMUNICATION BARRIERS BETWEEN

THE SEXES: HOW TO SOLVE THEM

I. WHY IS IT THAT MEN AND WOMEN AT TIMES HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER?

A. When a fellow and girl engage in conversation, chances are there will be uncomfortable silences, strain, and nervous tension.

B. Motives are often suspicioned and language and actions are misunderstood.

C. Why are men and women afraid to relax and be themselves around one another?

D. Why can't they relate to each other without all the hassle, anxiety and self-conscious fear?

II.WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF COMMUNICATION BARRIERS AND WHAT CAN BE DONE TO OVERCOME THEM?

A.Today, we're going to explore this subject and offer a number of practical helps.

B.To do this, we will discuss three major areas:

1.External causes.

2.Personal hang-ups and acquired fears.

3.Recommendations and solutions.

III.LET'S BEGIN BY EXAMINING THE EXTERNAL CAUSES. A. Eight points:

1.Indwelling sin or an inherent bent toward self-centeredness.

a.When Adam and Eve sinned, they cut themselves off from God's Spirit that would have filled them with outgoing concern and love toward others.

b.But they forfeited His gracious gift, and instead took on the greedy, grasping and

self-seeking nature of Satan.

c. A number of scriptures indicate that this evil and selfish bent was passed on to their children. (Ps. 51:5; Ps. 58:3; Eph. 2:3)

d. Thus, you and I became the children of Satan, filled with lust, pride and vanity.

e. It is this evil pull within that causes the conflict and grief we often experience in human relationships.

2.A negative self-image, infused by Satan.

a.One of Satan's most damaging tactics is to destroy our sense of self-worth.

b.He does this by assaulting our conscience and reminding us of how guilty and sinful we are.

c.He causes us to think we're hopeless failures and unworthy of God's forgiveness or the acceptance of fellow man.

d.This self-condemned, rejected attitude carries over into our social life producing anxiety and inhibitions.

3.Poor family upbringing or a negative home environment.

a.Chances are that our parents and family members were more prone to criticize for our mistakes than they were to praise and encourage when we succeeded.

b.Possibly discipline was administered for the slightest mistake and often in anger.

c.Brothers and sisters may have harassed and ridiculed when we failed in our struggling efforts.

d.As time went by, we acquired a negative self-image.

e.Eventually we were molded into an insecure person with grave misgivings about our value and usefulness as an individual.

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4.The intimidating and destructive influence of playmates, peers and associates.

a.The anxieties and self-doubts that we frequently suffer often can be traced to negative bombardments we receive from others, starting in childhood up to the present.

b.We may have been picked on, put down and made fun of.

c.Perhaps we were chosen last to play on the team, overlooked for opportunities, shunned at dances, laughed at in class, etc.

d.We came to think of ourselves as second-rate citizens.

e.Many of our hang-ups and fears no doubt were infused into our psychic by these traumatic experiences.

5.An inbred feeling of inferiority.

a.Mr. Armstrong recently said that there isn't a human being alive who doesn't suffer to some degree from inferiority.

b.It's part of the curse handed down to all generations as a result of the first sin.

c.Inferiority is painful self-doubt and a low estimation of one's true value.

d.It stifles initiative, drains enthusiasm and can turn one into a recluse.

e.One who suffers from inferiority experiences difficulty and distress in communicating with others.

6.The perverse effect of the media and the world at large.

a.Hollywood has created a make-believe fantasy of the "gloriously" successful man and woman.

b.It stresses such things as beauty, fame and fortune as the ideals to strive for.

c.It perpetuates the belief that we're unfulfilled and inferior if we don't adopt its glamour and adventurous lifestyles.

d.Yet we know inwardly that we could never attain such a grandiose plane.

e.Consequently, Satan has used this damnable propaganda to drag us down into a state of hopelessness and despair.

f.This negative self-appraisal affects our ability to communicate comfortably with others.

7.Differences in geographical and cultural backgrounds.

a.Social tensions are likely to arise when individuals from radically different walks of life attempt to interface.

b.The underprivileged feel uneasy and inferior to their more sophisticated counterparts.

c.The well-to-do and better educated tend to look down on and shun the less fortunate.

d.Differences in customs, dialects, accents, vocabulary, tastes and lifestyles can also cause people to be at odds!

e.Such cultural and geographical backgrounds often create a kind of class system that puts a strain on open and friendly communication.

8.A warped sense of values instilled by the world's educational and religious systems.

a.We were taught in public schools and universities that we must be competitive if we're to achieve success in this dog-eat-dog society.

b.We were instructed to lie, cheat, and fight for our rights in order to win in the game of life.

c.Destroying the name and reputation of neighbor was considered legitimate if it meant getting the better end of the deal.

d.Conversely, the churches of this world instilled into our minds the diabolical attitudes of pride, prejudice and self-righteous vanity.

e.We came to think we were "holier than thou" and that our brand of religion was best.

f.No doubt many of us brought these carnal attitudes into God's Church which make us judgmental and condemning of others.

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IV. LET'S NOW EXAMINE THE SPECIFIC CAUSES THAT CREATE COMMUNICATION BARRIERS.

A. Here's a list of the most common problems that affect each of us to some degree.

1.Fear of rejection.

a.A fear that I will not be liked and be accepted as a person if I open up and reveal my true self.

b.Afraid of appearing ignorant, uninformed or mentally inferior if I express my opinion.

c.A fear of criticism and ridicule if I should attempt to break the ice and fail.

d.Afraid to express a point of view that's different from others.

e.A fear that my thoughts won't come out right and I'll be misunderstood.

f.A fear of being manipulated and taken advantage of if I appear vulnerable and naive.

g.Afraid that I won't measure up to the expected standards of a perfect gentleman or a virtuous woman.

h.Afraid I won't fit in with the cliques or the "in" crowd

i.Fear of appearing too pushy or aggressive as a woman if I try to make friends with a man.

j.Afraid of appearing unmanly and weak if I divulge my innermost fears and anxieties, even to my closest female friends.

k.A fear of being crushed or cast aside as in the past if a relationship doesn't work out.

2.Insecurity and self-doubt.

a.Having a sense of low self-esteem and a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy.

b.Being so aware of my imperfections that I feel extremely self-conscious.

c.Having an overall lack of confidence in myself.

d.Doubting my ability to "make the grade" as a successful A.C. student.

e.Feeling deficient and inept when compared to the charisma, charm and attractiveness of fellow classmates.

f.Believing that certain instructors or administrators doubt my competence and may jeopardize my future.

g.Being resentful toward and avoiding those who seem to get the breaks.

3.A morbid self-concern or preoccupation with one's own problems and interests.

a.When one is absorbed in himself he usually finds little time to care about others.

b.He's oblivious to the needs and desires of those in his environment and runs rough- shod over their feelings.

4.Lack of skill and experience in communicating with people.

a.This is usually the result of a sheltered background, overprotective parents and insufficient opportunity.

b.It causes one to be shy and introverted.

c.Often such individuals lack tact and diplomacy in dealing with others and give the impression of being aloof and insensitive.

5.Preoccupation with romance or mate-shopping.

a.This is one of the greatest barriers of communication between the sexes.

b.Fellows and girls tend to prematurely evaluate each other as a potential mate.

c.They seem to think only in terms of physical appearance and sexual appeal.

d.This can cause one of two things to happen.

(1)Immediate rejection if the person fails to meet the ideal standards.

(2)Coming on too strong if the person appears to have all the desired qualities.

e.Either of these attitudes can act as a "turn-off" and limit the chances of establishing a friendship.

6.Not knowing how or when to express an interest in someone you like.

a.There's someone in your life you're especially fond of, and a relationship seems to be developing.

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b. Yet, you're fearful of "blowing it" if you bring up marriage too soon.

c. Tension and anxiety arise when you're not sure how to determine if the feeling is mutual.

7.Not knowing how to interpret the signals and body language of the opposite sex.

a.Uncertainty emerges when you're unsure if a person is sending a message or simply expressing his or her personality.

b.You're left wondering whether he or she has an interest in you.

c.You're afraid to respond for fear you've drawn the wrong conclusion.

8.Putting the wrong meaning into what people say.

a.This unfortunate situation can be caused by the person who's talking as well as by the listener.

b.Possibly the person speaking assumed his message was clear but left out important details.

c.The listener may have been preoccupied or distracted and didn't hear the whole story.

d.Perhaps a remark is made in jest, but is interpreted as an insult.

e.The super self-conscious person is prone to read negative things about himself into a conversation that were never intended.

9.Playing games and projecting a false image of yourself.

a.This simply means wearing a mask or putting on a facade.

b.It is trying to hide your insecurities by pretending to be someone you're not.

c.It can take on the form of being macho, overly confident or putting on airs.

d.This is hypocrisy to the core, and eventually your charade will be discovered.

10.Withdrawing and pouting when the ego is wounded and feelings are hurt.

a.This childish conduct reflects emotional immaturity and a lack of deep conversion.

b.It creates tension and causes others to react in kind.

c.Such behavior stifles communication and restricts the building of relationships.

11.Being uptight and suspicious when others are overly familiar and flirtatious.

a.We tend to recoil and put up defenses toward people who take such liberties.

b.A man resents being aggressively chased or having a woman throw herself at him.

c.A lady is repulsed when a man behaves like a playboy or overtly flatters her.

d.These motives raise suspicions and drive a wedge between the sexes.

12.Being too dominant and overpowering.

a.When a man has a strong and domineering personality, he usually intimidates the weaker sex — especially if she feels insecure.

b.If a woman is loud, boisterous and boldly assertive she will cause men to avoid her.

c.A barrier is also erected when either sex holds strong opinions and verbally attacks anyone who opposes them.

d.Many friendships are shattered when this ill-mannered behavior is displayed.

13.Trying too hard on a date to please and impress.

a.If a fellow or girl works too hard at making a date successful, the event will seem

forced, strained and unnaturally structured.

b. Instead of the date being lively, relaxed and spontaneous, it will be overly formal. c. This will cause each to be stiff and uncomfortable.

d. Obviously, this type of situation will impede warm and friendly conversation.

14.Forming a pre-conceived opinion of an individual before you get to know him or her.

a.First appearances can be misleading.

b.People may be reserved and self-conscious before you've won their confidence.

c.It's unfair to draw a conclusion about someone before you get to know him.

d.Much damage can be inflicted by prematurely judging and condemning the character of another.

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15.Asking questions that are private and personal.

a.Whenever we pry into other people's lives we cause them to become defensive and withdrawn.

b.They also may become angry and resentful.

c.Prying, probing and poking around into the innermost secrets of fellow students is a sure-fire method of blocking communication.

16.Lecturing or giving unwanted advice.

a.Adults do not want to be treated like children.

b.Nor do they want others to lead their lives.

c.Butting in and offering unsolicited counsel will put a strain on any relationship.

d.It's one thing to listen and be a sounding board, but to exert pressure to adopt your recommendation is morally wrong.

e.This is being presumptuous and may destroy your friendship.

17.Being too picky about little mistakes and dwelling on the negatives.

a.Nobody is perfect — we all have faults to overcome.

b.Focusing on others' shortcomings is like a fly lighting on the rot of an apple.

c.Picky people are narrow minded, impatient and unforgiving.

d.By dwelling on every tiny flaw, such individuals become a source of irritation and discouragement to all their associates.

18.Being obnoxious, uncouth and overbearing.

a.In the area of human relationships, this is probably the lowest and most dishonorable state a person can fall into.

b.One who's degenerated to this level of conduct exhibits no semblance of Christian character.

c.He's uncultured, rude, thoughtless and displays the manners of a pig.

d.He's insensitive to others and tramples on their feelings like a bull in a china closet.

e.This type of individual does great harm to the cause of unity and peace in God's Church.

f.If you have any of these characteristics, you can never build lasting friendships until you repent and come to fully see yourself.

V.WE NOW COME TO A NUMBER OF SUGGESTIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS ON HOW TO CONQUER YOUR HANG-UPS AND FEARS.

A.The important thing to remember is not to despair, but to rest assured that victory over your problems is absolutely possible.

B.Solutions:

1.Admit to yourself that you put up barriers and build protective walls.

a.The sooner you face this fact, the quicker will be your rate of progress.

b.Hiding in the background is a coward's way of escaping reality.

c.To gain self-respect, you must face your problems head-on and determine to turn over a new leaf in your life — starting today.

2.Realize that it will take courage, discipline and persevering prayer to conquer your fears.

a.To the degree that you set your mind to overcome is the degree you'll grow and progress.

b.You must set your hand to the plow and determine never to look back.

c.This will necessitate prevailing daily prayer and an all-out effort to win the battle.

3.Practice. Think of each person you meet as a unique challenge.

a.As is true with any skill or sport, you must practice until you are relaxed, comfortable and confident — an expert in every sense of the word.

b.Therefore, with each person you encounter, take advantage of the opportunity to improve your communication skills.

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c. Don't become paralyzed with fear, but force yourself to step out and take initiative. d. You'll be utterly amazed at the changes you'll make in a few weeks' time.

4.If you should fail, bounce back and try again.

a.Realize you'll make faux pas and falter from time to time.

b.But don't let your mistakes discourage you, or drive you back into your shell.

c.Brush off the dust, and keep trying.

d.No matter how many times you stumble, let each mistake be a catalyst to propel you forward.

5.Quit pretending and just be yourself.

a.Trying to be someone you're not is like having two personalities.

b.One is an image of how you want people to picture you, the other is what you really are.

c.But why should you want to be someone else when you are one of a kind?

d.Stop play-acting and develop your own personality.

e.Endeavor to be what God intended — an original copy.

6.Learn how to break the ice and start a conversation.

a.This can be achieved by asking the right questions and skillfully drawing people out.

b.Ten possible openers:

1)

Ask a background question.

6) Ask for help.

2)

Comment on a local event.

7)

Ask for an opinion.

3)

Pay a compliment.

8)

Ask for an evaluation.

4)

Ask for advice.

9) Ask about local customs.

5)

Find something to praise.

10) Ask about local restaurants.

c. The above points are taken from: "Conversational Magic: Key to Poise, Popularity and Success" by Les Donaldson, Parker Publishing Company, Inc., W. Nyack, N.Y., 1981.

d. Remember that others probably feel just as tense as you are. Therefore, be courageous and take the lead.

7.Look for common ground and similarities to talk about.

a.So often we tend to focus on our differences as men and women that we fail to see the ways we may be alike.

b.A new world of fellowship will open up to you when you discover mutual interests and similarities.

c.You'll find that conversation will flow much easier and be more spontaneous.

d.For example, you may ascertain you're both from large families, from the same state, like to travel, etc.

e.Look for areas where you can relate and most of your tensions will disappear.

8.Try to put others at ease by creating a warm, relaxed and friendly atmosphere.

a.This means, first of all, forgetting yourself and concentrating on those you meet.

b.Make a habit of greeting people with a smile.

c.Show sincere interest in them through direct eye contact.

d.Be responsive to what others say with appropriate feedback and humor.

e.The all-important key is to make each person feel special and important.

9.Be approachable and project an attitude of genuine sincerity.

a.Be down-to-earth and show an empathy toward other people and their problems.

b.Avoid being cynical, frivolous and sarcastic.

c.Be careful about turning people's remarks into a joke.

d.Make it easy for them to communicate by being warmhearted and humble.

10.Learn how to be tactfully open and honest.

a.Sincerely try to reveal your true self and inner feelings by being above board and candid.

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b. Being open doesn't mean "telling it like it is" with no regard for other people's feelings.

c.It simply means being unpretentious and not trying to hide the true intent of what you're saying.

d.Be diplomatic and remember that harsh, austere words can inflict deep wounds and leave scars that can linger for years.

11.Develop a keen awareness of the feelings and deep sensitivities of the opposite sex.

a.Failure to understand that people have tender emotions can spell disaster in human relationships.

b.For example, being too direct or kidding too much can bruise one's ego.

c.We should drill into our consciousness the biblical command to be kind, courteous and tenderly affectioned (Rom. 12:10).

d.Being aware of how we come across to others is another way of expressing agape love (Matt. 7:12).

12.Accept each person as being a unique creation of God.

a.As there are no two snowflakes alike, neither are there two perfectly identical people.

b.Each has his or her own special characteristics and plays a significant role in God's great plan.

c.The Creator doesn't want us all to become yellow pencils.

d.Remember that if God loves everyone, so should we, even though they are different.

e.View each individual you date as an exciting challenge and learn to adapt to his or her personality.

13.Be patient and understanding toward those with idiosyncrasies or glaring faults.

a.No one has yet attained perfection.

b.We all have symbolic warts or blemishes.

c.Growth is a process and it may take years for fellow Christians to see their flaws.

d.Instead of criticizing or rejecting imperfect friends, why not try to love and encourage them?

14.Learn to be tolerant of people with differing opinions, tastes and lifestyles.

a.Who's to say that we're always right?

b.Since God created each of us differently, it stands to reason that our viewpoints will vary.

c.We've all been given the right from God to be an individual.

d.Therefore, let's not judge others by our own private standards.

15.Learn how to listen the way Christ did.

a.Jesus Christ didn't monopolize the conversation.

b.He was deeply interested in what people had to say and avoided distractions and lapses in concentration.

c.He listened attentively and respectfully.

d.As a matter of fact, listening is still one of His great joys today in acting as our High Priest.

e.Learning to listen is a cardinal rule in becoming an expert conversationalist.

f.Few things will turn people off faster than having a partner in conversation show boredom or disinterest.

16.Prepare a reserve list of conversational topics to fall back on.

a.A date worth having is a date worth preparing for.

b.Spend a few minutes thinking about topics you can discuss if your well runs dry.

c.Have four or five ideas readily in mind.

d.This might involve relating an experience, sharing a lesson you've learned, describing an exciting place you've visited, discussing something in the news, etc.

e.Try to make each date a memorable and profitable experience.

17.Develop tough skin and don't be so sensitive when put down or rebuffed.

a.To hold resentment or nurse a grudge because someone has offended you indicates that you're not really in control of your life.

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b. Your old carnal self is still in command, and you're taking yourself too seriously. c. Forgive quickly and crush the desire to retaliate.

d. God commands us to love our enemies — how much more so should we love our brothers and sisters in Christ?

e. The mature way to deal with a person who's hurt you is to return good for evil.

18.Until it's time to get serious, treat each other as good friends.

a.First of all, think of A.C. as one big family.

b.There are hundreds of people for you to get to know.

c.Make the rounds so that you'll have a broad base of experience when contemplating marriage later in life.

d.Don't allow your emotions to get carried away — put on the brakes.

e.Date widely and absorb every personality you can.

19.Build a comfortable, trusting friendship first, then if a romantic interest develops, it will be easy to express your feelings.

a.You'll do yourself a great disservice and that of the person you like, if you press for a commitment too soon.

b.Before a woman agrees to marry a man she wants to know that she can safely trust him.

c.Before a man chooses a wife, he should want to know her inner makeup and character.

d.It's exceedingly important, then, to keep the relationship platonic, so you can think with a clear mind.

e.Build trust and respect before you even think about discussing marriage.

20.Realize the immense importance God places on the second great command.

a.In summarizing man's second most important duty, Jesus Christ said to love your neighbor as yourself.

b.Please notice that He called it the second great commandment — not the 10th, 30th

or the 92nd.

c. Next to loving God, loving neighbor is the most important thing you can do on earth. d. Yet, so often, it's the one command that we treat with least regard.

e. Obey it with your whole heart and you will find that most of your communication problems will vanish.

VI. CONCLUSION:

A. Why tolerate defeat in your life any longer?

B. Unless you take yourself in hand, conditions will probably never improve. C. Turn over a new leaf and start today.

D. Set your hand to the plow and don't look back. E. Think eternity!

-END-

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HOW TO BUILD

TRUE SELF-ESTEEM

I. ONE OF OUR MOST DISCOURAGING AND DEPRESSING PROBLEMS IS LEARNING HOW TO COPE WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM OR A NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGE.

A. This problem isn't limited to a select few.

B. It's a universal curse that seems to plague every human being on earth to one degree or another. C. However, some are more adversely affected and deeply shattered by it than others.

D. Virtually all of our social conflicts and mis-understandings center around this dreaded problem. E. Since the majority of us here today are probably struggling with low self-esteem, I feel that it's

one of the most needed subjects I could cover.

II.AT THE OUTSET OF THIS STUDY, IT IS VITAL FOR US TO REALIZE THAT GOD NOT ONLY DESIRES WE BUILD THE RIGHT KIND OF SELF-ESTEEM, BUT DOES IN FACT COMMAND US TO.

A.We are destined to become a ruling king and a glorified son in His family.

B.It's inconceivable to think that we could enter His Kingdom strapped and inhibited by feelings of inferiority.

C.But the kind of self-esteem He wants us to develop is altogether different from what the world is pursuing.

D.As we progress with our discussion, we will clearly see the difference between the world's viewpoint of self-esteem and God's high ideal.

III.EXACTLY WHAT IS LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

A.Let's begin by discussing some general overall characteristics.

B.Later we'll discuss the causes and cures.

C.Here is a list of the most common symptoms:

1.A feeling of inferiority.

a.Fearing that one is not measuring up to expected standards of society.

b.Perceiving oneself as being a second-rate or second-class citizen.

c.Viewing oneself as physically unappealing or unattractive.

2.A feeling of inadequacy.

a.An unduly low opinion and faulty evaluation of one's personality, qualities and strengths.

b.Viewing oneself as lacking intelligence, innate abilities and skills.

3.Fear of rejection.

a.Seeing oneself as beneath others and unworthy of their love, respect and admiration.

b.Usually based on a lifetime of sour and bitter experiences such as: being turned down for a date, overlooked for a party, excluded from peer groups.

4.Lack of courage and confidence.

a.Afraid to step out and face new challenges.

b.The deep insecurity that one may fail and encounter the criticism and disapproval of others.

c.Unsure of one's overall ability to win in the game of life.

d.Lack of drive and initiative.

5.Social inhibitions and ineptness.

a.Weak in communication skills — not sure of what to say and how to conduct oneself in unfamiliar circumstances.

b.Not knowing how to meet people, make new friends and build relationships.

c.Usually stems from lack of experience.

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6.Self-consciousness.

a.Painfully aware of one's weaknesses, faults and shortcomings.

b.Magnifies his mistakes in his own mind and tends to think that others notice.

c.Feels that he is being constantly evaluated and criticized by others.

7.Self-pity.

a.Tends to whine and complain about bad breaks and mistreatment from others.

b.Generally feels miserable and frustrated with his station in life.

c.Tends to display a forlorn, dejected and unhappy expression on the face.

8.Shyness.

a.Being so concerned about what others think that one is afraid to converse with them or participate in activities.

b.Keeping to oneself and avoiding crowds.

c.Being controlled and paralyzed by fear.

9.Guilt and self-hatred.

a.Subconsciously admitting to oneself that he's a hypocrite and living a double standard.

b.Play acting — pretending to be something that one isn't.

c.Allowing one's conscience to be seared, thus squelching his desire to overcome, walk with God and build character.

d.A general dislike or contempt for oneself.

10.Abuse of alcohol or the use of other drugs.

a.An escape from facing the reality of one's life.

b.An artificial means of attaining the ideal state one desires in place of working to attain it.

c.An old-fashioned cop-out.

11.Low personal standards.

a.Poor grooming and hygiene.

b.Unkempt living environment.

c.Offensive manners and lack of culture.

d.Satisfied with status quo, such as beat-up and dirty old car, soiled furniture, etc.

12.Suicidal tendencies.

a.Succumbing to prolonged depression.

b.Taking the view that one's life has lost meaning and value.

c.Suicide is now the third most common cause of death among American teenagers.

13.A general negative attitude.

a.Being consistently down on oneself and life in general.

b.Cynical, abusive, sarcastic.

c.Pessimistic response to any offered suggestions for self-improvement or solutions to problems.

d.An appalling lack of true faith in God.

14.Pride, arrogance and conceit.

a.This is a reverse condition of all the above in an attempt to cover up one's feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.

b.Usually this individual is quick to judge and criticize others for their mistakes, weaknesses and sins.

c.By putting others down, one lifts himself above them.

IV. AS MENTIONED EARLIER, GOD DESIRES THAT WE GROW IN THE PROPER KIND OF SELF-ESTEEM, AND BECOME CONFIDENT, FRUITFUL SERVANTS.

A. Our basic needs and drives.

1.We were created to become like God.

a.We were fashioned as a clay model or physical prototype, ultimately to be transformed into His spiritual likeness (Gen. 1:26-27).

b.This process may take an entire lifetime to achieve.

c.We begin as nothing and proceed through various stages of growth and development until our change is complete.

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d. The Kingdom of God should be our motivation.

e. To fall short of this grand purpose leaves us empty and depressed.

2.We were created with an inherent desire to create, build and accomplish.

a.Whenever this desire is stifled, we feel frustrated and discouraged.

b.This is a major cause of inadequacy and self-condemnation.

3.We were created with a need to experience success and fulfillment or a need to excel.

a.Here is another prime factor that contributes to a negative self-image or low self-respect.

b.When we have failed to put forth our best efforts, we have not fully experienced the true meaning of success.

c.Ex: When God finished each day of creation, He looked at His work and said, "It is good."

4.We were created with a need to grow and develop our full potential.

a.When this desire has been neglected or squelched, we are left distressed and discouraged.

b.Again, our self-respect plummets.

c.The urge to reach out and produce has not been nurtured.

5.We were created with a need for love, approval and acceptance.

a.This single point accounts for the most causes involving low self-esteem.

b.We need encouragement and positive reinforcement.

c.It is a deeply intense need that God engineered into our psyche.

6.We were created with a need to express love and serve others.

a.When we fail in this duty, we overlook a vital key that produces genuine happiness and satisfaction.

b.Expressing love toward others raises our sense of value and enhances our feelings of self-worth.

7.We were each created uniquely different for a special role in God's plan.

a.With this in mind, why should, we want to abandon our identity and try to be like someone else?

b.When we compare ourselves to others, we question God's wisdom in creating us as we are.

c.Thus, we arouse feelings of inferiority and self-doubt.

8.We were created to need God.

a.We need His Holy Spirit to give us inner peace and comfort, of knowing that He cares and are accepted of Him.

b.We need His guidance, protection and abiding love.

c.Without God, we are incomplete and left to our own devices.

d.It is only through God that we can attain true self-esteem.

B.Obviously, we can readily see that to have proper self-regard we must fulfill these basic urges and drives that God placed within us.

V.THE ORIGINAL CAUSE OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM CAN BE TRACED TO THE GARDEN OF EDEN.

A.When Adam and Eve sinned by partaking of the forbidden fruit, two frightful and disastrous things happened to them.

1.They cut themselves off from God's presence which resulted in shame, guilt and rejection.

a.Their first reaction was to run from God and hide among the trees (Gen. 3:8-10).

b.They were mortally afraid.

c.They felt dirty, sinful and ashamed, thus forfeiting their self-esteem.

d.Had they not sinned, Adam and Eve would have undoubtedly enjoyed a rich, abundant life, having wholesome, healthy feelings about themselves.

e.They would have had God's constant love, encouragement and positive reinforcement.

2.Satan entered their lives and they became self-centered, corrupt and rebellious.

a.Their inner heart was darkened and defiled.

b.Instead of receiving God's Holy Spirit which would have imparted outgoing love and concern, they received Satan's nature which made them carnal and self-seeking.

c.This nature was then passed on to their children and all future generations.

(See Ps. 58:3; Ps. 51:5; Eph. 2:1-3; Rom. 5:12,15-19.)

d. Consequently, the whole human race has lost its ability to show true love and concern for others.

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VI. WITH THIS BACKGROUND IN VIEW, LET'S NOW EXAMINE THE SPECIFIC CAUSES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

A. A lack of parental love or negative home environment.

1.IT CAN START AT CONCEPTION.

a.The baby is unplanned or unwanted.

(1)The mother is depressed and unhappy about the pregnancy.

(2)Because of her negative attitude, she upsets the chemical balance of the fetus and hinders its development.

b. Possibly the mother smokes, drinks, uses drugs or has a poor diet.

(1)The fetus may develop physical deformities or mental retardation.

(2)Its mental or emotional outlook could be impaired for life.

(3)Recent studies show that a mother's own mental attitude can be transferred to the fetus, causing it to be nervous and temperamental.

2.IT CAN ORIGINATE DURING INFANCY.

a.The parents were hoping for a boy, but got a girl, or vice-versa.

b.The baby is left to itself for long periods of time.

c.Neglected when it's hungry, wet, frightened or ill.

d.Thus, the attitude of not being wanted is instilled from the outset.

3.IT IS ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD.

a.Too much correction and discipline cause the child to believe he can do nothing right.

b.Lack of involvement, motivation and encouragement — no positive reinforcement.

c.Lack of recognition for a job well done — initiative is killed.

d.Ridiculed and put down for making mistakes, particularly in the presence of others.

e.This child is told that he's a jerk, idiot, creep or klutz.

f.Is often reminded that he's dumb, stupid and a clumsy oaf.

g.Parents set unrealistic goals for the child and push it to exasperation.

h.Failure to identify and develop talents and abilities at a young age.

i.Overprotective parents rob children of opportunities for growth and development.

j.Parents who don't know how to make a child feel loved.

k.When a child is continually called names, put down and made to feel unworthy.

(1)This negative reinforcement gets into his psyche.

(2)He comes to think and believe these things said about him are true.

(3)The pattern is set for life.

B.Childhood experiences outside the home.

1.Ridicule and rejection from peers and classmates.

2.Harassed because of thick glasses, freckles, accent, overweight or unusual name.

3.Intimidated by teachers for being a slow learner.

4.Last to be chosen on a team.

5.Daily bombardment of negative vibes that the child is inferior and unworthy.

C.The pressures of teenage and adolescence.

1.Fear of discovery.

a.Poor — lives on other side of the tracks.

b.Intolerable home conditions.

c.Lack of talents, athletic ability or experience.

2.Feels self-conscious because of physical appearance — acne, undeveloped body: skinny, fat, short, tall, etc.

3.Strange religious beliefs and practices — Sabbath, Holy Days, can't wear makeup, can't keep Christmas, etc.

4.Rejected for not giving in to immoral social pressures — drugs, alcohol, sex, vulgar language, etc.

5.Constant lecturing and nagging from parents.

D.Entering young adulthood.

1.Cutting the apron strings and starting out on one's own.

2.Insecurities arise because Mom and Dad are no longer there to lean on.

3.Early job experiences — being turned down, getting laid off or fired, starting out from bottom of ladder.

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4.Many sour dating experiences.

5.Romantic involvement — being crushed and heartbroken.

6.Economic pressures — unable to afford a car, buy nice clothes, or enjoy the finer things of life.

VII. THIS BRINGS US TO THE IMMEDIATE PRESENT.

A. Let's now examine how this insidious tool of Satan — a negative self-image — intrudes into your life. B. Other subtle causes:

1.The direct assault of Satan — he tries to shatter us at every turn.

2.The glamour of Hollywood and the media.

a.Beautiful women, handsome men.

b.Expensive clothes, cars, homes.

c.Affluence and elegant lifestyle.

d.The world projects an image of superiority to which we subconsciously compare ourselves.

3.Comparing oneself to others.

4.Playing negative mental tape recordings about your failures, thus reinforcing inferiority.

5.Failure to grow and produce.

6.Having an "I can't" attitude when confronted with new challenges.

7.Fear of people's opinions or what they may say.

8.Racial discrimination.

9.Associating with people who are critical and negative.

10.A series of demoralizing bad breaks.

VIII. HOW A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE REPELS OTHERS AND CREATES SOCIAL BARRIERS. A. A negative attitude causes one:

1.To be timid and shy.

2.Cold and distant.

3.Unapproachable — hard to get to know.

4.To be whiney, irritable and critical.

B.He transmits these negative signals to others.

1.They misread his behavior and draw wrong conclusions.

2.They feel that he is snobbish, vain, proud, unfriendly.

3.Other people are repelled and avoid social contact with him.

C.Thus the person with low self-esteem senses the rejection of other people and withdraws deeper into his shell, creating a vicious cycle of defeat and failure.

IX. SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO ACHIEVE TRUE SELF-ESTEEM.

A. Fourteen steps.

1.Realize that a negative self-image can keep you out of God's Kingdom.

a.Rev. 21:8"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whore- mongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which bur- neth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

b.Matt. 25:24-26, 28, 30"Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: (25) And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. (26) His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful ser- vant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: (28)

Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. (30) And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

c.Heb. 10:38-39"Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw hack, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. (39) But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul."

2.To turn your life around you must radically change your negative way of thinking.

a.Come to grips with yourself and realize the urgency of your situation.

b.Get fed up and fired up about your present miserable state.

c.Luke 13:3,5"I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. (5) I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish."

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d. To be controlled by fear and negativism means you're on Satan's wavelength and are serving him.

e.Start acting like one who's been freed from the shackles of Satan and living for the glory of God.

3.Realize you're worth more to God than the whole.

a.God sent His Son to die for you.

(1)John 3:16"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

(2)I Cor. 6:20"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

b.Nothing can separate you from God's love.

(1)Rom. 8:38, 39"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, (39) Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

(2)John 10:28, 29"And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. (29) My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand."

c.How awesome and profound that God loves you so much.

d.Think of itl He's also going to crown you as a king.

4.Realize that you are an original copy and should never compare yourselves to others.

a.God explicitly commands that you not do this.

(1)II Cor. 10:12"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."

b.You are one of a kind and have a special place of importance in God's plan.

(1)I Cor. 12:14-18"For the body is not one member, but many. (15) If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? (16) And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? (17) If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hear- ing, where were the smelling? (18) But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him."

c.God is even going to give you a unique name of identity in His coming Kingdom.

(1)Rev. 3:12"Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name." (See also Rev. 2:17.)

d.How foolish to abandon your own identity and attempt to be like someone else.

5.Realize that true self-esteem comes from obedience and a right relationship with God.

a.Here's the vital difference between the vanity of this world and godly self-esteem.

(1)The world tries to achieve it without God's help.

(2)We achieve it through God's Spirit in us.

b.Our power and strength truly come from God.

(1)II Cor. 13:5"Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?"

(2)Gal. 2:20"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in

me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

(3)Phil. 4:13"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

(4)Eph. 3:20"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."

(5)Isa. 40:29-31"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. (30) Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: (31) But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

c.Being obedient and doing God's will keeps us in a positive frame of mind and enhances our self-image.

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6.To grow in confidence and self-esteem, you must experience success.

a.Each achievement produces confidence.

b.It spurs you on to greater heights.

c.As you experience the triumph and victory of success, you are motivated to try harder.

d.Thus, success generates confidence and confidence generates success.

e.Have the courage to accept new challenges and opportunities for growth.

f.This will require drive and discipline — but the rewards are well worth it.

g.Some examples:

(1)Join the Spokesman Club.

(2)Learn to dance, ski, skate, etc.

(3)Try new recipes.

(4)Learn to play a musical instrument.

h.Search for hidden talents and be willing to try your hand at new things.

i.NOTE: Do the thing you fear and your fear will disappear.

7.Set attainable and realistic goals to achieve a positive self-image.

a.Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.

b.Nor can you hope to make a total change in your life in a few short weeks.

c.You must grow in step-by-step stages — and set small goals you can handle.

d.The place to begin is to isolate your major hang-ups and problems.

(1)Attack these first.

(2)Be honest with yourself — have the courage to seek out the truth.

(3)Examples: Fear of meeting people, asking a certain girl for a date, overcoming self-consciousness, depression, etc.

e.Work on self-improvement.

(1)Appearance: hairstyle, wardrobe, weight, etc.

(2)Being a good conversationalist.

(3)Physical living environment.

(4)Education and improving career.

(5)Cultivate a cheerful disposition.

f.As you experience success in these areas, your confidence will grow and your

self-esteem will heighten.

8.Be patient and endure — some problems take longer to conquer.

a.Some habits, fears and phobias are deeply ingrained and will require extreme patience and perseverance to master.

b.Resolve never to quit and beseech God for strength.

c.Don't be discouraged if you hit snags and roadblocks along the way.

d.Keep your goal in mind and determine to stick it out to the bitter end.

9.Make it a practice to seek wise counsel.

a.When you encounter seemingly impossible situations, be willing to ask for help.

b.Go to God's ministers with your spiritual or emotional problems.

c.Go to a close and God-fearing friend who understands you and can put you back on track.

d.Don't continue to make excuses for your failures when help is available.

10.Make the pursuit of excellence your motto.

a.Remember, you're destined to become a king.

b.God doesn't want you to live a mediocre life — but to go for top honors.

c.When you give 100 percent effort to all your endeavors and strive to please God, your self-image will markedly improve.

11.Work at building relationships and associate with who will motivate and encourage you.

a.Take the initiative and make new friends — don't hold back and wait for them to take the lead.

b.Realize the importance of being loyal and true.

c.Stand by them when they really need you.

d.When down in the dumps and needing encouragement, you need true friends to lean on.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than

you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie

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12.Devote your life to serving mankind and your self-esteem will soar.

a.Get your mind off yourself and onto the needs of others.

b.The cause of low self-esteem all along has been the result of having your mind on yourself.

c.Develop a loving, sharing and giving life-style.

d.Practice this principle until it becomes an automatic response in the way you deal with others.

e.Make people feel important and help them to grow in self-esteem.

13.Maintain high standards of character and self-respect.

a.Don't give in to the pulls of the flesh and compromise your principles.

b.Preserve your integrity at all costs.

c.In the whole of your life be true and honest to the core.

d.Allow no sin or guilt to defile your conscience or taint your feelings of self-worth.

e.Always strive to be at peace with yourself, with God and with your fellowman.

14.Be constantly aware of Christ's eminent return and the urgency of redeeming the time.

a.The judgment will soon be upon us and we'll have to give account of our lives.

b.If we've failed to develop our talents and grow, Christ will take them from us and give our reward to someone else more deserving. (Matt. 25:38)

c.He exhorted those in the Philadelphia Church, "...that no man take thy crown" (Rev. 3:11).

d.Walk worthy of your high calling and make every moment count.

X. As a final remark, let's notice an inspiring description of those who've overcome themselves and attained true self-esteem.

"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears [low self-esteem]. They looked to Him and were radiant [happy, positive and confident], and their faces were not ashamed [because they had attained high self-esteem]" (Ps. 34:4-5; NKJV).

-END-

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HOW TO GROW IN FAVOR

WITH FELLOWMAN

I. ONE OF THE HIGHEST TRIBUTES PAID TO JESUS CHRIST IS FOUND IN LUKE 2:52. A. Luke 2:52"And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."

B. Although this verse primarily referred to Christ as a young boy, it is a statement that was true of Him throughout His lifetime.

C. Description of the qualities that attracted Him to others.

1.He was charming and magnetic, mannerly and well-bred.

2.He exhibited a quality of politeness, courtesy and graciousness in the way He dealt with people. a. Luke 4:22 points out, "And all bare Him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which

proceeded out of His mouth.

3.He was thoughtful and considerate and always had the welfare of others in mind.

4.Jesus was humble and willing to step to the lowest level of service as demonstrated by His washing the disciples' feet and taking little children into His arms.

5.Re didn't snap back at His detractors or react in anger when insulted — He was calm, collected and always in control.

6.He was never rude or sarcastic toward the common people of His day — but kind, merciful and gentle.

7.He acted like a gentleman and carried Himself in a dignified manner. At the same time He was mighty in stature and spoke with the voice of authority.

8.Jesus was poised, articulate and self-assured — yet others felt completely at ease in His presence.

9.What He said always rang true and people knew they could totally trust Him.

10.His countenance emanated a glow of joy and warmth and His personality reflected an aura of godliness.

D. In every detail, Jesus Christ expressed the nature and character of His Father in heaven.

1.John 14:8-10"Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us. (9) Jesus saith

unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father? (10) Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works."

II.THIS BRINGS US TO THE TOPIC I'D LIKE TO ADDRESS TODAY:

A.Would you like to become the kind of person Jesus Christ was?

B.Would you like to know the secret of His charisma — of how He grew in favor with God and man?

C.You can — if you're willing to pay the price and make it one of your highest priorities.

D.As a matter of fact, not only should you deeply desire to become like Christ — God even commands you to.

E.Note these scriptures:

1.Eph. 4:15"But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ."

2.II Cor. 3:18"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

III.TODAY, I'M GOING TO SHARE WITH YOU TWO SIMPLE KEYS OF CHRIST'S SUCCESS.

A. In interest of time, I'm going to focus only on the aspect that deals with your relationship to fellow man.

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B. Hopefully out of this lecture will emerge some insights and information that will help to improve your social and dating life.

IV. THE FIRST KEY IS: "REALIZE THAT YOU ARE GOD'S TEMPLEHIS DWELLING PLACE ON EARTH." A. In the Old Testament God took up residence in a physical temple built with human hands.

B. In the New Testament, He takes up residence within our earthly bodies which He calls His spiritual temple.

C. Note these scriptures:

1.II Cor. 6:16"for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."

2.I John 4:13"Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit."

3.Eph. 3:14, 17"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (17) That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love."

4.Rom. 8:9, 11"But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his."

D.Thus, you are a vessel used by God to show the world what He is like. And what does God wish to manifest about Himself through you?

V. AND WHAT DOES GOD WISH TO MANIFEST ABOUT HIMSELF THROUGH YOU?

A.His character, nature and disposition.

B.His charm, beauty and divine glory.

C.His attributes and qualities all perfectly meshed together.

D.Note these scriptures:

1.Matt. 5:16"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."

2.I Cor. 10:31"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

3.Isa. 43:7"Even every one that is called by my name: ...I have created for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him."

VI. AND FROM WHAT SOURCE DO THESE QUALITIES COME THAT WILL HELP US TO GROW IN FAVOR WITH OTHERS?

A. First and foremost, from God's Holy Spirit. B. Secondly, from God's Word, the Holy Bible.

1.Col. 3:16"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

C.Think of the good favor we could win if we literally obeyed every word of God — to let it richly dwell in us.

1.I Peter 3:8“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren,

be pitiful, be courteous."

D. Clearly, one of our greatest privileges in life is to reflect the glory — character of God — and allow it to flow out to fellowman.

1.John 7:38-39"He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (39) (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Spirit was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)

2.Prov. 18:4"The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook."

VII. THE SECOND KEY TO GROWING IN FAVOR WITH MAN IS: "HONOR EACH OTHER AS CREATED SONS OF GOD."

A. Gen. 1:26-27"And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. (27) So god created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

B. Consider the profound meaning and magnitude of these verses.

1. The Creator God views man as His supreme masterpiece of creation.

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2.As proof of this, He crowned man with glory and honor by making him in His image and after His likeness.

3.Even more profoundly, God made humans to eventually become sons in His family.

4.Such an awesome claim cannot be made by any other creature.

5.God's love for man is so vast that He sent Jesus Christ to this earth to die for him and make sonship possible.

6.Jesus Christ Himself said that man was of greater value than anything else He had made, including the vast universe (Matt. 6:25-26).

7.In spite of man's deplorable state, God still loves him and wishes to see him saved.

8.Shouldn't we regard fellow human beings with the same honor and noble attitude?

a.I Pet. 2:17 — "Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king."

C.Isn't it especially incumbent on us to respect the dignity of each other since we're all members of the household of God?

1.According to I Corinthians 12:12-25, each member in the body of Christ has great value to Him and plays an indispensable role in His Church.

2.Every person counts, even the "uncomely parts" (I Cor. 12:23).

3.Therefore, we should value every single member with the same degree of importance that God does.

4.Additional scriptures:

a.Rom. 12:10, 16"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour prefer-

ring one another. (16) Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but con- descend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits."

b. Matt. 22:37-39"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. (38) This is the first and great commandment. (39) And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

5.Granted, some in God's Church may come from sub-culture conditions and backgrounds.

a.Even God says so.

b.I Cor. 1:26-29"For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh,

not many mighty, not many noble, are called: (27) But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; (28) And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: (29) That no flesh should glory in his presence."

6.But this should never give us reason to look down on them or call them disrespectful names.

a.Nerd, jerk, clod, klutz, buffoon, oaf, etc.

b.Matt. 5:22"But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall

be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger

of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire."

7.Defiling the name and reputation of a fellow Christian is tantamount to throwing rotten eggs at the Ambassador Auditorium.

a.Such demeaning behavior not only besmirches a temple of God, but is much the same as taking another's life.

b.It is cruel and cold-hearted.

c.Notice why character assassination is such a damnable and deplorable act in God's eyes.

(1)Gen. 9:6"Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.

8.We should strive, therefore, to upgrade the lives of less fortunate members — never look down on or treat them with contempt.

D. Varieties of people you may come in contact with:

1.Those who are uncultured and make careless mistakes.

2.Those with glaring faults and weaknesses — the inept, awkward and clumsy.

3.Those who are insulting and unkind, curt and abrasive.

4.Those whose standards and values don't measure up to ours.

5.Those who express "holier than thou" attitudes.

6.The insecure and self-conscious.

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7.Those who shun us but never explain why.

8.The immature crybabies or those who pout.

9.Those from other nations and backgrounds whose culture is different from ours.

10.Those who are emotional and unpredictable, whose actions you can never understand. E. Clearly, to be true Christians, we must be sensitive to and esteem God's people the way He does.

1.We must show tolerance, mercy and understanding — give them time to grow!

2.Recognize the intrinsic worth of God's potential sons and treat them with utmost respect.

3.Benjamin Franklin said: "To be humble to superiors is a duty, to equals courtesy, to inferiors

nobleness."

VIII. THIS NOW BRINGS US TO A POINT WHICH IF CONSCIENTIOUSLY APPLIED SHOULD IMMEASURABLY IMPROVE YOUR SOCIAL LIFE AND DATING RELATIONSHIPS.

A. It is a principle found in II Corinthians 6:18.

B. II Cor. 6:18"And [I] will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty."

C. Note that each of us is described as being a son or daughter of our Father in heaven. D. Think for a moment.

1.If you had the opportunity to meet and converse with the son or daughter of an important dignitary, would the experience affect your behavior?

2.Of course it would.

3.You would be circumspect, courteous and polite.

4.You would carefully guard your words so as not to offend but set the best example possible.

E.Shouldn't we, then, give even greater honor and respect to each other as God's sons and daughters in the Church?

1.Shouldn't we express courtesy, dignity and a special kind of Christian love?

2.Consider the difference it would make in our relationships if each of us would look on each other as princes and princesses — members of God's royal family.

a. I Pet. 2:9"But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculia

people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light."

IX. EVERYDAY EXAMPLES OF HOW TO SHOW PROPER HONOR TO PEERS, ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS AT AMBASSADOR COLLEGE.

A. How a man can show honor to a woman.

1.Practice old-fashioned chivalry and treat her like a lady.

a.Holding a chair or a door.

b.Opening a car door.

(1)Also helping her out of the car — offer your hand and give support. (Cars are very awkward to get into and out of.)

(2)Be careful that her dress or coat doesn't get caught when you close the door.

c.Walking on outside of sidewalk.

d.Offering your arm.

e.Taking her arm when walking downstairs.

f.Holding an umbrella so she doesn't get wet or poked in the eye.

g.Helping her with her coat or sweater.

h.Offering your coat if she's cold.

i.Carrying her books.

j.Helping her with a heavy load.

k.Honoring the campus escort policy.

2.Respect her opinions, intelligence and abilities.

a.Remember that God gave her a brain, too — she's quite capable of serious thinking.

b.Most women are perceptive and intuitive.

(1)They are quick to see through a facade.

(2)They can usually pierce through to the core of a problem and see situations for what they really are.

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(3)They are particularly adept at sizing up people.

c.Consider her mind as a resource of common sense and practical wisdom.

3.Note her personal achievements and pay her sincere compliments.

a.This could cover an array of observations.

(1)A speech in class that was especially well-prepared and delivered.

(2)A new dress she's made.

(3)An athletic accomplishment.

(4)A special act of kindness.

b.Be sincere and don't flatter — girls can readily tell the difference.

4.Uphold her standards, morality and virtue.

a.Think of her as God's daughter — sweet, pure and innocent.

(1)For His sake and honor, as well as hers, protect her reputation, her convictions and parental upbringing.

(2)Avoid embarrassing her with off-color jokes, lewd innuendos, etc.

b.Don't get physical or carried away with sexual fantasies.

c.Watch that you don't violate her conscience with compromising suggestions.

(1)Rushing the Sabbath.

(2)Breaking college rules.

5.Play the role of a caring brother and give her reassurance.

a.Prove that you really care without ulterior motives.

b.Lend an ear if she needs to talk to someone to unload her anxieties and fears.

c.But don't preach to her and offer unwanted advice.

d.Give reinforcement and support when she's discouraged or going through an emotional trauma.

e.Don't confuse being a friend and brother with romantic intentions.

6.Make her feel special and important by being sensitive to her needs and feelings.

a.Recognize she's a delicate human being who is very tender and fragile.

b.Remember that careless remarks or strong correction can easily crush her.

c.She needs for you to be thoughtful, kind and gentle.

d.Remind her of her strengths and successes as well as the qualities that make her unique.

7.Give her your undivided attention when on a date.

a.Devote your time to making her happy and give her the consideration a woman deserves.

b.See that the date is planned around her interests.

(1)Discreetly get her input about places she'd like to go, or things she'd like to do.

(2)For example: horseback riding, hiking, going to the beach, bowling, eating at a special kind of restaurant, etc.

(3)Don't abandon her on the dance floor or leave her to fend for herself at a college activity.

(4)Introduce her to others in a group and avoid making her feel excluded when talking to friends.

8.Guide the conversation and make it stimulating and educational.

a.Prepare in advance — don't wing it or try to bluff your way through.

b.Have four or five topics to fall back on if the date starts to fall flat.

c.Try to relax and enjoy the occasion — but also make it a time well spent.

d.After all, a date represents a sizable hunk of your and her time.

e.Don't monopolize or overly dominate.

f.Insure that she shares equally in the conversation.

9.Accept her for what she is.

a.Remember that she is one of a kind — an original copy.

b.Don't try to remake her into a mold you like.

c.If God loves her even in an unperfected state, shouldn't you?

d.Appreciate her differences and don't get into a fault-finding mode.

e.Rejection is one of the most painful emotional experiences you could put her through.

10.Do whatever you can to help her succeed at A.C.

a.This might involve studying together for a test, giving suggestions for table topics, discussing a speech, or fine-tuning class notes.

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b. Be particularly supportive of the freshmen.

(1)Don't take advantage of their vulnerability.

(2)As an older student, discourage involvement if you see the girls are getting carried away.

(3)Play the role of big brother when they get homesick or overwhelmed.

c.In general, be thoughtful, considerate and service-oriented.

11.Be an inspiring spiritual example.

a.This is not meant to advocate being sanctimonious, pseudo-religious or holier than thou.

b.Rather, it means being clean-cut, wholesome and well-balanced.

c.Think of yourself as a replica of Jesus Christ in all your relationships with the opposite sex.

d.Strive to be meek and humble, but strong and stable.

e.Be particularly concerned about personal hygiene and appearance so that you properly present yourself as a cultured ambassador.

f.Let the fear of God shine through your life by example and edifying speech.

12.Give her the respect and courtesy she deserves as a princess.

a.Don't take her for granted and treat her as just another fish in the pond.

b.Regard her as a co-heir of the Kingdom of God.

c.Recognize and appreciate her awesome potential.

d.Treat her like a royal member of God's family and you will win her admiration and favor. B. How a woman can show honor to a man.

1.Allow him to fulfill his role as a leader.

a.Learn the art of deferring to men as God has ordained.

b.Don't be Miss Independent, arrogant or self-assertive.

c.This attitude intimidates the man, turns him off and discourages him from trying.

d.Allow him the opportunity to protect you and look out for your welfare.

(1)Opening doors.

(2)Choosing seats.

(3)Ordering at a restaurant.

e.Submissiveness can be described as deference to his leadership.

2.Uphold his dignity and self-respect.

a.Realize that the most fragile thing about a man is his ego, his sense of self-worth.

b.To trample his feelings under foot is akin to emotional homicide.

c.You've destroyed the most sensitive and delicate aspect of his manhood.

d.Don't compare him to other guys and make him feel second rate.

e.Rather, speak and act in a manner that will build his confidence, elevate his value and self-esteem.

3.Be responsive and help carry your part in the conversation.

a.Pick up on cues, weave in your ideas and ask questions that will stimulate his mind.

b.Watch the one- or two-word answers to questions he may pose.

c.Try to be lively and enthusiastic — smile, laugh and participate.

d.Ask for his advice or seek his opinions on current issues and topics.

e.Try to make dates fun and enjoyable by your own personal involvement.

4.Give encouragement and support as a sister in Christ.

a.It has been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

b.A more effective way to his heart is through encouragement.

c.Learn to read the signs of despondency — body language, facial expression, preoccupation with self.

d.Sometimes the best way to help is simply to listen or be a sounding-board as he airs his frustrations.

e.Show the concern for him that you would for a brother in your family.

5.Show class and graciousness in awkward situations.

a.If a man commits an embarrassing social faux pas, help him to save face.

b.Politely point out his good traits if he should become the object of censure or gossip among your peers.

c.Think of Queen Elizabeth or Queen Sirikit as a model of self-control, culture and refinement — an example you should strive to emulate.

d.Live the role you should be playing — a royal daughter of your Father in heaven.

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6.Express appreciation in special ways.

a.Do more than just say "thanks” at the door for an extraordinary evening.

b.Consider the time, money and effort the man has invested to give you pleasure and happiness.

c.You could design a unique card or write a poem of gratitude.

d.A follow-up phone call might be in order.

e.The main point is to acknowledge his sacrifice and thoughtfulness.

f.A word of caution: don't over-do this and convey the idea you're chasing him.

7.Think of him as a unique personality and express a genuine interest in his life.

a.Remember that just as you are an original copy, so is he.

b.No doubt there are many things about his family and background you would find interesting and fascinating.

c.Get him talking about himself or topics he feels comfortable with.

d.Maintain eye contact and be attentive.

8.Be aware of how your demeanor and conduct can affect him.

a.This covers a broad spectrum of behavior.

(1)Seductive clothing.

(2)Poor hygiene and unkempt appearance.

(3)Being boisterous, loud-mouthed and outspoken.

b.Be feminine, modest and well-bred — avoid conduct and mannerisms that might embarrass him.

c.Learn how to behave as a lady in all situations so that he would be proud to be with you.

9.Be spiritually minded and willing to talk about God's way of life.

a.Believe it or not, your interest in spiritual topics is of genuine concern to a man who's deeply converted.

b.He enjoys hearing you talk about lessons you've learned from a Bible class, helpful points from a sermon or insights gained from counseling with a minister.

c.Don't feel that you're to act the part of a skilled professor in Greek or biblical scholarship.

d.If your heart is really set on doing God's will, serving others and qualifying for the Kingdom, these things will be reflected in your conversation.

10.Demonstrate that your values are more than skin deep.

a.This has to do with goals and purposes beyond the realm of just dates, fashions and the fleeting interests of this world.

b.Prove to him that there's more to life than the fulfillment of carnal ambitions and pleasures.

c.Your stock in value will be highly increased when you speak of matters that really count.

d.Examples:

(1)Understanding people and building relationships.

(2)Valuable lessons learned from parents that will help steer you in right paths.

(3)Improving yourself, upgrading your life, developing your talents.

(4)Counting your blessings.

11.Strive for maturity and selflessness.

a.To practice the golden rule is one of the most effective ways to grow in true womanhood.

b.By contrast, one of the most degrading and shameful sins is to be wrapped up in self.

c.In all your dating relationships, strive to think outside yourself, being concerned first and foremost with the welfare of the man.

d.This is a quality of supreme importance in attaining true social success.

12.Treat him as a prince.

a.Try to view him through God's eyes — a son being groomed for His Kingdom.

b.Imagine how you'd act if you were given an opportunity to speak with Prince Charles of England.

c.Yet, the men at A.C. with whom you are privileged to associate and fellowship every day are also of royalty — but on a spiritual plane.

d.Even though they may fall short of the ideal expectations, resolve to show them honor and inspire them to achieve their highest potential.

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X. IN SUMMARY, TO GROW IN HONOR WITH GOD AND MAN, REMEMBER THE TWO KEYS OF JESUS CHRIST'S LIFE.

A. They are:

1.You are God's temple, His dwelling place on earth.

2.Honor each other as created sons of God.

B.Think honor, practice honor, give honor.

C.If you succeed in this noble undertaking, you'll become a person worthy of receiving honor.

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Women's Club: 1980

HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR

AND SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

Most incoming freshmen (and even sophomores, juniors and some seniors) are concerned with how they 'come across' and whether they will be 'accepted' by their peers. Many people are afraid of rejection by others! With some, the fear of people and their opinions is morbid and unhealthy.

Fear must be dealt with. Uncontrolled, it can frustrate you and paralyze your achievements. It can literally wreck your life. You will not be able to do what's necessary to gain the respect of others. It will stifle your service to those around you.

Tonight we will discuss how to overcome fear. Of course, we cannot cover the whole gamut, because the subject is far too large. But, I do want to offer SEVEN practical points which will help you

— and which will enable you to achieve the goals you desire.

THE KEY

The Bible shows that the KEY to overcoming fear is love!

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love..." (I John 4:18).

This love is not just a sentiment — it is ACTION! It is realizing that if you stay in your little hemmed-in corner, never reaching out to others, you will not rise to higher plateaus.

Your life is like a small rosebud growing in the garden where God has set it. But, as long as it's closed tightly upon itself, no one will ever see the radiant, beautiful flower that's hidden. Only when the rose unfurls itself — reaches out — can others enjoy its beauty, fragrance and richness.

As you allow God to work in your life — to give you love for others — only then will you lose your fear of others.

SEVEN WAYS TO ACQUIRE LOVE AND OVERCOME YOUR FEARS

1.SET A GOAL TO OVERCOME FEAR AND SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

At the outset of this new Club year, make it your goal to overcome self-consciousness, fear, and shyness. Make it one of your priorities. Determine to put forth the effort. Take initiative. Push your- selves. This will result in productive growth.

Resolve to participate in Club. Most fears involve a feeling of a lack of 'self-worth' or 'self-achieve- ment.' Taking an active part in Club can help you with fears that may not even be directly related to Club. Even if you stand up to answer a question with only 'Yes' or 'No' — that's an accomplishment, and a beginning step.

Let love and service be the motivation. And, the very things you desire most you will begin to attain — confidence, acceptance, usefulness and the ability to edify.

2.PRAY TO GOD FOR HELP AND GUIDANCE

Consider exactly what you are afraid of. Analyze yourself. Get down to the 'nitty gritty.' Ask God to show you what you may have overlooked. Pray for the courage and strength to overcome your fears. Remember that the proper fear of God in our lives will dispel the fear of men.

3.FACE YOUR FEARS

Your fears can grip and hold you down — they will enslave you. Until you face your fears, you will

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remain their prisoner. Confront your fears, whether they are fear of people, fear of rejection, fear that people won't like you, fear that you will expose your ignorance or fear of inadequacy.

Some of you may know Mel Tillis, who is a well-loved country western singer here in America. Yet, did you know that he stutters? Mel comes on stage and begins talking with the audience before his songs. 'I-I-I...k-know you know I-I-I stutter--b-but I'm still g-going to sing for you t-tonight.' Mel doesn't let his handicap paralyze his performances. His audiences love his singing. He openly faces his diffi- culty.

In the same way, face whatever fears or shortcomings you may have. Don't let them hold you back from participating in Club. It will enrich your life.

4.REMEMBER THAT YOU DETERMINE YOUR GROWTH

Did you realize that each of us determines the degree of success we achieve? However, to reach higher levels of accomplishment requires effort. The Bible sums it up this way: 'He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.' (II Cor. 9:6)

Similarly, the greater the effort on your part, the more will be accomplished.

5.TAKE THE INITIATIVE

Learn to be outgoing. Smile and greet people. This helps you break down fear barriers in yourself

and it encourages other people to be outgoing themselves! It generates feelings of self-worth and acceptance, both in you and others.

Take advantage of smaller group discussions outside the Club, such as in your dorms or at the Student Center when eating. This will give you confidence for larger groups. Progress step-by-step.

6.DON'T BE CONCERNED ABOUT 'FAILURE'

Any so-called 'failure' is really a stepping stone to ultimate success. We learn by our mistakes. The very fact that you may have 'failed' in some small way shows that you have TRIED — you put forth effort toward reaching your goal! So what if you don't measure up with your first attempts? You are learning lessons. Remember that you can fail many times, but you are not a failure until you give up.

So, keep trying and putting forth effort — and you will literally 'fail' your way to success! Again, think long range. Envision the poised and confident person you want to be and you will eventually become that person. Ask God to give you courage and motivation to that end. You'll need His strength and help.

7.FORGET YOURSELF!

Many fears come from being self-centered, being worried of how you come across, and whether others will like you. Begin thinking in terms of others, helping them, serving them, encouraging them to achieve their best — and you'll find that this effort will help erase self-consciousness from your life. Forget self, and give to others.

The key to overcoming fears, then, is to think in terms of truly helping others. Ask yourself: How can I help and edify them? That is what LOVE is — active, genuine service.

Using these principles will change your outlook, your thought processes — your very life!

They will help you 'perfect' your love and erase fear. You will learn to admire others for their quali- ties and accomplishments. Your mind will not be constantly on your-self.

As you participate in Club and put these principles to work in your life, you can actually infuse con- fidence and courage in others.

Your efforts — and even your 'failures' — can help 'turn on' others, and make your Club better! So, don't let fears hold you back. They only stifle your growth and accomplishment. You can over-

come them. The way is before you. This Club will help. Use it to the utmost as an opportunity to do your 'exercises in confidence.' Use it to perfect the LOVE which casts out fear!

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HOW TO TAKE THE CONFUSION

AND FRUSTRATION OUT OF LIFE

I. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A MOVIE WHEN SUDDENLY THE PROJECTOR BECAME ERRATIC AND THE FILM RACED FORWARD AT HIGH SPEED?

A. Remember how the actors on the screen darted to and fro, and the picture became jumbled, chaotic and confused?

B. The whole affair reminded you of a busy anthill with people bumping into each other in a mad rush to get nowhere.

C. To just think about the clatter and rapid movement leaves one reeling, exhausted and tired.

II.HOW TYPICAL THIS ILLUSTRATION TO OUR EVERYDAY LIVES.

A.Without goals or a purpose for living, our actions tend to be hurried, fast-paced and hectic.

B.We tend to do things by fits and starts — stopping and going, backing up and launching forward in different directions.

C.We begin a task, but rarely see it to completion — and if we finish the job, it's usually mediocre and second-rate.

D.Except for a few habits that regulate our lives, each day is spent in bewilderment and confusion

— reaching out for something to bring joy, happiness and success.

E.Or we can do just the opposite — plod along at a snail's pace, accomplishing little and getting nowhere.

III.WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

A.Is there a lack of clear purpose?

B.Do you have a plan?

C.When starting your day, do you have trouble deciding what to do first, and how to use your time?

D.Do you feel a deep inner frustration and disgust for failing to accomplish what you want to do, and know that you should?

E.Is your low self-esteem reflected in your living environment with things helter-skelter and lying in disarray?

F.Do you lack the drive and forcefulness to venture out and reach for new horizons (or "accept new challenges")?

IV. THE PURPOSE OF THIS LECTURE IS TO EXPLAIN HOW TO ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE, ELIMINATE CONFUSION, AND BE A PRODUCTIVE, FRUIT-BEARING MEMBER OF GOD'S CHURCH.

A. But first, let's examine some of the hidden causes of failure and frustration:

1.Patterns of laziness, carelessness and apathy carried over from our childhood environment.

2.Self-pity and the tendency to shift the blame to others for our failure in life.

3.Failure to set goals, raise our standards, and improve our chances for advanced opportunity.

4.Comparing our lives to others and feeling we've been shortchanged and cheated.

5.A general lack of self-discipline and drive, being conquered and controlled by circumstances, our own weaknesses, and the fear of what others may think of us.

6.Failure to walk with God and keep Him at the center.

7.Guilt and related emotions which are the result of giving into our flesh, the world and Satan.

8.An overall sense of frustration because we're not married, don't have a good job, or a promising career.

9.Failure to develop our God-given talents and abilities that cry out for fulfillment.

10.A total preoccupation with self and neglecting to love our fellowman.

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V. WHERE TO BEGIN:

A. In order to understand how to cope with frustration, we need to consider three vital principles. B. We must realize that:

1.MAN INNATELY NEEDS GOD.

a.He was created incomplete, needing the life and added power of God's Holy Spirit.

(1)Romans 8:9,16 = "...Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.... The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God."

(2)I John 3:24 = "...and hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us."

b.Because man has sinned and cut himself off from God, he must be reconciled and forgiven, if he's to experience peace of mind and a happy life.

(1)Isaiah 59:1-2 = "Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear."

(2)Isaiah 55:6-7 = "Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundant- ly pardon."

(3)II Chron. 7:14 = "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

(4)See also Ephesians 2:1-6,16.

c. Only God, then, can satisfy the universal hunger and thirst in man.

(1)John 4:10-15 = (A description of the living water that quenches.)

(2)John 6:28-35; 47-58 = (A description of the bread that satisfies.)

d.Even though man may enjoy a measure of success in his cut-off state, the need for God haunts him continually.

e.True happiness and lasting success can never come until man repents and turns to God with his whole heart.

2.TO ENJOY AN ABUNDANT LIFE, YOU MUST GROW AND ADVANCE TO HIGHER LEVELS.

a.This principle applies to both the spiritual and physical realms.

b.God never intended that we remain static, but rather has placed within man an inherent desire to grow — to progress onward and upward to higher plateaus.

c.This growth principle is revealed in the whole of creation as seen in the sprouting of the seed or the birth of a child — life starts small and grows to maturity.

d.God revealed this success formula to Adam in the Garden of Eden.

(1)Genesis 2:8,15 = "God told Adam to dress it and keep it."

(2)This law involved two key points necessary for his happiness and success:

(a)"To dress it" involves growth progress — moving onward, outward and upward.

(b)"To keep it" involves preserving and maintaining what he had achieved (see Rev. 3:11).

e.Frustration results when we do not grow.

3.THAT THE SPIRITUAL MUST SUPERSEDE, OVERRIDE AND REGULATE THE PHYSICAL.

a.To reverse this order is to put the cart before the horse.

b.As begotten sons, we should superimpose God's Word and His will over everything we do.

c.Earthly happiness and success are only temporary — unless we're walking with God and tuned in to His wavelength as an ongoing way of life.

d.When the physical is in control, we lose contact with the only true source that can produce peace and happiness — God Himself.

VI. STEPS TO TAKE IN ORGANIZING YOUR LIFE.

A. Fourteen steps:

1.Make the Kingdom of God your master motive.

a.This is our purpose, our calling, our hope.

b.God has set this goal for us.

(1)Matthew 6:33 = "Seek ye first the kingdom of God.... "

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(2)Col. 3:1-2 = "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth."

c.The desire for the kingdom must come first, and should be the catalyst that propels you forward.

d.If you forfeit eternal life for the fleeting pleasures of this world, what have you gained in the end? (Matt. 16:25-26.)

e.In seeking the kingdom, four things are essential:

(1)Fervent prayer.

(2)Diligent Bible study.

(3)Deep thought and meditation.

(4)Wholehearted obedience.

2.Conform to the image and teachings of Christ.

a.This point is vital because God the Father has commanded us to become like His Son.

b.Christ is the model, the pattern and the standard of how God wants us to live.

c.He is the door to the Father's throne (John 10:7-9 ).

d.Note these scriptures:

(1)Romans 8:29 = "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren."

(2)II Cor. 3:18 = "But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

(3)Ephesians 4:11-13 = "And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evan- gelists; and some, pastors and teachers; for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ."

(4)Col. 3:9-10 = "Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; and have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him."

e.As we follow Christ and obey His Word, we will grow in the likeness and perfection of the Father (Matthew 5:48).

f.It's very important to study Christ's life and conform to His image if we are to fulfill the Father's great purpose.

g.True, lasting success cannot be achieved if we overlook this vital element.

3.Guard against the forces of evil.

a.There are three common enemies we must fight:

(1)Human nature and its downward pulls.

(2)The world and its powerful influences.

(3)The devil and his wiles.

b.If we succumb to these forces, we will become guilt-ridden and lose contact with God.

c.We can never be happy and find success in trying to serve two masters.

d.God demands our total love, loyalty and dedication.

e.Misery and frustration will be our lot if we don't give God first place in our lives.

f.Resist these enemies with all your might and don't give in to the forces of evil.

4.Start ruling your life.

a.After putting God and spiritual things first, your next step is to take charge of your life — immediately!

b.In other words, start experiencing success — NOW.

c.With grit and determination, face up to your responsibilities.

d.Fall in line and get tough on yourself.

e.The place to begin is where you are now!

(1)Start with your surroundings and living environment.

(a)Organize your closets, kitchen cabinets, bookshelves, desk.

(b)Vacuum the apartment, wash the car.

(c)Scrub the shower, repair torn furniture, iron clothes that have been stashed away.

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(2)Make a list of the jobs you've been putting off.

(a)writing your parents.

(b)Catching up on the PLAIN TRUTH, GOOD NEWS, booklets, etc.

(c)Fixing the leaky faucet.

(3)Identify the hangups that are holding you back.

(a)Procrastination — allowing little, nagging jobs to accumulate.

(b)Sleeping in late.

(c)Gluttony, laziness, creature comforts, etc.

f.Get with it, don't delay — come to grips with your problems.

g.Remember that success in everyday, small things is very important to give you courage and confidence in tackling the bigger jobs.

5.Begin to set goals.

a.Having put your priorities in order — the spiritual first and the physical second — you must set goals.

b.Why are goals necessary?

(1)You cannot grow or succeed without goals — you will inevitably waste time, go in circles, and accomplish little.

(2)Having no goals will reinforce your sense of failure — resulting in discouragement, frustration, and contempt for self.

(3)Goals provide purpose, direction and motivation in life.

c.What should be your goals?

(1)Only you personally can decide this question.

(2)Set aside time to think it through.

(3)Ask yourself candidly:

(a)What do I really want to do with my life?

(b)What are my talents, skills and strengths?

(c)What do I enjoy as a challenge?

(d)What do I enjoy doing in my spare time?

(e)If I had my choice of any job in the world, what would it be?

(4)Ask God's help and guidance in crystallizing your goals — to truly seek His Will in doing what's best.

(a)Prov. 3:6 = "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

(b)Prov. 16:3 = "Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established."

d.There are five basic types of goals — all of which are requisite to leading a successful life.

(1)Long-term goals. (To be fulfilled in five years or more.) Here are some examples:

(a)To have established a meaningful career.

(b)To have paid off all debts, with money in the bank.

(c)To have gotten married and established a home and family.

(d)To have mastered the basic doctrines of the Church.

(e)To have traveled around the world.

(2)Intermediate goals. (To be fulfilled in six months to five years.) For instance:

(a)To successfully complete my job training.

(b)To learn to sew, to do needlepoint, to cook.

(c)To become an expert in some subject.

(d)To learn to play and become proficient in a musical instrument.

(e)To read the Bible through.

(3)Short-term goals. (To be fulfilled from the present to the next six months.) Such as:

(a)To improve in vocabulary and writing ability.

(b)To take a short night course on some subject that will upgrade my life or skills.

(c)To lose weight, go on an exercise program, and get myself in top physical shape.

(d)To read a book I've been putting off.

(4)Daily goals.

(a)This involves a list of seven to ten main tasks to be accomplished for each day.

(b)It's extremely important to write these down each night before retiring so that you will have a clear picture of what to do the next day.

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(c)Tie each day's goals into your other goals and ultimate purpose.

(d)These daily goals will give you immediate direction and incentive.

(5)Micro goals.

(a)These are specific goals to be accomplished from minute-to-minute or from hour-to-hour.

(b)Setting these little hourly goals will infuse into your life drive and motivation.

(c)They will give you a sense of having reached new milestones.

(d)Attaining micro goals will help to instill two vital by-products:

1.A sense of confidence and self-respect.

2.A sense of achievement, satisfaction and success.

(e)Through the daily attainment of goals, you will eventually establish powerful success patterns or habits that will carry over into every area of your life.

6.Write down your goals.

a.This is a prime necessity to becoming a success.

b.Writing down your goals will serve several purposes:

(1)Provide a blueprint to see where you're going.

(2)Provide a means of daily review and reinforcement.

(3)Provide a reminder to keep you on track.

(4)Provide an incentive to seek counsel, knowledge and ideas that will help you attain your goals.

c.Without a clear statement of goals you will flounder and fail in a vortex of confusion.

d.Rehearse and review — go over and over your blueprint of life until it becomes deeply ingrained in your mind.

7.Make a list of all required duties.

a.The purpose for this exercise is to acquaint you with the demands placed on your time.

b.This list should include only the bare-bone requirements.

(1)Prayer, study, grooming.

(2)Cooking, cleaning, shopping.

(3)Working, eating, sleeping.

(4)Exercise, recreation, etc.

c.Such a list will enable you to determine how much time remains from each day to pursue your major goals.

d.Wisely invest this leftover time.

8.Eliminate the non-essentials.

a.Take note of your life and pinpoint all time-wasting practices.

b.The Bible commands, "Lay aside every weight that so easily besets us..." (Heb. 12:1).

c.You can easily bog down in useless trivia.

d.Control or cast aside the following time wasters:

(1)TV — watch it sparingly.

(2)Daydreaming and idle thoughts.

(3)Worrying.

(4)Senseless arguing.

(5)Nursing resentment and a bad attitude.

(6)Long and needless telephone conversations.

(7)Doing things by fits and starts.

(8)Procrastination.

(9)Mental laziness and forgetfulness.

(10)General confusion and chaos in living life.

(11)Indecision.

(12)Disorganized living conditions.

(13)Inconsistency.

(14)Idle conversation.

(15)Worthless reading.

(16)Doing things the hard way — not the sensible way.

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e. As a reminder, keep God in your thoughts and review your goals daily.

(1)This practice will encourage you to eliminate waste.

(2)It will indelibly write your goals in your mind.

(3)It will help to create the desire to achieve them.

9.Don't try to accomplish everything in one day.

a.Remember the old cliche, "Rome wasn't built in a day."

b.Nor can you possibly achieve your dreams overnight.

c.Pace yourself — strive for balance and moderation.

d.Take time to infuse quality into every project and endeavor.

e.I Cor. 10:31 = "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

f.Attack big jobs in easy, bite-sized pieces.

g.Don't let the bigness of any goal overwhelm or discourage you — realize that success is reached one step at a time.

h.Simplify, simplify, simplify.

10.Be flexible.

a.Be prepared for the unexpected.

b.Don't feel guilty if your plans are thrown off track, or your schedule momentarily interrupted.

c.Take advantage of "bonus opportunities" that God may send your way.

(1)A weekend trip to an outlying church.

(2)An unexpected date that you were hoping for.

(3)A promotion that may take time to break into.

(4)A new movie someone has recommended.

d.Don't be tied down to a rigid schedule, or become a slave to a plan.

e.On the other hand, don't drift too far from your overall purposes and lose interest and momentum.

f.Learn to be flexible — but keep on track.

11.Bounce back from defeat.

a.Don't expect life to always go smoothly, it will have its ups and downs.

b.Brace yourself if disaster strikes — don't be discouraged by momentary failure.

c.It's at this point your mettle is tried; will you "hang in" and endure?

d.If you give up in despair, your goals were not meaningful at the start.

e.You may need to make adjustments from time to time, but persevere and hold out to the end.

f.Proverbs 24:16 = "For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again .... "

12.Take frequent and regular inventory of your progress.

a.Ensure that you are holding fast to your goals.

b.Make certain you're keeping on course.

c.Ensure that you are growing steadily and picking up momentum along the way.

d.Check up to see if your goals are becoming a reality, and that you are nudging closer to their attainment each day.

e.Make sure you are building quality into each step — and effectively bringing the pieces together.

f.Taking inventory is another way of saying "keep the garden" that God commanded Adam.

13.Beware of the pitfalls of success.

a.There is a real danger when blessings increase and you become successful.

b.Attaining success and material wealth have destroyed a number of people in God's Church.

c.They became self-sufficient and took their eyes off God.

d.They no longer saw a need for faith, and, in many instances, left the Church.

e.They became absorbed by the adventures and allurements of this materialistic society.

f.God warns us against these dangers and tells us repeatedly not to forget him.

Deut. 8:11-14; 17-19 = "Beware that thou forget not the Lord thy God, in not keeping his com- mandments, and his judgments, and his statutes, which I command thee this day: Lest when thou hast eaten and art full, and hast built goodly houses, and dwelt therein; and when thy herds and thy flocks multiply, and thy silver and thy gold is multiplied, and all that thou hast is multiplied; Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the Lord thy God, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage...

"And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this

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wealth. But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day. And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the Lord thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish."

14.Make up your mind to change now.

a.To embark on this new way of life demands a high degree of determination, hard work and resolve.

b.Success will only come to those who are willing to commit themselves and take their lives in hand.

c.Success can be yours, if you are willing to pay the price of blood, sweat and tears.

d.How can you motivate yourself to change? Answer these questions:

(1)Are you satisfied with your state of being right now?

(2)Are you willing to tolerate the frustrations and misery of your present circumstances?

(3)Are you contented to remain mediocre and average, when you could attain a better life?

(4)Since others have done it, why can't you?

e.God wants you to prosper and be successful — but He will not force your will.

f.The key is to put Him first, and then exert a powerful discipline over every facet of your life.

g.Think it through — the choice is yours.

h.The pay-off is greater than you can imagine.

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HOW YOU CAN

RECOGNIZE TRUE LOVE

I. THE TITLE OF TODAY'S LECTURE IS "HOW YOU CAN RECOGNIZE TRUE LOVE."

II.IN ORDER FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT DIRECTION WE'RE TAKING, THIS DISCUSSION WILL BE DIVIDED INTO FOUR MAJOR PARTS.

A. They are:

1.How a woman can know when a man loves her.

2.How a man can know when a woman loves him.

3.How to know when you're in love.

4.How to become a lovable person.

III.THIS TOPIC WILL GO PAST THE PRELIMINARIES OF DATING AND INTO THAT PHASE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU ARE CONSIDERING A PERMANENT COMMITMENT.

A.You've reached the crossroads — that point of making a decision.

B.You're on the verge of either proposing to the girl of your dreams or, if you're a woman, accepting his proposal for marriage.

C.There yet remains a final question: How can I know with total certainty that I'm truly in love and that this person is the right one for me?

IV. IT IS ASSUMED THAT THE PERSON YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HAS MET THE NECESSARY SPIRITUAL QUALIFICATIONS:

A.Baptism.

B.Being a member in good standing.

C.Having the fear of God.

D.True conversion.

E.Etc.

V. SINCE THE BASIC GROUNDWORK FOR MARRIAGE SHOULD HAVE BEEN LAID BY THIS TIME, WE'LL FOREGO THE INTRODUCTORY REQUIREMENTS AND GET RIGHT INTO THE PURPOSE OF THIS LECTURE: HOW YOU CAN RECOGNIZE TRUE LOVE.

QUESTION 1: How can a woman know when a man loves her?

1.Realize that true love will always make itself known.

a.First, he will verbalize it.

(1)He will tell you in clear, certain terms that he loves you, and will say it often.

(2)He will explain why by pointing out the qualities that he admires in your life.

(3)He will never leave you in doubt about his feelings and intentions.

b.He will also demonstrate his love and affection in myriads of physical ways.

(1)In addition to everyday courtesies, this will involve other thoughtful considerations: flowers, candy, cards, etc.

(2)He will be attuned to your interests and goals and seek out ways to help you fulfill them.

c.If you have doubts about the depth of his love, you need to reconsider whether he's the right man for you.

2.His love will be consistent and enduring.

a.He will be the first to patch things up if there are misunderstandings.

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b. He will forgive and forget past offenses.

c. He will be patient, tender and caring in working out differences. d. He won't expect perfection or be picking at every little flaw.

e. Regardless of your fluctuating moods, he will be strong in his resolve to encourage and support you.

3.He'll make you feel exclusively special and the most important person in his life.

a.He will be deeply endeared to you and honor you as a gift from God.

b.He will treat you differently from anyone else in any situation, public or private.

c.Overall, his spontaneous reactions toward you will be gentle, respectful and sensitive.

d.Instead of humiliating you and making you feel inferior, he will uphold your sense of dignity and self worth.

e.His love and appreciation for you will be obvious in just about everything he says and does.

4.He will make every effort to disclose his innermost thoughts and feelings.

a.Generally, a man will not share his hangups and frustrations with you until he is confident that you'll not hold them against him or betray his trust.

b.Sharing his feelings, then, is another indication that his love for you is true.

c.He will not hide any secrets from you so that you will feel secure in his loyalty and devotion.

d.He will want to make you a part of every facet of his life so that you'll know you are needed and important.

e.If he's not comfortable in communicating with you at this level, there's a serious defect in your relationship.

5.He will have become your closest and most trusted friend.

a.He will always be there when you need him.

b.He will never violate a confidence or trust.

c.He will work at understanding your total makeup and personality: weaknesses, fears, self- doubts, anxieties, frustrations, mood swings, etc.

d.He will strive to please you and make you happy.

e.Instead of giving premature advice, he will patiently hear you out until you've aired your frustrations and problems.

f.He will use wisdom and diplomacy in helping you work through the crises in your life.

g.He'll protect your name and defend you from criticism or harm.

6.He will prove his love through self-denial and personal sacrifice.

a.He will put your needs above his selfish interests and desires.

b.He'll not demand his rights or insist on having his way.

c.Instead, he will be considerate of your welfare and cheerfully take the time to help and serve.

d.His total orientation will be that of outgoing concern.

e.Helping you find joy and fulfillment will be one of his highest priorities.

7.He will be loyal, trustworthy and totally committed to you.

a.This is where unconditional love fits in.

b.Once he's made a commitment to you, it will become a sacred trust.

c.To enter marriage without this resolve could lead to heartache and disaster.

d.No matter what arises, whether it's a simple misunderstanding or an emotional blowup, he will take the lead and reconcile your differences.

8.He will shoulder his duties as a responsible leader.

a.He will always be up front as an example, leading the way to God's Kingdom.

b.He will prepare himself, work hard and be a good provider.

c.He will accept the full weight of the role God has assigned to him.

d.He will take charge, courageously face the future, and deal with problems as they arise.

e.In everyday situations, he'll help you with decisions and take the pressure off you where he is able.

f.He will take a firm stand if, within his heart, he feels you are deviating from God's path.

9.He'll give attention to the little things that are important to you.

a.This shows that he is attuned to your every comfort, safety and well-being.

b.He'll give heed when you express your honest needs and desires.

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c. He will be sincerely interested in your hobbies and projects.

d. He will notice the new picture on the wall, a new floral arrangement on the table, or a new doily you've crocheted.

e. He will compliment you regularly and encourage you to develop your full potential.

f. Giving attention to the finer details conveys a message that he's genuinely devoted to your success and happiness.

10.He will demonstrate an ever-deepening and growing love.

a.If his love is true, it will stand the test of time.

b.He will strive to understand the complexities of your background and personality.

c.He will be forever asking questions to this end and picking up cues from your reactions and everyday behavior.

d.His love will mature as his understanding of you deepens.

e.He will reflect depth of character and integrity and reassure you of his continuing love.

QUESTION 2: How can a man know when a woman loves him?

1.She will give herself to you in wholehearted commitment.

a.She will make you the number one focus — the most important person — in her physical life.

b.No other man will stand as tall in her eyes.

c.Her loyalty and devotion will clearly shine through.

d.Her actions and words will have increasingly proved this over a period of time.

e.She will adore and admire your manhood and allow you to be the only true love in her life.

f.Her attitude will show in her eyes — she will look at you with respect and deference.

g.She will make every effort to prove that her commitment is steadfast and unquestionable.

2.She will demonstrate joyful submissiveness and the desire to let you lead.

a.This attitude comes from walking with God and allowing His Spirit to fill her mind.

b.She'll be conscious of her role for which she was created and dutifully submit as a helpmeet and companion.

c.She will fight the tendency to go around you, usurp your authority and have her way.

d.Her body stance will not be hostile or defensive.

e.She'll look to you for guidance and help when confronted with a problem or important decision.

f.You'll be her sounding board, her crying post, her strong shoulder and protector.

g.Being submissive and wishing to please you with all her heart basically mean the same thing.

3.She will want to respond and support you as her number one earthly ambition.

a.It's her attitude of responsiveness and eager cooperation that tells you her love is true.

b.The depth of her devotion will be indicated by the enthusiasm of her response.

c.She will willingly heed your desires and wishes because of an instinctive yearning to please you so much.

d.She'll take a personal interest in your goals and seek for ways to help you reach them — even if it means a sacrifice.

e.She'll express excitement about the activities you plan and be grateful for your effort and attention.

f.She'll support you in all your endeavors, encouraging you in failure and praising you in success.

g.She'll respond to you in ways she would not to any other man.

4.She'll make it easy to iron out differences and seek suggestions for ways to improve.

a.Since she's motivated by a burning desire to please you, she'll desire your input and gentle correction.

b.She will reflect the best of intentions and make an all-out effort to change.

c.This does not mean that she wants you to remake her, but rather is an expression of her willingness to fit in with your life.

d.In other words, she'll strive to remove the scratchy elements in her personality that create tension and conflict.

5.She'll be completely open, straightforward and honest, and communicate freely with you.

a.A woman will normally not do this unless she feels protected by your love.

b.She will be confident that you'll neither berate nor betray her.

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c. She'll withhold no secrets and will lean on you for physical, emotional and spiritual strength. d. She'll feel no inhibition in sharing her joys and disappointments — her total 100 percent self. e. She will reciprocate in kind when you are warm, expressive and compassionate.

6.She will reflect a caring and nurturing affection.

a.She will exemplify this by wanting to be with you and doing as many things together as possible.

b.She will express a deep joy in helping you to achieve the things you consider important.

c.She will want to know more and more about your life and how she can blend into it.

d.She'll understand how fragile and sensitive your ego can be and will endeavor to be a source of encouragement and motivation.

e.Because of her nurturing instinct, she is dutifully compelled and motivated to take care of you.

7.She will place trust and confidence in your leadership and ability to succeed.

a.She could never love and respect you unless she believes in your competence as a leader.

b.She trusts in your wisdom and good judgment in making decisions.

c.She feels safe and secure with you because of your track record of diligence, experience and maturity.

d.She'll be careful not to criticize, ridicule or chide you for mistakes you might make.

e.Instead, she will provide the support and backing you need.

f.Because she looks to you as her head and provider, she will inspire you with the drive and confidence you need to achieve great heights.

8.She will make you feel totally comfortable and relaxed with her.

a.You'll sense no pressure to put on airs or try to impress her with a macho image.

b.She'll laugh at your humor and enjoy playful teasing.

c.There will be a bonding of minds, attitudes and spirits between you.

d.Even differences of opinion will be viewed as a growing experience.

e.You'll find that you can sit and talk with her for hours and never get bored.

9.She'll give attention to the little things that please you.

a.This will include a host of little extras which she'll go above and beyond in performing.

b.She'll study your habits, disposition and lifestyle for clues to what you consider important and valuable.

c.She'll come to know your tastes in food, clothing and hairstyles.

d.She'll ask to find out your preferences.

e.Since love is a creative energy, she'll seek to add that special touch of originality in the way she serves you.

f.She will display those special courtesies afforded only to royalty.

10.Her love will be steadfast and enduring.

a.She'll be willing to follow you to the ends of the earth if necessary.

b.If circumstances warrant, she would even live in poverty to be with you.

c.Even though you might become handicapped, maimed or defaced, her devotion is so strong that she would still love you for life.

d.She'll help you to weather every storm and win every battle, even if it means a painful sacrifice.

e.She'll rebound from her hurts and tears, even when rebuffed, in order to be worthy of your love.

f.She will live what the apostle Paul said: "Love endures all things" (I Cor. 13:7).

QUESTION 3: How do you know when you're in love?

1.Realize that true love is based on a foundation of mutual respect and friendship.

a.It may begin with physical attraction.

b.Or, it may simply start when two people are casually brought together.

c.Whatever the circumstance, the relationship will have unfolded gradually into its present state.

d.You will truly have come to know and appreciate each other as two endearing friends.

e.Once a solid friendship has been built, you are better equipped to recognize true love when it emerges.

2.There will be a spark of attractiona certain amount of romantic chemistry.

a.Even though this spark is usually present, it's not an emotion that blinds you to reality.

b.To base a commitment purely on physical appeal leaves you without a sure foundation of enduring love.

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c. Lust is like an intense fire that quickly burns out.

d. By comparison, true love is like sunshine that warmly glows and endures.

e. Infatuation is usually self-centered, but true romantic love will mature into genuine outgoing concern for the other.

f. Be sure there is a proper balance between what your heart feels and what your head knows.

3.The test of time will prove your love is true.

a.You cannot possibly learn all there is to know about each other on one or two dates.

b.Getting to know the other requires time and togetherness.

c.Therefore, being certain your love is real will take a great deal of interaction, communication and seeing each other in many situations.

d.If you continue to gravitate to each other in spite of occasional conflicts and differences, you can be reasonably sure there is something special in your relationship.

4.You will have developed a kindred spirit and like-minded outlook.

a.Two people deeply in love will share the same values, goals and basic interests.

b.You will have grown to appreciate one another's unique qualities, strengths and talents.

c.You'll be compatible in the essential areas of life and experience a meeting of minds on all important issues.

d.You'll work at understanding what makes the other tick and desire to help him or her find fulfillment.

e.There'll be no sense of intimidation or jealousy when one has achieved recognition or triumphs.

f.To the contrary, you will support and mutually encourage each other to excel.

g.You will have established common goals and will be working together to attain them.

5.You will yearn to be with that person and miss him or her when you are apart.

a.He or she will begin to fill your thoughts.

b.You'll find yourself looking for ways to serve each other and watching for needs you can meet.

c.This inner longing will be based on the joy of companionship and the desire to share each other's thoughts and experiences.

d.If you're separated for days and you're not lonely or bothered by the absence, then it's doubtful that you're truly in love.

6.There will be a willingness to make a lifetime commitment without hesitation or doubt.

a.At this point in your relationship all anxieties and reservations should have been resolved.

b.You will have learned the art of solving your differences in a mature and self-restrained fashion.

c.You will have learned how to forgive and forget hurts and offenses.

d.Time and again you will have proved that your love is stable and unwavering.

7.You'll find that serving the other has become a source of great joy instead of an irksome duty.

a.You'll be eager to sacrifice time and pleasure in order to benefit the other.

b.You'll care so deeply that you would give your life for him or her.

c.You'll try to avoid any action that will tear down, discourage or displease the other.

d.If your love is true and lasting, you'll make whatever sacrifice is necessary to keep your commitment intact.

8.This person will bring out the best in you and keep you focused on God's Kingdom.

a.He or she will never attempt to undermine your principles or defile your conscience.

b.Rather, each will be a source of strength and vitality to the other.

c.God's Holy Spirit will bind you into oneness of mind that nothing can separate.

d.You will feel proud to be seen together in public.

e.You'll also be pleased to have this person to be the father or mother of your children.

f.Each will provide a fertile environment of support and encouragement for the other to grow and flourish.

9.You can be yourself and feel perfectly comfortable in your relationship.

a.Neither will try to remake or fashion the other into a new mold.

b.Each can speak his or her mind knowing the other will be patient and understanding.

c.You will give each other space to work through problems and attitudes.

d.Both will remember that growth is a process and overcoming self requires a lifetime.

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10.God will reveal that you've made the right choice.

a.If you have trusted God in child-like faith and prayed about your relationship throughout its duration, He will make known to you the answer.

b.This may require much counsel and some fasting.

c.If you use wisdom and caution, God will not allow you to be deceived, since you're looking to Him for guidance and protection.

d.Always remember that your marriage will endure and weather any storms if you keep God at the center.

NOTE: If you have not yet found that special person with whom you'd like to share your life, the following points will help you prepare toward that end.

QUESTION 4: How can you become a lovable person?

1.Pray for an attractive personality and a likable disposition.

a.Realize that the desire and ability to transform your life must come from God.

b.He will grant the motivation and power if you wholeheartedly seek His help.

c.Earnestly strive to develop a positive, joyful and peace-loving outlook.

d.Request that the fruits of His Holy Spirit will truly become apparent in your life.

e.Remember that it is God's mind and nature in you that will make you lovable.

2.Ask your closest friends to help you see your shortcomings.

a.Really mean it when you ask for their input and counsel.

b.Don't justify or make excuses when they tell you the truth or share their honest feelings.

c.Be open-minded and thankful — take their suggestions to heart.

d.Seek to know if you are any of the following:

(1)Negative.

(2)Critical and complaining.

(3)Whiny.

(4)Coarse, crude and unrefined.

(5)Immature and demanding.

e.Come to see yourself as others see you and desire to make genuine changes in your life.

3.Embark on a crash program of overcoming.

a.Set your mind to change and to really achieve breakthroughs with long-standing problems.

b.Visualize the transformed person you want to be and the benefits that you will gain as a result.

c.Work on the repulsive and scratchy elements first — the things that turn people off.

d.Make yourself vividly aware of how ugly selfishness is.

e.Set deadlines to conquer your most obnoxious habits.

f.Get tough on yourself and start today.

4.Practice humility and grow in Christ's likeness.

a.First of all, realize that every blessing you possess has come from God — your brain, talents, abilities, resources, etc.

b.Secondly, recognize that others have contributed greatly to your present success.

c.Remember that you're only dust — made from 16 elements — like everyone else.

d.Therefore, don't think too highly of yourself or take sole credit for your accomplishments.

e.Condescend to others in love and service.

f.Determine to remove every trace of pride, arrogance and vanity from your life.

g.Keep Christ's example of humility in the forefront of your mind.

5.Be friendly and make people feel comfortable in your presence.

a.Be cheerful, enthusiastic and expressive when you interact with others.

b.Help people to relax and save face if they make an embarrassing mistake.

c.Don't show favoritism, or be a respecter of persons.

d.Treat everyone with care and respect: the shy, the handicapped, the young, the elderly, the quiet, the backward, etc.

e.Develop a good sense of humor and learn to laugh at yourself.

f.Smile and radiate warmth as an on-going way of life.

g.Be responsive and approachable.

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6.Develop an interest in people and the qualities that make them unique.

a.This takes courage and effort, but the friendships you gain will be well worth it.

b.Getting to know people and what makes them tick is an adventure in learning.

c.A vast education awaits you if you'll step out and make new acquaintances.

d.You'll also win the admiration of people you befriend because you will have brightened their lives.

7.Pray for love and the knowledge of how to creatively apply it.

a.The love that God imparts is creative.

b.It enlightens the mind to thousands of ways in which to help others succeed and be happy.

c.Think about the needs and well-being of everyone with whom you come in contact.

d.Look for opportunities to help carry the burdens of others and to lighten their load.

e.Be thoughtful in word and in deed: encourage, edify, commend, give, aid, share.

f.Recognize the desire for attention that people crave.

g.Every human has a need of love — seek for ways to give it.

8.Always be honest, truthful and sincere.

a.Be upright and true at all costs and in every circumstance.

b.Reflect integrity.

c.Be completely reliable and strive to be the kind of person others can always trust.

d.Keep your promises and make your word good.

e.Manifest a child-like innocence in mind, attitude and character.

f.Keep private information confidential — make this an absolute must.

g.Be conscientious like Christ, inside and out.

9.Be polite and courteous to everyone you meet.

a.Practice being kind and gracious.

b.Realize that these qualities represent refined godly love.

c.They say to others, "You count — you're important and worth something as an individual."

d.This kind of love is an outward manifestation of God's Spirit at work.

10.Learn the art of being tactful and sensitive to others' feelings.

a."But your mind in gear before you open your mouth" is an old adage that still holds true today.

b.Choose your words carefully so as not to intimidate, humiliate or irritate people.

c.Avoid put-downs and sarcasm, and watch the tone of your voice.

d.Words and actions can have just as painful an effect on people's self-esteem as a whip across their backs.

11.Be an attentive and interested listener.

a.Look at people when they're speaking to you.

b.Train yourself to pay attention and show respect.

c.Be responsive with a nod, smile and verbal feedback.

d.People appreciate these gestures and will be endeared to you.

e.Being a good listener is a small price to pay in your quest to become lovable.

12.Be aware of the lasting impact your example can have on others.

a.It's a well-established fact that you have either a positive or negative influence on every life you touch.

b.If you manifest the qualities of good breeding, culture, kindness and love, people will long remember you.

c.However, if you're pessimistic, negative, selfish and carnal, you'll leave a legacy of distaste in their memories.

d.Becoming a lovable person is tantamount to being a true Christian.

e.Therefore, commit yourself to this lofty challenge and you'll grow in favor with God and man.

VI. A FINAL WORD OF CLARIFICATION.

A. Please don't use these qualities as the perfect and all conclusive checklist in choosing a mate. B. No one has attained them in their entirety.

C. Each of us has achieved different levels of growth and spiritual maturity and should not be compared to others.

D. These points are given merely as guidelines to show the meaning of true love and how to recognize it.

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E. What is important is to grasp their essence and to use them as the ideal to strive for.

F. Hopefully you and your future mate will reflect all of them to some degree. However, don't expect total perfection.

G. To be fairminded, realistic and patient, allow time for growth and development. H. Best wishes and success!

-END-

ADDENDUM

HOW A WOMAN CAN KNOW WHEN A MAN LOVES HER

1.How he treats other people.

2.Does he make you feel comfortable?

3.Can you trust him?

4.Is he thoughtful and considerate?

5.He will work at removing the irritants from his life that bug you.

6.He will note the special things you do to serve him.

7.He will praise you for your efforts, personal growth and self-improvement.

8.He will make it a point to provide you with a forum to express your feelings, ideas, hopes, dreams, etc.

9.He will study and investigate your unique interests and needs.

10.As a rule of thumb he will think of you first, himself second.

11.He will try to make you feel feminine and proud to be a woman.

12.He will reassure you over and over that you're beautiful, important and valuable.

13.He will be tolerant and give you space to grow.

14.He will demonstrate his firmness of character and leadership day in and day out.

15.He will lavish praise and compliments.

16.He will be responsive to your suggestions and careful not to intimidate or put you down.

17.He will avoid any mode of behavior that would make you question his love, loyalty and devotion.

18.He will wait on you instead of waiting on you to serve him.

19.He will be light-hearted and humorous.

20.He will dignify your work and responsibilities.

21.Overall, you will know he loves you by:

a.What he says.

b.What he does.

c.How he acts.

d.How he thinks.

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"IF I WERE 21 AGAIN ..."

I. SOME VALUES AND VIRTUES YOUNG ADULTS SHOULD KEEP IN MIND AS THEY BREAK HOME TIES, GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND EMBARK ON THEIR LIFE'S CALLING.

1.Keep in good health.

A.Success in life and the acquisition of material possessions are of little value if you don't have good health to enjoy them.

B.God wishes above all things that you may prosper and be in health (III John 2).

C.Principles of health.

(1)Get plenty of sleep.

(2)Take some form of vigorous exercise every day.

(3)Watch your diet and choose the best foods whenever possible.

2.Make walking with God your highest ambition.

A.Deut. 13:2-4 = "Cleave unto God and love Him with all your heart."

B.I Peter 1:14-16 = "Be ye holy for I am holy."

C.I Cor. 10:31 = "Do all things to God's glory."

3.Set realistic and attainable goals.

A.Three types:

(1)Short range

(2)Intermediate

(3)Long Range

B.Create a game plan of objectives in order to reach your goals.

(1)Start with what resources you already have available.

(2)As you set your mind to analyzing, thinking and searching, you'll attract to yourself the answers you need.

C.How do you generate enthusiasm and drive?

(1)Through thought — strong mental discipline.

(2)There can be no lasting drive without thought. Thought is the basis of every noteworthy achievement.

D.What does thought engender?

(1)Desire.

(2)Desire is produced through thinking.

(3)Think about your goals in terms of having reached them — see them in their finality.

(4)Do this until you have painted a clear mental picture of what you're searching for in life.

(5)Desire will automatically follow.

(6)Desire is the fire that ignites enthusiasm.

E.The formula:

(1)Thought begets desire.

(2)Desire breeds enthusiasm.

(3)Enthusiasm leads to action.

(4)Action when persistently applied leads to success.

(5)Success produces confidence which leads to greater SUCCESS.

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4.Keep the overall purpose of life in view.

A.Consider the end (Deut. 32:29).

B.Make certain God is at the center of things.

C.Remember that each must stand in the judgment and give an account of his life.

(1)Eccl. 12:13-14 = "God shall bring every work into judgment."

(2)II Cor. 5:10 = "... all stand before the judgment seat of Christ."

D.Allow no ambition or goal to crowd out God's Kingdom.

5.Develop the habit of making quick and sound decisions.

A.This takes courage — we're afraid of the consequences or too lazy to think.

B.Get wide counsel and think things through.

C.You'll succeed in life only as far as your decisions reach.

D.You either decide to fail or to succeed.

E.Master the art of decision making and you will have acquired an indispensable tool of success.

6.Discipline yourself.

A.Flex your muscles, tighten your belt, call up the forces of your mind and say "NO."

B.Keep on the course you have charted.

C.You may have to forego some fleeting pleasure and experience some pain — but this discipline will suddenly turn into pure joy.

D.Think of your goal — the end result. Reflect on this until you get your bearings again.

E.On the human side, you're responsible for your actions and are the master of your fate.

F.Luke 9:23 = "He who will be my disciple, let him deny himself."

7.Don't let discouragement get you downface it head-on.

A.Get to the bottom of what's causing it.

B.Quit feeling sorry for yourself — start looking for solutions and answers.

C.Let discouragement itself be a catalyst to propel you out of the pit of depression and despair, to greater heights.

D.Decide to become stronger than it is.

E.Joshua 1:5-9; 18 = "Be strong and of good courage."

F.I Cor. 16:13 = "Be strong like men."

8.Steer your life by certain bedrock principles and unwavering absolutes.

A.King David said that regardless of his trials, he would never say anything negative against God so as to shatter the faith of Israel.

B.A few may be:

(1)Keeping morally pure.

(2)Defending the reputation of others who are falsely accused.

(3)Being honest and upright in all your business transactions.

(4)Giving others credit where due, instead of taking it unto yourself.

C.Are you rock-solid in your convictions, or are you like a piece of dough easily changed or squeezed out of shape because of political expediency or out of plain fear of others?

9.Try to achieve one splendid success in some worthy realm of human endeavor.

A.Become really good at something — a true, recognized expert.

B.Strive toward professionalism — perfection in one single thing.

C.It may be:

(1)Mastering a musical instrument.

(2)Painting.

(3)Writing, poetry.

(4)Sculpturing, macrame.

(5)Wood working.

(6)Speaking.

(7)An authority on some subject.

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D. Make this your trademark.

E. Put your finest creative effort into achieving it, albeit it may take weeks, months and years to reach your goal.

10.Study and try to be an original thinker.

A.Do not take "things for granted" — take them for what they are worth.

B.Think your way through prejudice, precedent, custom, convention, style, fashion and all the forms of modern day folly and get at the heart of things.

C.Some customs you'll want to keep because they're based on Bible principles — other things you'll want to discard.

D.Square all incoming knowledge with the truths of God's Word.

E.Study until you grasp concepts — internalize them. Don't rest with weak, superficial answers until your mind is put at ease.

11.Put quality into every thought, word and deed.

A.Conscientiously practice Eccl. 9:10 = "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might."

B.Do it better — go the extra mile.

C.Don't settle with mediocrity — go all out and give it your best effort.

D.Don't be discouraged if you fail to achieve perfection overnight.

E.Achieving quality takes time — like a good vintage wine.

12.Live in the light of every grand experience and opportunity.

A.Some brilliant experiences only happen once in a lifetime.

B.Don't pass them by even if it means rearranging your game plan of life temporarily.

C.It may be:

(1)An unexpected free trip to Europe.

(2)A dinner out with Mr. Armstrong.

(3)A flight on the G-II.

(4)A date with someone you'd like to get to know.

D.Don't mistake grand opportunities with insignificant frequent distractions.

E.The key is to experience the bigness of life with all its richness and rare opportunities.

13.Spend a little time each day in the realm of the beautiful.

A.Drink in of your environment and all of creation.

B.Enjoy the beauty of flowers, the flight of birds, a golden sunset, the passing of clouds in the sky.

C.Reflect on life and all that you see — take a few seconds or moments to look, hear, taste, smell and feel the beauty and richness of God's creation.

D.If you're too busy to do this, you're too busy.

E.You should develop your senses until they become highly sensitive and discriminating.

F.Heb. 5:12-14 = "...exercise your senses to discern between good and evil."

14.Cultivate two or three close friendships among people who are older.

A.People who are forty or fifty or even among those who are elderly.

B.These individuals can be of great help to you in a time of great duress or crises.

C.Job 32:7 = "Days should speak and multitude of years should teach wisdom."

D.Prov. 16:31 = "The hoary head is a crown of glory...."

15.Keep a notebook of ideas.

A.Capture and record concepts, ideas, insights and sudden thoughts of inspiration while the iron is hot.

B.Unless you record them while they're fresh in your mind, you may lose them forever.

C.Review this notebook on a regular basis until these ideas have been incorporated into your everyday mentality.

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16.Develop a "David-like attitude of respect and humility" and give yourself to the service of mankind.

A.Become people-oriented — aware of their presence.

B.Learn the kindly arts of tact and diplomacy and develop a keen sensitivity to their needs and feelings.

C.Gal. 6:10 = "As we have opportunity, let us do good unto all men."

D.I Pet. 2:17 = "Honor all men."

17.Crowd at least one act of kindness into every twenty-four hours.

A.It's not difficult to find an opportunity — everybody you meet has problems. Some more urgent than others.

B.Kindness when habitually practiced transforms itself into dignity and greatness.

18.Look to Christ as your supreme example and model of life.

A.Read the four gospels at least once a year.

B.Broaden, expand and stretch your mind to comprehend the meaning of everything He did and said.

C.Spend plenty of time in reflecting and thinking on the way He lived, His general approach to life.

D.Dedicate yourself to emulating His lifestyle.

E.Yield unreservedly to His will and be the kind of instrument in which He can live His life anew.

NOTE: Some of the above material taken from "The System Bible Study" section on Character Building, pages 744-747.

-END-

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THE INNERMOST SECRETS THAT A.C. MEN AND WOMEN WISH EACH OTHER KNEW

I. THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS BASED ON MANY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE IN

COUNSELLING YOUNG SINGLES AND AMBASSADOR COLLEGE STUDENTS.

A. These are feelings and thoughts about dating and personal relationships that multiple scores have privately expressed.

B. It is my earnest desire that these secrets will strengthen and enhance your social life.

II.THE INNERMOST SECRETS OF AMBASSADOR CO-EDS.

1.Please learn how to properly ask for a date and I'll be more eager to accept.

a.First of all, some common mistakes that are frequently made:

1)"What are you doing tonight?"

2)"I didn't have anything else to do, so I thought I'd ask you out."

3)"I can't find anyone to go to the beach with me, so I'm asking you."

4)"So-and-so backed out on me and I need a date."

5)"You're the tenth girl I've asked to go to the dance — I hope you can make it."

b.Other wrong approaches.

1)Asking a girl for a date in the presence of others, such as at meal time in the Student Center.

2)Singling one girl out in a group, thus catching her off-guard.

3)Hurriedly asking while rushing to class.

c.The proper way to ask for a date is approach her privately and then give her a way out.

1)For example: "My parents have just arrived in town and would like to go to the Velvet Turtle for dinner. If you're free, we would very much enjoy having you to go with us." If she accepts, explain that Sabbath dress will be fine and you'll pick her up at 6 o'clock.

2)"May I have the honor of escorting you to the Sophomore Ball?"

3)"A week from Sunday a group of us is going to Disneyland. If you're available, I'd be delighted to have you go with me."

d.The key to remember is never put the girl in an awkward or compromising position. Always leave her the option of declining gracefully. She may have other plans or reasons

that she may not want to reveal.

2.I know that leading the conversation may be difficult, but I really admire you when you try.

a.Don't force her into an uncomfortable role where she must take the initiative.

1)Some girls are more verbal and will naturally fill in if there's a gap.

2)Later, they feel guilty and are afraid they've made a bad impression of being too talkative.

b.It's your God-given responsibility to take the lead.

c.The main thing to avoid is long periods of silence.

d.Try always to have in mind four or five subjects to fall back on in case this happens. In other words, always be prepared.

e.Use questions to help draw her out, but don't get too personal.

1)Avoid close-ended questions that require only one-word answers.

2)Try to establish topics of common interest.

f.Endeavor to insure that the conversation is equally balanced, with give-and-take between you.

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3.I would rather you encourage, console and comfort me than lecture or preach.

a.When a fellow quotes a lot of scriptures and corrects a girl, she becomes upset and defensive.

b.She doesn't resent helpful counsel, but recoils when treated like a child or put down and made to feel inferior.

c.She basically already knows the cause of her problems and doesn't need to be dissected and analyzed.

d.Sometimes the best thing a man can do for a woman is to make her feel safe, sheltered and secure.

e.She doesn't need an intellectual tongue-lashing, but rather tenderness and understanding.

4.I wish that you'd be more observant and aware of my physical comfort and well-being.

a.This kind of polite and courteous treatment lets her know that the man feels responsible for her welfare.

1)Here is a major reason why the ERA was started — women have been neglected, treated with indifference and left to fend for themselves.

b.Typical examples in everyday life.

1)Loaning her your coat when she's shivering and cold.

2)Closing the door if the wind is blowing and chilly.

3)Rolling up the car window so her hair won't become disheveled or windblown.

4)Making sure that your date keeps up with you in a crowd, even if she has to take your arm.

5)Opening and closing doors for her.

6)Realize that it's difficult for her to walk long distances in high heels.

5.I'm very impressed when you're original or creative when planning a date.

a.Girls don't enjoy duty dates where the men feel obligated to take them out.

b.What pleases them is when special thought and planning have gone into the occasion.

c.They're impressed when he has given attention to all the necessary details.

1)Location and type of date.

2)Transportation arranged.

3)Proper dress to wear.

4)Etc.

d.If the date was made days or weeks in advance, follow through with a reminder so she will know you haven't forgotten.

e.This kind of leadership indicates you're fully in charge and will dispel all her worries.

6.I truly enjoy going for walks.

a.Almost without exception, every girl shares this desire.

b.She'd like to take a break, get out of the dorm and go for a stroll under the stars.

c.Such walks don't have to be romantic, just a time to enjoy wholesome fellowship and good conversation.

d.Some have remarked that simple, spontaneous walks mean more to them than elaborate, formal occasions.

e.These walks can be brief — around the block, or a stroll through the campus.

f.The conversation need not be heavy or overly serious, but fun-loving, enjoyable, and refreshing.

g.Picking a little flower along the path is a symbol of your thoughtfulness — she often packs it away. (One girl confessed that she has a two-year-old dead rose in her office!)

h.A word of caution — don't overdo this or make a nuisance of yourself.

7.Please realize how important a sincere compliment is to me.

a.A woman wants to be beautiful to a man. A compliment from him means twice as much as from another female.

b.When she's taken extra pains to look nice, she'd like to know that he notices.

c.The man, therefore, should thoughtfully take note of the time and effort she spends to look attractive and beautiful.

d.Don't flatter her — she can readily see through this.

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e. A sincere compliment is spontaneous, but if your remarks are belabored, drawn out and icky sweet, then it's flattery.

8.Please don't force me to be curt and defensive by coming on too strong.

a.This tendency can show itself in a number of ways.

1)Getting physical.

2)Dogging her around campus.

3)Making a general nuisance of himself.

4)Getting serious on the first date or two.

5)Becoming possessive and jealous.

6)Asking for too many dates.

7)Wanting to sit with her at every meal.

b.Make it a goal to develop solid friendships and don't get carried away.

9.Being a leader doesn't mean macho or domineering, but rather being responsible, mature and caring.

a.For a man to throw his weight around, give orders and act self-righteous, is a giant turn-off to the woman.

b.Such arrogance and egotism destroy her respect for him.

c.This is especially important to remember if you are a student leader.

d.Use your office or authority to protect her — not to crush her.

e.Give her credit for having a brain to think with and God's Holy Spirit to guide her.

10.Please don't misinterpret my emotional highs and lows, or changing moodsthey are not intentionally directed at you.

a.Men often wonder why a date can go so well, only to find the next day, she's cold, unfriendly and distant.

b.There may be several reasons for this.

1)She's afraid that if she acts too friendly, he'll mistake her motives as a "come-on" and start pursuing a relationship.

2)If she truly likes the man, she wouldn't want him to know in million years.

3)In the meantime, there may be any number of experiences that could have upset her attitude or outlook.

a)Insufficient sleep.

b)A run-in with a roommate.

c)Bombed a test.

d)Mounting pressures.

e) Hormonal changes.

11.Please try to understand that I'm terribly sensitive and can be easily crushed.

a.A woman is particularly vulnerable to sarcasm and cynicism or by the negative things he says.

b.Her nature is so constructed that she innately wants to please the man.

c.Any rejection, ridicule or displeasure on his part can be devastating.

d.She is especially sensitive to remarks against her personal efforts such as her cooking, appearance, athletic ability, etc.

e.Cite the example of the men who snickered and made fun of a girl's overcooked brownies.

12.If it appears that a serious relationship is developing, please be open and honest with me.

a.This would apply mainly to upperclassmen or older students.

b.The man should never leave a woman dangling on a limb.

c.If for no other reason, he should take the initiative to clear the air and relieve her anxieties.

d.He should approach her in such a way that they can continue to be friends even if she isn't serious about him.

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13.Please be sensible and realistic before you entertain thought of marriage.

a.The man should never get carried away when there, are obvious or irreconcilable differences.

b.Some examples.

1)She is several inches taller than he.

2)Age difference.

3)Cultural or racial differences.

4)Maturity and experience levels.

5)Educational backgrounds.

6)Goals and purposes.

7)Personal tastes and preferences.

8)Physical attraction (chemistry).

c.Other considerations are:

1)His career — does he have a job nailed down?

2)Financial ability to support a wife and family.

3)Health.

14.I stand in awe of you when you make me feel special and treat me with respect.

a.You are a superstar in her eyes when you tailor-make your attention to her personal needs.

b.This requires forethought, consideration and a sense of genuine deference.

c.It involves expressing true honor rather than trying to impress her with your importance.

d.It's letting her know that you care, that you notice and that you're concerned about her feelings and welfare.

e.Show that you consider her to be important and she will melt with admiration.

f.Examples:

1)Standing when she enters a room.

2)Standing when she has to pass in front of you to find her seat in the Auditorium, in a theatre, bus or plane.

3)Stepping aside so that she can easily pass on a sidewalk, in an aisle, etc.

4)Giving out escort cards.

g.All in all, recognize her presence, uphold her dignity and treat her as a co-heir with Christ.

III. THE INNERMOST SECRETS OF AMBASSADOR MEN.

1.Try to understand how difficult it is for me to ask for a date.

a.A man's biggest problem in asking a girl out is the fear of being turned down or rejected.

b.She can make it doubly hard on him when she expresses cold indifference or a lack of enthusiasm.

c.A harsh and cruel rejection mortifies his ego, crushes his self-respect and discourages him from trying again.

d.If you must refuse a date, remember to let the man down gently.

e.Try to give a good reason when appropriate.

1)"I really would have liked to go, but I already have plans for tonight. Please call again."

2)"How thoughtful of you to askme, but I've already been invited to the dance next week."

3)"Thanks for asking, but could we make it some other time?" Or, "Could we make it in the future?"

f.There may come a time when the woman will need to get firm and direct if being harassed or imposed upon.

2.Make it easier for us to communicate by showing an interest and being responsive.

a.Conversation and fellowship should be a two-way street.

b.The man shouldn't be expected to talk nonstop.

c.Get involved and show enthusiasm.

d.Concentrate on giving him a good time.

e.Pick up on his thoughts and ideas and contribute to the conversation.

f.If you disagree with a topic or point, don't debate or challenge, but submissively present your views.

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3.Try to appreciate how difficult it is to measure up to the ideal standard and be a perfect leader.

a.Remember that most AC men come here to learn how to be mature leaders — they may lack experience or confidence.

b.In the process of learning, they will probably make mistakes and commit blunders.

c.Try to be understanding and give him room to grow.

d.Don't be comparing him to older men with years of experience and expect too much.

e.Compliment him on his successes and help him to save face should he fail.

4.Realize how easy it is to wound a man's ego.

a.You can do this by being snitty, catty and making him feel like a lowly worm.

b.Some examples:

1)Comparing him to other men.

2)Coldly ignoring him.

3)Cutting him down in front of others.

4)Refusing to dance with him, then immediately accepting an invitation from someone else.

5)Making him feel bad about circumstances beyond his control.

a.Being caught in the rain.

b.Car breaking down.

c.Protect the man's self-esteem to the same degree that you want him to treat you as a lady.

d.Try to honor and respect his role in every circumstance where possible.

5.Please learn to be more grateful for the money I spend and the effort I invest in a special date.

a.Often girls feel uncomfortable and guilty about A.C. men spending money on them.

b.They are also afraid that an expensive dinner out means being obligated to accept future dates.

c.However, the men generally do not think of it this way.

d.It's an instinct inbred in the man to want to provide and protect the fairer sex.

e.Therefore, they would like for you to acknowledge that they have made a special sacrifice and effort to give you a good time and make you happy.

f.A follow-up thank-you note, telephone call, or some other form of feedback is not only appropriate, but your Christian duty.

6.Try to be more consistent and predictable in your reactions and day-to-day disposition.

a.Realize the frustration, tension and dismay you can bring upon a man by your erratic behavior and changing moods.

b.Try to control emotional feelings and make a concerted effort to develop a cheerful, sunny outlook.

c.Work at levelling out the peaks and valleys in your day-to-day reactions and establish the kind of inner poise that men can feel comfortable with.

7.Please be flexible and self-controlled when plans fall apart or you encounter a crisis.

a.Not every date will turn out perfectly.

b.You will encounter some unexpected surprises or circumstances beyond anyone's control.

c.Your level of maturity will determine how you handle these trying situations.

d.Some examples:

1)Your date's car breaks down on the freeway and you miss the play.

2)You discover a run in your nylons as you enter the Auditorium for Church.

3)The cleaners didn't get your dress back in time and you had to choose another one.

e.Don't lose your balance or perspective. Always keep the big picture in mind.

8.Girls don't seem to realize how they physically affect man.

a.A woman is the most beautiful creature on earth to a man.

b.But, unless she is circumspect in her dress and conduct she can be a distraction and stumbling block to him.

c.Things to watch for and avoid:

1)Plunging necklines.

2)Unbuttoned blouse near the top (this is especially distracting when leaning over).

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3)Tight skirts and sweaters.

4)Contoured, snug-fitting jeans.

5)Shorts worn in open and public places.

6)Bikini bathing suits.

7)Slit in skirt — knees exposed when sitting.

8)Putting her head on the man's shoulder or nudging up too close.

d.The key to remember is to be modest and discreet in all circumstances of your life.

9.My attraction for you heightens when you dress like a lady and take pride in your appearance.

a.What you wear and the way you wear it does count with a man.

1)Don't be exotic, but keep up with the fashions of the day.

2)In this regard, quality of clothing is of greater importance quantity.

3)Your apparel is a reflection of your self-image.

b.Watch your weight.

c.Adopt a becoming hairstyle.

d.Simple jewelry and subtle perfumes are appealing.

e.In a man's opinion you are far more feminine and attractive when you wear a dress or skirt.

10.Realize that you are truly beautiful and feminine when you show inner charm, refinement, and culture.

a.This has to do with having a high sense of values, inner confidence and being able to conduct yourself in a graceful charming manner.

b.It's another way of describing the Proverbs 31 woman.

c.It involves having a keen sense of awareness of others and being tuned into their needs.

d.This quality gives evidence of the woman's conversion, her fear of God and the way she views her role in society.

e.Such a lady will not be boisterous and clamorous, but rather gentle, kind-spoken and courteous.

11.Please realize that I'm deeply flattered and honored when you call on me for help.

a.It's instinctive for a man to rescue a maiden in distress.

b.He secretly desires to be her hero — her knight in shining armor.

c.So please feel free to call on him — but don't abuse the privilege.

d.Some examples:

1)Studying for tests.

2)Qualified help with homework.

3)Escort service.

4)A friend to talk to when discouraged.

5)Ideas for table topics or a speech.

6)Move heavy objects.

e.Remember to be fair-minded, balanced, and considerate.

12.I highly respect you when you're up-front, genuinely, honest and don't play games.

a.First of all, be yourself.

b.Don't try to impress the man or be hypocritical.

c.Let your true feelings and personality sincerely come through.

d.Don't lead a guy on if you're not really interested in him.

e.Give him feedback — what you like, or didn't like about a date.

f.Don't keep him guessing or left in the dark if you're upset about something.

g.If he's offended you, he would much prefer that you tactfully tell him the truth, rather than give him the cold shoulder.

h.Play the role of a true Christian sister and he will deeply appreciate it.

13.You have found the way to my heart when you understand true submissiveness.

a.This is not meant to suggest or imply that you're to let him run your life or be his slave.

b.It has to do with an eager willingness of wanting to help him and to see him succeed in his efforts.

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c. It means standing beside him and being enthusiastically supportive — taking an interest in his goals and purposes.

d. True submissiveness is expressed in your attitude toward the man and his God-given role. e. Learn how to show it in your day-to-day relationships and note how his attitude of respect

toward you increases.

14.When contemplating marriage, physical beauty is not as important to me as conversion and radiant Christian character.

a.To a deeply converted, sound-thinking man, your relationship to God is of supreme importance.

b.He knows that if this is right you will be loyal and true to him throughout life.

c.He will also know that you'll make a loving and responsible mother.

d.Strive to let your light shine and become the right kind of example.

e.Realize how important it is to a man when you show an interest in spiritual subjects.

IV. DEVELOP FRIEND-TO-FRIEND, BROTHER-SISTER RELATIONSHIPS.

A. The best method of overcoming your tensions, conflicts and fears is to quit worrying so much about yourself and concentrate on helping the other to grow.

B. Lose yourself in concern for the other.

C. Put aside self-consciousness and resentments — be patient, tolerant and forgiving. D. Strive to be a sister or brother to each other in caring, serving and being helpful. E. Make it a goal to be a top flight Christian in your constant, daily life.

F. First learn to express true agape love and you will be loved.

-END-

unto you, they are spirit, and they are LIFE" into spiritual character (John 6:48-51.)

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IS THE BIBLE LIVING IN YOU?

Would you like your Bible study to be even more meaningful? To be one of the most exciting, thrilling aspects of your life? It can be! The principles outlined in this article will show you how.

When you hear the terms "Bible study" or "studying the Bible," what comes to your mind? Is it a picture of an energetic scholar, with spectacles and copious notes, pouring over commentaries, lexi- cons and other biblical materials, searching out the pearls of truth in God's Word?

To perhaps most people, this is what the term "Bible study" means. But, this definition is not truly complete!

Make no mistake, detailed research and study of God's Word IS important! God has blessed us with many marvelous and wonderful tools for helping to understand His written Word: Bible dictionar- ies, lexicons, concordances, commentaries, etc. All are very important and useful to the Christian.

But, there is a deeper, richer — more advanced — form of "studying" the Bible every Christian needs to apply!

THE PRACTICAL APPROACH

Before getting down to specifics, let's first notice an important admonition in I Thess. 5:21. "Prove all things, hold fast that which is good." The word "prove" actually means to "test by doing." It means to try out, put, to use, or experience first hand, such as test-driving a new car.

Remember the example of the man in the Bible who bought five oxen and wanted to prove them first before following Christ? (See Luke 14:19.) What he meant was that he wanted to test them to see if they were strong and healthy and capable of doing hard work.

This is the approach we should take toward the Bible. We are told to prove or test its worth and value by putting it to use in our lives. When Jesus Christ said man must live by every word of God, He had this concept in mind. God intends that we do more than just "read" the pages of His Word. He wants us to live it in order to prove that His instruction is for our good.

Another verse that teaches us how to study the Bible is I Thess. 2:13. "For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe!"

The Word of God, then, is to effectually work in us! That is, it is to lodge deeply within our minds, stir us to action, move us to do good works and inspire us to grow in the nature of God.

THE BASIC KEY

The REAL KEY to understanding the Bible is simply this: Once you have read and studied God's Word, you must act on it, to test it by doing, to put it into actual practice in your life. You are to live it with all your being. Then watch it produce the glorious fruits of God's Holy character in you.

This is the ultimate in "Bible study!" As you apply and inculcate its teachings, you will actually experience its miraculous power and inspiration. The written Word of God will begin to live in you and through you — changing and transforming your life into the likeness of God Himself.

It will have deeper meaning than it ever had before! You'll gain new knowledge, insight and under- standing into the mind of God you never knew existed. This kind of knowledge can never be acquired through reading scholarly works men have written about God and the Bible.

Jesus said the application of His Words would have this impact in our lives: "...the words that I speak (John 6:63). His Word Is like food, to be eaten and converted

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LIVING THE WORD "REMAKES" YOU

When we study the Bible in this fashion, meditating on its principles and living it daily, we become more like God by allowing His Spirit — His life — to work in us. Notice: "Jesus answered and said unto him, if a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him" (John 14:23).

The apostle Paul spoke of putting on "the new man, which is renewed in knowledge (concerning God, the Bible, and Christian way of life) after the image of him that created him" (Col. 3:10).

When we actively incorporate the Bible into our lives, we are incorporating the mind and nature of God! Jesus Christ is the Living Word personified (John 1:1). He lived God's commandments, inspired them to be written for our good and has told us as Christians to abide in them.

By living God's Word, allowing it to transform our lives, we actually live as Jesus would live. We "put on Christ" and become like Him — in thought and action! This process in reality remakes us! As the apostle Paul wrote, we are "changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord" (II Cor. 3:18).

REAL LIFE EXAMPLES

The point to be driven home is simply this: We can read the Bible, Bible study helps, and "under- stand" the Bible in an academic and theoretical fashion.

But, not until we actually begin applying it — testing and proving it through obedience — do we really grasp and internalize what God is like. There is simply no substitute for the experience of Christian living. Hebrews 5:14 says, "But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who

by reason of use (a living application of God's word) have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil!" David, a man after God's own heart, knew the secret of understanding God's Word. He wrote: "A

good understanding have all they that DO HIS COMMANDMENTS..." (Ps. 111:10). Notice — understanding follows the doing. When you practice the Word of God, you will begin to understand it. The Bible will come alive and make sense because you will have proved to yourself that it works.

It's similar to the training you might receive if you were trying out for a basketball team. The coach can tell you how to shoot the ball, how to dribble and pass it. He can show you films on technique. But, until you get on the court and try out the skills yourself, you won't really understand all that's involved. You might comprehend with your mind — but you won't get the "feel" of it until you bring your body into action.

The same principle is found in vocations such as auto mechanics. I know a man who likes to tin- ker around and do minor repair work on his car. He's got a manual that explains the basics. It's a good book and shows just how to make certain repairs. He's learned a lot from it, but until he put it to use, he only had a superficial understanding of its theory and instructions.

God's "instruction book to man," the Bible, is much the same way. We can read it, research it, ana- lyze it and even memorize key verses — but until, we truly begin to apply it, we will never completely grasp or understand its real value and meaning.

Mr. Herbert Armstrong has said many times, "Unless knowledge is used and acted upon, it is of no practical value."

HOW TO LIVE THE WORD OF GOD

Living the Word of God — and seeing its wonderful truths unfold — is one of the most exciting experiences available to us as human beings. Through it, God has revealed His powerful, invisible, spiritual laws. He has set in motion to govern our lives: love, interpersonal relations, health, finance, success, etc. Living the Word brings deep, rich rewards — both physically and spiritually.

Take the law of tithing as an example. A person would be hard put to understand how tithing

works until he put it to the test in his life. But you and I know that it works from experience. We tithe

God blesses. As we obey God and trust Him in faith, He opens up doors of opportunity and pours out His blessings. The Bible works, because God stands behind it and makes it work.

Take another example in Prov. 3:6. "In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy

paths"! How could one ever know the truth of this promise until he took God at His Word and tried it out? The proof of understanding comes from doing! We do — we understand. God always follows through with His promises when we respond to His instructions.

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LIVE BY EVERY WORD

Jesus' instruction in Matthew 4:4 bears repeating: "...Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Note how all-encompassing this verse is. We are to live by every word of God — not just by a few favorite passages that give us pleasure or inspiration. If we are to grow into the fullness of Christ, we must never pick and choose. We're to heed and obey every word that God has spoken.

By using this approach to daily Bible study, think of how well-rounded, balanced and mature you will become. By absorbing its message into the whole of your being, you will start to become perfect as God is perfect. (Matthew 5:48.) The apostle Paul said in II Tim. 3:16-17: "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteous- ness: That the man of God may be perfect (complete), throughly furnished unto all good works!" It is by living the whole of scripture that we come to know God and grow in His fullness.

The Bible isn't a book to be left on a shelf — it's to be internalized and made a part of your life. Your outward conduct should be a constant reflection of God's Word working in you.

BRING THE BIBLE ALIVE

We come now to a question which is probably the most essential: HOW DO YOU APPLY IT? The following is a brief, simple little outline which can help you achieve the living reality of Bible

study. It's a step-by-step plan that's easy to follow — and it works! I call it the "Three-A-Three-R- Formula" because the first three steps begin with the letter "A" and the last three steps begin with the letter "R." In sequence here they are:

1.ATTENTION: Give conscientious throught and attention to what you're reading as you dig into God's Word. Think and concentrate. Go beyond the surface — go beyond mere words. Realize that God is speaking to you personally, and that He expects you to give your utmost respect and honor to what He is saying.

2.ASSOCIATION: Associate every word and every thought to your personal life. Think of all the ways you can apply God's instructions to every facet of your existence — to your personal, family and social life. To your business, as well as to the entirety of your environment.

3.APPLICATION: It is not enough just to associate the teachings of God's Word. You've got to live them, to apply them, and to experience the abundant success they were designed to produce. God's Word is a living word which will bring great spiritual and physical rewards to you, as you apply it.

4.REPETITION: A one-time effort is not enough. You must keep applying God's Word over and over until it becomes your "second nature." Whatever precept or principle you're trying to incul- cate — live it again and again until it becomes an unconscious habit.

5.REFLECTION: Being human, we need constantly to consider the progress we're making. We need to go over the scriptures we have studied and ask, "Are we measuring up? Are we forget- ting anything? Did we overlook something? Are we really applying the Words of God everywhere in our life as we should?" This exercise should take place at least once a day (preferably before retiring) — if not several times — to ensure that we do not forget the things that we learned.

6.REVIEW: Whereas "reflection" has to do with specific daily applications of God's Word, "review" deals with our general, overall progress. Often we need to take a bigger view of what we are hoping to accomplish and whether we are growing. Looking back over the material we have covered as a weekly review can be extremely valuable to our growth. In other words, are we staying on track? Is everything coming together in clear focus? Are the pieces falling in place? Are we starting to assemble the superstructure of character?

BE A "DOER"

Yes,this practical approach to Bible study can be one of the most exciting and thrilling aspects of

"STUDY (be diligent,

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your life! And, the time to start is now! The apostle James exhorted us to be "DOERS of the Word, and not hearers only..." (James 1:22). David said he made haste and delayed not to keep God's command- ments. (Ps. 119:60).

Searching out truths in commentaries and Bible helps can be helpful. Using the tools which God has made available can help round out your knowledge. But, most importantly, LIVE what you learn — and your true depth of understanding will increase. As the apostle Paul wrote:

actively live God's Word) to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, right- ly dividing the word of truth" (II Tim 2:15).

This is the essence of true Bible study that can CHANGE YOUR LIFE for ETERNITY!

-END-

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"JUST WHAT IS LIVING FAITH?"

John Lewis was deeply worried, stunned and shaken. A drunken driver had run a red light and hit his 8-year-old son. The little boy now lay in the intensive care unit of a local hospital — in a coma. The doctors had done the best they could, but with so much internal bleeding and injury, they were doubtful whether the little boy would survive.

"Only God can help him now," one of the doctors said.

John Lewis was in the depths of despair. He felt distant from God — that God was "a long way off." How could he pray to Him for help when he had no faith that God would hear? He believed that God existed, but doubts and anxieties kept flooding his mind.

YOU CAN HAVE FAITH

In the above illustration, we see a man who, faced with a crisis, felt that his faith in God was lack- ing — that he just didn't have the confidence to pray and expect an answer. His inadequacy held him back from seeking the help that only God could give.

Have you ever felt a lack of faith when faced with a severe trial? If so, there is an ANSWER to this situation. You and I can have LIVING FAITH — every day — to face any problem or difficulty that arises.

How? By learning how to use the faith God gives!

WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE BY FAITH

When many people think of the word "faith," they often think simply of a belief that God exists, that the Bible is His Word, that Jesus is the Savior of the world, etc.

Of course, these concepts are right. But, they do not capture the true, complete reality of what faith is. There is MORE to faith than just a dry, arid mental concept! True faith COMES FROM GOD as a gift (Eph. 2:8), which must be internalized and acted on if it's to bear fruit. In other words, faith without works is dead (James 2:17-26).

True living faith, then, can be summed up this way:

Living faith which God imparts is based on a continuous, ongoing relation- ship between you and God — a constant intimate contact with God. It's a "track record" of TRUST — of experiencing God living His life in you.

The Bible admonishes: "Trust in Him at all times" (Ps. 62:8). "Be thou in the fear of the Lord all the day long" (Prov. 23:17). Living faith involves being God-centered — "Walking with Him" — day by day throughout your life! The Bible speaks of "building up yourselves on your most holy faith" (Jude 20).

Those in God's Church who receive powerful answers to prayer are those who walk with God by faith (Heb. 10:38). They are in constant contact with Him. When a problem or trial arises, they don't have to "work up" faith — God has already given it to them. They have been walking by God's faith on a continual daily basis — experiencing in their lives a living, dynamic, ever-present relationship with God. They stand strong, resolute and immovable. They know that God will never leave them, nor for- sake them (Heb. 13:5).

This, then, is the essence of living faith. You, too, can have it. The following twelve principles will show you how:

1.START YOUR DAY WITH PRAYER.

Put God first, from your waking moments. Place Him at the center of your thinking before per- sonal desires and activities start crowding in. Remind yourself of who God is — your Lord and

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Master — the One who created you, and the One to whom you must give an account at the Day of Judgment. Meditate on His power and greatness, on His glory and might. Spend the first few minutes in worship, praise and adoration. Give Him thanks. Ask Him to guide your life throughout the day and keep you from falling into sin. By starting each day with God in your thoughts, He will empower you with faith to face every problem.

2.RENEW YOUR COVENANT WITH GOD EACH DAY.

The day you were baptized and received God's Spirit marked the beginning of your covenant with God. You counted the cost and presented yourself a LIVING sacrifice (Luke 14:26-33; Romans 12:1). You promised to be faithful to the end of your life. Therefore, with each new day, renew your commitment to God. Renew your pledge of surrender and obedience — your unreserved loyalty and dedication. Always remember that you're bought with a price and belong to God (I Cor. 6:19-20). Keep this fact in the forefront of your mind and it will sustain the faith He has given you!

3.BE CONSTANTLY AWARE OF GOD'S PRESENCE.

God is almighty, all-powerful — omnipotent. He is glorious in strength and might. His Spirit emanantes from Him and fills the entire universe! (Ps. 139:1-10). His invisible presence is everywhere. He is literally, at this very moment, upholding all things by the Word of His power God sees and knows your every SECRET — your life is open to His view (Heb. 4:13). Not only are the very hairs of your head numbered; He even knows your thoughts and motives. Are you constantly aware of His glory and presence — tuned in to His wavelength? Do you fear and reverence Him — stand in awe of His sovereign power? You can never know the true meaning of faith until you experience the presence of God.

4.BE INSTANT IN PRAYER.

The Bible commands us to pray without ceasing. (I Thess. 5:17.) This means to stay in an atti- tude of prayer — to sustain an ongoing relationship with God. It means being able to COMMU- NICATE with Him anywhere at anytime. When faced with a problem or tempted to sin, and you're unable to cry aloud — pray in your mind. This was the practice of Jesus Christ: "Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always..." (John 11:41-42). Pray for instant strength and self-control when encountering attitudes that are destructive and harm- ful. Allow nothing to break your contact with God. Set your will to walk with Him, no matter what the cost. Become so close and united to God that He's just a prayer away!

5.START EXPECTING MIRACLES.

Answered prayer is a miracle. God's protection is a miracle. His direct intervention in your life, however small or insignificant, is a miracle. As you grow in God's likeness and closer to Him each day, your awareness of these miracles will increase. To the degree you submit to and rely upon God, is the degree you can expect greater miracles. Don't think of God's miracles solely in terms of super-natural phenomena — that is, in great healings, in deliverance from horren- dous trials, in unusual and extraordinary answers to prayer. Don't limit miracles to just the physical needs of life — food, shelter and clothing. Think of miracles as the power God pro- vides in overcoming Satan, temptation and discouragement — as the strength He gives to live a clean and holy life. If you are truly walking in faith, you should begin to experience more and more miracles day after day.

6.RESPOND TO THE INFLUENCE OF GOD'S HOLY SPIRIT.

God's Spirit is an active power that flows from Himself continually. It's the totality of His mind and strength, His power and glory. It's the summation of all the qualities and attributes that comprise His life and being. God's Spirit is His holy presence diffused throughout the universe. With it He created all things, and with it He sustains what He made. It is also the power He uses in building character in those whom He has called and chosen to be His sons (Phil. 2:12- 13; Eph. 3:16-20). How does it function? It speaks to us through promptings and urges,

“Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution"

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impulses and desires. From His own mind, God projects or transmits thoughts to our minds, thus moving us, stirring us and leading us to do His will. God's Spirit works in conjunction with His own Word, opening up new riches and depths of understanding. The Bible tells us not to grieve or quench God's Spirit — for it is through this power that He imparts His life, faith and righteousness to us. Are you responding, changing and repenting when God's Spirit moves you? Are you drinking in of His fullness, becoming more and more like Him each day?

7.STIR UP YOURSELF WHEN YOU START TO SLIP OR SIN.

As you walk with God, He will convict your conscience when you start to slip or edge toward sin. This is a facet of His saving grace, a process by which He removes the blemishes and wrin- kles from your life. When moved by God's Spirit to recognize error or sin — respond immediate- ly! Don't delay! Crush out the temptation before it takes root and starts to grow. Don't allow sin to get a stranglehold. Do as David did, "I made haste, and delayed not to keep thy commandments" (Ps. 119:60). Some days are especially evil and fraught with troubles. The Devil becomes unusually active, works overtime and tries every trick to make you fall. Be prepared to resist his attacks — be vigilant and watchful (I Pet. 5:8-9). Never drop your guard for a moment. Keep yourself in the fear of God, so that He may grant you the faith to live triumphantly.

8.USE YOUR BIBLE AS A QUICK AND READY GUIDE.

Jesus Christ was filled with the Word of God. It was a source of continual guidance and inspi- ration to Him. We, too, should have God's Word living in us (Matt. 4:4). When making deci- sions or facing problems, try to think of a scripture that would apply. Moreover, actually live what you study each day. Test it, prove it, do it — experience it's effectual power and inspira- tion (I Thes. 5:21; I Thes. 2:13). Remember, it's not the hearers (or readers) of the Word that will be justified, but the doers (Rom. 2:13). When you read a command in the Bible, stop and think of ways to apply it. Expand and magnify the meaning to everyday life. Get into the habit of using the Bible as a quick and instant reference. Allow it to so fill your mind that it becomes a basis of your constant behavior. Faith comes by hearing and obeying God's Word (Rom. 10:17). The more you study and experience it's depths — the greater your faith will become.

9.LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE IN CHRISTIAN SERVICE.

Jesus Christ said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends," (John 15:13). Here is one of the most powerful and succinct definitions of love in the Bible. This is love in action — love elevated to its high spiritual state. Love is giving your life in serv- ice to others; selfishness is serving primarily yourself. With each person you meet is a new opportunity to express love in some form — kindness, courtesy, encouragement, recognition, appreciation, etc. There are literally dozens and hundreds of opportunities around you to show love each day. The more of God's Spirit you drink in — the more you will be made aware of the needs and sufferings of others. Overcoming is largely a matter of putting down self and allowing God to fill you with His love, compassion, and faith.

10.REDEEM THE TIMEMAKE EACH DAY COUNT.

With each passing day you're a step closer to the Kingdom of God. Therefore, strive to improve over yesterday's performance. Work hard at setting the right example. Try to upgrade your conduct and actions in every aspect of life — work at being a better husband and father, wife and mother, employee and neighbor. Realize who you are — a begotten son of God, called and chosen to glorify God in this darkened world. Don't dwell on evil thoughts or enter- tain wrong attitudes. Spend your time pursuing positive ventures, instead of finding fault with others or engaging in destructive talk. Redeem the time by striving to be a better servant of God as you prepare yourself for Christ's return.

11.HOLD ON TO GOD IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR.

Trials will come in every Christian's life. "Many are the afflictions of the righteous..." (Ps. 34:19).

(II Tim. 3:12). "...we must

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through much tribulation enter into the Kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22).Trials, then, are the common experience of every Christian. But some trials are greater than others and more difficult to bear. Some trials are so severe you'll be tempted to give up and quit — a grave illness, death in the family, loss of a job, a possible lawsuit where you stand to lose all your earthly possessions, etc. There are times that the Devil will unleash his full wrath and fury in an effort to overthrow you. During these moments, hold on to God and trust Him to the bitter end. No matter what the cir- cumstances, don't doubt or waver, faint or falter — anchor your trust solidly in Him! "Submit your- selves therefore to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). When facing your "Red Sea," stand still as Moses did and wait confidently for God's help and salvation.

12.KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE DAY OF JUDGMENT.

The Bible says, "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that everyone may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad" (II Cor. 5:10). The judgment of God is real and certain. No human mortal can possibly escape. God has decreed in His infinite wisdom that each must stand and give an account before Christ of the way he has chosen to live his life. We, then, should live each day with this in mind. It should be one of the greatest incentives to living a righteous and holy life. For the Christian, the judg- ment has a double meaning. Not only does it portend a final accounting; it also means that his life is under judgment now. "For the time is come that judgment must begin at the household of God..." (I Pet. 4:17). As Christians, our lives at this very moment are under the scrutiny of God. He is monitoring our thoughts, actions and attitudes to see what is in our hearts and whether we love Him! Ultimately every secret thing will be brought to light. Some will be raised to eternal life and great rewards; others will be raised to everlasting shame (Dan. 12:1-2). For those of us who are being judged now, let us awake to God's great calling and make our election sure.

CONCLUSION

Here, then, are twelve simple steps on how to live by faith. Read them again and review them fre - quently. Make them a part of your everyday life. They will do little more than give you a temporary lift, unless you resolve to APPLY them DILIGENTLY.

Living faith is an ongoing relationship with God — a constant daily trust. As you exercise God's

faith, it will grow stronger like a muscle that is developed. You'll discover that looking to God in any cir- cumstance will eventually become your instant first thought — an instinctive, habitual response! This is the meaning of "living by faith."

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PERSONAL QUESTION AND ANSWER

SESSION FOR GIRLS

1.HOW DO I HANDLE A FELLOW WHO STARTS TO GET "PHYSICAL"?

First, you'd be wise to consider your own actions. Are you encouraging his advances by your own suggestive behavior? Do you giggle or laugh at his off-colored jokes? Do you nudge too closely and invite his caresses and affection?

If your motives are right and your conduct is unquestionable, your next action might be to do the following: Remind him of the "rules," then gently but firmly remove his hand or arm that has wandered onto your shoulder or elsewhere. If he persists, tell him frankly that you don't appreciate his forwardness and that you respect him a great deal more when he treats you as a lady. Tell him you don't like for him to be that familiar, and you want him to discontinue his action. If this doesn't work, stop dating him. (If all else fails, you might tell him you have a black belt in Karate. )

2.WHAT DO I SAY TO A FELLOW WHO GETS ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED ON THE FIRST DATE OR TWO?

If you sense he's developing feelings for you, or if he should openly express his sentiments, there are a couple of approaches you could take:

a.Discourage his overtures by not dating him as often.

b.Candidly and tactfully discuss the matter with him. You could say something like this: "There are a lot of fine things about you I respect, and I want to be your friend — but I don't want to see you hurt by allowing you to get that involved with me. Nothing person- al — but I simply don't want a serious relationship with anyone right now. I have plans for the future. I'm just not ready yet, etc.

3.I SEEM TO "TURN GUYS ON" TOO FAST. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

Perhaps nothing. Some women are naturally attractive and beautiful. You can't alter your body — but there are things you can double check.

a. Clothing: Do you wear tight fitting garments that overly accentuate your figure and physical form? This would include such styles as jeans that fit too snuggly, sweaters that stretch too tightly, mini-skirts that come up too high, plunging necklines, bare midriffs, etc. Check with your friends and get their honest opinions! Examine your secret motives! Remember you can be appealing, lovely and beautiful — but modest in your dress at the same time. The key is to accentuate your total femininity — not your sexuality!

b. Demeanor: Your overall conduct — how you walk, sit and carry yourself in general — is very important. If you appear overly active and aggressive, if you "flutter your eyes" with a "come-on" type of look, your actions can be misinterpreted by the fellows you meet. Being active in sports is one thing — but to carry this rugged tomboyish enthusiasm over into your daily relationships will scare most men away. Be friendly and vivacious, yes — but maintain a certain modesty and reserve. Your manner of life should always reflect a high degree of self-respect and propriety.

4.MY BOSS, WHO IS NOT IN THE CHURCH, KEEPS MAKING ADVANCES AT ME. HOW DO I HANDLE THE SITUATION WITHOUT GETTING FIRED?

First, be sure that you keep your relationship in the office as "strictly business. " Some girls get into trouble by being too friendly and unduly eager to serve, which some men misread as "invita-

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tions" for advances. It pays to strike a careful balance between being responsive and cooperative and giving the impression that you are an easy mark with a low resistance level.

If the boss or supervisor makes an advance, however, plainly tell him how you feel: "I think you are a fine boss, and I respect you a great deal. But, I can't allow myself to get involved. I respect you and your organization too much for that. Nor do I want to come between you and your family. I must be able to live with my conscience — and I always want to be an employee you can trust and have confidence in. If I degrade my standards, I won't respect myself as much — nor will I be as trustworthy an employee in my own mind. Since you've been fair with me in every other way, I know you'll honor my values."

If this approach doesn't discourage him, you could possibly appeal to his boss for help, or ask for a transfer to another department. If all else fails, you may have to leave the company.

5.WITHOUT APPEARING FORWARD, HOW CAN I GET A CERTAIN GUY TO ASK ME FOR A DATE?

This can take a little "homework," but the KEY is to find out some of his interests which you

can use to make yourself attractive to him. Learn something about his background by talking to his friends, or to other girls whom he has dated.

Then, work it out so you can meet him and be able to talk with him about some of these inter- ests: You perhaps could introduce yourself to him while you "just happen" to be both walking to class, or sit down beside him at the dining hall, or invite him to a group party or a campus function. By talking to him about what HE likes, he will automatically think that you are an "unusually nice person" by showing an interest in what he enjoys. It can probably result in a prompt date for you

— and a lasting friendship.

Don't be "gushy" or overdo it in trying to win his approval. Remember, most men don't like to be chased. It may drive him away if you come on too strong. Let him think he's chasing you. Doesn't the Bible say to the women: "Let her be chased (chaste)"?

6.WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING FRIENDLY AND BEING FLIRTY?

Being flirty is a "cheap" way of attracting attention to oneself and the "wares" a girl has to offer. It's using subtle body movements and charm and flattering words to get a fellow to notice her — to like her — to date her. It's an expression of self-centeredness and immaturity. Most men don't "like" a flirty girl in the truest sense of the word. They may find it momentarily cute — but degrad- ing in time.

A mature, feminine friendliness, on the other hand, is a gracious art that men find very appeal- ing. We're talking about expressing a genuine outgoing concern for all people in general. She's able to make them feel respected and important, relaxed and comfortable. Kindness and compas- sion are trademarks of her life. Her profile is milder and sweeter — more becoming than the woman who tries to flirt her way to popularity and success.

7.HOW DO I TURN OFF A GUY I AM NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN, BUT WHO KEEPS BUGGING ME FOR DATES?

In some cases a girl has little recourse but to be boldly forthright and blunt. Perhaps you should have a private talk with him and tell him you like him as a friend — that he has nice quali- ties which you recognize and appreciate — but that right now you are not interested in a steady relationship. Be tactful and courteous. Don't leave him wounded and hurt — try to stress his good, positive points and build him up. But, also, make it clear where you stand. Let him know that you are not rejecting him as a person, but that you just don't want to get involved.

8.HOW CAN I BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE WITHOUT APPEARING SEXY?

This has to do with an inner attitude and one's selection of clothing. A girl can be well groomed and beautiful — without being "sexy. " Clothes which accent the sexual aspect can get her a lot of cat calls and ogling looks, but is that really what she wants? A thinking girl will realize that sensible men will be looking for charm, poise, personality and character — as well as outward attractive- ness.

By correctly emphasizing her total femininity, a girl can avoid the impression of emphasizing

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sex. She should think in terms of graciousness and charm. A proper selection of hair style, cloth- ing colors and patterns, and types of garments which don't emphasize solely the female shape and form can give her a lovely wardrobe and appearance which will BUILD HER RESPECT in the eyes of all who see her. I'm certainly not saying that you ought to wear shapeless clothing which looks like a flour sack. A woman's body has a definite shape and contours which proper fitting clothing cannot help but bring out. Just don't overdo it.

9.HOW CAN I TELL A GUY I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MARRIAGE WHEN I SENSE HE'S GETTING TOO SERIOUS?

This is another case where a candid discussion is necessary. If you're definitely not interested in this particular guy and the relationship could never work, kindly tell him so he'll know how you feel. To delay will only prolong the agony and the hurt. If you are simply not interested in marriage

period — for personal reasons such as wanting to complete college, pay off debts, enter a career first, etc., say so respectfully.

Let him know that you like him as a friend, but that you won't allow yourself to become serious with anyone right now! Let him down gently.

10.HOW CAN I OVERCOME SHYNESS, INFERIORITY, AND SELF-CONSCIOUS FEAR?

The best way to work on this type of problem is to participate in group activities which are easy for you — and where you don't stand out. Mingle in the group where you can loosen up and blend in socially. Don't start with the highest caliber of the "social elite." Start with those you feel comfort- able with — perhaps whose background is similar to your own — and go up from there. There will always be some nervousness involved with new exposures. Don't worry about it. Just work on developing experience in small steps and confidence will come in time.

11.WHAT IF MY STEADY BOYFRIEND, WHO IS GENERALLY A TERRIFIC GUY, REQUESTS THAT I WEAR TIGHT FITTING CLOTHING OR MINI-SKIRTS WHICH I PERSONALLY FEEL IS INAPPROPRIATE FOR EVERYDAY USE?

First, be objective about his suggestion. Do your clothes fit well, or are they rather loose and old-fashioned? If so, perhaps you could use a change.

On the other hand, if you perceive that his suggestion comes from wrong reasons, you might want to be frank with him and say, "If you really care for me, you won't ask me to do something that is contrary to my better judgment. I want to be someone you can respect, and I must follow my conscience." Be honest with him, but with feminine gentleness.

12.WHAT CAN BE DONE TO PREVENT A RUMOR FROM STARTING THAT I'M SERIOUSLY INTERESTED IN SOME GUY I HAVE ONLY DATED ONCE OR TWICE?

Very simple. Anyone can start such a rumor (perhaps the guy himself), but the best way to stop it is to date others. Don't date the same person all the time — make yourself available and give other guys a chance to take you out. And, if someone does come up and ask about a certain fellow, just smile and say, "No, we're just friends. There's nothing serious between us." Don't make a big scene. A simple answer is the best — in conjunction with a cheerful example.

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THE POWER TO CHOOSE

I.DID YOU REALIZE THAT YOU POSSESS AN INCREDIBLE POWER THAT CAN REVOLUTIONIZE YOUR LIFE AND TRANSFORM YOU INTO A MORE PRODUCTIVE AND SUCCESSFUL PERSON?

A.That it can make you more self-assured and confident.

B.That it can enable you to raise your grade point average and gain a great deal more knowledge from your college classes.

C.That it can open up your personality and help you to be more radiant, outgoing and effervescent.

D.That it can help you achieve just about any goal you desire as long as it is realistic and within the realm of God's law!

E.Please allow me to explain: I am not advocating that you pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

F.Nor am I remotely inferring you can achieve true lasting success without God's help.

G.To the contrary. I'm referring to an actual power God has given you to use for his honor and glory — a power that He stimulates through His Holy Spirit.

II.STOP AND THINK FOR A MOMENT ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU SECRETLY ADMIRE!

A.Did you ever wonder what makes them tick and why they seem so “lucky” and get all the breaks?

B.Why they are so well-adjusted and have many friends?

C.Why they seem to have such untiring drive and energy to get things done?

III.IT'S SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY'VE LEARNED HOW TO TAP THIS INNER RESOURCE WITH WHICH EVERY HUMAN BEING IS BORN.

A.They've discovered the simple, little secret that all achievers have found.

B.An inner power so real and dynamic that if earnestly applied can turn your life around!

IV. WHAT IS THIS POWER?

A. It's a gift that God has given and it's a power you've had from birth. B. It's a power you use every day — but probably were unaware of it.

C. As a matter of fact, you've already used this power a number of times since you awoke this morning. D. God gave you this power in order to be useful, productive and a fulfilled human being.

E. It is not God's Spirit, but a tool which God's Spirit uses to help you grow, overcome and build righteous character.

F. You can never make God's Kingdom without His Holy Spirit — but in order to receive and act on God's Spirit, you must use this power.

V. WHAT, THEN, IS IT?

A. Put in its simplest form — it's the power to choose.

B. That's right — it's the power to make decisions affecting the way you live your life.

C. It's the power to decide whether you'll walk with God and be a true overcomer or follow Satan and go the way of this world.

D. In essence, it's the power to decide whether you'll succeed or fail.

VI. BEFORE EXPLAINING HOW TO USE THIS POWER, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND GOD'S TEACHING ON THE SUBJECT.

A. Not only has God given you the power to choose, He's also commanded you to use it. B. Note these scriptures:

1.Deut. 30:19“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.”

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2.Josh. 24:14-15"Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the Lord. (15) And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

3.Prov. 1:29, 31“For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the Lord: (31) Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices.'”

4.Prov. 3:31 — “Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose none of his ways.”

5.Rev. 3:20“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”

6.Rev. 22:17 — “And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.'”

VII. HOW CAN WE, THEN, WITH GOD'S HELP, HARNESS THIS POWER AND APPLY IT TO EVERYDAY EXPERIENCE?

A. Before giving the answer, let me first tell you about a unique law that most people have little knowledge of.

B. Yet, it has a profound effect on the way you think, live and act. C. Yes, on the way you choose.

D. It's called the 'pleasure-pain principle.'

VIII. JUST WHAT IS THIS STRANGE-SOUNDING LAW AND HOW DOES IT WORK? A. We human beings are always seeking things that will bring us pleasure.

1.We might say that life is a constant 'want.'

2.We are constantly wanting things that will give us comfort, satisfy our needs and please our senses.

3.This might include such matters as:

a.Eating when we're hungry.

b.Drinking when we're thirsty.

c.Sleeping when we're tired.

d.Buying things we want.

e.Listening to music.

f.Watching TV.

B.At the same time we're seeking ways to bring pleasure, we’re also avoiding circumstances that produce pain.

1.We attempt to shield ourselves from situations that hurt us or cause discomfort.

2.This might involve such examples as:

a.Coming in out of the rain.

b.Avoiding embarrassing situations.

c.Putting off chores and assignments that require mental effort or hard work.

d.Getting up early.

C.Whichever of these two drives — pleasure or pain — dominates is the one you're most likely to choose.

IX. THIS NOW BRINGS US TO A MOST SURPRISING TRUTH. A. True success cannot be attained simply by seeking pleasure. B. To attain success, you must also experience pain.

C. It takes both pleasure and pain to achieve the goals you want in life.

D. But the amazing truth is that to attain success you must reverse the process — you must put pain before pleasure!

E. This is a great law of life the average person does not realize — that to enjoy the true pleasure of success he must first work, toil and experience pain.

X.LET'S NOTICE HOW THIS IMPORTANT TRUTH IS REVEALED IN GOD’S WORD. A. Scriptures:

1.Acts 14:22“We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God."

2.II Tim. 2:12“If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny US."

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3.Gal. 6:7-9 — “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. (8) For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. (9) And let us not be weary, in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

4.James 5:7"Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain.”

5.Acts 20:35'”I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

6.Luke 6:38“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”

B.The significant principle to focus on is that according to God's Word, work precedes reward; seed planting precedes harvest; practice precedes perfection — or pain before pleasure.

1.This has always been the law of life.

2.And it always will be.

XI. BUT WHAT WILL ALSO COME AS A SURPRISE IS THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU EXPERIENCE PAIN IN THE PURSUIT OF SUCCESS, IT WILL EVENTUALLY BECOME A SOURCE OF PLEASURE. A. You'll know your efforts will pay off.

B. You'll receive a reward down range.

C. You'll eventually reach your goal — if you're patient and endure.

XII. WHAT THIS ALL BOILS DOWN TO IS THAT THE POWER OF CHOICE FINDS ITS MOTIVATION IN THE PLEASURE-PAIN PRINCIPLE.

A. You are consciously or subconsciously making choices each day based on this law. B. Virtually every action in your life originates here.

C. Either you're caught up in the pursuit of pleasure or deterred by the fear of pain.

XIII. I'D NOW LIKE TO DISCUSS WITH YOU SOME OF THE MAJOR CHOICES YOU FACE AS AN A.C. STUDENT.

A. Most of these decisions will seem painful at first.

B. But the pleasurable result will be well worth it.

C. You can choose to:

1.COMMIT YOURSELF WHOLELY TO GOD or put personal interests and desires above God and relegate Him to second place.

2.SERVE GOD WITH AS MUCH FERVOR AND ZEAL AS YOU FORMERLY SERVED SATAN or lazily flow with the current of apathy.

3.STRIKE A DEATH BLOW TO SELP-CENTEREDNESS or pamper and satiate your carnal desires.

4.TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR TIME or be pushed around and ruled by day- to-day circumstances.

5.IMMERSE YOURSELF WHOLLY IN THE AMBASSADOR EXPERIENCE or hide in the background and stay on the fringes.

6.DILIGENTLY APPLY YOURSELF TO EVERY TASK AT HAND or cut corners and get by with just the minimum.

7.TREAT EACH CLASS AND ASSIGNMENT AS A VITAL GROWTH EXPERIENCE or fail to see the intrinsic value each opportunity affords.

8.RESPOND TO CORRECTION AND MAKE AN ALL-OUT EFFORT TO CHANGE or resent correction, justify your mistakes and go merrily down the road to mediocrity and failure.

9.ADD A TOUCH OF QUALITY AND EXCELLENCE TO EVERY UNDERTAKING or rush through your duties and produce a substandard product.

10.COME TO GRIPS WITH YOUR FEARS, HANGUPS AND FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY or remain paralyzed with shyness, timidity and negative self-doubt.

11.BE ENTHUSIASTIC TOWARD YOUR JOB AND BUILD A REPUTATION AS A TOP- FLIGHT EMPLOYEE or look on your job as a necessary burden just to pay the bills.

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12.PLAN AHEAD AND STEADFASTLY PURSUE YOUR GOALS or be buffeted about like a ship at sea with no port in sight.

13.BOUNCE BACK FROM DEFEAT AND KEEP MARCHING FORWARD or throw in the towel when the going gets tough.

14.GET TO KNOW YOUR FACULTY AND ADMINISTRATORS or hide in your cocoon for fear of self-disclosure.

15.SAVE MONEY AS A MATTER OF HABIT AND WISELY USE YOUR RESOURCES or spend every cent you earn.

16.ESTABLISH A WIDE BASE OF FRIENDS or associate mainly with your own comfortable group.

17.PRACTICE GOD’S FORM OF DATING or get romantically carried away with a premature relationship.

18.GENUINELY LOVE OTHERS AS YOUR SECOND HIGHEST SPIRITUAL PRIORITY or be so wrapped up in your own world and forget that others also inhabit this globe.

19.BE FAITHFUL, GENUINE AND TRUE or live a life of hypocrisy and deceit and practice a double standard.

20.PREPARE AND QUALIFY TO BE USED IN GOD'S WORK or think that the extra effort isn't worth it and that your chances of future employment are nil.

XIV. NOW FOR SOME CHOICES YOU SHOULD MAKE EACH DAY! A. Again, they will require thought and painful self-discipline.

B. But, remember, here is a key area where character is built.

C. It is in making right decisions and using God's power to follow through. D. List of points:

1.Bounce out of bed when the alarm goes off.

2.Get in prayer before you start the day.

3.Keep your room and study area neat, clean and well-organized.

4.Faithfully perform your dorm duties without having to be reminded.

5.Greet each person with a friendly smile instead of a scowl or grumpy face.

6.Force yourself to be cheerful, outgoing and pleasant to be around.

7.Try to encourage others who are having a rough time and brighten their day.

8.Consciously strive to please God and earnestly seek His will.

9.Open your mind to His Holy Spirit and allow it to guide and teach you.

10.Be calm and gracious when others rub you the wrong way.

11.Be a good Samaritan and recognize the opportunities to serve others all around you.

12.Learn and practice proper etiquette and social graces.

13.Guard your health, watch your weight, and limit junk foods.

14.Obey dorm rules and be considerate of the right of others.

15.Build your vocabulary and integrate new words into your conversation.

16.Get to bed at a decent hour and restrict the long bull sessions or late-night TV.

17.Monitor your words and learn to be diplomatic.

18.Resist the temptation to gossip and tear others down.

19.Learn to say 'no' to the things you shouldn't do and 'yes' to the things you should.

20.Help protect and maintain the high standards of God's College.

XV. IN SUMMARY, GOD HAS GIVEN YOU A MARVELOUS GIFT: THE POWER TO CHOOSE. A. Will you use it to work hard and make something of, your life?

B. Or will you choose the easy, painless route and amount to nothing?

C. It isn't enough to make decisions — you must also follow through!

D. Remember, what you'll be tomorrow is determined by your choices today!

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PRACTICAL EVERYDAY

WISDOM FOR GIRLS

I. LET THE DESIRE FOR GOD'S KINGDOM BE YOUR CONSTANT MOTIVATION. A. Matt. 6:33 = “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness."

B. How do you develop this desire?

1.By thinking it through — Reward vs. Judgment.

2.By the power of strong mental commands.

II. CENTER YOUR LIFE AND AMBITIONS AROUND YOUR GOD-ORDAINED ROLE.

A.Keep in your consciousness the purpose for which you were created.

B.Study this in your Bible.

C.Be alert — on the lookout — for ideas that will enrich your understanding.

D.Go through list — Profile of Mature Woman.

E.“The deepest tenderness a woman can show to a man is to help him do his duty."

III.LEARN TO BE SUBMISSIVE.

A.This is the one most powerful attribute of womanhood — one that will enhance your prestige as a woman more than any other.

B.A submissive spirit is reflected in ATTITUDE — a state of mind.

C.How to practice submission.

1.To your boss.

2.To professors.

3.To dates.

4.Men in general.

D.Opposite of submission.

1.Acting independent and superior.

2.Belligerent and bossy — haughty.

3.Picky and critical.

4.Wanting to run the show and have the last word.

E.One of the reasons marriages are going sour.

1.New husband doesn't know how to cope with this kind of problem.

2.Not the kind of girl he married.

F.Read pamphlet — "Charm Is An Inner Thing." (7)

IV. IN ORDER TO GROW, YOU MUST HAVE GOALS.

A. You need three types:

1.Long range.

2.Intermediate.

3.Short term.

B.Read from "Condensations"

1.Technique of Getting Things Done (43-85)

2.How to Get Control of Your Time (2)

C.Some practical goals you might set.

1.Lose weight.

2.Clear up complexion.

3.Improve your posture.

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4.Improve your personality.

5.Bring up your grades.

6.Overcome undesirable habits.

7.Embark on new ventures.

a.Make a new dress.

b.Learn to crochet or decoupage.

c.Read a book.

8.A date with a special guy.

a.Find out his interests and become knowledgeable in those areas.

(1)History buff.

(2)Education major.

(3)Football — sports.

b.Make yourself appealing.

(1)Dress smartly.

(2)Hair tidy.

(3)Perfume — sweet and subtle.

(4)Smile — positive mental attitude.

D.Take advantage of super opportunities.

V. DISCIPLINE YOUR IMPULSES (URGES) AND GET TOUGH ON (WITH) YOURSELF.

A.Failure to set goals causes you to waste time.

B.But once you set them — carry through to the end.

C.Read from book — "TECH" (p. 113-126)

VI. GET UNPLEASANT JOBS OUT OF THE WAY FIRST.

A. Read from "TECH" (p. 128-155)

VII. LEARN HOW TO MAKE DECISIONS QUICKLY.

A. Read from "TECH" (p. 158-171)

VIII. HAVE EXTRA WORK PLANNED FOR ODD MOMENTS.

A. Read from "TECH" (p. 232-300)

IX. ASSOCIATE WITH SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.

A. Proverb — "Walk with wise men and you will be wise."

B. Read from "TECH" (p. 87-93)

C. Observe successful people.

1.Motivation comes from observation.

2.Seeing how others work.

X. HOW TO COPE WITH FRUSTRATION.

A.Causes

1.Feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.

2.Failure to reach one's full ability or capacity.

3.Comparing one's self to others.

4.Pressures of homework and tests.

5.Escapism and resultant feeling of guilt and failure due to unwise use of time.

6.Lack of mental growth and development.

7.Seeming inability to control emotions.

8.Lack of dates.

9.Discouraged because of lack of experience, wisdom, and ability in coping with unfamiliar or unpleasant situations.

B.Solutions

1.Nail down specific causes.

2.Take action to improve.

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XI. A GRAND LESSON TO BE LEARNED — "LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH PEOPLE" A. One of your biggest fears is people.

1.Want to like you for what you are.

2.Feel insecure with your personality.

B.Yet God commands you to learn to love.

C.People have egos — feelings — tender and sensitive spirits.

D.Be careful not to bruise them.

E.Prayer will help.

F.God's Spirit acts like a smooth oil — takes the friction out.

G.Act as though you are not afraid and you won't be afraid.

XII. HOW TO GET MORE OUT OF YOUR CLASSES.

A. Be on the "look out" for thoughts, ideas, concepts that will help you reach your goals. B. Have a greater purpose than just acquiring dead knowledge and making good grades. C. Acquire knowledge to use.

D. Review your notes just before and after each class.

XIII. START ACQUIRING A "HOPE CHEST" OF IDEAS!

A. Girls used to build a hope chest of "things" — in preparation for marriage. B. I recommend you acquire a hope chest of ideas.

C. Buy a permanent-bound notebook — call it "Hope Chest Scrapbook" or "Ideas for Marriage" or "Treasure Chest of Ideas."

D. Be alert for ideas that will enable you to be an effective wife and mother.

E. If your goals are clearly fixed, your mind will attract to itself all manner of ideas. F. Record these for permanent reference.

G. As you review your notebook once a week, you will write the contents in your heart and mind. H. What a treasure to present your daughters when they grow up.

XIV. COMMENTS FROM MOTHERS.

A.Accept responsibility.

1.Making beds.

2.Being neat and organized.

3.Follow through — when someone is depending on you.

B.Don't depend on others to do things you should do for yourself.

1.Builds esteem and confidence.

2.May have leaned on Mom too much.

3.Go to others if you really need help.

C.Seek and ask for counsel from older woman.

1.Bible injunction.

2.Don't be ashamed or feel interior.

3.They have good wisdom to share.

4.Develop better rapport.

D.If you are old enough to think about marriage, start preparing now.

1.Don't just prepare for a career, if you have marriage in mind as a long range goal.

2.Get all the counsel you can — quietly. Don't announce it to the man.

3.Food, diet, child rearing, learn math, accounting, how to read a contract, etc.

E.If a girl is going to look for a certain job, she should educate herself for it.

1.Take classes.

2.Give away free time for practice.

F.Don't rush into anything.

1.Watch your emotions.

2.Get counsel.

3.Pray for wisdom.

G.Learn how to work and do things right.

1.The best you can — put quality into work.

2.Develop the habit of working with a pleasant attitude.

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H. Be feminine.

1.Watch your mannerisms — sitting, standing, posture.

2.Don't be tomboyish or overly athletic.

I. Watch how you use your idle time.

1.Will blow it on useless chaff.

2.This will engender wishful thinking and lofty daydreams. J. Remember your morals and keep your name good.

1.Family name.

2.Church.

XV. THE ULTIMATE WAY TO BECOME HAPPY IS TO GROW OUTWARDLY AND START PRODUCING. A. Dress and keep the garden principle.

B.Psalms 1:1-2 = "Happy is the man..."

XVI. WHY DELAYSTART NOW!

A. Instill in your life the motto — DO IT NOW.

B. Matt. 5:48

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THE PURPOSE OF DATING

I.WHY ARE WE HERE?

A.Answer: To help the single people of God's Church to understand their role in this modern 20th century

B.We are not here to harangue you about dating or to force you into marriage.

C.Our main motive is to help you to understand how you can develop into a more complete and useful human being and to show you how meaningful relationships with the opposite sex play a vital role in attaining this goal.

D.We will go into such questions as:

(1)What are the barriers or frictional points between the sexes.

(2)Why aren't the fellows dating more?

(3)What is this mystery that surrounds women that men don't understand?

(4)That constitutes a good date?

(5)How to approach the opposite sex if you become serious about that person.

(6)Many, many more.

II.INTRODUCE THE ROSE BUD!

A.As you can see, the rose bud is curled up in itself.

B.Its true beauty and potential is hidden from view.

C.It takes the warmth of the sun's rays to unlock its petals and cause it to burst open in full splendor.

III.THE ANALOGY HOLDS TRUE IN DATING.

A.Of and by ourselves, we are like a rose bud.

B.We tend to be wrapped in ourselves — our world, our problems, our interests.

C.Until we reflect concern for others, or allow the warmth of their personality to enter our lives, our inner worth, beauty and potential remain concealed.

IV. DESCRIBE A MODEL YOUNG LEADER AMONG MEN AND WOMEN.

A. A striking young man.

(1)Confident

(2)Friend

(3)Popular

(4)Can meet and relate to people at all walks of life.

(5)Refined manners.

(6)Is approachable and has unique ability to disarm others and win their respect.

B.A charming and gracious young woman.

(1)Reflects a submissive and respectful attitude.

(2)Kind and sympathetic.

(3)Self-assured and confident.

(4)Is held in high esteem for her cultural and moral values.

(5)Easily adjusts to any social situations.

(6)Shows class, good breeding and humility.

C.These two young people realize the intrinsic value in dating.

(1)They realize that a part of their personality would deteriorate if they did not date and lead a balanced social life.

(2)They comprehend that there are greater benefits in dating than in just having fun.

(3)They see dating as a means to develop qualities in themselves and in others — the whole personality.

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V. THIS FACT IS SUBSTANTIATED BY THE BIBLE.

A.Genesis 2:18"...it is not good that the man should be alone."

(1)This concept embodies more than just marriage.

(2)It emphasizes the need for companionship between the sexes.

B.Jeremiah 3:14"...for I am married unto you." Christ married Israel.

(1)The association of Christ with Israel was a form of dating, as it were, before He married her.

(2)Again this fact of Christ's dealing with Israel points out the need for a mature social relationship between the sexes.

C.Rev. 19:5-9"Marriage of the Lamb."

(1)Christ doesn't suddenly marry the Church without getting to know her first.

(2)Eph. 5:22-27 (A description of the kind of bride Christ is going to marry.)

D.These points are made to prove that even Christ, Himself, stresses the value of total

self-development which cannot be achieved without association of the sexes.

VI. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MEN AND WOMEN CEASE TO SOCIALIZE WITH MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

A. They stow away in their apartments and curl up in their own beds. B. They become self-centered and selfish.

C. They become hardened and desensitized to the needs and feelings of others. D. Sometimes grooming and personal appearance suffers.

E. There is a growing tendency toward self-willed independence.

F. Gradually their personality begins to erode and the quality of their lives begins to degenerate. G. Their ability to encourage and motivate others becomes a lost art.

H. Bitterness toward the opposite sex sets in.

VII. CAN WE NOW BEGIN TO SEE AND APPRECIATE THE REAL PURPOSE IN DATING. A. It basically is two fold:

(1)To be a source of inspiration and encouragement to each other.

(2)To develop your total personality and character.

B.A person who isolates himself for whatever selfish reasons from social concourse with others is dealing himself untold harm.

C.We all need each other.

(1)Love

(2)Respect

(3)Building of mutual trust and loyalty.

VIII. HOW GOD FIGURES IN.

A. Rev. 4:11"God created all things for His pleasure."

(1)We as a Church are God's garden.

(2)He wants us all to blossom forth in full beauty and splendor.

(3)It is His supreme desire that we develop and grow into our highest potential.

B.John 17:17-23“Christ proved that we should be made perfect in one....”

(1)This requires effort and self-sacrifice.

(2)We must realize this is Christ's great desire.

C.I John 1:3"Our fellowship is with the Father and Christ.”

(1)By having a right relationship with God, He will beget in us a mature love and respect for each other.

(2)If we truly love God, we will respond willingly and gratefully to His command.

IX. RECENT SURVEYS INDICATE THAT ONLY 20% OF SINGLES ARE DATING ON A REGULAR BASIS. A. Why? What's the problem?

B. What hangups are standing in the way?

X. WHY FELLOWS DON'T DATE:

A.Reasons:

(1)Fear of rejection.

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a.Causes.

(1)Bruised egos from past experiences.

(2)Fellow is afraid he will not measure up.

(3)Afraid the girl will discover his weak side and will not like his personality.

(4)The idea of being turned down can crush a man's feeling of self-worth and drive him into isolation.

b.What the girl can do.

(1)Try to be understanding when a guy finds himself in an ackward situation.

(2)Smooth things over if he commits a faux pas.

(3)Help him to relax and loosen up by diverting your attention to matters he knows something about or has an interest in.

(2)Lack of confidence.

a.Reasons.

(1)He may have come from a broken home where mother dominated or where there was a divorce and the children were given over to mother's care.

(2)He may have had little experience in dating, particularly if he came from a Church family of longstanding membership.

(3)He finds the dating experience to be painful because he doesn't know how to interpret the girl's feelings, attitudes, moods, etc,

(4)His nerves are raw from overwork because he doesn't know how to please a girl or conduct himself on a date.

b.How to overcome this problem?

(1)Courage.

(2)Realize you are failing to develop another side of your life essential to your overall total well-being and development.

(3)Self-consciousness

a.Causes.

(1)Due to a lack of experience and confidence, a fellow, thinks himself unable to carry on an intelligent conversation or to impress the girl the right way.

(2)His mind is negative because he has magnified his mistakes more than his successes.

(3)Girls in general scare him, because to be with them in an unfamiliar situation compounds his feeling of inferiority and insecurity.

(4)The root of self-consciousness predates to childhood or a lack of experience in dealing with people up to the present.

b.Solution.

(1)Come to grips with yourself and realize you'll make little if any progress until you step out and try.

(2)Understand ahead of time you'll flounder and fail.

(3)Don't allow a few embarrassing situations weaken your determination.

c.Again, the girls can help a lot by understanding the fellows' plight.

(1)Do your part to make the date go as well as possible.

(2)It is an opportunity for you to exude warmth in trying to open up his rose bud.

(3)Look on this as a challenge to help build up someone and to render a service in Christian love.

(4)Hurt feelings and sour experiences.

a.Causes.

(1)Many fellows have been hurt — sometimes literally crushed — by the thoughtless actions of the girls.

(2)Depending on background and personality, some guys can't easily throw this off.

(3)Engaged to be married — she cancelled at the last minute.

(4)Developed a romantic feeling for a girl, she had to cool it after discovering his intentions.

(5)Some dates went sour because of a conflict in views and the experience turned out to be a verbal wrangle.

b.Solutions.

(1)The fellow may have brought some of these pains on himself through lack of wisdom.

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(2)Scrap past hurts and feelings, and turn over a new leaf.

(3)You're punishing yourself through self-pity and being resentful and unforgiving.

(5)Initial contact and the fear of being turned down.

a.Causes.

(1)For a girl to refuse a date can be traumatic and ego — crushing to a man.

(2)Yet she may have good reasons — not because she doesn't like you.

(3)In college it's easier because there's more opportunity.

b.Solutions.

(1)To get started, don't try to date the knock-out sex bomb.

(2)Ask the girls who have more things in common with you.

(3)Break into dating with someone you can feel compatible with and who will not give you a feeling of condemnation if you fail to meet her standards.

(4)With some experience behind you, you can with reasonable confidence venture out.

(6)Dating is too expensive.

a.Causes.

(1)To take a girl out to a fancy restaurant can wipe out a week's budget.

(2)He feels cheap to take her to a second-rate hamburger joint.

(3)High level dating as seen on TV and in the movies is more than his salary can stand.

(4)The easy way out — DON'T DATE.

b.Solutions.

(1)Do more group dating so expenses can be equally shared.

(2)Have girls over for Sabbath brunch.

(3)Go for drives, to parks, beaches, casual walks, etc.

(4)There are dozens of things to do that will cost little if anything — if you will do them.

(7)Dating is just "so much trouble and a bother."

a.Causes.

(1)I'll have to go out of my way to pick up a date and bring her to Church and back home.

(2)It's much easier to just look after my personal needs — to break my pattern is irksome and unpleasant.

(3)Besides, I won't enjoy services because I'll feel uptight and nervous in trying to make a good impression.

b.Solutions.

(1)Think of the girl's feelings and her need for companionship.

(2)She may not have transportation and would appreciate a ride.

(3)She may be handicapped in ways that limit her lifestyle.

(a)No transportation.

(b)Less money.

(c)Locked into an apartment.

(8)Turned off with marriage.

a.Causes.

(1)The fellow may have become disenchanted with marriage during childhood due to the rotten, hate-filled example of parents,

(2)The resent collapse of young marriages in the Church and resultant "I don't want this to happen to me" attitude.

(3)The experience of being hurt by someone he loved.

b.Solutions.

(1)Think beyond marriage.

(2)Think of your reason for being — think eternity.

(3)Think from a framework of love for all mankind — including the opposite sex.

(4)Consider your role in helping others to be happy and their eventual entrance into God's Kingdom.

(9)Why should I waste my time dating a girl I could never marry?

a.Causes.

(1)There are a number of girls who may not romantically appeal to you and you could not marry because there’s no attraction.

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(2)Why bother dating her, because it, would never work out

(3)She's a little overweight, self-conscious, has no sex appeal.

(4)There's no basis for a relationship.

b.Solutions.

(1)Think of her as a human being made in God's image.

(2)Out of love and concern, develop a sense of care for her feelings and well-being.

(10)Lack of real masculinity and aggressive leadership.

a.Causes.

(1)Men are not what they used to be.

(2)Are not the real, rugged personalities they were in past years.

(3)In the days of the frontier, men were faced with more challenges and decisions — tended to make them aggressive and decisive.

(4)Poor diet figures in:

(a)Foods not what they used to be either.

(b)Meats lack the natural hormones men need.

(c)Fruits and vegetables are harvested too soon and they lack natural minerals and vitamins.

(5)Insufficient exercise.

(a)Causes listlessness and loss of energy.

(b)No real drive and initiative.

b.Solutions.

(1)Nobody can really help you until you motivate yourself.

(2)Suggestion: Isolate yourself from all obstructions and think it through.

(3)You can correct this problem — if you really want to.

(11)If a girl is not physically attractive, some guys won't date her.

a.Causes.

(1)Some girls are overweight and don't have the best figure.

(2)Others have a shy personality.

(3)Some fellows have commented they have no interest in dating — unless she is physically appealing.

b.Solutions.

(1)They can't help how they look.

(2)Your inviting them out such as on a group outing may encourage them to work on their problems.

(12)Selfishness.

a.Causes.

(1)Not close enough to God in prayer.

(2)Failure to practice God's Word in everyday life and inculcating His laws of love.

(3)Thinking only of one's comforts, interests, pleasures.

b.Solutions.

(1)Take another look into the mirror.

(2)As a Christian striving to follow Christ, am I blocking the flow of His Spirit in my mind?

(3)Am I failing to warm up others so as to release their rose petals?

XI. WHY GIRLS DON'T DATE OR REFUSE SOME DATES WHEN ASKED.

A.Reasons.

(1)Many girls aren't asked in the first place.

a.Causes.

(1)She may reflect a negative or unfriendly attitude.

(2)She may turn a guy off because of being bland, uninteresting, or discourteous.

(3)She may be careless in appearance & grooming.

b.Solutions.

(1)Show an interest in the things guys like to do.

(2)If there's a particular fellow you'd like to date, find out what his goals and ambitions are.

(3)Evaluate yourself in these areas, at least enough to be able to converse on the subject.

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(4)if you are continually missing out on dates, ask a minister or friend.

(2)Health reasons or other natural circumstances.

a.Causes.

(1)III health.

(2)Tired, overworked, exhausted, under a lot of pressure.

(3)Behind on sleep — not physically up to going out.

b.Solutions.

(1)Be kind and tactful, realizing it's a natural tendency for guys to misread your intentions because of their sensitive egos.

(2)If expedient, explain your reasons.

(3)Thank him for asking and hope that he will call you again in the near future.

(3)Have other plans.

a.Causes.

(1)The girl may already have another date planned for the time the fellow asks her out.

(2)Don't assume she's putting you off or making excuses, nor is it protocol for you to ask her who she's dating or where she's going.

b.Solutions.

(1)Don't respond to the fellow with a flat "NO."

(2)Kindly explain you had previously made other plans for the evening.

(3)Again thank him for calling and express a desire to go with him in the future — if they have that desire!

(4)Most girls are reluctant to accept phone dates from fellows they have never met, let alone seen in person.

a.Causes.

(1)It's unfair to put a girl on the spot in this kind of situation.

(2)It's especially cruel to say you've been "watching" her and would like to take her out.

b.Solution.

(1)Stay around after Church to meet her and chat for a while.

(2)Try to make her acquaintance at Church socials or parties.

(3)Become at least partially acquainted or exposed, so she will know who the voice is on the other end of the line.

(5)After 2 or 3 dates a girl may break off future relations with fellow when he discovers he is not her type and doesn't want to lead him on.

a.Causes.

(1)She senses his beginning to get involved.

(2)She feels to continue the relationship would be unfair and hurt him deeply.

(3)She has nothing against his character, but the relationship would never work out because of personality differences and values.

b.Solutions.

(1)Level with the guy,

(2)Be honest about your feelings.

(3)Point out the good things you appreciate in him, but that it's unfair and cruel to lead him to think you are interested.

(4)Be firm, yet sincerely respectful.

(6)Some fellows may be physically, repulsive to her.

a.Causes.

(1)He doesn't have neat, clean appearance.

(2)Bad breath, uncouth habits, unmannerly.

(3)He doesn't know how to coordinate colors or match his clothing.

(4)Neatness and appearance mean a lot to a girl.

(5)He's terribly shy and she has to carry the conversation.

b.Solutions.

(1)If a guy is continually turned down, he should seek counsel to see if he has a problem he's not aware of.

(2)Have the courage to ask a friend for help.

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(7)A fellow may come on too strong.

a.Causes.

(1)His manner is overbearing, vulgar and lecherous.

(2)He over compliments, gets too physical, and makes her feel uncomfortable.

(3)He's anxious to hear your views on sex and morality.

b.Solutions.

(1)Check up to see if your motives are right.

(2)For a girl to have to refuse a guy on these grounds is a disgrace.

(8)She feel she's getting too serious.

a.Causes.

(1)He tells her she's the kind of girl he's been looking for and would like to marry.

(2)He suggests future plans — without really knowing her feelings.

(3)He begins to get too possessive and starts to dominate her life.

b.Solutions.

(1)Confront the issue head-on.

(2)Explain your feelings and state that you are not ready for this kind of involvement.

(3)To one who takes this possessive viewpoint, you may have to be firmer than with one who is suddenly caught up in an aura of romance.

(9)Some fellows turn girls off because they whine and talk mostly of their aches, pains, problems and bad breaks in life.

a.Causes.

(1)Their whole bent toward life is negative and critical.

(2)Their are primarily wrapped up in their own bud and are oblivious to other human creatures around them.

b.Solutions.

(1)Ask a trusted friend who knows you intimately to give you a heart-to-heart evaluation.

(2)Are you obeying the Golden Rule?

(10)Some girls are egotistical and vain and refuse to date fellows who do not measure up to their social standards.

a.Causes.

(1)They have their own circle of friends.

(2)They are selfish and have little concern for others of lower rank or substance.

(3)It is beneath their dignity to date anyone who may cast a dark shadow on their standing in the higher social order.

b.Solutions.

(1)At least be friendly and courteous.

(2)Make it a point to serve or encourage anyone regardless of his station in life.

(3)The Bible says, "Honor all men."

(11)Some girls date only for looks and appearance.

a.Causes.

(1)This is a selfish attitude and shows a lack of true Christian love, if not conversion.

(2)It's all an exercise in vanity — wanting to be seen with the most dashing, debonair and handsome men the Church has to offer.

b.Solutions.

(1)Think how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

(2)If you really want to be popular and loved God's way, let your admiration and respect filter down.

(12)Some men boast and brag about their exploits and manifest an attitude of superiority.

a.Causes.

(1)Such men at heart are starving for recognition because they feel a deep sense of inferiority.

(2)These attitudes are repugnant to a girl and she finds herself wanting to avoid this type of personality.

b.Solutions.

(1)Check up to see how often you are the subject of the conversation.

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(2)How often does the word, "I," “Me," "Mine," etc. appear in your daily vocabulary.

(3)Direct your attention more to the interests of the girls and you will probably have more dates.

XII. BASIC HUMAN NEEDS.

A. What motivates men and women?

(1)<